I found this place whilst looking for a website similar to those I’ve read about in books. You know, those shitty YA novels with suicidal teens who find their suicide partners on some website called ‘smooth passages’ or whatever. Do they really exist? This it the closest thing i’ve found.. and I’m not even sure why I’m here.
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Ya
” what you going to do with your life ” shut up its my life like you said mom so there for I do what I want, when I want & how I want it. How dare you try to take away the things you didn’t help me get, take the dignity, the accomplishments etc you didn’t help me with shit & father whose that I fucking hate seeing your face every day. Ya both make me sick and feel like shit so I hope the pain you cause me eats you alive and leaves you there like a helpless child like how I did […]
Litany of my faults
I’m vain, despotic, blasphemous;
proud, haughty, ungrateful, scornful;
but still retain rose complexion.
The fire of hell burns me.
Cut glass is my system.
I’m egotistical, cold, tumultuous.
I break like fragile butterfly.
I myself have built my curse.
I’m perverse, wicked, vindictive.
It provided my blood and fugitive.
My thoughts are very taciturn.
My dreams of sin are nocturnal.
I’m hysterical, crazy, insane;
but to eternity and sentenced.
(Pita Amor, 1987)
LetanÃa de mis defectos
Soy vanidosa, déspota, blasfema;
soberbia, altiva, ingrata, desdeñosa;
pero conservo aún la tez de rosa.
La lumbre del infierno a mà me quema.
Es de cristal cortado mi sistema.
I cannot WAIT till im a adult. Then i’ll just be as far as possible from my home and my family. Now before i go on my rant, let me just say no, i dont have a physically abusive family, no are my parents divorced nor are they dead, sick or drug addicts. They just treat me like woman were treated in the 1940’s. No rights. No freedom. They were OBLIGED to stay home and work, things like that. Well that’s how I am treated. I have been occasionally depressed for a while now. (my depressive bouts usually last between hours to a week). Anyway, […]
Now I know every one who has ever killed himself or herself never had a good reason to do so (according to others). Still they do….. and will go on taking their own life, rejecting this wonderful gift given by God. Maybe to some this gift is not at all a gift. I don’t see it as a gift. For me life had always been a burden. Humanity is not like a Jane Austin book. It is at most times stark ugly and cruel. There are no happy endings in life just some good stuff followed by a lot of  bad stuff, then a good […]
pero no se encuentra… Porque, porque pregunto tantas cosas Porque en el jardÃn que plante, ya no existen las rosas, Porque los recuerdos malos cuestan tanto de olvidar, Son cosas de la vida que nadie puede explicar, Y es que porque me vieron tantos, y nunca merecà nada, Porque la autoestima se esfuma cuando es necesaria, Me pregunto tantas cosas, sigo buscando respuestas, Estoy arto de hablar solo, Porque nadie me contesta, Quizá soy un estorbo, quizá no sea nadie para nadie, A quien le importo yo, le pregunto a este folio, Soy un paranoico, se que muchos me entendéis, También se que a la mÃnima la esperanza perdéis Porque buscas venganza por todo y le echas la culpa […]
i was so close. so close. my evil sister told my mom that the past few days i have been overdosing (she knows everything bout me) my mom went into a flip attack and started screaming at me other shit i was so hurt my sister told more hurt my knew before i left the earth. she was contemplating letting it go or taking me to the hospital. she chose hospital. ha i got out of that, thank god. now im in trouble. like lots of trouble. i want away and out of my family im fed up qith them, they parent based on […]
My Life Just Needs To End…
 Well I’m 16 now but 4 1/2 half years ago my life started to change… For the worst.
 It was my 8th grade year I was so excited to grow up and be a “teenager” I knew a lot of people but didn’t have many friends I kinda kept to myself and my sister got me into weed so I thought I was the only one who smoked at my school. I kept it a secret from even my Bestfriend at a time… But then I met this girl and her name was Alex omg she was amazing she became closer […]
So, I’ve been thinking about running away..I know it’s wrong to run away from your problems. Tho I don’t really care anymore, ya I’ll probably miss my family a bit.. And I know it’s wrong to leave them so I’ll probably never actually do it.. Tho I wish .. Im a coward..
Ugh life is hard… I want a flat stomach and skinny thighs which hasn’t happened yet..
:/ I want to die but I don’t. I just want to be happy and have no care in the world. Tho that seems impossible…
-RawrImaTurtle….
What a watchful eye. Not a moment is there just for myself.
Those who I confide in my outer most opinion know nothing of my inner pain or what I really think. Those who I have believe I can share this with are no longer the high points of my life. I’m too personal, well I would if anyone took the interest. No one wants the opinion of a 16 year old with all the gadgets and a loving girlfriend. He has the life, what’s to complain about. IM ALONE! I’m fucking alone damnit! What do you care? You don’t! Bu still I will listen […]
i hate wen people argue with you for ten minutes then say(well this conversation aint going anywere)ya, it never goes any were after you get all your words in to the very last one,you say what you want, after you get your last word in then the conversation aint going anywere?ten fucking minutes, seriously, then someone hurts you and they say get over it, and act like its so easy, then you say something rude to them, and they never get over it, wtf?do i really only know a bunch of dumb fucks?then i cant even ask a question even though they can, then they […]
some of my friends think I’m getting worse.. i can feel it too… it so hard! why is it have to be hard! ya no body said life would be easy. but i never thought it would be this hard…
my “group” of friends all know what they want to do when they’re older and done high school…. but i have no clue! and ya i know I’m only 14 and i have LOTS of time to figure it out. but do i really? high school goes by so fast… soon i’ll be in grade 12 and still with no idea what to do….
its […]
Yo sé que no es basta importante a casi nada de Uds. a traducir eso. Pero a los que se puede hablar este idioma, estará mas especial.
Era la luz de mi sombra y ahora
No puedo oÃr su nombre porque
Te fuiste cuando necesitote
Mis manos son rojas con la sangre de mi espÃritu
Que salen de mis brazos y pecho cuando pensando en ti
Y ya conozco el lugar de mi tumba.
Estará en el fondo del árbol que besamos
Lo que todavÃa tiene nuestros nombres en la laña
Y el cuchillo que usó para parar mi vida
Y no se que quien irán […]
al fin hay nada. No hay dolor ni olor. Solo Paz. La Paz que Estoy buscando. Mis padres se puede vete al infierno con todo el mundo que me odia. chingase. Chinga toda. Mi vida es mierda y no va a mejorar. Solo vuelva peor y Estoy enferma de esa. Qiero morir. Ya querido por años pero no tengo la valedida a matarme. No puedo vivir pero no puedo morir. Mierda.
Hi People! Again its me! no joke… i dont write that often x)
anyways! this night, high again but this time on speed… thinking about some things ive done
today for a change i went to my moms place to see her (ya she kicked me out umm.. 1 month ago) so yaa i went to see her to pick clothes and my guitar and also talk and mayb arrange things… abviously she talked to me in a bitchy way this made me FUCKING angry i tried to calm down but i started replying back in a stupide way to joke around (btw i was […]
Most of the times I feel like I say the wrong things at the wrong time and cause more problems in my life! I feel like I can’t do anything right! I have to pretend I am happy most of the times! I don’t wanna pretend anymore! I have almost commited suicide 4 times already :/ every time I try either a friend runs in and stops me or a thought of a loved one! I don’t wanna go through hell anymore 🙁 so many terrible things have happened in my life! I can’t take it anymore! I don’t know how much longer I can […]
I have horrible anxiety. I’m not completely sure why. But it’s controlling my life. Or rather it affects my life. Greatly. Anyways, the reason why I’m so anxious all the time is because I was abused, raped, and neglected as a child. Even though, technically speaking, I still am a child (I’m 13). The neglect had ended 3 years ago. But the abuse and rape went on until this past fall. Now it’s done. It’s gone. But I feel like it was just yesterday………… So, ya. I have been diagnosed with GAD. But I counselor said I don’t need a medication for it. I also have alot of crazy and creepy fears. These […]
OK, so I’ve been depressed and stuff. My other post was “Wishing, Waiting, Dieing………” . Anyway, if you’ve already read that. Then you’ll understand this one alot more (probably). So, I’ve been really confused these past few weeks (besides depressed, suicidal, ect). First, I’m a lesbian and I have a girlfriend. But I’m not sure if I wanna be in a relationship right now. Because, as you know, I’m suicidal and I’m afraid that I may do something stupid (if you know what I mean) and hurt her. And I don’t want to hurt her. Although I know she will be hurt if I let […]