when i took a whole bottle of tylenol, i thought for sure that this shitty life was over, but waking up in the hospital was not what i thought would happen.  i guess i didnt take anough, but after that experience i actually feel like i did die somehow.  it was like i was given a second chance to do something right or to do something different.  i know for a fact that i should have died, i shouldnt be writing this.  so many times after that i had tried, cutting my risk, taking more pills, shooting myself in the head, or drowning myself.  everytime i try, i fail, attempt after attempt.  i feel like there is no way out.  i try not to think about my mother who i love so dearly, she doesnt know who i realy am under the smiles, and under the growing man that she sees everyday.  i actualy feel better writing out my feelings rather than telling anybody face to face.  i guess this is my way of telling the people close to me.  i just wish that this shit hole of a life would end soon.  theres so much inside of this head that i wish i had the courage to let it out but some things i just cant speek or even write.  its just so hard and i feel thinking about it would only make it worse on me.  i hope the next time i write things would be more better, and i hope that im able to write the next time….