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0

Alone

January 24th, 2017by DeathDreamer

”Manic desperation

My glasshouse cracks in two

sorrow devastation, I died for you”

Nearing the end. I am not afraid of death, I am more afraid of life. Everything is pointless. I’ve tried living the life that other people have, going to work, going out on the weekends with friends, and it didn’t bring me happiness. Probably because they weren’t my real friends, they all screwed me over somehow.

I think about death all the time, and what it would be like to stop existing forever, or to go into the spirit world. The only reason I’m still here is because I don’t have a good way out, yet. …

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1

I write poetry because it calms me

January 24th, 2017by Baconrind

You were the rock that skipped across my heart,
turning every ripple into art,
penetrating the surface of my mind
with a dance that was written for the blind.
For I had felt all that I couldn’t see
when the ripples began to cover me
before slowly converging into one
as each of your ripples became undone.
And now something inside of me has changed
as your ripples have left me rearranged,
creating a world that I can now view,
as my calm heart begins to skip for you.
Yet I can see no rocks that dance midflight
and there are no more ripples left in sight.
Because a rock could never choose to stay
for you either sink or …

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0

I hate them so much

January 24th, 2017by LittleBead

It’s so bad that I can’t stand it anymore. I’ve been a walking human ball of anxiety. It’s not that I have a problem with money. I make a lot. It’s them who never pay in time. How am I even supposed to plan my budget. One invoice is overdue and I know that another one will be too. Why do they always fail to pay in time. It’s been 12 days and this dick still hasn’t paid me my 1000 and then again 1000 from him to pay. January is so poor. Everyone is paying the taxes. I just hope that the rest of …

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2

I Wish I Wasn’t Fake

January 24th, 2017by Casino96

The day after I almost relapsed I decided to set a goal to not cut or anything until at least the 31st, which is the day of my appointment discussing medication.

So far it hasn’t been that hard, but even though the urge is gone (for now) my head’s still stuck there. Maybe that’s just what happens when you tell yourself not to do something you weren’t even doing. Or maybe I’m crazy. At this rate it’s probably a coin toss.

I’m sure this wouldn’t be so difficult if I didn’t live so isolated from the rest of the world. I mean I have a job, I …

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2

obligation

January 24th, 2017by nightshade

does anyone feel like suicide is sort of an obligation? … I am lucky enough to have somepeople who care, or who I think care…and yet…I create so much of a burden on their lives… I can’t really describe it, but I see it, they see it, and they say so…I can’t live with that burden. I can’t change myself, can’t reinvent myself, I honestly don’t want to either…I’ve tried too many times.

Now I know they wouldn’t tell me to go and off myself, but isn’t what’s holding them back….just habit? Just attachment, built over time? Do they even know if they would be better …

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1

My death option is killing me

January 24th, 2017by SkareKrow

I am stuck. I was recently dignosed with moderate borderline severe emphysema. To a regular person this is a wake-up and they would adjust their lifestyle to live longer. Me on the other hand I’m looking 3-5 depending on how much I smoke and how little I exercise. My current junction the last option I currently want. It’s the way I have felt for 15 years. I am also dignosed bipolar that is untreated and even treated I find it hard to find happiness in my life. My catch is right now no one relies on me. What if in that 3-5 years circumstances change. …

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0

Not guilty

January 24th, 2017by lostitall2015

Where to begin?? Last August I had a complete mental breakdown.  I have bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder and PTSD. My wife and I were heavily into synethic marijuana. Almost every dollar we had went into it.  I lost my job due to drug abuse and moved to another state to gain a better job. When I was away my wife began cheating on me.  I was unaware of it till I had my breakdown. One fateful night I lost it all. I drove home and confronted my wife about everything. From the drugs to the bills and everything in between. I was …

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0

Why am I still living

January 24th, 2017by lake-of-fire

           I have always had a rain cloud follow me my whole life its called depression and anxiety and self hate. I wasn’t born capable of being happy or lost it as i grew older and life unfolded. I lack or never had the tools to love myself. I cant remember a time when i wasn’t depressed and anxious. Even as a kid id never smile have bad self esteem. I fear ill never be able to live on my own and function through adulthood unassisted and happy. Every bad memory traumatic sad event I’ve been through is burnt into my …

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3

Going to go

January 23rd, 2017by SumGuy

Thanks to some failed attempts, and the amity of some others here. I think I’ve decided to take the show on the road. Even if I only have the thousand I plan on having. That’s enough to get me away for at least a very short while and give me some food for a little bit. I’ll see where that leaves my mental state. Worst case scenario I just end up offing myself in another state where no one knows what happened. Though I don’t know which is worse to put someone through a suicide or abandonment.

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4

love

January 23rd, 2017by who_even_cares

i used to have a girl. and i know that’s how it always fucking starts but it did start that way. she seemed different from the other shallow bitches that i had the pleasure of tolerating for years. keyword:seemed.

i asked her out on a whim, and she said yes.

we went out, and when our hands touched it was as if a million fireworks went off in every molecule of my body.

clearly she didn’t feel the same.

it got to a point where i was asking nearly daily to go out again, and while she didn’t want to respond to my messages half the time, she seemed …

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18

Succumbing

January 23rd, 2017by The Last Snorlax

I miss dancing…

I wasn’t always anxious, depressed, tired, frantic. I didn’t always feel like this nor always have these thoughts… and visions.

Ever since I was a young boy, I have had a particular dream. A dream much too grown for a boy, and much too complex for such a young mind, yet such a simple dream.
Dreams, akin to fantasies, not much but fairytales.
A wish, a yearning, only to be the source of torment, by my own inabilities and waning desires.

Of all the scenes, I have dreamt over the years, there is one, more recurring than others. One that is the cause of greater pleasure, and …

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9

So to those that are contemplating the end….

January 23rd, 2017by MissingMy3Hearts31921

How do you end up stopping yourself or talking yourself out of it?  Meaning, I have been wanting to go for so very long and each time I set a date or time I somehow manage to talk myself out of it or make up an excuse for another time.

I keep wondering why it is just so hard to go ahead and get it over with.  It is almost as painful as just living and I have an almost sure fire way to make sure it works.

I am hoping that was not too confusing.

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12

I just want to die..

January 23rd, 2017by Kur0-Nek0

I have been suicidal for around 3 months now, but I’m feeling kinda different now.

It’s not the same, I just want to die as soon as possible. That’s at least how I feel at the moment.

I also feel empty. Extremely empty.

 

Why am I still alive anyways? I have nothing to live for… I have no dreams, no future,.

I also have no motivation left.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I should be studying for my tests tomorrow.

Oh, and today was a really shitty day too. Nothing good comes out of me anyways, so why tf am I still …

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11

What do you not like about SP?

January 23rd, 2017by _darkness

What do you not like about SP? I’m sure there are aspects of this site that people do not like and why some people leave this site (other than being dead). What are your issues/gripes about this site?

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10

What do you like about SP?

January 23rd, 2017by _darkness

What do you like about SP? Why do you stay on this site versus other sites, or meeting other people IRL?

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8

MAN

January 23rd, 2017by _darkness

Just wanted to share an interesting video- it’s short yet to the point, in the form of a cartoon. Only 3:36 min long.

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3

Electricity

January 23rd, 2017by Redandpurple

Hello SP, this is what my writings sound like when I’m feeling “normal”

aka not severely depressed and actually interested in guys for once

 

I think of the first relationship I had four years ago as a teenager. As he held my hand for the first time, sparks of the most ecstatic feelings coursed through my blood as I felt his coarse hand laced through my fingers and how it was the most electrifying thing I had ever felt. It was high, and I knew even then that highs always come down.

I haven’t gotten over it, not completely.

I think of how I had, since some strange time, tied the …

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3

I am lost

January 23rd, 2017by CynicalSoul

Today I nearly hit the end, luckily I found this site so I can at least possibly get somethings off my chest. My depression started about 7 or 8 so years ago when I was in middle school. I never was really to social but I made enough friends to get me by middle and high school. Though I only did so out of the wishes for everyone around me. Really I don’t know why I am who I am. I’ve been writing this great story with tons of different characters all more interesting than I’ll ever be. They’re in a fantasy world with so …

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7

Why are you living?

January 23rd, 2017by Redandpurple

Why do you stay?

I realise that I have not triumphed over my thoughts.

New habits have been formed, carefully catered to my body’s needs; inside I still feel like a barely repressed undesirable.

I don’t dare to let suicidal thoughts in my head because of fear. Fear keeps me from the brink- fear that other people in my life will be devastated.

There are two types of motivation- extrinsic and intrinsic. Extrinsic motivation, based on external rewards and punishment, is weaker than intrinsic motivation.

I am living (“normally”) one day at a time, barely conscious of the inner currents, on the promise of food for my palate and sheer …

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2

advice

January 23rd, 2017by unwanted1

Could somebody please confirm that today’s helium tanks i.e the ones that you can buy online or in store, are strong enough to kill using the exit bag? not sure if they have been weakened due to people commiting suicide or not? comments much appreciated thank you. Also how do I know the right regulator and size tubing to get? thanks again.

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