There’s been way too many times, where I’ve been jealous of my brother. May it be his appearance or body in general. Or his great health.
I just don’t understand, what went wrong with me, when my family is able to have pretty children. Like what the fudge am I.?

I work really hard on myself, yet can’t ever look as good and be pain-free as them.
I love, how my ‘obsession’ over that, makes me look narcissistic in the eyes of psychotherapy.
I’ve got the word written down a lot of times in my last Psych-report.

Now I’m just wondering… Aren’t ‘people like me’ […]

I don’t know where to start. Sometimes it’s just like why do I even bother. There are days when people say hey how are you feeling or you know hey how’s your day going? And it’s like what am I supposed to say that slowly dying on the inside that I’ve been secretly contemplating suicide lately? That I don’t even know how I get out of bed in the morning if it wasn’t for muscle memory I’m sure I would just lay there. Luckily for work I’ve been able to mask my feelings by putting on the facade. I can go and smile at people […]

I haven’t logged onto here in so long.

today my relationship ended after 2.5 years. I can’t stop crying and I feel so empty. He helped me start therapy and work on myself, but he wouldn’t work on himself at all. My heart is so broken right now and I don’t know where to turn. I have this thing nagging at me telling me that all of the effort I’ve put in was for nothing, and yet I feel so alone knowing I can’t call him up anymore. Some of the things said during the break up feel like they’re echoing in my head. I can’t […]

I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I never said i was a good person. Ive always said i was a bad person. Am i? But is there really a black and white definition of a good person or a bad person? Most would say its your actions that speak your truth. But everyone has been horrid or a little rude to someone and everyone has been the slightest bit sweet to another. Where is the breaking point? Where is the point of no return? When does good become bad…and can you have a come back?
I ask you this because ive been cruel and ive […]

Why don’t I just kill myself instead of risking making another mistake with my ex? I told him that we should take a break from talking because we spend alot of time lately and so he is able to get more things done?
He obviously got offended and now I’ve apologized again.

Nah fuck this shit I just want to die already. All failures need to die. Thought I was doing well at being nice seems I only managed it for a few days.

I’m getting help and they told me that I shouldn’t beat myself up over mistakes, wtf do they know?

Bad day…hope it ends soon!

I cried 3 times already.

My soul is hurt. My body hurts. My heart is broken.

But I’m being strong and said nothing to no one.

May be a shower and cut my wrists will help…ha ha ha

All these things and worse are true. I really am too fucked to go it alone without help. I really am so far gone I’ll never be able to get back to a place where I can be like others. But, I still want those things. I want to be loved and feel cared about by another human being. Just one. More people who care would be great, like a family, but all I need is one. I don’t think that’s possible though. Their voices […]

I’m trapping myself in the cage of my mental
I’m the prisoner and I’m the guard at once

I was wondering if anyone else has truly given up on trying to find a lover/soulmate or whatever you wanna call it. Is that too much for you to accept? That you’ll be alone for your short lifespan. I know I’ve made peace with it and I’m only 23 years old. But I know where I stand in this. I now live for a different purpose than the one most suburbia people strive for. I don’t want to have that relationship anymore…..I never had one and I don’t care anymore. I’m not turning into an incel….I refuse to think that way. To become an incel […]

Do you believe in fate? Have you accepted yours?

so there was a toll bridge and no toll booths

Me and my friend flew across it 3 times thinking we got away with something , talking and cruising around

Then in the mail I get this toll bill, with a picture of my car ,our happy asses just having a grand ole time lmfao.

godddddddddddd that was something else.

My sister’s dog is having a birthday party.  I’m bringing my dogs, hopefully we can find a bunch of dogs and rent out a place so we can tell someone they’re at the wrong party…… The little hats are worth driving an hour for

I have not found another human that really understands me. What about you?

After my death nobody will know why, the reason the feelings my view my opinions, all that, I guess it’s good in a way. Nobody will understand who I am and how I feel, nobody will after my death.

the urge won’t last, the urge and thoughts won’t continue, I won’t be killing myself, or will I?

i don’t know when will be the time, I don’t know if I can even last another year. They don’t see it, they don’t and I need to recognize that nobody will ever do. INFP is the most idealistic personality and I fucking hate it, I hate holding hope and […]

I feel it in my chest. Everytime I think about her being with him knowing she wants to be with me…….I feel it again. I can’t think unless she is with me. I can’t eat. Nothing is the same. I need her. The thought of her with him…..I feel it again. We are happier together. I want her to know that. I need her to know that. This..this pain. This ache, this throbbing its like my heart beats for her…so without her……I’m Feeling it again

here is some music I made, I hope you like it. If not its no worries. Peace and Love be with you all.

i feel so pathetic, honestly i’m over it.
i’m tired of feeling like this. i’m tried of getting over looked and feeling like my feelings aren’t vailed. this is all bullshit. when i actually opened up it was a sign of me seeking for attention then, now i cant even reach out for help nor say that i’m not okay because that means i want attention. i feel weak i’m not strong enough to get the help i need again because i have this fear that she’ll end up ignoring me because oh i’m doing it again . it’ll be like a cycle, oh i […]

Ok so me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years and some change. I have not been the best boyfriend but I got myself together and made huge changes that I knew I needed to make. So last week I scroll through and see that she is in another relationship with another guy. I felt so much anger and sadness. It was a pain that I couldn’t describe but I wanted it to go away.

It hurts more because due to certain circumstances we were at her parents house and now its just me. She comes back and we cuddle and she says she […]

It feels like I’ve been thrown into the waters of this big, deep, cold ocean and I have people watching me over from the sides, cheering me to learn to use my hands and legs and begin to swim somehow. And I struggle, drowning at times and every time I hit the rock bottom, just when a part of me heaves a sigh of relief that the battle to breathe is over, I’m pulled up but left, back in the ocean – for giving me another (which seems like endless) chance to try and swim and not sink.
The cheers are loud – everything they […]

the people are miss i met in delusions.
I’m in greed to kill me. it’s not worth that.
happiness seems like surreal accompany.
sick of food and drinks, even drugs and air.

I remember when I was happy, or at least content. I wonder now if that’s forever gone. But I plod on in bland obedience to meet life’s demands and expectations all the same. It’s as though some never-ending grocery shopping list..  Just items someone else has scribbled down, and I read and retrieve without investment nor ceremony.. Very mechanical, making the choices in response to what’s written there to select.. Completing the task of grabbing the carrots, and now on to the cereal isle..

Tonight I stayed sober cause work in the morning, and am grateful for work. It’s one thing to stay accountable for. And […]