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2

Dreams Of A Happier Life

February 23rd, 2018by IronWolf

Does anyone else constantly have dreams at night of lost loves, friends, or passions? Whenever I dream of those things, I feel much happier for the duration of my dream, only to wake up and continue living the much more lonely life that I do.

I can’t decide if I like having those dreams or not. They remind me of better times, but also remind me of how much worse things are now.

Would love to hear your thoughts and experiences.

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0

Lotus

February 23rd, 2018by thetrashmen

In spite of how much I try,

or protest,

or submit,

my parents can’t seem to take me any longer.

I’m supposed to be whisked off to Virginia

to live with my grandparents.

I’ve never had much of a desire to go to the east coast,

and find it inferior to my own state.

But in giving into my depression,

I lost the opportunity for choice.

I won’t miss my parents as much as I’ll miss my friends,

I won’t miss my friends as much as I’ll miss my english teacher,

and I sure as hell won’t miss any of them as much as I’ll miss my rabbit.

 

 

I’ll live.

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3

Appointments

February 23rd, 2018by countdowntoextinction

I’m having a tough time ending appointments with my therapist.  I lost his number because I was planning to end it all.  Then some things happened around the house around the holidays and I called him out of desperation.  There isn’t much anyone could say about any of my issues, but he hasn’t really said anything of use to me in months and also wasn’t really able to help for the house stuff other than to listen.  The sad thing is, he’s probably one of the better therapists I’ve seen because he doesn’t believe in diagnoses and isn’t in it for the money.  He’s just …

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0

Its okay, i’ll leave now

February 23rd, 2018by AnonymousCK

When does something become a problem?
How much is far enough?
Am I sick?
Am I just a hypochondriac?
Can this even be described as sickness?
I don’t want to do it anymore.
I haven’t wanted to do anything for awhile now.
Is that enough?
Can I go now?
How much longer?
I’m tired?
Is that what you need?
Is it still not enough?
Please
Why?
I’m sorry I’ll try harder?
When can I go?
Sorry
It’s okay
I’ll leave now

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3

a proper goodbye

February 23rd, 2018by spookichick

hi SP people. i though i would say goodbye to  you properly. thank you all that you have done for me. truly.

a poem to leave you with.

 

WAYLON SAID IT BEST WHEN HE SANG TO WILLIE

IF YOU SEE ME GETTIN’ SMALLER I’M LEAVIN’.

DON’T BE GRIEVING.

JUST GOTTA GET AWAY FROM HERE.

IF YOU SEE ME GETTIN’ SMALLER,  DON’T  WORRY,

I’M IN NO HURRY.

I’VE GOT THE RIGHT TO DISAPPEAR.

 

take care and be well

pam xoxox

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1

I want to smile…

February 23rd, 2018by spectralgiraffe

I remember back in 2012 or so, I was unconscious for a few minutes. That was so peaceful. I was hoping it would be permanent… but I woke up (I assume a few minutes later) and I noticed I had fallen over backwards. Why did I have to wake up again 🙁

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29

February 23rd, 2018by Agnostosx

Comment the country you are living . Im curious to see if anyone from my country is in this site and also all the different people that visit this site

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3

I could really use somd support if anyones out there

February 23rd, 2018by rayonhousefly

Im feeling really fucking low right now and trying not to self destruct. Refer to my previous post for details. My trip to this country is beginning to look like it was a pointless waste of time and money, and is leaving me feeling worse than ever instead of being my salvation. How do i not just say fuck it and fall into old destructive habits. If it werent for my girlfriend and all the people who have faith in me id already be there. I just want to cry and simultaneosly(sp) hit something.

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3

February 23rd, 2018by iamdarling

i had a dream last night. not nessecarily a bad one, but it made me feel bad.

i can’t remember much, but, in my dream, it was the last day of me being in year 9, the school year i’m in now. (i think that’s 8th grade in america.)

and in my dream, nothing had changed. i was going into year ten and nothing had changed, i was still sitting at home doing fucking nothing important.

in schools where i live, you leave school after year 11, and you’d be 15-16 then. i have year nine to complete, (the school ends starts in early september and ends in …

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1

Im just so tired

February 23rd, 2018by rayonhousefly

My soul is tired. Ive done so well and made so much progress only to be let down by those who helped me and those I trust most. Im not putting too much faith in those people. I traveled across the continent to do another round of treatment that helped me take back by life and become entirely independant in less than 6 months.

I had never been happier and more fullfilled. Now the depression is coming back so i quit my job, spent everything i had to come back, and even after arranging another treatment, here i am, and where are they? Ignoring me. …

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5

january fire, (re)revisted

February 23rd, 2018by freeroma

vent, rant, thoughts.
whatever.
better out than in, right?

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6

An hour-long Death walk…

February 23rd, 2018by Lady_Miren1997

Just a few hours ago, after bottling everything up for months, I walked out of my apartment and went downtown, looking for a building to leap from.
The cold wind nipped at my arms ceaselessly…but I just didn’t care. Even as I was starting to get frostbite, the only thing on my mind was dying.

On and on I walked, glaring daggers at anyone who drew too close to me. It was like I wasn’t even myself anymore…

Down dark alleys, along bridges, to the tops of open-air garages.
Deep down, I sort of hoped some stranger would just come up and end me, so no one could blame me …

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7

Depression-Suicide

February 23rd, 2018by Taf Taf

Crying.Again.Having headaches.Again.Body pains.Again.And my thoughts are not happy.They’re not even normal.I’m thinking about my wasted life,I’m thinking about the sufferings of the world,I’m thinking of clipped wings,I’m thinking of a friend of mine who died in a car accident,I’m thinking of a girl that I loved and I didn’t have the courage to tell her that I loved her,I’m thinking of how I failed in everything I did.I took painkillers to ease the pain.It’s not working.I feel like somebody is putting a nail into my brain.I remembered something that I saw when I was 10-11 years old: there was a little girl with her father …

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5

what would it feel like to truly live?

February 22nd, 2018by oxygen

I want to die Most times I just feel like it’s the only way to make everything just stop. I’m young but from what I understand life only gets more and more crappy, so really what’s the point?

Because I sure as hell never seen one

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3

Setbacks

February 22nd, 2018by Agnostic Angel

It feels like no matter what I do, no matter how much progress I make, I always end up making the same stupid, shitty mistakes that send me back to square one. Each time, I keep on thinking that I’ll know better, and that it won’t happen again. But it does. It always does. I screw up, and everyone around me is disappointed in me. It puts a black feeling in my stomach, and when I get like that, I can’t feel any emotions. But that doesn’t stop me from hurting people. Whether it’s my intention to or not, I end up hurting people when …

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3

parents have a favorite

February 22nd, 2018by ratlovinggirl

So I have been dealing with suicidal thoughts and depression since I was 10, and it took my parents years to believe me and “help” me. When I first told them I was depressed my stepdad said “well wtf does she have to be depressed about”… a shit ton, but thats not even how depression works. My brother who has anger issues heard what I was saying and decided to copy that to get himself out of trouble. He now punches my 7 year old sister whenever he wants but as long as he says he did it because he wants to die they leave …

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2

Trying To Gauge The Community

February 22nd, 2018by IronWolf

I have a question for everyone. I’ve been visiting this site off and on now for about 6 months and would just like to know, what are the general demographics of the community here? Are you here because you feel depressed, alone, hopeless, etc., or are you full on suicidal? I am just curious and would like to get to know you all a bit better.

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6

Resigned To Suicide

February 22nd, 2018by IronWolf

Currently, I find myself resigned to the thought of killing myself. I have reached a point where I have come to accept that it will happen, it must happen, and it is the most beneficial course of action for me, and for those around me. I have the means, a plan, a general date and time, and a location which I have pre-prepared to make my attempt easier.

Does anyone else feel the way I do? Also, how does my explanation of my feelings towards my suicide resonate with you? I would very much like to discuss this with all of you.

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14

Hey SP, tell me a joke

February 22nd, 2018by eternaldarkness

or anything funny, silly, weird, interesting fact, etc. Need a little pick-me-up from…well, life…

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2

Things could be worse, even so…

February 22nd, 2018by mindlessgamer619

I’m fully aware I have to work to make money to survive and what not. I have a job now, I should be grateful.

I believe I overthink things way too much. It’s flat out unhealthy.

The way I speak and explain things, and overexplain them, the way I attempt to prepare for future events (going so far as to imagine scenarios that usually never actually happen), etc.

What is normal? All I know is that it’s something that I’m not, and yet, what makes me supposedly “normal” is my supposed uniqueness and individual experiences that have shaped me.

I don’t trust my memories a lot of the time. …

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