Most of my suicidal thoughts or tendencies come from the fact that I constantly feel an overwhelming feeling of loneliness no matter what i do, no matter who im with, and no matter where i am. it follows me like my shadow and is always constantly there no matter how much i shake it off. but recently (as in the past two years or so) i’ve started struggling with the lost of a purpose in life.

im a college sophomore, and i know i should be grateful and think of myself as lucky because im able to get a higher education. but i actually dreaded going […]

If someone has something I want, I become resentful of them and talk shit about them. I hide my insecurities with unwarranted hatred, just like my mum. I never wanted to be like her, but I am. I’m brash, I talk shit constantly about people that I’m jealous of, and I drink.  (im a minor but my mum doesn’t care) I love that little buzz I get even after just a beer or two and it’s like nothing can bother me. And if I have more than two? I’m on top of the fucking world, baby.

It’s up to you but i would like to get to know your situations. Share whatever you are comfortable with.

1.What is it that you are facing, can’t surmount, can’t deal with. What happened to you, what is going to happen to you, what have you suffered or are suffering from.

2.What do you do to cope?

3.What are/were your dreams?

4.If you would like to add me on instagram so we can have a chat? I would really like some friends though it may sound weird because im forming a bond with a stranger with a high chance of losing them (Venus Hope/ Venushpoa, with the nice looking […]

1. I was bullied all my school life (from elementary to high school ). In my last year I manage to make some friends through lies and deceit. When I am with them I have to act like a diferent person, I have to laught every time they make a joke, I have to listen to their problems and offer advice because that’s the kind of person they think I am and as soon as i start to show my true self they always get freaked out, so I can never share my hobbies or my troubles. It was nice in the beggining being part […]

I saw you post a picture of you smiling… I hate it. I hate it because while you smile in your posts I… I still remember how you hurt me. How you made my life so miserable for so many years but here you are smiling, smiling while I still feel like a loser today because of you. How can people just forget what they’ve done to others so easily? While the one they tortured for so long still feels the same until they decided to stop? How can they just go on and continue with their life when all I want is to […]

I want someone to love. So much. I’m young so I could find someone one day, maybe. Love would bring me true hapinness, not just the pleasure that goes with video games, coffee, youtube, whatever.

Anyway, thats it. People here complain of having had a good life before which then got ruined. Well know that I always had a horrible life. Since as far as I can remember.

let’s see how long i last before i go back at looking useless shit to find something to do

All I want is sleep yet I can’t seem to get enough of it. I lie here, wondering when I’ll get tired enough to close my eyes. But come morning and I’m actually tired. Stupid cycle. I’m getting so tired.

I really wish I could end my life tonight. But doing that would be overreacting and too dramatic lol!!!!!!!!!

Does anyone (in their mind when they think something is unfair/stupid) use their fucked up past/ traumatizing experiences as an excuse to do fuck all and rationalize every bad choice they make?

Nobody gave a shit about me when I was struggling. I feel like I have the right to not do schoolwork and be apathetic towards everything related to school, I have the right to treat my mom like shit because she did the same thing to me and my brothers when we were younger, I have the right to take a fucking break with everything because I never got one when I was younger. But, […]

Hi.  I’m not sure if I want to live right now.  I’ve been rereading a suicide note that I wrote a while back, trying to change its meaning into something less bleak.  The problem is, I’m a fairly good writer, (even though it hurts to do so).  I’m scared to die, but I can’t stand this.  Would anyone be willing to lend a counter-argument to it?  I know it’s not much, but I can send you a few dollars over PayPal as a thank you if you want.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1igVZfUQq7IbhJDjGhZ9qyEGVGbAbIpyy9or04P1Xd9s/edit?usp=drivesdk

I promised you my last week, but im not sure i can do it. A week to think about things. A week to let you talk me out of it. A week of what!? You know what the last day brings. is that really something you want weighing on your heart? just sitting there the whole week acting like everything is fine. hoping and praying i dont go through with it. so you can blame yourself once im gone. “why didnt i stop her? i had more than enough chances”

i know what i promised however im sorry but i feel nothing good can come […]

i almost died. but i didn’t. i put myself in a safe space and accepted the fact that i wanted to die. i invited the fact that i wanted my life to end. i sat, drinking a glass of water and thinking what would happen if this was the end. it wouldn’t be fair, not at all.

Maybe is more than a month sice i posted something here. Maybe anyone remember me, i dont care actually. I dont think anyone goes when i die. I ll just explain the title for now. I dont really feel anything anymore. Wrath, angryness, happiness or love, oh i almost forgot the most important one, pain. There was a week since i feel some pain in my heart what is bad. Bcs i dont feel anything, so there is nothing that i wll like…. right?
When i m with my gf i have some joy and im a bit happy. But is just […]

I dont want to be the reason someone hates life, but I dont know how to will myself to be happy. I’m not self sacriicial, I dont pretend to be happy, when my depression hits idc about putting on a smile. People dont ask, I dont tell. But if I could be happy and help someone else find hope and smile, maybe I suffer with a smile. I love you all.

I wish I would stop lashing out at my boyfriend, well it’s never really going to get any better. I’ll probably end up driving him away in the end. Yeah imagine that, a fucked up person driving away another fucked up person. :O
I was mad because I wanted to meet 1st August but there’s only like 11 or 12 days away and he still hasn’t found accommodation. Not sure if he’s that BUSY with work, if I’m an asshole, or he’s just lazy. Or I didn’t give him enough notice. Or he doesn’t really want to meet me.
Now I’ll apologise yet again. Don’t […]

Send me a quick message via kik at Kalmahavak. I’ll gladly talk to any of you or be a friend to anyone who needs it. 🙂 Let’s get through this shitty world together!

I’ve been suffering from sleep paralysis again. Today was the worst one yet and i think it’s because the nightmare i was having was completely different to the one I’ve had every other time. It stopped my breathing and i was in so much more physical pain when i woke up than any other time it’s happened in the past. I can’t figure out what would’ve happened to trigger it. I’ve been racking my brain all morning and coming up with nothing. I’ve been reading articles and googling the fuck out of it by nothing is really helping. Maybe my brain is finally giving up […]

I told you something like “I don’t give a shit for women’s rapes and I don’t like gays in general “.  Someone told me that you are actually a woman who has been raped and not a homosexual male as I thought.  So, it seems that as Americans say, I messed up!

I apologize from my heart.

I said that because I was hurt myself by women’ cruelty in life(although men were more times much worse).

I also said because I think there are worse things in life than female rapes like poverty, mental illness, murder, suicide, pedophilia  and rape is usually overrated in our societies although I […]

So I knew this girl K, we were together for more than a year and I really loved her, actually I could imagine spending my whole life with her. We broke up in February, at first it has been more tough for her, but she moved on in like three weeks when she started dating this asshole D who has been around her since we met, she annoyed her all the time adressed her “honey”, “sweetheart” e.g., if there is someone I hate to death it is this guy. When I found out, I just lost it and attempted a suicide by knife, but I […]