My medication “helps”. When im off my medication its like a hurricane. My depression is loud and more outspoken. People know when im not ok but im more difficult to help. On my medication im quiet. I have nothing to say. “Im fine”. But im still thinking suicides whats best.

Off my medication im happy talking to my friend. He makes me so high im floating on clouds. But on my medication i settle for the fact that my “husband” is trying to change, even though conditions still apply. I have bpd, i cant be hiding things. I shouldnt have to hide things. The fact that […]

I stop taking my pills for my depression and bipolarism ever since my treatment. It seem to work to because I don’t feel sad and depressed anymore.  But worst, empty with no emotions, I don’t even know what love feels like anymore. Things are unjoyable, it’s a pointless reason to live. Nothing to live for. No dreams or thing I want to achieve. I should kill myself but if anyone else has any better suggestions I would appreciate it. Otherwise I don’t want to live this shallow empty life.

I have a girl friend who is suicidal and I’ve been by her side but I know she needs a therapist after reading a few comments I feel a little hopeless I just want her to be happy and I don’t want to lose her her family is the cause of her pain and she has told the school counselors and they notified her parents but her mom and dad aren’t taking any steps I’m on the phone with her rn and I know she feels like there’s no hope or reason to keep living in agony and I know she thinks that she doesn’t […]

do you even listen when i speak?
everyone loves you
you make friends wherever you go
so why are you with me?
a complete opposite
you’re with someone that is begging for purpose
while you’re oozing it out
do you enjoy broken girls?
maybe you want to watch me kill myself
that might be it
i know men and their fetishes
i don’t want to be your toy anymore
i’m only dying for my own amusement
on my watch and nobody will be able to get off on it

Getting through the day

Having something to do through out the day that brings a sense of joy and fulfillment is hard with depression. It doesn’t make it any easier considering the fact that i don’t have a college course to attend (got rejected) or a job. There are very few things that get me through the day…playing music (guitar/piano) and discovering mathematics on my own (as hobby).

What kept me occupied these last few days

These last few days i have been depressed out of my mind…the only thing that could make me escape my depression a little bit, was doing math. I saw a fun little […]

I’m 25 years old and I feel like I’m too broken at this point. My recent DUI has sealed my fate. It’s either I end my life or continue on and eventually become one of those broken-looking old people working the cash register at the local 7-eleven. I’m pathetic and weak. I’m a pathetic man and I think I’m more of a burden to everyone in my life. Someday I may just have the balls to kill myself. My life is meaningless. No friends, no family, no one to talk to. It’s game over for me. It hurts to even try anymore. What the hell […]

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

Years have gone by. My hobbies have gotten me nowhere. I’m still standing in the exact same spot I was in when I was a teenager. And there’s still just, no one here. Just me. Several more years might pass, with the same result. It’s scary.

the thing is, i don’t understand myself either. i am also a stranger to my own emotions and my own thoughts, my memory doesn’t work anymore too. they ask me what i mean and why i am like this as if i do know, they get mad as if i like being unbearable. i don’t think i have truly talked to anyone is a long while now.. i’ve spoken but not actually talked. i’m always mad too.. and hopeless, and frankly i want to punch every person that tells me it’ll get better.. no it won’t, the problem isn’t that i’m just not trying hard […]

So basically what the head title says.

I am not suicidal right now. I am around 40 years old, life alone and have a personality disorder. I am not depressive or have any other illnesses.

I plan to life until the day one of my parents passes away. I plan to take care of one of them when they get old. So they don’t end up in a retirement home.

My biggest problem is, because of that mentioned personality disorder I don’t plan on having a family, kids or a partner.  So I will definitely end up alone when I am old. Which really scares me, because I […]

 I woke up in terror, no sleeping pills for tonight. I could not get any more for a fortnight, thats way too long. I had used up every possible source and now had to face 2 weeks until I could get sleepers, that is unless I was willing to take a gamble and try my luck at a Doctor who I know fucking hates prescribing sleepers. All Doctors hate prescribing sleepers, some more than others, but this Doctor goes through the ceiling if u mention sleepers. I had to overcome this though, it had been at least a year since I had darkened their door […]

Hey there! This is deathonnile. New here, always wanted someone to share my story with, luckily I found this site the thing is I have range of diseases not the serious ones but minor ones like asthma, allergy and yea ocd. It also looks like maybe my parents want me dead you know so they could be happy coz you know they are tired taking care of me ,to them am just an investment , my parents have been supportive my entire teenage life but the thing is they expect so much from me yea both my parents are doctors earning loads of money so […]

Strange how our time goes by so quickly. One challenge to another, and due time there’s become a difference to it all.
A difference that changes what to come.

These last few months have been like a piece of soap opera, as if I ate the whole soap. And it tasted awful.
I still get bad hiccups of which decisions I had to make, but not as bad as the raw thing.

‘Cause, I’ve become unpure and a villain. Some things will haunt me in the future. If it catches me I will bite the dust.
Though, I want to […]

Holy hell, the f*ing thing updated and suddenly my touchscreen laptop’s touchscreen stopped functioning. This laptop is specifically made for touchscreen, so which means the whole point of this laptop stopped working. Took me THREE F*CKING HOURS trying every help page and every help fix. Nothing worked after trying a million things, but I FINALLY deleted that f*cking update file.

I KNEW it was the f*king update file, but windows wouldn’t let me delete it. Tried a million times. Finally this other method work, thank goodness.

Now when windows updates again, is it going to f*ck it up again?

The feeling of everything caving in until it explodes….

Getting close to the day. Everything is planned and verified, as much as it can be done. The only thing that’s a total wild card is what I’ll be feeling in the minutes before. My method is jumping. Success rate is 100% from my chosen location. 90% in general from that height. So obviously there aren’t many accounts of people’s last thoughts. I highly doubt there are any failed jumpers here but if there are please post what your thoughts were especially as you fell.  Any other extremely violent suicide survivors please share as well (train, gunshot, anything that immediately results in severe damage) although […]

why come in my room to talk to me?
only to put me down
to make me feel like im not good enough
i do everything right
you don’t have to make me feel shitty because you hate the way you grew up
you tell me im lucky for how nice you are to me
you also tell me that im a failure because i stay up late doing the homework i can barely do
im not doing this for you
so why critique me on the essence of my work when its not for you
it does not concern you
the reason im so […]

im only 14 and i dont eat. when i do, i purge. i used to be a straight a student but im falling behind. everytime i try to live, it gets harder for me. i sound like an ungrateful wuss for saying id kill myself bc things are too hard. but my energy to keep going decreases everyday. i just wonder if i would, if everyone would be better off if i was gone. i really cant do this.

sincerely, a hopeless nightmare

when i used to self harm i used to hit my head a lot, i didnt think of it that much back then but now i see the result. probably any type of self harm is better than hitting ur head, i suffer from memory loss, but no one would probably believe me, i dont even remember basic stuff such as what happened the day before, what somebody told me or things that i did, i may sound dramatic but its worse than it sounds. i dont remember how i started it but i did it everytime my mom was bitching about smth that ive […]

theres nothing to do anymore, nothing is fun, im stressing over the exams that we will have and lots of shit that we will have to do and who knows maybe i wont get accepted to that highschool that i wanted to go to and ill have to ruin my high school experience and most likely life because of it. u dont know how much i suffer from anxiety everyday, no one understands me, it hurts, i cover my ears and try not to cry and freak out from loud people, im slowly losing myself. i keep snapping and having break downs, i was happy […]