I hate myself so much! I constantly make people suffer. I will never forguve myself for all the pain i caused. Im a fucking cancer and nobody can get rid of me. Im a parasite!
I deserve to die.

So I was thinking about purchasing 2 bottles of Tylenol and downing all the pills with a small bottle of wine. I just wonder how quick the results will happen. I read it’s a painful way to go but I don’t know how else I would do it. I don’t own a gun and I don’t know where I would hang myself. If anyone knows that most convenient way or if my method is a good one, please let me know. Thanks

https://www.buzzfeed.com/christianzamora/things-people-who-hate-people-know-to-be-true

Im afraid of living
Cause my way already determined
And its not the way i want

Im afraid of living
Cause i hate being in pain and hurt
And keep crying even tho the reason to cry is gone

Im afraid of living
Im a coward
I know

I have dream
But the dream i love is nothing to them
My dream is a trash for them

I dont want to go on
Im afraid what should i do in my next step
Just to make then happy and proud
But i just want to kill myself

I’ve got a bag of Wendy’s, some music playing in the back, I’m just chilling on my bed and yet there’s a little part of me that is unsatisfied. I have nothing missing from my life right now; I should feel 100% happy. It seems like I can never be grateful for what I’ve got. I’ll say I’m grateful but a part of me will always find a way to complain about something.

I truly feel so incrediblely helplessnto the point I don’t know what my purpose is, or if I even have one. I don’t have any motivation to do anything anymore after years of everything I love, being taken away from me. I was given multiple “second” chances to live again, but I don’t even know how to??? Why was I given them only for me to be living in misery? Nothing ever works out in my favor and I don’t know what to do to help myself out of this hole. I’m alone with no one to turn to so here I am.

My husband wants to get a tattoo. Ok not a big deal but…he wants to get a tattoo of MY NAME! Isn’t that like a rule? Don’t get your significant others name tattooed on you because things could end. And then your stuck with this name on your body “umm….yeah…..didn’t think that through” I’ve tried to talk him out of it but he insists on getting it. I really wish he wouldn’t. Anything can go wrong in a normal relationship, lets forget about adding mental problems to it. That just brings in a whole new mess of problems. I just feel like maybe…it isn’t his […]

Good night, persons that i dont know huehue
Just come to share the pain feeling that sometimes i feel. Infortunily it s taking a lot of time to it appear?
And this is bad, bcs i dont feel anything else anymore. And this “pain” make me feel more alive.
I already tried to cut myself… i felt pain,but just for some time. And what i want is feel something
Well, this was what i want to share.?
If anyone already felt this or like it pls say it
And if someone want to talk, just say it
Good night again, guys?

I have been taken advantage of, because I empathise. Well, we all would have gone through this and learn a lesson at some point. But I never learn and it hurts, I don’t know how to change that part of me.

In my last post I had told about my friend who was diagnosed with some “fatal disease”, turns out it’s her imagination. I still pity her, I tried to calm her down and said I’d be there for her. I offered to fly across countries if her abusive husband wasn’t supportive. She had appendicitis and got it fixed this week. She had no insurance and […]

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

I’m always feeling dreamy: I just listen to some lofi and zone out for hours, thinking. I want to live in a studio apartment in New York. And there would be a little window overlooking the lights, and I’m just smoking weed w/ a friend or my girl on the bed, just talking about life.  Life could be beautiful… I still think it is, I just can’t find it right now.

If they don’t see your worth, leave.

Been told that before but I’m stuck here anyway. Someone just told me that I am being paid less than what I should be. Didn’t think of it before but now I could never agree less. Is it wrong to keep doing this even though my income does not worth all the exhaustion and sacrifices I make?

I’m fucked up, I can only smile at this one. I just want to let all this out. I want to complain but I’m too much of a ***** and my mind’s telling me to just go with it bec they’ll know somehow […]

(Please read till the end) The title was meant to make me laugh. I have randomly been so tired and unmotivated. I haven’t been eating as much lately, which is weird because just last week I had been heavily indulging in Jack in the Box. This random week of depression came out of nowhere and I don’t know why. I am disappointed in myself because for a while, I was really motivated, I was working out twice a day, listening to positive audios, focusing on doing what I have to do to start my career. But all week, all I have done is sleep in. […]

“I can feel myself dissolving, but I’m too tired to care… this music is nice, I’ll just lay here for a bit.”

I dunno. I can’t tell anyone I know about how I feel because they don’t take it seriously. I don’t blame them; imagine being a teenager and a friend tells you that they don’t want to live anymore. It would be stressful. I don’t want my burdens to be on others, and I am going to therapy, but I just wish I had a friend who understood that I just want to talk and chill about feelings and meaningless bullshit. I don’t need the […]

when the feeling comes back on me the world turns into a grey meaningless place. but when i feel well the world is truly beautiful, flawed but beautiful, bright and filled with colors. do i deserve to be in a place like this?  absolutely not, but i’ll try to stay to observe the beauty, before i feel like shit again and the colors fade away.

i pretty much have had enough with life. about a month ago i got discharged from the psych ward, which was complete hell. and now i think i have move on and put an end to this madness. for the last 10 plus yrs. i have been waiting for a change and here i am, and nothing has changed. me ending my life is the only way out of this madness. thats the message i keep on receiving.

long story short, this ends sometime between now & December 2019. im not holding out to see if things gets better (cause i know it wont) […]

Young lady finds her husband and get her passport for a higher class lifestyle. I must be just another useless, lunatic person that has appeared in her life, and since my lifestyle isn’t that interesting, so why keep me in her social circuit, right? Oh, I hope that little wifey is very happy living in her mediocre marital servitude, cleaning the house all day long, making dinner for the hubby, 21st housewife, what a bore! I think we’re definitely too much different to be even just friends.

This is Raisin. She’s somewhere around three or four months old, and was abandoned at a park.

She’s helping me heal.  She’s a goofball.

I’ve been feeling pretty good for a few months now, but I feel like my happiness isn’t justified enough for me to be glad that I’m happy.  I personally feel like I’m a shit person and that I don’t deserve happiness. And I don’t feel “right” being happy. I feel like when I’m sad and depressed that’s the truest version of me. So starting today, I’m going to stop taking my medications.

You know that feeling you get when you just want to walk and walk until your feet ache and you feel like you’re home? It’s like a feeling that nags at you constantly, it makes you feel helpless and it makes you just want to lay on the floor and listen to sad music. It’s like a… constant feeling of shame and self-loathing; for no reason. I feel like I’m crumbling; spiraling down into pure apathy.

I just want to feel at peace, I want to feel good. Though, my mum is getting a shit ton of alcohol before school starts because I insisted on having “one last […]