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so I just had a complete breakdown, in the middle of writing about what’s wrong with me, SMU

I basically had a fight with my missus. Not really convinced it matters why, just we were both tired, I hit some unpleasant conditions for her….. and she was mad at me as a result.

Luckily/unluckily we’re sharing a house with our friends this week, so they got to be in the middle of it… and they were very supportive…. we don’t deserve them…. but that’s nice I guess.

I feel like crap right now. I can’t eat, because of the above conditions. I got fluridly suicidal for a short […]

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1- Why is everyone here depressed? What is your root issue?
2- What things would actually help to make you less depressed?

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taking care of oneself is a pain too, always having to eat, getting food, etc.
living requires maintenance. every day things exhaust me, grocery shopping, brushing teeth, showering, etc. i have health issues so even the most simplest of things become a chore. not just a chore, like climbing a mountain every day. it’s exhausting.

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I’ve grown a lot. I’ve been writing a lot, just not in English. Now that I do have a goal to work towards I know how to swallow the turbulence and keep things somewhat balanced, at least I’ve been sane most of the days. My head is finally clear. And guess what, I think I’m in love. This might be the first time I’ve genuinely wanted someone, I do get pretty obsessive and idealistic, but just knowing that someone like that exists in the world gives me comfort. I want to fly to Chungking this summer, to draw with him, or have him draw me, […]

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Sharing events n my life and in retrospec i fucking hate myself. Pulling the curtains and i dont feel like i have redeeming qualities. Shes rght, im satan

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Tomorrow is my seventeenth birthday. Technically it’s in 1 hour, 23 minutes, and 7 seconds.

I should be happy, grateful even.
I don’t really know if I am allowed to be underwhelmed, but that’s the truth.
I feel so selfish for not wanting to celebrate or do much. I’m not trying to, but in reality I’ll just end up ruining it for everybody. My heart is as heavy as stones, and it’s dragging people down with me.
What a bummer, I know.

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I’m in my third year of college, I can’t get a job for the life of me and I can’t actually learn anything or keep up with the school work, I can’t drive because I get panic attacks when Im even close to another car but my city basically requires them to be able to function, not that I even have a life outside my room. I feel like I’m on a countdown till it all blows up, everything I do seems to put me in a worse position than when I started. It all feels like a trap made for me to die in

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3 different jobs within the past 12 months. All were steps up for me, but having to adjust so many times has wrecked me. Each new place became intolerable in its own way and as I suffer through the 3rd one now, I of course already recognized it’s me. I can’t fit myself into the ways and structure of society. I’m an artist at heart and every day reminds me I can’t do what I really want to do and expect to survive. But I can’t continue trying to fit myself into the roles expected of me either. It’s agony trying to make this work […]

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We are all going to leave our body vessel and the Earth Realm eventually, at some point.  That is certain.

There are 2 ways to go;

either something else will take your life.  diseases, someone else taking your life, the elements of the earth breaking your body down at old age.

or you can just do it yourself.

i feel thats the most honorable way to leave this place.  You take the personal decision yourself and claim your own body, and you decide when you “shut off”.  that is true self-autonomy.

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https://www.insider.com/harvard-dr-robert-waldinger-how-to-strengthen-any-relationship-2023-1?inline-endstory-related-recommendations=

And what happens when you have NOBODY, not even ONE close relationship?

This article says relationships are what makes ppl happy. Yes, that is common sense. But depressed ppl generally have problems MAKING friends to begin with. Are ppl depressed BC they can’t make deep connections with others, or BC they are depressed they can’t make connections with others? It’s a chicken and egg scenario.

It’s a vicious cycle- those of us who are depressed are generally very lonely, but bc we are depressed, ppl don’t want to be near us, so we become lonely…which makes us more depressed….

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https://www.google.com/search?q=happiest+person+in+the+world&oq=happiest+per&aqs=chrome.1.69i57j0i512l2j46i512j0i512l6.2902j1j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

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If You Could Be Any Person (currently living), Who Would You Be & Why?

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I wish the world was prettier than it actually is.
I feel so extinguished and saddened because I wish, I just wish I was in a different universe than this.
One that isn’t filled with so much rage and aggression and anguish and despair and horrible awful miserable devastation and loneliness.
I long for a world that is liberating. A place full of color and beauty, dreamers, adventure, peace, kindness, and simple joy from the sheer kiss of freedom.
A world without the constricting pressure of society and the absurdity of our social network. I wish this world weren’t so judgmental, so hateful, […]

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If a plant starts dying due to lack of sunlight, no one blames the plant or tells it to go on walks etc.

That’s what happened to me. I honestly would be fine if I just had a few people I was SUPPOSED to be able to trust actually be there for me. I’ve actually received some good advice on this site but I can’t act on it you could say because I lack the discipline or focus and while sure that’s true the truth is I just shut down because I wasn’t nurtured enough. I’m like a wilted plant that simply doesnt have the strength, […]

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There used to be an option where if we post, we can choose to not allow any key words or search words (or something to that effect). While our post would still be visible to the public, it was hard to find our posts in the past.

I want that option. Anyhow know how to do it in the settings?

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I am back here again. Been a year+ I was gone from SP. Not that the past year+ was good mind you. Just not enough to push me to come back to SP I guess -_-

And no, it’s never a good thing to be back, to feel so miserable that we run back to the only solace of commiserating with others who feel the same rotting despair and hell we do.

Anyhow, idk if anyone remembers me. For those who do, Hiya! How’s everyone doing? I know, a funny question. If we’re here, it usually means we’re doing terrible.

How’s […]

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So here I am at rock bottom again, not a coincidence 1 year ago on this exact day , I thought of trying to kill my self too. So here I am , what do to do. It’s not like I haven’t tried before. I just wish it got me somewhere better than here. I don’t belong here, alive I mean , here with all of you. I’m a mistake that was never supposed to be , but no one understands. All they want is me to continue living for their sake. What about mine?!? It is not selfish to die if you […]

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I am 85% sure tonight is the night. My name is Jack and I want my last words to be to my teddy bear, Teddy. Dear teddy, I love u you’re my only true best friend and I know I can tell you all this your sitting on my chest but I want to write this down for people to see because u deserve the world. I’m sorry for leaving u but I’m sure ur soul will follow me wherever I go at least I hope so. For all the 17 years we’ve been together, you’ve never hurt me, made me upset, insulted me. You’re […]