One of my MAIN reasons for me being suicidal is that this world is SO corrupt and so FULL of evil ass people. I don’t just mean just evil people like murderers and rapists or like Epstein level. I don’t mean just the evil people in politics either. I don’t just mean the rich elites that control our lives in almost every way possible.

There are tons of shitty people we see and meet IRL too. We can’t escape shitty, greedy, evil, selfish, manipulative horrible ppl.

Like for example- shitty nurses that are supposed to take care of you in the hospital but […]

Heard a little about it when it happened, but everyone moved on, didn’t question jack shit. This showed up on my feed so I guess a FEW ppl are talking about her suspicious death again- which the public SHOULD be doing.

In light of the Epstein files, in light of all the blood drinking, baby eating, rape of little girls, and in light of just how horrible Ellen is- which took WAY too long to come out btw- is Anne’s death NOT suspicious AF?

You can CLEARLY see her sit up and try to get out of the body bag.
1- Why would the […]

i don’t know what to talk about. i think lately i’ve been going through the motions a bit, both at work and just at home honestly. i guess there’s a limit to how much i can ignore an issue? at least that’s what it seems like. that person from before still texts me, and i don’t know what to do. i really don’t think they understand, honestly.
but anyway, i don’t want to sound like a broken record, always talking about the same things. it’s just a bit hard to deal with, i guess. i’m trying to get past it, but i just can’t pull […]

I’m so tired and burnt out, I’m just laying in bed.

That was the bulk of my weekend, last weekend, only really getting up to get food since my fridge is empty.

Been slacking on working out because of class.

The person I really care about is halfway around the world and busy. I’d like to talk to her more but she’s with family and on a completely different time schedule. Not much I can do there expect not bother her too and check with her when she’s available.

Idk man. Maybe I’m just not able to function as a human being, because I feel like it’s a lot […]

Does one have to be delusional in order accomplish big goals? Does one have to be delusional in order to succeed in life? And not be mediocre?

Call it confidence, call it over-confidence, call it having ideas of grandeur or being delusional- what have you.

What if we can’t accomplish thing great unless we believe we will?

I hate toxic positivity more than anyone, but… is there SOME truth in “what you believe is what you get?” Or rather what believe wholeheartedly is the MAX that you can achieve?

Say for example say you think the best you can do in life is grind out […]

I truly wish to know just how many people are depressed / unhappy with life / have no zest for life / have long-lasting childhood issues / have serious relationship issues / have horrible family / unhappy at job, lack money, have serious health issues / have no purpose / etc.

Like how many people are truly unhappy with life?
vs. how many ppl are actually happy or satisfied with life?

Basically, how fucked up are we? How many ppl are putting up a happy/everything is great front vs how many are fucked up just like us?

I mean, I guess everything is on a […]

1-GRWM Videos- why are there so many damn annoying ass YouTubers filming themselves talking about a non-beauty topic while putting on their makeup? I get if they’re talking about makeup or fashion or celebrities or whatever fluff, but I’m seeing fucktons of these annoying ass YouTubers putting on their makeup while taking about completely unrelated topics, even topics as serious as serial killers. Like does it even make sense? They’re talking about the life of serial killers and how they killed their victims, and they’re doing it while filming themselves putting on makeup. Like who’s the crazy one? The serial […]

A couple years ago I created a sort of prototype invention. I made 1000 of them and sold them for $10 bucks each, just enough to cover the cost of production and the year of work that went into making it. No profits, by design, I just wanted to gauge whether my ideas had any “value” in the human world.

Anyway that whole thing was soon forgotten and I moved on to bigger, better and more catastrophic projects, stuff that I never sprung on the world because it was never perfect. I lost touch with any sense of “value” I had in the world, aside from […]

Atheist: “God does not exist”
Misotheist: “God is an a-hole”
Deist: “God is either imperfect, unaware, unfeeling, or in a state of decay”
Agnostic: “Idk”

If any of the above describes your attitude toward the universe, or whatever mechanism controls it–in other words, if you don’t believe in an omniscient, omnipotent, benevolent and perfect being who’s in charge of things–what keeps you going?

It feels more like I’m counting down to an execution than to freedom like it originally was. I could set that as the time limit before I try to kill myself, but every time I set a time limit I never end up following it. Something’s just got to give and for as long as I’ve tried I’ve never cracked the code on what that is.

Family left today. Bought me breakfast and we said our good byes. Was able to skip buying half a weeks groceries since we went out to eat so much. I’d say that’s great […]

When he said he didn’t know of any companies, my immediate thought that he was a lying piece of shit. But I guess I’ve just cooled off and am now being back to despondent. I tried one more time asking my advisor for help. For anything. I just asked him if he knew of any companies that specialize in soft robotics. Not if any of them were hiring. Just if they exist. And he said he didn’t know any. A man who has spent his entire career dedicated to this subsection of his field. A man […]

I’m listening to a podcast of this famous divorce lawyer on Diary of a CEO. Obviously he only deals in divorces, and if one needs a lawyer, it’s never an amicable one (amicable divorces generally get settled by the couple themselves).

Anyhow, he says 56% of marriages end in divorce, and 86% will go on to remarry.

Obviously, we would all like to meet our soulmates and live “happily ever after.”

But I was thinking, is it better to be alone and lonely OR be in a relationship that is “mediocre?”

I say “mediocre” bc that’s probably about 50% of all relationships- not great but […]

It’s so easy to just fall back into the pit. I’ve been slowly falling the last couple weeks, I thought it was getting better.
Tonight my boyfriend was in a standup show. He started doing standup 2 years ago but took a break. He promised me when he started that any jokes that involved me would get run past me. He didn’t do that this time. He made up a fake joke about me and it was an embarrassing one.
He had a couple friends at the show and they were saying “oh we know you and those jokes are definitely not true”

But I felt […]

I have been more resolute to kill myself recently. I think this one is finally different. I’m not emotional about it. I just really see no future. But I need to take baby steps.

I called a crisis hotline. I’ve been thinking more and more about buying a gun recently and needed to tell someone. Just needed to get it off my chest, so a hotline where they can’t do anything to stop me was good enough. I told them my plan, argued with them a bit about how hopeless it was. They gave me some […]

I’m deeply depressed bc I’m not progressing in life. I’m stagnant and stuck in a rut. Stuck in a shitty life.

In my case, I have two MAJOR roadblocks: poor health and lack of money. How does one “beat the odds” when the odds are stacked against you?

I do not wave to die not having accomplished anything -_-

Hm…something to ponder about:

One would think being “great” at something in life would yield success and happiness. But it doesn’t. Often, what happens is that any “talent” you have (beauty, intelligence, humanity, goodness, artistic ability, etc) MAY garner you SOME success, but generally it almost ensures you will fall into the grips of some asshole exploiter/user/manipulator. Yes, you see it in the entertainment world (singers, actors, etc) but they’re not the only ones. They just happen to be famous so everyone knows their stories.

But even normal people reaching a “medium” level of success will have lots of exploiters/users/haters come out of the woodworks […]

I was thinking, wouldn’t it be amazing if I could sing like this? To sing so well that it can evoke feelings in people, even in strangers. Hell, to sing like “sirens” and enchant ppl would be cool too lol 😛

But then the negative part of my brain goes (there’s always a negative to everything in life)…well most famous/talented singers lived sad lives and died tragic deaths, like MJ, Whitney, Amy Winehouse, Britney, Amanda Bynes, Justine Bieber, etc

If you have any talent, the vultures will come and pick you off.
If you have any money (and not evil), the vultures will come […]

I don’t know if anyone here could relate or not? But, just like the title says: Life just feels so limited. I don’t understand how people can say that we are free to do (or be) anything. Maybe only for those lucky people, but definitely not for everyone. At least that’s what I really feel, when I think about my life. It seems like anything I do just eventually got crushed & destroyed by reality.

Also, everyday a lot of people are trapped within the economic & financial, monetary situations, that they can’t just be ‘free’ to do whatever they really want to. For example: many […]

I think if I am alone on the 250th anniversary of our nation, that will really solidify it. I am nobody. I can’t say I will really do it then, but I certainly will know whether or not I have any reasons not to anymore.