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The One Thing

June 18th, 2018by clipped-wings

There is one thing that I think about. That I am obsessed with. That I dream about and want. I can’t have it. It’s disgusting.  I hate myself for dreaming about it.  I love the dream.  I try to go back to sleep to keep it going.  But I have insomnia.

I don’t have much confidence.  I post here and take them down.  I wish I could let people know who I am.  But I’m just another person who is damaged.  I was publicly shredded at age 14 by a monster disguised as a servant of God.  I started shredding myself a year later.  Forty years …

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I get it.

June 18th, 2018by imissyou

I can sincerely get why people want to die…..

I feel like a complete asshole.

I completely forgot about something that I did once….and some of the other information involved.
I am not sure if I should even say anything….

I am pretty sure people have been taking advantage of my forgetfulness to an extent and/or possibly confused by my actions or assuming it was drugs and alcohol at times when it wasn’t.

I am near certain that my brother took advantage of that situation anyway…..I don’t know. He doesn’t quite know how to play that the way that we did….he wasn’t even at that show. And I do know …

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1

Maybe I Want To Be An Addict

June 18th, 2018by thehusk

I told my therapist today that I’d lapsed again and was seriously thinking about quitting. I said I’d make a decision by the end of the week. I don’t know how to make that decision. I feel so incredibly conflicted.

At times the idea of stopping fills me with relief. I’ve spent the last 6 months trying to make a change, and failing. Or rather, trying to try. Because this huge part of me doesn’t want it to happen. It may even be the dominant part of me. The craving is so intense, and it just seems so essential. And repressing it completely saps my motivation. …

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Good night

June 18th, 2018by 5ara

An hour ago I was about to commit suicide
But here I am
I guess I have survived another day
I don’t know if I can do this anymore
I can’t even hide my sadness anymore
And people are starting to leave me
Since I am so sad for them
Good night

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3

either ways it is bad

June 18th, 2018by 5ara

i promised myself that i will commit suicide today at 10
it is almost 10 now
and i have been reading about the symptoms that i will suffer of after taking all those medicines
i am scared
if both doing it and not doing it
i am scared of doing it because probably i will die but not a nice peaceful one and if didnt work i might suffer from different health problems .. also i am pretty sure my family wont support me
my dad would say that i am too weak and this is because i am a spoiled girl
my mom …

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1

Just a minute of clearness to take me through the day

June 18th, 2018by Urm8451n

I feel everything closes in, there is too much for me in this life to fight with, and less to fight …for..

In the end , it is not the drugs, alcohol, weed, friends, family, or therapy that helps, but what helps is that small few minutes of me with myself.

 

I get to know me better, I get time to plan my next steps, to figure out how I should deal with the new obstacles.

 

Anyone feels the same here?

 

Yours, Jac.

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June 18th, 2018by myfirststory

never lie about love to someone… never abuse someone’s feelings 🙁 this so heartbreaking and sad, i cant describe my pain, im falling apart more and more with every day… but this ***** is happy, she never felt anything to me, this is insane how blind i was

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2

Mr. Self Destruct

June 18th, 2018by basefree

The pattern seeking brain attempts to find meaning in the meaningless. I can’t help but feel that getting a text from an ex-dealer who went MIA (prison most likely) two years ago was a sign. Now I’ve been a weekend warrior every Friday this month. Clandestine meetings, cash swapping hands, coke, crystal, pills, booze, escorts, strippers, and maxing out credit cards. Pull yourself together for Monday. Running on nearly zero sleep. Can my co-workers tell? Doubt it. I stare at a screen in a cubicle all day regretting the three day party. This how people too scared to pull the trigger kill themselves.

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1

Null and Void

June 18th, 2018by Baked13

You can’t save every dying man.

Sometimes the dying man doesn’t want to be saved.

Save yourself the trouble.

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2

Curious

June 18th, 2018by katfierce

So I have been very depressed and suicidal for over a year now.

Did anyone out here ever tried overdosing a sleeping pills and failed? If yes, how did it go and how did it felt?

Im just very curious.

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1

June 18th, 2018by 5ara

what is love ?
and can you give it if you have never ever received it even from your parents ?
i am 20 years old
i dont think that i love or loved sth ever
i am selfish yes
i hate my family since they are a big rock in my way
i dont know actually what i am writing
so sorry ….

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1

Same shit, different day, why bother

June 18th, 2018by CornishPasty

Get up, go to work, go home, drink, get high, sleep, wake up, stare at the ceiling, sleep, get up, go to work. Etc. Etc. Etc.

I don’t live to work anymore or work to live, I’m just stuck in a loop of habit and desperately want this pointless existence to end, just to sleep and not weak up, break the cycle.
I don’t think I can be happy anymore, if I ever was. I need to get away but happiness is never around the next corner and I’m sick of looking, getting away permanently seems like my only option, yes it’s a bit selfish but how …

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1

sleep

June 18th, 2018by 5ara

i woke up today feeling nth
i just want to go to sleep and sleep forever
but i cant
because they will wake me up and i have to explain why i want to sleep
so here i am on my laptop trying to pretend that i am productive so that i can prevent talking to anyone

my life is so much controlled by my familly
i really hate this

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3

Why can’t I sleep? Please help, I’m kind of scared.

June 18th, 2018by Jasper

This is night two and I’m not able to fall asleep. I was awake all last night, had a 3 hour nap but woke up every 30 minutes this afternoon and now it’s 3:40a.m. and I’m not tired but I logically know I need sleep. I haven’t been eating much lately either so I don’t know if they’re connected at all.

 

I feel emotionally empty but I have been able to easily act happy, natural and I surprisingly have engery. I haven’t had any urges to self harm recently but I do have a suicide plan. I’m really confused and kind of worried because my heart …

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I can’t eat

June 18th, 2018by Jasper

I don’t really know why but recently I’ve noticed that I don’t eat as much as I used to, whenever I was having an especially bad day I’d usually eat more then normal. I was recently put on some medication (2 weeks ago) so I thought maybe that could be the reason but I noticed that I started eating less over a month ago so that can’t be it. I used to weigh 114lbs and now I’m down to 105lbs and people keep commenting on my weight but it makes me really uncomfortable. It’s gotten to the point where I had to force myself to …

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21

Goodbye

June 18th, 2018by Anonymous

I haven’t been here very long, but I felt it would be rude to those who supported me if I disappeared without saying goodbye. So, here’s my awful farewell.

You are all amazing. This is the most supportive and compassionate online community I have ever seen. You all have your own issues, but you put them aside in an attempt to help others. I hope you all manage to overcome your problems, and I wish you all a long, happy life.

I, however, have finished my story. It wasn’t very long, nor was it very exciting, but I’m glad to say it’s finally over. I really appreciate …

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4

Health issues are on another level

June 18th, 2018by Specter

I thought that I’d already been in hell since late 2011. Extreme isolation, becoming mostly a shut-in, losing the last few contacts I had one at a time. Not working, not in school. Giving up on myself and gaining weight. Hardly getting any sunlight. But it became the new normal, entertain myself as best I could, listen to podcasts and watch streams to try to emulate some form of human interaction, and just deal with it.

In April I ended up in the ER. Thought I had an infection or something. I was having trouble in the bathroom. I’m 31 years old. My bladder hasn’t worked …

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6

Sinking

June 18th, 2018by ratlovinggirl

Im beyond done I want to scream until my lungs burst and punch a wall until my fists break. Its Fathers day (fuck that anyway) and my stepdad left me alone to watch the kids despite me not having slept in days. He wouldnt let me call my grandparents for help either. My rat died, we have to put my dog down soon, and my therapist won’t answer my calls. I’m sleep deprived, depressed, constantly crying, and ready to just give up. I have such a constant level of stress i literally feel like theres something pushing my chest to stop me from breathing. I …

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1

Broken Ears = Broken Mind

June 17th, 2018by Failure143

When you said that you cared/ I knew you lied/ When I hide in the night/ I have to fight/ I have to fight to not cry/ Have to fight to not fly/ Through my roof and say goodbye.

No matter what I tell you/ My words just seem to go through/ I try to share my pain/ I try because I alway fien/ I fien my own smile/ It’s been fake for a while/ but your broken ears/ Do not see the tears/ The tears in my voice/ Instead you rejoice/ Thinking I’m happy/ But broken ears break my mind you see.

I look at my …

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0

Yes.

June 17th, 2018by AgentQ

http://web.archive.org/web/20121124070648/http://suicideproject.org/2012/10/of-depression-and-associated-philosophies-an-exhaustive-exposition/

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