I’m an alcoholic. I hate it so much because I feel like have no control over my feelings and how I react to certain things. I only drink because I’m so anxious all the time. I wish I could just relax but I take everything so negatively. People like to tease me at work and so I use alcohol as a way to relax and laugh it off but its starting to get pricey as well as unhealthy. I haven’t gone a day without drinking in months now…maybe a couple years. Its every day. And my tolerance keeps getting greater and greater. I know what […]

I can’t bring myself to consciously cut open my own skin, but I found out that I CAN play knife roulette–and the cuts I receive with each slip-up feel much better. Additionally, if anyone asks about the scars, I can just tell them about my “parlor trick”.

Well, whats responsibility, to begin with? Its a shit, a pile of it. As a student, i must attend to school, or else i wont get a better result… Fuck them all, go to hell meet Satan. I didnt fake a sickness, i “stuntman”a sickness… I made myself sick, stomach ache, gastritis, headache… And what do they say to me after meeting doct? LIAR… i told my mom im sick i need to see a doct, whats her reaction? “*giggle*” my goodness whatever. Even having such a pain in my whooooole body, they say school is important… Well then, seems like what they say is […]

We tend to think that we want things then find out, WE REALLY DIDN’T WANT THEM AS MUCH AS WE THOUGHT!

Remember everything comes at a cost. There are always exceptions to the rules.

In other words it isn’t always good to dwell over something and let it eat you alive, then find that out.

Here I am again alone with my thoughts. Almost 40 and still messing up. I’m a regular shy guy. I’d like to say I’m fit, but I’m kidding myself; bit of skinny fat. Anways, the only relationship I’ve ever had was over a decade ago. Even that was kinda of a sham. She was recently separated and I was her comforting coworker… We had a deal to just help me loose my virginity and to not fall in love. But we did. And she cheated on me a year later. Messed me up pretty bad. Took me a long time to get over it (many […]

if you find something from your past avoid it like the plague. i didnt and now i feel like shit.

Hey Rocketman,

Needing a private chat, man. Thanks for accepting !!!

So yesterday I kinda talked to this girl (that I have a crush on but that’s not important rn) and we talked about why I don’t want her help with figuring out my problems and why I don’t want to share that much but I was slightly drunk and now I just really don’t know how I feel about what I told her. I told her the truth so why do I still regret my words? I think I kinda disappointed her by what I said like you know the feeling when you just wanna help somebody so much but they won’t let you bc […]

my girlfriend recently passed and I have a hard time coping with it through the same drugs that got her killed. I accidentally overdosed with 4 xans and a bottle of alcohol and I was put in ICU with tubes down my throat. i’m just tired and so drained. my life is getting tiring idk what to do

I should probably end it. Especially if I’m not going to do the right thing (I’m not.) People like me shouldn’t be. You reach a certain level of moral corruption and you’re no longer capable of living a normal life. And I just don’t have it in me to do the whole self-sacrificing redemption arc thing. So, self-destruction it is.

But that requires letting go. Detaching from all the impossible dreams I’ve built up over the years. Affirming that all the beauty present in this world is not worth tolerating this kind of suffering and alienation for. Allowing the full weight of my self-inflicted misery to […]

I hate my Dad,i hate my Mom and i hate my Sister too. My mother and sister both says im a psycopath and that i should be hospitilized. My Father once told me im a bad daughter and a piece of trash and my Mom called me a monster. My Sister is constantly trying to get my parents to punish me. She always says that im a weirdo and that nobody likes me because of that, and that i will die alone. She once even cried because she said i was weirdly dressed and that im not into “fashion”. My Father has violent tendencies and […]

No one believes I will make it into medical school so I have kept my application as a secret.

My brother is getting ready to propose to his girlfriend, someone I detest. I would rather die than to go to their wedding and I’m not just saying it for attention.

If there were a choice, I would rather stay single and childless for him NOT to marry her. I would even be willing to make a pact with the devil.

I just graduated graduate school a month ago and my loans are already due. ($80,000 in loans)

Having a hard time studying for the MCAT that takes place in […]

if youre unsure of something should you do it? i know the typical answer is no but in a case like this im unsure. let me explain a bit. im thinking about getting a tattoo. now in a case like this if one is unsure the answer is again no. this is a permanent life choice dont do it if you arent sure duh. but again this isnt your typical case. i want a tattoo for my depression. its going to go on my left wrist just above my cuts and its going to read “remember that i love you” as a reminder to those […]

don’t go if you are not sure she said

but i’m never sure

i’m never sure of what is there tomorrow
if there is any tomorrow

i am replaceable
“no you are not”

maybe the memory are not
but the feeling is
the feeling you have on me
you can have on someone else

so i am replaceable
i dont belong here
someone else will take my place
someone better

i mean nothing to me

i’ve got to leave soon

so don’t make it more difficult

ive loved you kissed you, hated you
still im here

but i wish im not

i wanted to stay for you
i still do

but its too much

love.li

Why is it that I have to stay alive because of others? what about me? why should I continue to suffer just so others won’t be hurt? it is so unfair that people think that suicide is a selfish act because that person didn’t think of their love ones. But what about the person that commited suicide? should had they continue the heavy burden that comes from being alive? It makes me mad that I can’t leave this world because my love ones will feel guilty or mad about me being gone by choice.

When I become suicidal, I become really angry since I can’t leave […]

Smoking pot became a rutine. I get high every single day and if i dont do,i get really depressed and dark thoughts start eating my conciousness. Im totally aware of my adicction and that weed is slowly converting me in a sloth. Yes,a sloth. And i mean it. Lately im feelling very slothful,my lack of energy is constantly increasing and my enthusiasm for things totally disapeard. Weed makes me so sluggish that sometimes im even lazy to cook and everytime im much more sure to describe myself as an antisocial teen. Is it even normal to cancel every  plan with your friends and family just […]

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

Goddammit.

I have some problems l can’t really solve, they are hard to talk about

I fantasize about taking the one person I hate the most with me.