I cant take this anymore god. Please I beg of you, end this miserable existence. Blank…nothing…kaput…done…OFF.

I’m done with this life.

Ya’ll can have it.

I know a big one is “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” the problem with this one being, it’s not always a temporary problem.

I’m curious what some unhelpful phrases you have heard are?

I remember briefly reading this one reddit post about being fated to die by suicide. Some people are meant to be doctors, some are meant to be successful and rich. Some, are just meant to suffer and die. Maybe that’s it. But because life is unfair like that, we’re all still here doing whatever we need to do.

Am I fated to die by my own hands myself? I don’t know for sure but I don’t think I could live a good fairly smooth life in this lifetime. Everything I try to do to increase my social standing I back off from it on my own. […]

Dear asshole,

You’ve stolen thousands of dollars from me. Then you come around and ask for more? Hell no, you’re not getting anything from me. I hate you so much. You ungrateful lying son of a biscuit. Why do you want to visit me? Haven’t you done enough damage? All you do is lie, steal and cheat. You are essentially evil. I don’t trust you. I don’t believe you. I don’t believe in you. I hope calamity and a whole lot of negativity swarms around your life. I hate you.

super cool xoxo
Haven’t tried this – Wondering if it’s as bad as Resident Evil’s classic oldies,
Right now I’m binging the first season of Twilight Zone. Takes my mind off the little things

I hate my life. I’m tired of trying. I’m tired of never being satisfied. I am surrounded by good things that are to me tainted by the fact that they are not better, and that I am incapable of making them better. I have tried to settle, to be complacent, but it never works, it never helps.

I can’t hold a decent job. I quit college because it got too har, even though I had a free ride. I lost custody and visitation of one of my kids. I’ve abused my current spouse many times and even enjoyed it. I hate both of my […]

I’m quitting (weed) for good.

I’m not ever sorry if you found me out here. If anything, it’s proof you didn’t keep to your words. You lied about finding out too then. I don’t like you checking in on me. I don’t like being confronted for my venting. And social media was very terrible for us that I would still refuse to understand why it matters to you. Being blocked is like us having broken up? Almost as if you were not searching for me the first place.

All these while did not exist I guess. I had never done anything for you. I had never compromised, I had never been […]

I’m recovering emotionally, but never have I felt more psychotic. Things I say and think don’t make sense and don’t line up, there’s a white blur constantly occupying my skull, my vision is decreasing quickly, the sudden sensations i get while thinking about certain topics…they’re not headaches, I can’t even feel them that surely, but they hurt and my reaction to them are that of a crazy person. I can’t see a single future out there where I can go back to normality, I’m destroying everyone’s lives, I’m a walking plague. How do you deal with the fact that everything you do is wrong? Wrong? […]

I’m in a relationship with an ex of mine and i’m really happy, im smoking less, getting stuff done and having my own life while with this girl and she has hers, it seems to work. I feel the happiest I have in a very long time yet my anxiety is the worst it has ever been. Every time she tells me about her life and there is someone else she was into in the story i feel so insecure. I know it’s normal to talk about past relationships, it just hurts. And i know i’m an asshole for feeling that way and i don’t […]

It’s ya boy, Thanatos. I thought I’d give an update for anyone interested. I’ve also posted before as Ignorance Will Prevail.

I’m currently in the process of finding a new place to live and I’m considering moving west to Madison where I can participate at the homeless veteran’s center and I where I have a job lined up.

I’ve gained an interest in an academic field, Systems Engineering.  I don’t really think I’m smart enough to complete a degree in the field, but it is interesting. I was considering the concept of AI and the Greek Logos, which stands for reason and is often represented by water. […]

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted. I’ve mostly been in my childhood home, stuck. Stuck in the place where a million bad things happened.  Where I learned not to trust the people I still live with.  That I am nothing.  Assaulted and beaten, I’m unworthy of love and will never find safety.  I can feel how much being here makes me emotionally repressed.  I cannot leave because earn money.  I am disabled and can’t take care of myself.  I can’t go anywhere else, stay with others because I’m a shit person others eventually hate.  I don’t want to die, I just don’t want […]

Can it be enough to live for others?

It was a Sunday night and I was in my bed and I was just trying to sleep but the voices came I was able to ignore them at first but every minute they kept getting louder and louder “Nobody loves you, you deserve to die” The voices said over and over and over again. I decided I couldn’t take it anymore and I went Upstairs Grabbed the sharpest knife in my house and shoved it 3 inches deep into my stomach.
I fell straight to the ground and tried to call out for help but I was in to much pain to scream, I […]

I do not even want to write about everything that went wrong with my life or how I feel about it. I have been suicidal since 2017. March 2017 was my first failed attempt, followed by denial, self harm and awful depression episodes. I never stopped thinking about since then. Therapy did not help, medication either. My life changed since then, good and bad stuff happened but nothing really made me think oh well this is worth it maybe. I feel like I’m going to pass out from the anger and frustration when people tell me the usual stuff like “it gets better”, “it’ll pass”. […]

I don’t even have the motivation to write anymore. It used to be that I love writing, and I am always depressed in my fucking head, so why not put those feelings into words. But everyday that I come home and think I should write something I just don’t feel like it. I’m so fucking unproductive and I waste my days. It’s a shame I no longer feel like killing myself because these days I absolutely have that option. Some days when i’m bored i’ll point my gun at my head, look myself in the mirror and just think “imagine.”

I want to get […]

Im just so lost right now and all I want to do is resort to killing myself again. My existence right now is pretty pointless. Every living second is aching away at my sanity. I have no goals and ambitions, know why? Because I’m not supposed to be alive right now. I’m a dead man walking. I should’ve died years ago and it would probably been better than living this shit out. There a was space in time where I was happy, and it was with her but she’s gone. All I wanted was to stay in that moment forever, that moment was […]

This is it. This is the hardest one yet. Last semester. Senior Project. Project Manager. New Job as a TA. It’s barely the second week and I feel like I’m limping already. I can feel the pressure in my head build up. Can’t find the right valve to turn to release it. Bit by bit by bit by bit I can feel it welling up. Right half of the brain. Don’t know how I’m going to make it. I knew it would come. I knew it would be painful and hard. […]