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For general topics related to the site.

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Questions for suicide attempt survivors by afflictedsmile

  February 16th, 2019 by ultraviolet

I saw a post by afflictedsmile called questions for suicide attempt survivors and I wanted to answer them… What happened when you attempted to end your suffering? Well let me try and recall… I was at my lowest point… I felt like everyone even my parents hated me…. I was being yelled at by my father and I got overwhelmed and the argument got so bad I ran to the highway so I could get ran over… I was pulled back inside my house… I was yelled at even more and because I was already just at my lowest I ran to my room and overdosed. …

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Am I an entitled b*tch?

  February 16th, 2019 by ariusversea

When do I cros the line the seperates self-preservation and self-pity? When is cutting a way for me to express my need for help and when is it just me feeling sorry for myself? When do I need to get my head outta my ass and toughen up because I have so much to live for? When does it stop being me having a problem, and start me being a problem?

When do people start getting tired of me?

I’ll never know. Because I’ll never ask. Because they’ll never know.

And I already know what they’d say. For the most part at least.

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Protected: 8 letters (no caps)

  February 15th, 2019 by darkwillow

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

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AfflictedSmile: the password

  February 15th, 2019 by ultraviolet

I was shy to let everyone read what I wrote. And I could take the password off but then there’s no fun in putting a password in the first place… I chose the password to be “Lovely” it’s my favorite word. Weird right? A depressed girls favorite word is lovely?! I think it’s a word that should be used more often. I thought it was lovely for you to care enough to post about wanting to read about what I wrote. So there you have it and so does everyone else who cares enough to type in the password. Thank you for caring. Sending a …

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2

password protected?! but but but…

  February 15th, 2019 by AfflictedSmile

I have to know. I must know! haha I need to know ultraviolet. Don’t shut us out! 😀

password guesses so far:

(I don’t know if numbers can be used, or if low/uppercase matter?)

suicid

please

violet

123456

abcdef

ultrav

lonely

 

 

try your guesses and enter them here so we can crack this haha

 

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5

Alcohol

  February 15th, 2019 by unknownsoldier

Although I should not be drinking it helps kill the pain. I raise my glass to all of you.

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2

Real hope for hardcore addiction

  February 15th, 2019 by mountaingoat

Hi everybody.

 

Every once in a while I do this.  I go online and rant about ibogaine.

 

Because I want people to know.  If you’ve never heard of it, ibogaine is a powerful psychedelic drug from Africa that treats hardcore physical and psychological addiction.  Ive used it myself.  I was a hardcore alcoholic for 10 years.  After doing 1 flood dose of it, I never drank again.  Its been over 4 years of sobriety now, and its easy.  No cravings, no temptations really, Im just simply not interested in alcohol anymore.

 

It is very powerful and will render you completely helpless and bedridden for 24-96 hours.  You MUST …

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1

holes

  February 15th, 2019 by heartlessviking

There is the place that I used to long for her, here was the place my heart swelled with ownership

Was I young? Was I stupid? How could I have given away my heart to her….

Here is where I found out who you were. There is where I said goodbye. I somehow knew I would still be hurting long after you moved on.

Here’s where I met someone new, here’s where I risked it again. Over there is where I buried my hopes of being entirely someone’s, my romantic ideals, and my desire to love someone more than myself.

Now I sit a ghost of the man I …

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Protected: 6 letters…

  February 15th, 2019 by ultraviolet

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

0

Curious….

  February 15th, 2019 by CRA2015

I’m fighting to live up until the 20th, where I’ll be fighting to try and save the relationship with the love of my life. I’m just curious if what I’ve written that I plan to say will be enough to convince her to go to counseling with me. I won’t go into all the details….. but I’ll be saying this in court. In front of a judge, her, everyone else and God lol. I hope you guys will be honest, don’t hype me up if it’s not good but just tell me what you think. I know it’s hard to say when you don’t know …

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3

I’m good at nothing

  February 15th, 2019 by princessmousy<:3)~

Everyone else in this world is good at something. I’m a really fast touchtyper but if I try and touchtype the ‘proper’ way, I’m hopeless.
I can dance but that’s subjective.
I used to do digital artwork but its meh and nothing special.
I used to know a bit about computers and used to build my own years ago but I don’t keep up with it anymore.
I want to sing but I’m fucking hopeless.
*shrug

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11

Question. Please answer

  February 15th, 2019 by Itsyaboy.uhskinnypenis

Please delete this

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4

27 hours, potentially wasted

  February 15th, 2019 by heartlessviking

just found out that the problem I spent the last five hours trying to figure out and holding myself together over… wrong, entirely wrong. I’m trying not to completely lose it. I’ve been awake since 8:30 AM THURSDAY, that’s 28 hours, and working since 9:30 AM…. I hate this, I hate everything, I really really want to hurt someone, apart from myself,, but there’s no one that has it coming like I do. See? Logically, I should just go walk into traffic, because I’m the problem.  I’m the one that wasted immense resources screwing up….. I’m so tired, but I don’t get to sleep, not …

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4

good-natured

  February 15th, 2019 by sunshower

During college, I was at the lowest of low. My mind feels sluggish. Everyday it’s getting harder and harder to convince myself to get up, to continue. I started cutting then. My mother found out about it. She saw my wrists. She cried and cried and asked why. But she also hurt me with her words “Why are you cutting? What kind of problem could you possibly have? I’m the one who has it hard! I’m the one who should be thinking about suicide!” She and my dad broke up and all me and my siblings went with her. I thought to myself if I’m …

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2

I’m useless

  February 15th, 2019 by lany

Every time someone lends me something I’ll lose it. Every time someone asks me to look after something for them it becomes missing. Every time someone asks me to do something I forget.

All these people put their trust on me yet I continue to disappoint them. Why am I so useless? It’s like I can never do anything right and I always mess up and then people just loses their trust on me. Why the fuck is it always me I really don’t get it. I always tell myself to do shit properly yet it never turns out right. I just wish people don’t rely …

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11

I started on here 2 years ago

  February 15th, 2019 by 1FineDay

then I disappeared

but everyone else sucks

you people are real

so I’m back

because I’m getting closer and exchanges with real people is something I crave before exiting. It’s important to get to express ourselves and communicate honestly with people so when/if we go we don’t leave having kept it all to ourselves. At least we will have expressed our situation or mindset to people who get us.

 

I wonder if any of you are still here from back then? I scrolled briefly and noticed a couple of you. Hi.

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2

Demon Dreams

  February 15th, 2019 by 1FineDay

Who here has dreams of demons they would care to share.

i have had some wicked dreams.

 

Dreamt of a mans body with a huge black pig’s head with a snout. It came to me, took my soul, and destroyed me. Three months later I lost my love in real life and that same agony I felt in the dream has not left me since I lost him.

 

This misery is interesting as its bottomless and hellish.

 

I’ve had other demon dreams as well but I’m sleepy I’ll post more soon please tell me of yours if you have had any

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4

Still “Alive”

  February 15th, 2019 by 1FineDay

Pure Hell. I wake up into my nightmare each day. I can’t wait til my day comes. So much to do first. In the meantime People annoy and are highly pushy. One guy texts me 1000 times per day. Plus calls. I would text him I’m busy call you soon but he wouldn’t stop so in the beginning I would answer so he would hear someone speaking to me and realize I’m in a fucking meeting leave me the fuck alone. But no. He never stops. Everyone seems to not understand the words I can’t talk right now or I have to call you later. …

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5

So fucking scared

  February 15th, 2019 by Hoody

Nightmares are tormenting me. These days i can’t tell the differences between dreams and reality. Fuck this.

 

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1

Into the belly, but hopefully for the last time for awhile…

  February 15th, 2019 by heartlessviking

I’m so burnt out right now on office time. Everything that can be done to make it tolerable has been done, to no avail. My concentration is going to shit, I’m fatalistically frustrated. Earlier today I threatened to destroy one of the two main members of the problems in my life.

An Ultimatum:

Me or the US health system. One of us has to bend. I’m doing everything I can to function. We’re pouring hundreds of dollars a month into insurance, doctors, therapists, and oh god the medicine. The insurance has made everything more stressful and expensive. They’re worse than useless, they’re harmful. Yet… America, land of …

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