Poetry & Art

An open book you can read
A closed, you cannot
Fake pages
So revealing
Yet so secretive
You can read so well
Yet you can’t read at all
A brand new book you’ve just opened
So new
So kind
So clean
Had it for months
The text grew weary
Behind it’s white pages
The secretive
The weary
Sad how
The one who cuts first
Will never be
The secretive

You always ask me
Question me
An answer unappealing
You ask again
Again
Again
Tell me
Since when do shackles ask
“Why are you bound?”
When do the devils ask
“Why are you bad?”
Since when
Could you ask your pot
“Why are you like this?”

That pipe, oh so short
How I sat next to it
So bright, as if it would’ve lasted centuries
So bright, I believed it was longer
Might’ve run the galaxies and back
It only lasted three months
Each time I returned,
It thinned a little more
Dimmed a little more
It cracked a little more
Until nothing was left
This one too, huh?
I placed it too high
Thought it too long
Thought it too sturdy
There is never
Anything
Sturdy Enough
Not even
The shoes I run the galaxies with

Why so blue?
My ambrosia
I wish you knew
I wish you understood
The fires inside
Burning my skin
Burning my mind
Burning my heart
Making me blind
If you know
If you understand
Pick at my petals
This flower’s wilting anyway

Mr. Sun, what are you doing here today?
You are bothering my sleep, and I’d rather you not.
But I’m not mad. Though, I’d rather sleep forever.
Want to know why, Mr. Sun?
When I sleep, I feel as though the black ocean from the back of my mind comes and washes away all that was left of the day.

This feeling
This sensation
The recognition
But
The disremembrance of this
What is this?
We are all the same here
I believe we are
Maybe not on the outside
But
We all share the same interests
But, who is the odd one out?
All of us?
One of us?
It all feels too familiar
Like a deja vu
Maybe it’s because I can’t remember
But
The sensation
The recognition
The wave of emotions take over
Mind completely blank
My only escape taken from me
The other one out of reach
This familiarity
If only I can remember
Something, other than the pain of a deja vu

In this space
My eyes are open
But in reality, they’re closed
There is nothing around me
But darkness
And I sit
Waiting for something
Anything
And it comes
Whatever it was
It was a darkness unwelcoming
It brought about truths, lies, and all things in the dark
I hide
And wish for that darkness
For the night the savior arrives
It visits me every night
Coming like a wave of pure black night
Washing over me
Cleansing
Removing
Ridding the scars the other one left
I swam in an ocean of freedom
The scars gone
A light flashed
Intrigued, I reached towards it
It brought me back to life and burned me
I wanted to let go
I wanted to swim in the dark ocean forever
But, I was too weak

Too afraid to let go
Too afraid to save myself
So I shut myself
And let it drag me about
I’ll do whatever it wants
Until the night the savior comes
For the rest of eternity
Coming
And washing away
All that was left of the day

The mind is transparent
As the memories are transparent
Or is it the other way around?
Like glass
Embedded in the soul
Transparent the mind
To remember
I might’ve remembered
What was transparent
What was embedded
Within
So long ago
My dis-remembrance
Of this
I wonder so

What’s under the bed?
It terrifies me
The very idea
To be near it
To stand near it
To lay near it
The monsters
My very own
Flash before me
The monsters
The creators
The creations
They flash before me
The very idea
To be
Beneath the bed
Again

My lovely bluebird
My cute dove
My beloved
And all your likes
Spread your wings and soar
Soar!
High above the trees
The mountains
Spread your wings
My loves
And soar!
Soar high above the land dwellers
Soar!
Theyll watch in envy as your wings graze the heavens
My beauties
My lovelies
My beloved
Ill watch from below
Far below
From below the land dwellers
Ill watch
As your feathers graze the heavens
Ill use them
Ill thank you
Your feathers replacing mine
Your feathers repairing
My tearing
My weary
My torn
Wings
Hopefully Ill soar
Hopefully well soar
Hopefully
One day
Above the heavens
Well sing

Me
And my fellow torches
Deep within the caverns
Cold
Unlit
Me
And my fellow torches
At the entrance
Burning bright
My torch
Is it burning bright?
Has it been burning bright?
Forevermore?
My torch
Has it been cold
Unlit
Forevermore?
Did you
Light my torch
To a crisp?
Did you
Drown my torch
Out cold?
Our torches
The rumble
The wave
The earthquake
The tsunami
How am I to get it back?
Through the bottomless sea
Through the fire
Behind the island
Behind the boulder
Deep within the Earth
My torch
Where can it be?
Our torches
Whatever has become of them?

Come
Come hither
Come hither
Come
Come hit
Come hit
Hit me
Like a tidal wave
(Like a tidal wave (tidal wave))
Hesitating?
Hesitating when
Smacked in the face?
By whom?
I havent moved an inch
Are you sane?
Insane?
Im sane
Going insane
Dont look at me like that
You hit
I take
With each and every passing day
I loose another piece
The world should just swallow me whole
Swallow me
Into purgatory
Into the depths of hell
I shouldn’t be allowed anywhere but hell
One moment it’s hell
The second, a marathon
The third, mass homicide
The fourth, peace
The fifth, what more is there to say?

Done with me
Sick of me
Whatever led
That vent
To be clogged
There will be no apology
Since the very beginning
My dislike runs deeper than her hatred
My endurance runs longer than her temper
Ive lasted longer
Why are you
Done with me
Sick of me
So soon?
I shouldve been
Sick of you
Done with you
Long before you
Yet
Its the other way around
How do
How do I
Flip this back
Should I flip it back
I dont think
It
Matters
Anymore

I wanted from others what those I trusted could not give me
I want not from others what those I trusted could not give me
I don’t trust them enough
But, hypothetically, if they could give me what I want

I’m afraid, I’m too clingy, I’m too needy

Eventually it’ll be too much
I don’t trust them

yes
smoke them cigs and have the remnants in your lungs
coiling your insides like a snake
until you die
–

you can’t fight what’s already growing inside
you can’t fight what you did to yourself
you can’t fight your instincts
you can’t fight the seed you planted yourself
you can’t undo the cigarette you just smoked

Little cacti, little cacti
Look at you
Absorbing all that water
Won’t you ever wilt?
Little cacti, you remind me of quicksand
Absorbing everything and anything
Even lies
Sometimes I do wonder
What would happen if lava came in contact with quicksand?
Or bombs that might sink in?
Will the sand be reduced to nothing?
Will the bombs ever explode within the sand?
Nothing lasts forever
Do you ever wonder what happens to the things that sink into the sand?
Little cacti, you take the lies and perceive them to be the truth
But one day, the quicksand will grow weary and become tar
Just like it’s former self, little cacti,
It’ll absorb all the lies
But dissolve them to nothing
Dissolve to nothing
Dissolve
To nothing

Little demon, little demon
Following the children on their left
Following the adults on their left
Whispering their deepest desires
Whispering the worst for others but not for them
Whispering the worst for them. All of them.
Little angel, little angel
Following the children on their right
Following the adults on their right
Whispering the best choice to make
Whispering the best for others, for themselves
My little demon, my little demon
Offering the best for me
On my left
Offering peace of mind
Showing me the monsters of the day and the monsters of the night
Teaching me to embrace the dark
Showing me how much reality differs from my nightmares
Always there beside me, in the shadows
Always ready to give a hug when I’m at my lowest
My little angel, my little angel
How you differ from the stories told about you
Those stories never mentioned any claws
Claws of which you sink into me
On my right
Claws of which you use to tear away what was beneath my skin
The stories never mentioned the chain you keep at your waist
The chain you use to shackle and limit my movement
The chains that you use to keep me tied to you
The stories mentioned of a sword you use to ward of my demon
The stories never mentioned you using the sword to stab me
Is physical abuse all you know?
My little angel, my little angel
I could ask the same for my great demon
My little demon, my little demon
I thank you for the wings you’ve offered to me
But, is emotional abuse all you know?
My little angel, my little demon