For your poems.
I like the feeling of it running across my skin.
I like the deep rich color.
I like the scars that it leaves behind, the look, the feel.
I like the stains it leaves.
I like the pain it brings.
I like everything about it.
But I hate myself because of everything I do to see it
Processing your request, Please wait....I lost my youth.
I’m older now, while time eats away my energy soon it will consume my fate.
Life doesn’t teach anything. Only death speaks truth. Brings emotion that’s beyond life itself. I envy the dead. There is no righteousness or reason to abide by morals in this common Society.
Dont do this/dont say that, right and wrong, good and bad.
Let’s not censor the barbaric nature of humanity for it is, who we are. Always have always will. The only way to get you’re point across is to be violent.
Yet words can be just as dangerous, sadly it cant defend you from a AR-15. So be careful what you say to the people you look down upon.
We all play the mythical and mortal role of “God”
I can create and take life.
“Judge not, lest ye be judged”
But you always do. You stare and mock the abnormal. I can feel
The energy. It’s pure hate. You dont know me and yet ive upset you without even looking.
My demons are a great Council of mine but not even they can understand humans.
Natural selection/ survival of the fittest has become a laugh. The king doesn’t stand at the top of the hill. He drowns at sea level with the rest of us. My point is this.
We are all unpredictable especially the unexpected.
Processing your request, Please wait....If I went back to who I was, what is the worst that could happen. The old me was so happy just living. Yet for some reason i’m scared of being normal again. It’s been years since I was happy just being alive and going through the motions of life. Then it took one girl to unravel my life, that’s bullshit and I know it. Still there’s something holding me back…
Processing your request, Please wait....I will consume you. I will completely take over your life. You’ll think you’re in control but really I will be. I’ll change the way you think about everything, the way you live. I will slowly destroy everything you once knew and loved. I will ruin your life until you don’t want it anymore. I’ve always been a winner, even when other people say you can beat me. You can’t. I will end you. Or you will end your life because you can’t live with me anymore. I’m too powerful for you to handle.
I am depression.
Processing your request, Please wait....I can’t stand my life
I wanna die
can’t really find some will to live
i feel like shit
I wanna find someway out of this
just got the jist inside my mind
im out of licks
why do I find myself in this mess
I cant feel like this
why
why did I come across you
ahhh
godda fine some way out my mind
godda find somebody to give me time
why
why
why can’t i reach you I’m blind
I juat want someone to know
I found myself
I juat want aomeone to knlw
I loat my home
I juat want someone tl hold
oh no i dont
i cant figure out my mind I knew I,was blind
Processing your request, Please wait....Between the line of fear and blame you begin to wonder why you came…
A lyrics from The Fray, How to save a life.
I’ve been bullied when i was in grade school and it was the scariest thing a little girl have to go through.
Highschool was a lot of fun, except things from family starts to jump out.
I started to appreciate the songs Perfect and Welcome to my life by Simple Plan… Its really the lyrics that made me close to the music. It embrace me to bed.
Boulevard of broken dreams by Green day came in my playlist, That’s when i realize my friends don’t understand me.
Now im in college and life fcks me up so damn much that it made me numb…
I’m depressed since i was a kid, when i was sixteen suicide thoughts came right in… now im twenty, i feel exhausted. Breathing is getting harder that i think it can choke me. Anxiety attacks are much worst cause my heart palpitates rapidly and it kinda hurt.
I hate everyone. They made me like this. but sometimes i think, maybe i made myself into this.
I’m actually scared to live,
and I’m actually scared to die.
I’m tired. I am screaming inside. I breakdown almost everyday and different time.
My depression and anxiety are my demons. I hear their voices, in the morning, afternoon, evening… they don’t seem to get tired at all.
Some people told me; “You need to be strong”, ” God will help you, just pray”, “Be positive”, ” There’s always a rainbow after the rain”, “You’ll get better soon”… It easier to say things like that but it doesn’t really help. It doesn’t work that way… It made me think, I had a bad life and they have a good one. They’re lucky.
My depression and anxiety have become a part of me for the past i dunno since i was nine? and until i die i have them with me… They’re my friend and my enemy.
In case your reading this, i don’t need someone to help me or to fix me, I just need people to stop breaking me.
Processing your request, Please wait....My mind is like a maze.
Trying to think positive, but always go to the negatives.
I need to escape this pain, this hurt, these thoughts.
”Kill yourself.”
“Cut yourself”
I’m in class, then boom…
It hits me, all of a sudden I want to die.
At night my thoughts races, for seconds, minutes, and hours.
They don’t stop until midnight.
Six hours until you have to wake up, yet you still can’t fall asleep.
You wake up to your alarm, wondering how you even fell asleep with your mind so active at night.
You then have to go to school just to do it all over again.
When will my mind stop?
Processing your request, Please wait....Smile that looks innocent and happy
Its so pretty..
So pretty..
So i save it
Wondering when will I smile like that
So pretty
So happy..
I just realize this when I see my gallery full of people smiling
How I admire that smile
How i love the idol
Processing your request, Please wait....penetrated
the seeping carcass uncoagulated leaks a guilty mother’s tears
she supervised the wound and dressed it with alchemists dreams
non believing a golden retrieving
in the light of death it looks like lead.
tearing the wound, a universe of indignity,
a sharp phallus years in the reckoning
intestines twisting in the father’s fist
the loving hand shakes with indignant malignance,
kisses on the crown for the slave to his denial and love
in the light of death it looks like hate.
ravished by rage, smashed against a wall, place your delicate baby back into its crib
whisper into its ear,
i fed you,
but you were never anything to me
i played with you,
in more ways than you will ever know
i clothed you after i took them off,
and look, the cloth is made of gold.
Processing your request, Please wait....Hey. What’s up. I’m James. I have had a long period of suicidal issues. It started with loneliness, then the cutting, then saying ohhh I’m gonna do it. But as I grow older the loneliness part went completely away. I have so many people in my life constantly but I just don’t care. They just use me as a means of pleasure. Damned if you do damned if you don’t type situation. Yeah its how it is. How do I deal with it. Chemicals. Just some weed. It helps a ton but then it doesn’t because I can’t use it forever. Or maybe I could but I just can’t figure it out. I constantly tried to find an escape. Make the abuse of being used stop. Make my job stop. Make the payments stop. Make the rent. Stop. This is what would make me happy. Others not profiting on me. I have dreamed of finding a large boat and filling it with food and farms and all the stuff that I enjoy. Probably a pinball machine. And just sailing away. Of course I would build these things and never make anyone else do it. anyways Then I would be alone and nobody could ever bother me again. I could just sit and work for myself and my needs like food and fishing and silly things I think are funny. I have had the privilege of doing so much. And it made me worse. I don’t wanna be fancy. I don’t wanna be exclusive. And I don’t want sex. I would like to rest. A very deep rest. I have never seen or heard of a situation that warrants so much effort. A nice thing takes a lot of work. And the work is so hard that if I didn’t have to do the work then I would gladly not have the thing because then I could just rest. I feel I have little energy left. My power levels are low. I feel that I am at the center of a crazy government abuse scheme. My wife was raped and they didn’t do anything. Her brother died very young. Her parents can’t get legal documents to work. My aunt killed herself. My family who is privileged wastes are their money on boats, pills, and houses. My parents work for a college in texas thats primary funding come from depression pill manufacturing. They say, oh you’ll get better, you’ll get disability, you need to try this because there is something wrong with you. Oh and I get a huge cut from youre insurance and pharmacy bills. Oh and all the rent goes to a guy thats just sitting next to you in the same type of apartment accept he gets you to pay for his space. Wait its his house on the hill now. Gets paid to tell the poor foreigner to fix your pipes. Yeah. great. Wish I could do that. not wait maybe. u fucking nazi. This is what I faced and this is what killed me if I died. Others. I don’t belive anyone has ever commited suicide. It was done to them. Well maybe out of guilt or something but thats hardly ever the case. And even then. Why would anyone hurt others if they werent hurt first. Whats to learn from this? The people who are looking have zero power to even control their own lives let alone all this. Yeah IDK. I personally love this site because it feels like. Oh you can tell the world is bleeding too? Cool at least we can talk. At least we can feel each other existing.
XJGH96
Processing your request, Please wait....Have you ever thought about doing something so unforgettable?
Something that you cannot fix after pulling the trigger.
This isn’t the kind of thing you can say “I’m sorry” afterwards because if you do it there won’t be nobody to say these words.
Well, what is it? You will have to figure it out since I can’t say those words out loud.
Sometimes I feel that my life is like a graveyard of buried hopes since that’s where all my dreams like to go.
It is getting harder to breath
Harder to sleep
Harder to think
Harder to live
It´s hard for me to explain how I feel but I guess that you would’ve realised by now that it’s no fun.
I feel I’m in conflict with everything
this is something I’ve been feeling a lot lately
I constantly feel out of place
and the things I create are the first to feel the consequences of that
I’m sorry
I wanted to make this happy
To give it a happy ending
but happiness its an unknown thing for me
I don’t know what else to say
I guess I don’t like to write anymore
I don’t like to draw
I don’t like to do any of the things I used to
but this has been happening for a while now
I feel like I am at war with myself
and I’m afraid to tell you that I’m not gonna win.
I am afraid of people finding out the way I feel right now
They would treat me like my dad
When my family found out I could see it in their eyes
All the judgment there was
Processing your request, Please wait....Spiritual health and wellbeing – relates to ideas, beliefs, values and ethics that arise in the mind and conscience of human beings. It includes concepts of hope, peace, a guiding sense of meaning or value and a reflection of a person’s place in the world eg. a sense of belonging.
I’m not spiritually healthy because I DON’T BELONG.
I don’t belong in this house. I don’t belong in this family. And most of all I don’t belong in this world. I don’t understand why I’m still here. I think my time was up a long time ago and I’m just sitting and waiting for that day to finally come. I can’t take it anymore and I’ve been living like this for too long. I’m not even living. I’m just alive. How bad I wish I wasn’t alive though…
Processing your request, Please wait....I’m not the one to stare
I know whats coming when I hurt
I see it inside the ones who care and are on alert
But I love the ones who have no care
If I try to break this cycle
will my heart and soul remain?
will I still suffer forever in vain?
or will my heart enter a new recital ?
If I conclude my life with fresh air
if the bell strikes at once, who is left sincere?
if I try it again will it become clear ?
or will the best moment be if I dare
Processing your request, Please wait....The meaning of you still here and breathing
Means you are stronger than you think
With all your problems
With all your mental disorder
With all the scar on your wrist or body
But you still breathing
Means you are stronger than you think
We are not weak
Maybe we cry more than people out there
We are not weak
Maybe we try to kill ourself hundred times more than people out there
We are not weak
And when all of this pass
You will believe that you never lose
Its just our way
Our different way
To win
Processing your request, Please wait....
This is a historical photo of a woman who jumped to her death from a tall building onto the roof of a limousine.
It’s funny how everything about it is contrary to what one would expect –
it’s the scene of a suicide, and it’s beautiful.
She looks so elegant, grasping at her pearl necklace, and the limo roof looks voluptuous, like it’s billowing around her. One almost wouldn’t imagine she was just smashed to death on it.
Then there’s the morbid face of a man in the distance trying to catch a glimpse of her corpse, luxuriously sprawled on the gleaming death bed.
He is me, maybe you, anyone really; his is the face of the writhing masses.
He is still alive, but that against his better judgement.
One almost couldn’t blame her for wanting to leave his world, it’s so dull, so unaesthetic.
So unlike her death.
Processing your request, Please wait....I can’t tell if my life is falling apart, or if it’s falling into place.
Processing your request, Please wait....I know I’m not alone. There are many people in my life who love me and I hold them dear to me. They always make it clear that they are here for me, but why do I not feel it? Why do I still feel so lonely at times. Laying in my bed staring at the ceiling. 11:59 p.m. on a school night. Darkness fills the empty silence in my room. Do they not feel the way I do at this very moment? Laying here with this empty feeling and no motivation to even move in the slightest. My mind can’t even race because it doesn’t want to. I just lay here. Empty. I muster up the ability to look at my phone. Everyone that says they are here, aren’t online. I send multiple “hey”s in an attempt to feel something from even a simple reply. Minutes pass. 12:17 a.m. I lay with my phone face down. On vibrate so it’s not too loud but not to quiet in case a miracle happens. 12:23 a.m. Buzz buzz. Hope. Flipping the phone over I see a message from one of my closest friends. “can’t talk right now, busy” it reads. Simple, yet defeating. I feel my entire body relax again. The tenseness I did not recognize until after my hopes were revealed to be for nothing. I want to say that I need help, but if everyone is too busy? Sleep for them is important, but why does no one care about sleep for me. I close my eyes and lay there for what feels like forever. 1:56 a.m. Sleep finally hits my tired body, only to be woken up at 6:00 a.m. Most left me on read or apologized because they were asleep. That’s fine. I wish I could, though. Something so simple, taken. I go to a school and work hard, only to find out I had 2 papers due and a packet of review work for some of my classes. I get a 0% on these assignments, but never an, “Are you okay?” I sit at lunch in silence. An apple comes flying backwards and hits my milk, knocking it all over me. He turns around and says a simple but empty apology claiming it was an accident. That’s it. The final push to me breaking down for the first time today. I begin crying and run off to clean up. 12:13 p.m. I come back to many harsh, expected words from the table next to mine. “Crying over spilled milk?” None of them know that I spent last night cutting up my leg while sobbing in the shower. None of them know that I couldn’t get sleep nor receive help. Defeated, yet unsurprisingly predictable. At the end of the day, I toss my backpack on the floor of my bedroom and feel tears coming down my cheeks. I lay back on my bed once more, feeling empty and meaningless. I drift off and dream of a world where I am happy and someone is always checking up on me to make sure I’m okay. Maybe one day I’ll have that. I continue to hope. Unnoticed. I am not alone in life, for I am just lonely.
Processing your request, Please wait....We all constantly search for things in life that make us happy. Something or someone to bring us genuine joy. I search for that out of so many people. I see the potential and possibilities that lay deep within them waiting to come out. I want to see the best in people and help them as best as I can. When I reach out to receive the same help that I give, however, it’s pushed away. My mental health is too much for people and no one wants to keep trying for me the way I try for others. I search so hard for that light, but often find myself lost only seeing glances of small rays that quickly disappear. When will it end?
Processing your request, Please wait....I am abused. I’m in an abusive relationship with my boyfriend.
Every day, I get abused by him. Not just physically, mentally too. It’s gotten worse recently… He used to call me fat, he used to call me ugly. But now it has gotten so bad that. He will scream at me, begging me to kill myself. He tells me constantly that I’m disgusting, that nobody wants me (not even him), that I’m worthless, a disappointment, I’m an unwanted, shitty person and that I’m a complete waste of space. On top of all this, my boyfriend started physically abusing me about a year ago. He used to just give me a few scratches that would gradually heal, but that soon became deep, painful cuts and scratches on almost every part of my body. Sometimes when he gets mad or frustrated with me, he will punch or slap me, usually to my face. Most frightening out of everything, he has tried to kill me on multiple occasions now. He forced pain killers down my throat for about a week, every night more and more, until he gave up on that. He then tried but slitting my wrists a few nights and my throat once. A few nights ago, my boyfriend tried to kill me again, he found some serious prescribed drugs and they were close to working. He was going to try shoving the rest of the packet down my throat the next night but I threw them away. Although he hasn’t succeeded, I’m afraid he will one day as he reminds me almost everything night that he wishes to, screaming “I want you to die!”. I just know he wants me dead more than anything now…
This story is true but has been changed in one way. There is no boyfriend. So where you see “he” or “my boyfriend”, replace it with “I”. Now the story is true…
I am abused. I’m in an abusive relationship with MYSELF.
Depression and anxiety puts people in situations where they are in what can be described as an abusive relationship with themselves. Abuse is never okay, no matter who it’s by.
Processing your request, Please wait....People look at us like a pitiful person
Sometimes they call us crazy
Then they laughing at us
Make a joke of our pain
When we cry
We cant tell anyone
Cause we are afraid of how their eyes change
The way they look at us will change
We make war with our mind
We want to give our soul away
And we stuck there
With a plain look
And feel bored
How we ended up here
And how we cant get out
Anymore
Who to blame
Probably ourself
Take me home
For us expecially myself with depression
Processing your request, Please wait....