So if you see me walk down the hallway and you want to ask me if I’m okay…
While you refuse to believe me when I whisper yes…
Just know that I’m thinking about how you’d react if I told you I wanted to die.
You wouldn’t want to help me then.
That’s a promise.
“You got an 86% on your final exam” is what my dad texted me this morning. I can tell from the text that he’ll call me to his office, grill me about how stupid I and the rest of the infantile population is, then proceed to tell me how SHE’s doing everything better. How SHE’s going to have the best grades in the grade. How SHE’s going to get the governor’s medal in 12th grade because SHE’s organized, SHE’ s a hard worker, and SHE doesn’t settle for under 95%. But I do, he’ll say. I’m settling and failing and letting myself fail, he’ll say.
I …
I want to die so bad. I just don’t get how others can wait for a tomorrow? Or how they have something that they’re working towards. I don’t have anything. I’m only 17 but I feel so lost and life’s being a *****. I’m so scared. I was going to end my life today. I decided on going for a walk. To get my head clear. I know I’m not ready to attempt cause I’m scared of failing.
Every time I let myself feel anything I get fucked over. Every relationship I’ve been in before my current one I’ve been cheated on. Now my current SO is talking to and hanging out with a girl who up until 2 weeks ago was sending him nudes (We’ve been dating longer than 2 weeks, it was going on well we were dating). I want to trust him I really fucking do, but when every single time you’ve trusted in the past you’ve gotten hurt its so hard. Its getting harder and harder to feel anything. I am so numb. Being numb is better than getting …
I’m so fucking alone. One can’t just spout “I wished I was dead” to others. This is my first post here, it’s a bit ramble-y.
I don’t know what to do anymore. The suicidal impulses got better with medication, but I can’t move on and work and live my life like a normal person. Almost every day I hope to die.
I lived multiple suicide attempts, but I feel like I didn’t deserve to survive. I can’t support myself- why should I live? I feel like a disgrace of an adult. I only got a few years to get better, before my brain decides to quit trying. …
I don’t really know why but recently I’ve noticed that I don’t eat as much as I used to, whenever I was having an especially bad day I’d usually eat more then normal. I was recently put on some medication (2 weeks ago) so I thought maybe that could be the reason but I noticed that I started eating less over a month ago so that can’t be it. I used to weigh 114lbs and now I’m down to 105lbs and people keep commenting on my weight but it makes me really uncomfortable. It’s gotten to the point where I had to force myself to …
I thought that I’d already been in hell since late 2011. Extreme isolation, becoming mostly a shut-in, losing the last few contacts I had one at a time. Not working, not in school. Giving up on myself and gaining weight. Hardly getting any sunlight. But it became the new normal, entertain myself as best I could, listen to podcasts and watch streams to try to emulate some form of human interaction, and just deal with it.
In April I ended up in the ER. Thought I had an infection or something. I was having trouble in the bathroom. I’m 31 years old. My bladder hasn’t worked …
So I want to die. Like honestly. I’m so done with everything. Mom’s banning me from watching Criminal Minds (Because it’s “corrupting my mind”) and my parents took all the locks off my doors and I really just want to cut. I’m tired of living here and I’m already sick of summer break. Goddddd. Just frustrated.
I can’t figure out my gender either. Like I thought I was agender but then what if I’m FTM trans? I dunno. I’m just realizing this now too. It’s not something I ever knew from a young age. Is that even possible? Also, can you be FTM trans without bottom …
I haven’t posted here for ages, the last time I was having the worst time of my life (so far). Due to certain circumstances, I was so suicidal back then, but I feel like I’m there once again. I’m 18 years old now, and I feel like my life is a shambles, something that’s just destined to fail.
I’ve become so self-loathing, just looking at myself in the mirror makes me feel such shame and like I want to end it all, there’s not much I can do to change my body. My voice is too high and annoying, I’ve developed spots and scars on my …
I’ve sat here, countless days, haven’t left the house, haven’t DONE anything, I have no purpose, nobody is willing to hear my cries, even my best friend, whom I thought was exactly like me cant see anything wrong. Im leaving to go to Japan in 12 days, and after that, when I get back, Im going to go see her and then, then Im done. Im done not having a reason to live, im done being hurt by everyone, im done with my deadbeat family who always bash on me. there is no way that im going to sit here and let this happen. so, …
I have been struggling with bipolar disorder since I was twelve years old
I can’t count on my fingers and toes how many times I’ve self-harmed, attempted suicide and been hospitalized.
Lately my thoughts of suicide have grown much more frequent for the first time in years.
I thought with age, these feelings would decrease or maybe even diminish but alas, here I am.
Everyday is a struggle to combat the “voices in my head”.
I wish I weren’t so logical as to combat these thoughts.
I’m exhausted. I just want to sleep forever.
If you let me fall in love with you like I want to, I’d do anything for you. I mostly want to massage you, eat you out, give you the best food and drink, and remember the smallest things about your personality.
I’d even help you enact a painless and undetectable suicide, if you were completely sure that’s what you wanted. It’s your right and I would never assert otherwise. I would bury your secret and cover it with a nonplussed veneer. I signed up for the whole woman with all her flaws and self-doubt, just so I could find joy in giving. Obviously I’d rather …
I dont want to talk about it.
I wake up every day with this gnawing feeling. I try to push it away, but it gets worse.
It doesn’t stop. This feeling.
It hurts. It stings. All the heartache, the stress…it gets to you.
But all I ask, is that you understand.
Its deep depths of darkness, and loneliness. Like a boulder of weight always on your back. Slowly hurting you.
It doesn’t stop unless you make it.
When you die you cease to exist, so why fight if when your dead it ll all not exist.
Some took the leap. I really do envy them.
Please just understand that I’m not trying to be …
Everything has become meaningless. Today I tried to get out and apply for jobs but I can’t even do that. I got so lucky my friend gave me a place to stay for free till the end of June but then I’m homeless. I don’t have motivation to keep breathing. I don’t know why my body even keeps going. I am stuck not wanting to exist. I can’t choose between life and death. I come here to try to find courage to off myself. I try really hard to find it. I’ve been depressed for years now. I have no family that I talk to …
I’ve been going on and off this site for the past 4 years as a way of letting out everything I’m not able to say to others. However I think I’m reaching the point of no return where what I’m feeling is something I cannot describe. Whenever I felt like things were about to overflow, I just wrote it down and allowed myself to calm down a little. However for the last week I’ve been feeling very uneasy on that regard, unable to explain what I feel.
Summer breaks from college are the worst since people are no longer “forced” to see me almost daily, so …
i’m a fucking loser and i want to die. my mom makes me go to the church but i fucking hate that place. i’m so sad and i hope a meteor fall on me.
xx, tearsgirl.
So far I’ve been chasing myself and trying to keep distracted. I’m failing.
My health is failing. I feel nauseous and wonky. I act as though everything is fine and my life is faultless.
My heart is racing in my chest. My arms are weak and my eyes burn to the back of my skull. I am restless and yet empty.
I’m failing. I just can’t see myself carrying on like this.
I’m so tired of being tired. I would like death to come and embrace me now but I am in too much pain to go and seek it.
Damn chronic illness. Why me? I would not wish this …
I have Tourette’s Syndrome; OCD; light Autism; chronic and crippling depression, anxiety, and various medical differences/flaws/disorders. My Tourette’s- or tics, as they are often called-. manifest themselves mostly in my mind. With the exception of a few verbal tics, and a plethora of motor/physical tics, I can hide the urges and pain which plagues and afflicts me at my every waking moment. My wife and the rest of my immediate family are all well aware of my suffering; they, unfortunately, however, realize or wish to realize the full extent to which I am truly in pain. The only spans of consciousness wherein I draw pleasure …
I don’t like the feeling that I’ve lost. I’m overweight and it’s not easy finding a method for me. Not interested in a failed attempt and excuse me if all I talk about is wanting death because I never thought I’d turn out like this. I look at my few immediate family members, with a small hole in my heart by not wanting to be here. My body aches, my head aches, I have to work, no close friend’s anymore; it hurts to look my mother in the face because I know she wants the best for me, success in all but I know I …
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