Rants

the weird moments of me almost bursting into tears are happening again, i feel like someone is choking me. i wish this feeling would kill me. im in pain most of the day, i feel like im abusing my ibuprofen. i wonder how my liver is doing.

whats wrong with me this time? more loneliness? get over it you stupid little ****! people have it worse than me, people don’t have a loving brother either, hell, even family and friends. boo fucking hoo. im the most selfish person i’ve ever fucking met. there’s things like diseases, wars, and death happening in this world, and im focusing […]

Hi. I’m not sure how much longer I’m gonna be here. I feel like I cant even breathe anymore. The noise won’t stop, both around me and in my head. I feel like *insert method here* so fucking bad right now. Though I don’t know why that way specifically. Never thought I’d go that way. But I might. I can’t handle this anymore. They don’t listen and they don’t care. I don’t see any point in being alive right now. This is so repetitive. They all probably find me obnoxious. I don’t even know what to say. I’ve been trying to look for methods for […]

I’m pretty sure I’ll never have the balls to end me, even though I wish I did. I don’t see a way out. Life is just constant disappointment and suffering, and the main problem is that I’m a disappointment and an overall waste of oxygen. I can’t even remember the last time I had been happy, and I don’t see any chance to be going on; I only wake up in the morning to go to work, since it’s the only thing I don’t completely suck at, then I get home and stare at the ceiling. I just wish I had the courage to end […]

why have things been getting worse? they were looking up just a handful of weeks ago, i feel dreadful. i haven’t hyperventilated this much since i was in grade school, and i’m always on the brink of tears each hour of the day.

i don’t mean anything to anyone, how could i let my guard down and be tricked like that? i feel so dumb, so stupid! i don’t have anyone i could talk to, not even crisis people can help me. no one wants to be around me.

no one takes me seriously anymore when i say i’m sad, im sure as hell everyone thinks i’m […]

ive been having these thoughts for a while now, (probably 1-3ish years. i know i should get help. please just. i don’t care. listen to me) and i have acted on them a few times. i feel stupid because my life is probably good compared to others’ (kinda hard to judge when youre biased) and i think im faking having depression though ive hidden it. why would i fake it if no one else cares or knows?
but either way ive tried to act on those thoughts but i never went through. im too much of a coward to tell others, or to […]

why is it so hard now that im older? joining things like random chats dull the loneliness for only a short bit, and im sure its going to be more tough once im back in school.

no one really talks to me nowadays, unless its about art i owe them. ive made up so many characters in my mind, things that make me feel cared for.. but only for a while. im not insane, i know they’re not real. i know they dont care about me. even with calls with my friends, i usually end up just quiet because i dont want to interrupt anyone else […]

Why do people feel the need to gaslight me.? My call went kinda bad. I mean lucky for them, I didn’t say any of the things, that I spend up all night thinking about. The man gives me a fucking existential crisis and says “I don’t know, why you’re upset about that”. Excuse me, maybe I get overwhelmed sometimes, but that doesn’t mean, you can treat me, like I’m making shit up on the go. The back-and-forth energy at this activity is playing with my mentality. I need somewhere quiet and for once uncomplicated.