Rants

2

I’m useless

  February 15th, 2019 by lany

Every time someone lends me something I’ll lose it. Every time someone asks me to look after something for them it becomes missing. Every time someone asks me to do something I forget.

All these people put their trust on me yet I continue to disappoint them. Why am I so useless? It’s like I can never do anything right and I always mess up and then people just loses their trust on me. Why the fuck is it always me I really don’t get it. I always tell myself to do shit properly yet it never turns out right. I just wish people don’t rely …

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4

Love Yourself

  February 15th, 2019 by vwbeatles

Alone on Valentine’s Day again, as it has been my whole life. I wish I knew how to love myself, but it’s so hard. Most of the reason I feel suicidal is because I feel unloved. I know it’s just a feeling, an illusion. I have people all around me. But I can only focus on the ones who abandon and ignore me. It’s so much easier to feel pain than gratitude. I don’t think I’ll ever be happy.

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0

Exhausted

  February 11th, 2019 by Dreary-elf

Today was my birthday…

I honestly wanted to cry the whole time I was with my dad because yet again, he forgot about my birthday.

I do so much for him and I just feel like he doesn’t appreciate the things I do for him… It’s been hard for both of us because we aren’t close as we used to.

I shouldn’t feel down because I had friends and other family members sticking around saying ‘happy birthday’

I’m just glad I made it into another year… I just need to keep pushing myself and not give up like last time

Also, I wanna thank the person I adore…

Thank you for being there and …

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2

Toxic Sludge

  February 8th, 2019 by vwbeatles

I think I’ve reached my breaking point when it comes to forming relationships with people. My head feels so heavy, like thick black concrete forming a toxic sludge. No matter how much people tell me they care about me I can’t help but not feel that care. I can’t help but feel that they like someone else better, that I’ll alway be second best. I can’t help but think I will just die alone. I knew that if I were to just die today only my family would cry. And of course, I love my family. I am grateful for them. But there is something …

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1

Death beckons

  February 8th, 2019 by Sanarisonordic

As I sit here, listening to Bohemian Rhapsody, my cold hands trying to remember the placement of letters on the keyboard– I contemplate death.

I want it to end. For too long I have sustained this shell without hope, happiness and peace. It’s hard-living. I am what people in my country would call comfortably-off. I have a job that I hate. It’s going nowhere. My ambition to live up to my potential isn’t going to work. I can feel it. And I hate it. But to be fair, I hate most things. I hate people, I hate the way they are petty and jealous, greedy, dishonest.

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5

Sixty More Years Alone

  February 4th, 2019 by LiquidHuman

I promised someone I wouldn’t kill myself.
I was a beautifully poetic moment and all. He gave me some good points as to why I shouldn’t off myself. I might have cried a little. We both got closer to each other because of it. And maybe it does make me feel a little better about myself. But looking back in it, I kinda wish I didn’t make that promise. Because now I have to commit to staying alive.
The truth is, I’d rather not be here. I rather not slog through this earth any longer than I have to. Not too long ago I looked up the …

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1

Opening the last door

  February 4th, 2019 by Nothing92

This post is to serve as my introduction to the Suicide Project as well as a kind of flippant virtual testament.

Had I been told one year before that I would be deeply suicidal and humbled beyond all conceivable limits, I would have laughed.

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4

Long rant,

  January 21st, 2019 by c-ta

It’s been exactly a year now since I last posted to this website, which is sort of weird. I like the format of it, so I desperately looked for it and finally found it!

For some BG information (if it’s helpful I guess lol ig it helps me!), I’m 16 (17 in April) and FTM but not at all out to most people close to me in my life, especially including close family. I have a history of self-harming since I was about 12 years old, and my parents became aware of it 1-2 years ago. I have stopped as of now but have relapsed a …

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1

  January 18th, 2019 by Mac-10toSchool

I didnt have a father figure growing up. I had a Dad, but he wasnt a father. He was more interested in womanizing and food. My mother was a lot like the people here; very sad all the time, hurt herself a lot, wanted to die.

I’m my own responsibility, and I understand that. At the same time, I wonder how this effected the way I turned out?

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5

Lonely Existance

  January 16th, 2019 by GerbzBaby

Even at the age of 21 I can’t find people who like me. I’m unlikeable and I guess I need to accept that. I’ve only found one person who understands me, understands my mental issues and I believe he hates me. I feel like I lost him after what I said. I had to tell him the truth so he wouldn’t get the wrong idea. I just ended up hurting him. I feel like I’ll never find someone like that who understands me again. Not even my closest friend does. But I believe he hates me as well. Oh well.. time to walk down the …

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2

Aiming

  January 13th, 2019 by heartlessviking

Posts like this, about my deep philosophic issues seem to appeal to a tight and not particularly responsive audience. Which is why it comes out here and not somewhere else, when I write about my issues here it is just that I need to write out the thing. If I get some sort of feedback I value it, but feedback isn’t expected, if that makes sense.

Which brings back to the point that I’ve never fully internalized the idea of myself as a person and not a very complex and temperamental machine. I don’t mean my identity because that is external to my mind and perhaps …

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2

What is the point?

  January 10th, 2019 by quantum

What really is the meaning of life? I cost my parents a bunch of money and feel like a burden on them. I have 2 friends that actually seem to care about me. My work is dropping me. If I end it, i will no longer have to feel this way. People will be sad, but I won’t have to think about it when I’m dead. Therapy doesn’t seem to do anything for me.

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4

Ungrateful Brat

  January 9th, 2019 by nonexistingsoul

So here I am, 3am and still awake. I’m stuck with our group project which is to make an animated commercial. Tomorrow’s the deadline. We would’ve finished this last week if only they followed the deadlines. I always do well on my part since this is the only thing I’m good at. And there’s this ungrateful groupmate I have who complained why I’m giving her work. Oh f*ck her please. I don’t like freeloaders. If she’s on my team, she needs to know her responsibilities. F*cking ***** telling me I’m the one who’s at fault here but I’m fully aware that I didn’t do anything …

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8

i don’t want this life

  January 4th, 2019 by viola

paperwork. paperwork. paperwork.

life’s full of it and that’s absolute bullshit.

i just want to sleep forever and not have to work.

i absolutely hate being in groupwork, but sadly, life says that if you don’t want to collaborate, you’re not going to do well in life – you’ll be a failure. Your life will be miserable.

i don’t want…to carry the expectations of people and i sure as hell don’t want to disappoint them. which is hard, especially in my school.

teachers say it’s okay to fail but what if you fail the expectations of your groupmates? your classmates? your friends? and then they’ll all go grumpy and …

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0

Mockery

  December 31st, 2018 by namrahellz

I’m being mocked. I swear, it’s like she’s mocking me. I’d much rather tell my friends, but all I ever do is vent, rant, and bring them into my issues. I feel like a burden, and I know that it’s hard for them to find words in order to respond and help me. I’m full of issues. This time, it’s because of racism and I’m not too sure if I really should tell them because they are all the same race, I’m the only one who is different. I knew that there’d be a term test, but I missed it because of family issues, but …

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13

Options

  December 30th, 2018 by Mac-10toSchool

Suicide is always an option for me. Here’s what I mean.

Let’s say I lose my Car Keys. When I go through my head to assess my options, my options will look like:

1. Trace your steps

2. Replace the keys

3. Kill yourself.

It’s always there for some reason, in my list of options when I’m trying to solve problems. Isnt that ridiculous!? Even when I’m not depressed it’s like that.suicide

I would say I’m only mildly depressed right now, and that I’ve been working hard to make progress. I have made progress, lots of it. But it’s still there, like this annoying little whisper. I keep having to remind myself that …

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2

Still thinking about dying

  December 30th, 2018 by SuicidalThoughtsButRefuseToKillMyself

And I am not even drinking alcohol anymore,

For how long will I live in this mind and body,

a slave to a genetic structure I am not allowed,

to destroy I tried once with the original intention to die but I panic I took the wrong sleeping pills or I didn’t take enough sleeping pills, damnit there is no one in this world willing to kill me not even myself.

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5

She…

  December 28th, 2018 by strawberrycrown

She is supposed to be my cousin – family. She is supposed to be my best friend, my soulmate, the person that makes me smile and the person I can never stay mad at. But I’ve lost her. I would say I lost her yesterday but really I have been slowly losing her for a long time. Every argument starts with me calling her out on something, her getting mad and saying I always cause problems, then I apologise very well, she says it is not enough anymore because it always happens and is always “my fault”. I always am the one t say sorry …

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8

Happiness

  December 27th, 2018 by SuicidalThoughtsButRefuseToKillMyself

How shall one be happy if one doesn’t know how to be happy in this world when you’re own existence is nothing but a joke to others you have my information just kill me please I won’t be able to deal with my own problems when all I think about from time to die is suicide.

happiness is something that I don’t feel kill me someone out there you know how to find me just kill me for those who know how to bypass the system and bring me a peacefully and painless death.

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0

Rip My Fucking Heart Out

  December 18th, 2018 by NO_REMORSE

And take away these feelings. Make me cold and numb. Let me wash away this life, let it have never existed, for i am not worthy of these opportunities i have. Paint my skies black and rip my existence from ever being here. Life is a fucking travesty. I feel like i am trapped, tied up. Unable to free myself, from myself. I am tied down by strings, toyed with by the puppet master which is life. Given the opportunity to see everything i ever wanted, just out of my own reach. Life you confusing old *****, let me have what my heart longs for, …

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