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Lost

by the99cut
written by the99cut

Between the line of fear and blame you begin to wonder why you came…

A lyrics from The Fray, How to save a life.

I’ve been bullied when i was in grade school and it was the scariest thing a little girl have to go through.

Highschool was a lot of fun, except things from family starts to jump out.

I started to appreciate the songs Perfect and Welcome to my life by Simple Plan… Its really the lyrics that made me close to the music. It embrace me to bed.

Boulevard of broken dreams by Green day came in my playlist, That’s when i realize my friends don’t understand me.

Now im in college and life fcks me up so damn much that it made me numb…

I’m depressed since i was a kid, when i was sixteen suicide thoughts came right in… now im twenty, i feel exhausted. Breathing is getting harder that i think it can choke me. Anxiety attacks are much worst cause my heart palpitates rapidly and it kinda hurt.

I hate everyone. They made me like this. but sometimes i think, maybe i made myself into this.

I’m actually scared to live,

and I’m actually scared to die.

I’m tired. I am screaming inside. I breakdown almost everyday and different time.

My depression and anxiety are my demons. I hear their voices, in the morning, afternoon, evening… they don’t seem to get tired at all.

Some people told me; “You need to be strong”, ” God will help you, just pray”, “Be positive”, ” There’s always a rainbow after the rain”, “You’ll get better soon”… It easier to say things like that but it doesn’t really help. It doesn’t work that way… It made me think, I had a bad life and they have a good one. They’re lucky.

My depression and anxiety have become a part of me for the past i dunno since i was nine? and until i die i have them with me… They’re my friend and my enemy.

In case your reading this, i don’t need someone to help me or to fix me, I just need people to stop breaking me.

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GeneralI Will SurviveSuicidal Survivors

My Story…

by imtryinghere
written by imtryinghere

Everyone says …

”you’re not trying hard enough.”

”you want attention.”

”you want a reaction.”

”you don’t really want to die.”

But, no one knows what goes on in my mind. No one knows anything about me, they all just assume. They assume I can get better, but when you have this thing inside of you telling you that you should just die, it gets hard to even get yourself to try things to get better. I have tried many things. Went to therapy for a year and a half about, and come to find out my therapist told me she could do anything else for me. I’ve been in and out of the hospital 6 times, and one time I was impatient for 6 days. I went outpatient for 11 days. Only one the weekdays, the weekends I was at home. I was on medication for about a year, my mood never got anywhere just been really low. I stopped my meds this past summer, everything seemed fine. I had a job, I finally got a phone, I had a boyfriend, I had a best friend and her and I would hang out almost daily. I played soccer, that kept me really busy. Then August hit and everything started going downhill. I didn’t have my boyfriend, my best friend and I got into a fight. That affected me, but it really started to affect me once school started. I would see her everywhere, before school, in the halls, she is in one of my classes, she is even in my lunch, I mean I don’t even go to lunch because I have no friends in my lunch. I started to get really depressed once school started. I would cry in the bathroom for 10-15 minutes. About 3 weeks ago is when I have fallen into this really deep, dark hole. I don’t even know how to get out of it anymore besides suicide. I have attempted many times before, but I have always stopped myself because I would get really bad anxiety attacks, and I guess I couldn’t pull it off. Now I don’t know if I even have the courage to do it. People do know about my depression, so I’m not going through it totally alone. Even though some days I really do feels alone. Even when I have people. I have people at school check up on me, my teachers even know about me. I mean that was from last year though. It’s my senior year, and some teachers know about my self-harm and depression, but they really don’t talk to me about it, which is good. Because if they talked to me about it, I’d be in tears. There would be so many tears. I don’t really bother to hide it anymore, it takes too much energy to fake that smile and those laughs. If you are still reading this, good for you. Someone is actually interested in my life, and my story. Congratulations reading it this far, and congratulations for making this far into your life. I am here to share my story, and to spread positivity. I may want to die and see no future for myself, but I can still help others want to live. This is my story. This is what I am here for. Is to help others. I hope your situation will get better! Stay strong lovelies. I love you all.

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GeneralI Will SurviveStories of Hope

I’m still alive…

by Snowy
written by Snowy

I’m still here, found some friends who have been making my life better which has helped. Husband and I lost the house, we got some money back from it. And are now living with his parents. I’ve spent some of the money unbeknownst to him and now after 9 years (celebrated our 9th on Sep 27th) I am planning on leaving him. I wanted to know if ya’ll have any suggestions on what i should do before dropping this bomb on him that im walking away. Things have gotten good then bad and now worst, he is always angry at me and is now playfully smacking me in the face. He says its “playful” but i think he is just testing boundaries to see what he can do. He has no issues telling me how worthless i am and how much of a pardon my french but, c**t i am. And how no one other than him could love me because of how i am. I am going to slowly work on getting my precious stuff out of the place we are staying. Like my Nino’s flag he got when he died since he was in the service and my pets ashes. I am worried this will go badly so I plan on telling his mom first so she can be around when this goes down. I am serious this time and am looking at an apartment Friday. I couldn’t have done this without the friend i mentioned earlier. She is so amazing and i am so lucky she fell in my life the way she did. I feel like i acutally deserve to be happy for once and i know that wont happen with him. Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks for reading Snowy! <3 <3

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Chronic PainFamily & Friends EffectsGeneralI Will SurviveMy Suicide NotePoetry & ArtRantsStories of HopeStories of LossSuicidal Survivors

The Highlife Lowlife

by XJGH96
written by XJGH96

Hey. What’s up. I’m James. I have had a long period of suicidal issues. It started with loneliness, then the cutting, then saying ohhh I’m gonna do it. But as I grow older the loneliness part went completely away. I have so many people in my life constantly but I just don’t care. They just use me as a means of pleasure. Damned if you do damned if you don’t type situation. Yeah its how it is. How do I deal with it. Chemicals. Just some weed. It helps a ton but then it doesn’t because I can’t use it forever. Or maybe I could but I just can’t figure it out. I constantly tried to find an escape. Make the abuse of being used stop. Make my job stop. Make the payments stop. Make the rent. Stop. This is what would make me happy. Others not profiting on me. I have dreamed of finding a large boat and filling it with food and farms and all the stuff that I enjoy. Probably a pinball machine. And just sailing away. Of course I would build these things and never make anyone else do it. anyways Then I would be alone and nobody could ever bother me again. I could just sit and work for myself and my needs like food and fishing and silly things I think are funny. I have had the privilege of doing so much. And it made me worse. I don’t wanna be fancy. I don’t wanna be exclusive. And I don’t want sex. I would like to rest. A very deep rest. I have never seen or heard of a situation that warrants so much effort. A nice thing takes a lot of work. And the work is so hard that if I didn’t have to do the work then I would gladly not have the thing because then I could just rest. I feel I have little energy left. My power levels are low. I feel that I am at the center of a crazy government abuse scheme. My wife was raped and they didn’t do anything. Her brother died very young. Her parents can’t get legal documents to work. My aunt killed herself. My family who is privileged wastes are their money on boats, pills, and houses. My parents work for a college in texas thats primary funding come from depression pill manufacturing. They say, oh you’ll get better, you’ll get disability, you need to try this because there is something wrong with you. Oh and I get a huge cut from youre insurance and pharmacy bills. Oh and all the rent goes to a guy thats just sitting next to you in the same type of apartment accept he gets you to pay for his space. Wait its his house on the hill now. Gets paid to tell the poor foreigner to fix your pipes. Yeah. great. Wish I could do that. not wait maybe. u fucking nazi. This is what I faced and this is what killed me if I died. Others. I don’t belive anyone has ever commited suicide. It was done to them. Well maybe out of guilt or something but thats hardly ever the case. And even then. Why would anyone hurt others if they werent hurt first. Whats to learn from this? The people who are looking have zero power to even control their own lives let alone all this. Yeah IDK. I personally love this site because it feels like. Oh you can tell the world is bleeding too? Cool at least we can talk. At least we can feel each other existing.

XJGH96

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I Will SurviveRants

On the verge

by still here2
written by still here2

If I am writing here right now, I guess it means I have come to a breaking point. I just can’t take this crap so I will get it off my chest. Second, sorry for my English, it’s just too bad.

I have been trying to beat all this crap for 15 years already. 15 years of sadness and tiredness with some anger. But during the last month, something has changed. All I feel is pure blind anger because there is no way out of this.

You can get the picture. Ignored, alone, everyone treats you like shit, no money, more and more tired, more and more depressed, insomnia… Yes, grow the fuck up, do something for yourself, that’s what everyone tells you. Well, I fucking did it for 15 years:

-Eat healthy, do sports. I do. I am actually in a good physical form. I guess I would be in a worse situation if I didn’t.

-Get some help. Turned to my friends, told them there is stuff they don’t know, that I would like to get something out of my chest. They went radio silent since then. So much for humanity.

-Get some professional help. Went to the doctor. Told her my situation, that I needed psychological assistance. Her solution? Vitamins! BTW I live in a banana republic as you can guess by now.

-Be hopeful. “Bad situations don’t last forever”. I was hopeful, but not anymore, things have gone worse and worse.

I was grown up alone with a depressing lonely family. Beat up at school. Raped systematically by a sick person. I have never been an unstable person, or toxic, or rude, I helped people whenever I could. But obviously with such a childhood I am extremely serious and boring, which is a barrier in every single encounter in my life.

Now, I have no money, I have a huge debt (somebody sold me a faulty thing and the State made gave me a huge fine), and a shitty job in which with in this mental condition I will be fired sooner than later. Next stop: the streets.

I read in blogs about depression about all this shit about being optimistic, cherish the positive stuff, take vacations, have a healthy diet… Well, I could trick myself about the absent positive stuff, made it up just for my mind. But in this country you cannot take vacations. I cannot rest. The doctors won’t “give” me a temporal leave. No treatment. No nothing. Could at least give me a friend? Couldn’t at least give us a friend so we wouldn’t kill ourselves out of desperation?

I’m not thinking about killing myself, no way. But for the first time, I have just done something “bad”: out of anger and with nothing constructive so say, I am writing here to say how ridiculous it is to give advice like make more friends, be positive, take some rest, when it just can’t be done for some of us. Well, sometimes it is all problems in the same moment, and ending up in a situation so difficult where there is no possible solution.

I hate this fucking society. I wish we were in a time in which at least the common message by “thinkers”, politicians, celebrities and every dipshit around us told the truth: grow a pair, life is a shit, only the strong survive. But no. And this is what I hate most, they are selling us bullshit like equality, freedom, rights, solidarity, as if history was in a direction to some fucking utopia. The zeitgeist is a bad sad joke, a lie, to keep us all down, telling you are privileged and you can fix your situations because there are “bigger” problems. Telling us to trust all these liars because they are going to bring us a better society.

Well, now that I have said this, let me tell you something good, bad and real in the same time: life is a fucking shit. But it is all you have. Stick to it to the bitter end. And most of all, NEVER feel guilty.

 

Stay strong brothers and sisters.

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GeneralI Will SurviveMy Suicide NoteStories of HopeSuicidal Survivors

12 Suicidal Children

by Itscolourlife
written by Itscolourlife

https://kissasian.sh/Drama/12-Suicidal-Children

I want to share this with you guys
The story heal me for today
Such a good thriler mystery movie
JUST WATCH IT !

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GeneralI Will SurviveStories of Hope

Its finally happening

by fakingit
written by fakingit

I started my account here in 2012 I have been through a whirlwind of adventure. From countless suicide attempts I discovered a reason to stay alive. I definitely do struggle, I got severe post partum depression but that actually changed my life. It kicked me in the ass to get a job and I learned being a stay at home mom wasnt my thing and that’s okay. My fiance has abusive tendencies but honestly I do too and were working on them together. I have been the sole provider for nearly a year now my fiance can’t hold a job and money is my biggest stressor. His mom moved out of state to arizona and our lease is ending next month and we have nothing but .14 in savings he lost his most recent job. Its beyond frustrating but hes better in other ways and I remind myself that. Things are finally taking a dramatic turn. Come october 14th were packing all our belongings aside from essentials into storage and leaving for Arizona we plan on staying with his mom til were on our feet. I am over the moon. My life is simultaneously falling apart and coming together at the same time. My parents are so toxic it’s best we get away anyways. They relentlessly talk bad about my fiance tell me I’m better off without him and that I should stay home with them forever. I’m finally getting away and hopefully staying away.

My reminder to keep pushing forward things change things get better. I wouldnt get to experience this and all the amazing things that have happened it my attempts worked years ago. Hang in there y’all

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I Will Survive

by evianwatre
written by evianwatre

the sky is gray today.

i can hear the traffic outside, my mother preparing for lunch, the bugs that live in the walls, my dog tearing up his toy.

the wind is quiet today.

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GeneralI Will SurvivePoetry & ArtRantsStories of Hope

Not Alone, Still Lonely

by Sentara Lee
written by Sentara Lee

I know I’m not alone. There are many people in my life who love me and I hold them dear to me. They always make it clear that they are here for me, but why do I not feel it? Why do I still feel so lonely at times. Laying in my bed staring at the ceiling. 11:59 p.m. on a school night. Darkness fills the empty silence in my room. Do they not feel the way I do at this very moment? Laying here with this empty feeling and no motivation to even move in the slightest. My mind can’t even race because it doesn’t want to. I just lay here. Empty. I muster up the ability to look at my phone. Everyone that says they are here, aren’t online. I send multiple “hey”s in an attempt to feel something from even a simple reply. Minutes pass. 12:17 a.m. I lay with my phone face down. On vibrate so it’s not too loud but not to quiet in case a miracle happens. 12:23 a.m. Buzz buzz. Hope. Flipping the phone over I see a message from one of my closest friends. “can’t talk right now, busy” it reads. Simple, yet defeating. I feel my entire body relax again. The tenseness I did not recognize until after my hopes were revealed to be for nothing. I want to say that I need help, but if everyone is too busy? Sleep for them is important, but why does no one care about sleep for me. I close my eyes and lay there for what feels like forever. 1:56 a.m. Sleep finally hits my tired body, only to be woken up at 6:00 a.m. Most left me on read or apologized because they were asleep. That’s fine. I wish I could, though. Something so simple, taken. I go to a school and work hard, only to find out I had 2 papers due and a packet of review work for some of my classes. I get a 0% on these assignments, but never an, “Are you okay?” I sit at lunch in silence. An apple comes flying backwards and hits my milk, knocking it all over me. He turns around and says a simple but empty apology claiming it was an accident. That’s it. The final push to me breaking down for the first time today. I begin crying and run off to clean up. 12:13 p.m. I come back to many harsh, expected words from the table next to mine. “Crying over spilled milk?” None of them know that I spent last night cutting up my leg while sobbing in the shower. None of them know that I couldn’t get sleep nor receive help. Defeated, yet unsurprisingly predictable. At the end of the day, I toss my backpack on the floor of my bedroom and feel tears coming down my cheeks. I lay back on my bed once more, feeling empty and meaningless. I drift off and dream of a world where I am happy and someone is always checking up on me to make sure I’m okay. Maybe one day I’ll have that. I continue to hope. Unnoticed. I am not alone in life, for I am just lonely.

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GeneralI Will SurviveRantsStories of Hope

Endurance

by insignificant02
written by insignificant02

Four years later, I am here; thankful that I didn’t give up, that i didnt end it when i thought that was my only option. I reread some of my posts and i remember vividly what that time was like but to anyone reading, to anyone searching for a sliver of hope to hold on to: this is for you. An overused cliche line i used to hate is “it gets better”, I always thought it was just a stupid expression, a common courtesy. But it does truly get better, it wont be easy and it wont be fast; it takes time – sometimes even four years (i should know) but holding on is so so worth it. See for yourself. Don’t end it.

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Family & Friends EffectsGeneralI Will SurviveMy Suicide NoteStories of Hope

He is too sweet…

by Itscolourlife
written by Itscolourlife

So I just got home today after I didnt go home last night

Too much.. my head cant contain it
I dont want to go home
Then he come to save me
I cry in his shoulder and he pat my head gently
I go to his place and it took 1 hour to arrive
He try booking another room
But we ended sleeping in the same room
He said he usually playing game and sleep on the floor
I know he was lying
He fall asleep and often wake up to change his position
So I told him to sleep beside me on the bed
The bed is big for 2 of us
When he fall asleep deeper.. my depression go deeper too
I cant breath properly and want to vomit..
With that condition.. sleeping is a hard thing to do
After pondering.. i decided to hold his pinkie
I feel calm and my nausea slightly gone
He wake up again and realize i hold his hand
He hold my hand and i feel warm inside
But not long he let my hand go
I feel sad..
In the morning.. he touch my hand and finger again
I pretend to sleep and close my eyes
I like it cause it makes me calm
I like his hand its big and warm
Even tho actually my hand is warmer cause i have a little bit fever
And his hand a little bit sweaty too
I find it funny and adoreable

He tell me to sleep again and again and again
And i said i cant sleep again and again and again
That moment he watch my wrist and see the cut
He ask me “your habit recurred again.. when you did this?”
I hid my hand and tell him it was long ago
But he know its recent
He touch my cut
He said that he dont want me to be like that
“If you need me.. just contact me.. i know i cant always be there.. but at least you know that this person always support you”
But i cant reply
I really dont know how to love you properly
I dont want ended hurting you or hurting myself
Im scared..

Around 10 am i take a bath
Then he take a bath after me
I wear his navy green tshirt back to the bed
Then we watch drama together about he who is love company robot and her who is fall in love with the robot
He tell me that she is crazy
But i think she is not.. love is freedom at least its the only one you can choose by yourself
After that he watch his drama and sit beside me on the floor
I hold his hand again and trying to sleep on the bed
He pat my head again… gently…

When I open my eyes
He told me “hey you fall asleep”
And i said “how? Im not.. i can hear the drama sound and i feel like im thinking and only close my eyes”
He reply “but you snore and you sleep for 45 mins”
I dont believe it but its a good news
Maybe its because he hold my hand and pat my head..
When he want to go buy food for our lunch
I dont want to let his hand go
“Just a little bit more..” I said
He giggle and said you are too adorable
He tell me to smile more
He tell me that i look pretty even without make up
He tell me that i look cute even yesterday when my face looks pale and pouting
He tell me his feelings wont change even tho im sick and have depression
He tell me he will go meet me everyday even tho im crazy and cant recognize him
Thank you for liking every side of me even the bad one.. really bad one

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Chronic PainGeneralI Will SurviveRants

This is definitely hell.

by johnwhogivesashit
written by johnwhogivesashit

So I left and took the car my mom and me co-own but that she made most of the payments on. I went and stayed with a couple of druggies that offered to let me crash for a while but not before I took 666 dollars out of the joint account I had with my parents and bought a bar of gold using my dad’s Amazon store card to makeup for the shit he broke and refused to pay for. The druggies let me crash on their floor with a mattress from Monday to Thursday when they robbed me. I went down to the basement storage to get the mattress for the night and they took the keys I left on the table and in those 5 minutes they went in my car and took like 500 bucks cash. It was locked like I did every time I left the car. The next day after I accused them they were awfully unperturbed about the accusation. I went out to hustle up some money selling crack and that’s when I found out that the one guy who had just pawned his tv for 125 bucks who I had driven to the pawn shop spent a 100 dollar bill with the heroin dealer and there was no way he should have had that much money as he had spent at least half on the crack we were going to hustle and even if he had sold all his crack he wouldn’t have had a 100 bucks because he had just spent 50 the night before on heroin. So I went back to the apartment at about 4 and accused em again of stealing my money and said I know you been spending 100 dollar bills you shouldn’t have. He says fuck you get the fuck out now and I was like not without my money and my stuff. He grabs a 2by4 with a nail sticking out of it and swings it at me hitting me in the side. That pissed me off and I tackled him to the floor and grabbed the 2by4 and started beating him in the head with it as I laid on top of him saying “fuck you piece of shit”. How dare you invite me into your house knowing I’m homeless and down on my luck and then fucking Rob me when I been buying groceries and getting everyone in the house high. Stuggled a bit and then ran out the door cause he was shouting to the neighbors to call the cops. Fled the house with the dealer that was waiting out in my car as I was just supposed to be stopping back for my Camelback water backpack. Drove off and went to a park and checked out the brusies on my forehead and side where he hit me with the 2by4. Had the dealer punch me good and hard in the side to make the bruise look better after deciding I better go the cops to try and get back in there for the rest of my stuff including my tv. lost the bar of gold and my bag of dope in the fight. It fell out my top pocket. Went to the cops and they went over there to see what was up and if I could be escorted to get my stuff. the guy and his woman had all my stuff piled up on porch except for my dope, my weed vape, and my bar of gold. They had a good story for the cops I’m sure so the cops couldn’t do anything about the 500 bucks they robbed or the 5 gram bar of gold. conflicting stories and my word against 2 of them making up bullshit so nobody went to jail including me. Left and used 50 bucks I had in the bank to buy some dope and then went back to my parents house cause I knew they should have left for Michigan for my cousin’s wedding by that point.nobody was home. Took another 500 bucks out of the joint account…went to the casino and won a couple hundred bucks playing poker. Went back again on Saturday and lost it all except for 240 bucks. Spent last 100 on dope and then went back on Sunday to try and win back money playing poker. Lost again after getting up couple 100 when called all in on the wrong bet. regreted it as soon as I did it. guy had trip 8s and called my all in on my 2 pair of Kings and 8s. Went back to the house broke and with no options left. Decided to kill myself this morning. took the rest of my heroin 4/5 of a gram and busted it down to powder. Took it all in a bunch bunch of lines one after the other and downed a quarte a 1/5 of vodka, half a 5th of gin and 4 Tylenol to potentiate the heroin. didn’t fucking work. Passed out for 4 hours and woke up with a gasp. I just can’t fucking die. before doing all that I wrote notes and mailed one to my ex who I’m not supposed to contact explaining that I’m dead and I just can’t live without her. I guess I really am in hell cause I just can’t fucking die. why do I keep living with all these huge doses of drugs? I guess 5 failed attempts makes me the worlds biggest loser. I might as well resign myself to living at this point.

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Family & Friends EffectsGeneralI Will SurviveMy Suicide Note

I fancy you

by Itscolourlife
written by Itscolourlife

What is this feeling?
Maybe I fancy you

When you try to search me when im disappear
When you insist to call me when i jail myself
When you try to make me laugh
When you wonder what happen
When you ask if i cry
When you tell your story
When you always hear my story
When you always there

If i keep this as a secret
Until that time come
Will you still be there for me
Will you still fancy me

What should i do
I started to like your voice
Again

It doesnt matter who like who first
Right?

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Family & Friends EffectsFun & InterestingGeneralI Will SurviveStories of Hope

New Beginnings

by lonewolf23
written by lonewolf23

I’m done. I’ve had enough of Arizona. This place is literally my own personal version of hell on earth. I was born in AZ but it doesn’t mean I have to love it. My skin hates it so much. Triple digit temperatures all week are no fun when you gotta walk 15miles just to get to work. The careless peeps who run my side of town won’t build or expand public transportation in many neglected areas out here. I have a car now but I remember when I didn’t have one and arriving to work smelling like shit from sweating on my way there. Besides the weather, I have nothing but painful memories here. I hate seeing certain places that remind of bad memories. I guess I can thank my broken family for that. I’m abandoning them and unfortunately I can’t tell them where I’m going because I don’t want them to follow. There’s a few that I will miss so much but I know if I tell them where I’ll be going then they’ll just pass the word around to the rest. I’m doing this for me and hopefully for my future children if I ever get the opportunity to have some of my own. I’ll be moving to New Mexico. I don’t have much to lose. All I need is me and my car. Obviously it would be wise to secure a job over there first as well as an apartment. I’m not that naive to think I can just get up and go without any roadblocks. This is why I will be preparing for 1 year. I’ve done my research on communities and the environment over there. I’m well aware that I will be needing a new driver’s license as well. I can go on and on about how much I’ve thought this through just to prove that I have in fact researched enough. But my decision has been made.

Everything I own can fit in my small car so theres one less roadblock most people face when moving. The minimum wage may be lower over there but so is their housing prices. $9 an hour will be their minimum wage starting next year. Found many studio apartments for $500-$700. That’s an easy price to pay in my opinion. A little over a weeks worth of work and I have enough to rent a studio apartment already with the income tax rate in between 1.7% – 4.9%. In comparison to Arizona’s 2.59% – 4.54%. And many decent apartments out here cost a lot more between the ranges of $775-$950. People say that’s cheap in comparison to other places but if I can go cheaper without sacrificing safety and quality then WHY NOT?! And yes there are cheaper apartments out here that only charge $500 per month but those are the ones located in areas populated with gangbangers, drunk college students and crackheads as well as prostitutes. I’m sure this happens in every state but the key is knowing which areas to stay away from. Anyways I’m absolutely certain that I will love New Mexico. I’m tired of being trapped in Arizona aka satans fiery asshole. This place is getting too crowded anyway with the high rates of population growth every year here. And the natural formations out there look beautiful….at least based on what I can see from the pictures. I’ll be going out for walks, hikes more often once I get out there.

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I Will SurviveStories of Hope

It doesn’t get easier- you get better.

by ThisIsNoDemocracy
written by ThisIsNoDemocracy

As I sit here alone tonight, this website came into my mind for the first time in almost 2 years. It almost feels sad that I still remembered my old login so easily.

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Coping SkillsI Will Survive

praying

by uonlyhaveurself
written by uonlyhaveurself

All I am doing is praying that I don’t fuck up my next relationship. I’m only two weeks shy of 21 but my past relationships have made me exhausted. I’m starting to not believe in love anymore. I want to get married and have children with the right person but I don’t know how to stop investing in the wrong people

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Coping SkillsFamily & Friends EffectsGeneralI Will SurviveStories of HopeStories of Loss

Underweight and Underappreciated

by luna is sad
written by luna is sad

When I was born, I had less weight on me then I was supposed to, and don’t get me wrong I understand other people went through this too. I also understand that people go through being teased and being taunted about their weight throughout their lives. But I want to help you understand what it’s like to be black and underweight. I am currently 13 years old, and I weigh 73 pounds. The average for a thirteen year old (f) is 82-137 pounds. Now I feel like you can believe what you want to believe when it comes to normalcy to 13 teen year old (f) weight, but when we go by how light/heavy “we” are supposed to be I am obviously underweight. Below there will be a list of all the things weight has done to me in middle school, if you wouldn’t like to see that then SKIP to the next BOLD title. (warning: they’re all stories/paragraphs)

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I Will SurviveMy Suicide NoteSuicidal Survivors

My Story With Suicide

by catastroph.e_101
written by catastroph.e_101

Hi guys, my name is Bianca and this is a story of my struggles with anxiety, depression, bipolar, anorexia, and then SUICIDE. when i was 6 my parents abandoned me at the doorstep of a strangers house. The last thing they said to me was that they hated me… That i was a mistake… that i was a disappointment… then they drove away. the people  who owned the house saw and heard the whole thing and took me inside. I lived with them for 3 weeks then the put me in the hands of social services to find me a forever home. I stopped eating, i never talked, i couldn’t smile or laugh. because of that i was put in a mental hospital to see if they could cure me. I started cutting at the age of 9… i had already given up on life. i attempted suicide for the first time when i was 11,and then twice when i was 13.  it hurt so much… i wanted to die so badly but i kept getting found. i am now 14 and cutting but i can talk now and i am undergoing therapy and counselling. i have been in 24 foster homes and am still moving but i have stayed in one place now for 5 months (its the longest i have stayed in one place) and i hope that this one is the last one.this is a perfect description of what it feels likethis is so truei would choose pill 2 and pill 8pill 2 and pill 8

my arm but with 3x as much now

3x more now

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Family & Friends EffectsGeneralI Will SurviveRants

I’m not okay.

by _lifesucks
written by _lifesucks

I’m 12 a year old girl. Four years ago my parents split and a year later, my mom died. I was left with my father, who’s addicted to smoking and drinking and has a girlfriend who’s half his age. I get migraines and mental breakdowns a lot, and everyone thinks I’m fine at school because I get good grades and I’m pretty nice and funny. I will not tell anybody about this without being anonymous, especially a therapist, because when my parents were divorcing, the court ordered that I had to go to therapy or something. I’d been through 4 therapists before my dad decided to force me to go to group therapy, which was uncomfortable and I missed a lot of school because of it. Nobody knows about this, and my dad’s girlfriend is actually afraid to talk to me because she’s only with my dad because he spoils her (and doesn’t really give a shit about me) and she thinks I’m like him. I don’t really know but I think I might have depression and I can’t tell anyone. At this point I just want to die. Literally the only things that keep me going are my friends and (lmao) my crush…

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