I Will Survive

I did this, you can too.

4

Social Anxiety is an asshole

  August 13th, 2018 by sansfranzdeput

The title makes the theme pretty clear: I have buttloads of Social Anxiety, and it is a living Hell dealing with, ignoring, or confronting it on a daily, and sometimes, hourly basis. I have battled against it my whole memorable life, and I’ve had it up to here- *raises hand to tippy top of head* -with all the bullshit.

I had an amazing day today/yesterday, but all I can think about, all the thoughts I can conjure and obsess over are, “what if I fucked it up? What if the people I talked to and had coffee with in that wonderful, cozy cafe think I am …

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1

It gets better

  August 12th, 2018 by unicornsandrainbows

I am writing this hoping that it will touch someone going through a hard time. I have struggled with chronic depression for a little over 10 years now. From self-inflicting harm to suicide attempts, I have had my fair share of ups and downs.

I also suffer from fibromyalgia, and those who can relate know how terrible it is. For a long time I would come home from work and/or school crying because I was in so much pain all the time. My grades were being affected, my social life was being affected, and more importantly my mental state was being affected. I finally decided to …

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3

I feel hopeful

  August 11th, 2018 by NotSoSuicidalNoMoe

I started taking this drug my psychologists prescribed me. I was initially very hesitant to try it since she said my skin could fall off ? (though the chances of it happening were very low –and if I saw any rashes in my skin to immediately go to the ER and it would not get to that point). But I had a horrible episode a few days ago. I spoke with my boyfriend, Eric, about it. I told him how I felt and why I wasn’t so open with him. I told him that I didn’t want to stress him out or to see him …

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4

Seeing If Things Get Better

  August 8th, 2018 by anon72

I’ll stay for another day and see if things get better.  Even though it’s cliche and seems like a lie that things will get better.

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9

I Guess Im Still here…

  August 5th, 2018 by NobodyKnowsorCares

Dear,
Anyone who reads this, and my last one,(post)

Well im a little ashamed of telling it, but maybe I could share my story with someone who may be wanting to do it.. maybe help them in some way.

Anyways, yesterday night I was basically trying to drive up north and hang myself yada yada,(short story)
I already had a pre made noose out of some strong rope, so I was all set on doing it that night.
(I left around 1 am)

Anyway, around half way to the spot I had chosen,
I got a little hungry,
(3:30am )
And I looked in maps and where I was trying to go …

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9

Is it not my time?

  July 30th, 2018 by WanderingDreamer91

Is it not my time?

 

I was actually planning on dying today… or SOME Monday, hopefully when no one is around (which they are right now, but maybe that won’t actually matter…), but… I’m really scared…

 

Why am I so indecisive and cowardly? T_T Why can’t I make up my mind with stuff…?

 

I don’t want to work anymore, I hate work… so exhausting and I hate the people…

 

I want a future and a girlfriend…

 

And not to share my methods or anything, but I kind of want to talk about how thorough I would be with some of my plans, …

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4

just a little more

  July 29th, 2018 by 3333330000055599669

i’ve been suicidal since i was 14, maybe 13, but my memory before my first attempt is blurry. i’m almost eighteen now.

i didn’t intend on making it this far, at all. i didn’t intend on living this long – ever getting a job – making it to my senior year of HS.

but, if you’re like me. it’s probably important to remember something my friend said to me.

“you shouldn’t deem yourself a failure whenever you fall down again, you’re still going, you’re still strong. Your illnesses aren’t you. You’re you; and that’s what matters.”

just a little more, okay?

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2

Hope

  July 26th, 2018 by dsemfodi

Hi! I’m new here. I’ve been very curious on the Smooth Passages that was in a book called My Heart and Other Black Holes and it led me to this website.

I think my depression all started 2 years ago. You may be thinking, I was so strong that I’m still alive up to this time. Well I tried. I’ve kept myself busy but the pain only deepens. I never told anyone about this. I may have given them signs yet nobody cares. The first year was very hard for me. I keep having insomnias at night and then this black shadow overcomes me and …

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2

After 5 years .. I am back again at suicide project !

  July 24th, 2018 by jano.19

The Last time I posted was FIVE years ago ..

I never though I’d ever come back .!

Yet here I am

I guess we never really change !

no matter how hard we try to change ourselves deep down we will always be the same .

I fought hard .. and I’m still fighting .. I’m not really willing to surrender not before not now not ever

yet still my inner self , my flaws , my weaknesses.. are catching up with me ..

spend the last five years in what I developed to br a stable life .. it is actually to most people it’s what they want .

I got …

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0

Fine… Im Fine

  July 23rd, 2018 by razorwrists

Sometimes I just feel down and sometimes I feel as if im being held down by something so big I cant breathe It casts a shadow over me I cant quite tell how big but its big enough to cover my mind its so dark I struggle to smile people think they know but there just as lost as me they offer advice but it passes by my head like a breeze not a small breeze its like the breathe of the shadow it inhales and I feel blank then it exhales and still nothing happens im at a stand still but I don’t know …

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5

What do you do when you can’t feel anything? Just emptiness, numbness… I can’t do anything.  I’m suicidal. Ive tried so many times. I tried to get better. I stopped taking antidepressants for 2 months now. I didn’t want to depend on it anymore.

4

Milestones

  July 13th, 2018 by lynndo

On July 14th, 2000, I survived being born.

On April 5th, 2003, I survived my first surgery.

In Spring 2009, I survived my entire grade hating me because of a rumour.

On February 8th, 2010, I survived my first suicide attempt.

On September 14, 2014, I survived my first day of high school.

On February 15, 2018, I survived my first break-up.

On May 23, 2018, I survived being knocked unconscious in the middle of a lake.

On July 11, 2018, I survived a severe inhalation of muratic acid.

If I can survive all that, what’s stopping me from going one more day?

3

Going for the blind shot

  June 29th, 2018 by Urm8451n

There are financial problems incoming, that occur due to my mom’s chemotherapy.

There are new negative interview results coming for me.   There is the rich dad out there doing nothing to help me.

My so “used to be”  best friends are at this moment over the beach having fun with my ex girlfriend.

I have nothing at this moment to support me,  there is nothing at this moment to assure my future.

There is just that blind shot of succeeding this bachelor degree in Electrical and computer engineering.

I’m in my second year, and I’m the youngest student.  Even tho my age, it is impossible to find others who …

2

I wanted to share with you that I’m not doing well

  June 28th, 2018 by Urm8451n

I wanted to tell you that I’m broken inside.  I wanted to cry but I didn’t  succeed to.  I should’ve shown you that I have feelings too.  Explaining my life to you or anyone else was too hard for me to do.

I haven’t tried to be a stranger, I just didn’t want to acknowledge I’m a victim.

I always took a step back from you or others, because that is my way to dodge the hits.  I wish you could’ve seen it through my shades. I hope I’ll find someone like you along my ways.

I’m alone, but I’m not cracking up anymore.

I’m sad, but this time …

1

Procitaj me/read me

  June 21st, 2018 by life aint worth livin if you got no love

All right, this is the end of the road, what you have been looking for all along. I know you wanna read this, so lets get started. This is both my last note and last letter. Reason it has come to this is what you have done to me. I’m sorry for ever meeting you in the first place and happy I am leaving a world where “people” like you exist. I have decided to end this once and for all. Why did you do it, that night? Why? What did I do to you to deserve this? After almost a year of my life …

9

Me

  June 20th, 2018 by Killjoyinhell

I haven’t been feeling ok lately there’s a lot going on and I’ve been feeling very horrible about myself I’ve been doing very good at not self harming though and I’m a bit proud of myself

2

Hopeless

  June 19th, 2018 by unreaLily

I’m so fucking alone. One can’t just spout “I wished I was dead” to others. This is my first post here, it’s a bit ramble-y.

I don’t know what to do anymore. The suicidal impulses got better with medication, but I can’t move on and work and live my life like a normal person. Almost every day I hope to die.

I lived multiple suicide attempts, but I feel like I didn’t deserve to survive. I can’t support myself- why should I live? I feel like a disgrace of an adult. I only got a few years to get better, before my brain decides to quit trying. …

4

I’m going to win this

  June 19th, 2018 by Urm8451n

2018 , never thought I would get so far.

Just when doors are being shut, when knifes appear stabbed in my back, and everyone expect me to give up, I’m going to do the opposite.

I’m planning on winning this harsh times.

I’m screaming it out lout :
I will not give up.

I will not break DOWN.

I WILL GO THROUGH THIS

I WILL GROW THROUGH THIS.

Nothing will break me, because I’m choosing to win.

I’m in control here, and no disease, or financial problems, or tests, or other bad things, will scare me. I’m here to f**king win.

Stay strong,
Be brave.

Jac.

2

Not Even the half of it

  June 13th, 2018 by Lorilove1

This is what dealing with my anxiety looked like all through high school. And being bullied didn’t help my situation at all , I use to hide in my closet for hours with my headphones blasting My favorite music on repeat until each attack went away. I would cry myself to sleep wondering why I am the way I am. I wanted to commit suicide plenty of times ,  by cutting my wrist and watching myself bleed out. Thinking no one will miss me so why not , one period of time that really stuck out was  My freshman year of high school …

11

The noise won’t leave

  June 8th, 2018 by sansfranzdeput

I have Tourette’s Syndrome; OCD; light Autism; chronic and crippling depression, anxiety, and various medical differences/flaws/disorders. My Tourette’s- or tics, as they are often called-. manifest themselves mostly in my mind. With the exception of a few verbal tics, and a plethora of motor/physical tics, I can hide the urges and pain which plagues and afflicts me at my every waking moment. My wife and the rest of my immediate family are all well aware of my suffering; they, unfortunately, however, realize or wish to realize the full extent to which I am truly in pain. The only spans of consciousness wherein I draw pleasure …