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I Will Survive

I did this, you can too.

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If you could…

by WolfieDepressionWorld
written by WolfieDepressionWorld

If you could restart, would you?

 

I have a debate with the voices in my head on this question. The reason I’m still alive is because I know I’ll be missed. I don’t know why they would miss me on some days. I find myself useless. But sometimes I think about how I am a survivor of all the bad times and all the times I wanted to hurt. I am a survivor to all the times I wanted it to end, of the times I was assaulted. I still stayed, and yes I look around and think to myself all the ways I could stop. Stop time, stop living.

 

So….If you could restart, would you?

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Chronic PainGeneralI Will Survive

I wanted to leave this prison of a world more than anything

by Thorium 232
written by Thorium 232

This isn’t a story about how I almost killed myself, but it certainly paved the way for me to experience suicidal thoughts in the future. The fall semester of 2019 for me was by far the most stressful and demoralizing period of my entire academic life up to date. If there was one good thing to come out of it, it’s that I discovered I’ve been dealing with depression and other mental issues for many years now. Never the less, this particular semester caused me to reach my breaking point where I just felt like I wasn’t good enough, that I am completely worthless, that I’m not worth anyone’s time and effort, that I am a burden and a nuisance to everyone around me and that I deserve to be alone forever. One class, in particular, was the most stressful and demoralizing of the four that I was taking that semester because after completing several assignments and doing so well on them, it shattered what little confidence I had left in my ability to excel in two of my other classes. While I did manage to pass the class in the end, this one, in particular, caused me to want to leave this cruel and dark world forever. By that I mean that if I had spaceship capable of interstellar and intergalactic travel and I knew how to fly it, I would have taken it and left this world without hesitation and with no regrets. I felt that if I were to leave this planet no one would care of bat an eye and that would confirm my belief that this world isn’t worth living on anymore or that if people tried to convince me to stay I would tell them directly by saying “you failed to save me and it is far too late for you to try to save me now, but you know what, I have accepted that this world is cruel and I shall no longer be a part of it anymore”.

For a time I wanted this more than anything in the world, to just leave this cruel spec of a prison drifting through space, because if I can leave then I won’t feel small or insignificant. I even considered leaving a video recording that I would broadcast to the world explaining why I left this world and why I abandoned humanity as a whole, never to return. As well as mentioning that I doubt this video would even have any effect whatsoever on the world as a whole. It wasn’t until early January of 2020 this year that I realized how many people would have left behind if I could do so. It was then that I realized I would have left behind so many friends and family who loved me dearly and that I would have broken their hearts to learn that I had left this world completely with no intention of ever returning. This may not be my attempted suicide story, but it paved the way for the time that I would attempt to take my own life, so to anyone reading this that is dealing with suicidal thoughts, know that you are not alone in this world and that there are people who would miss you dearly if you were to die. I won’t lie, this world is cruel and I think the problem is that far to often we don’t pay enough attention to the light in this world and way pay too much attention to all of its dark aspects. Know that this world is worth living in and that there will always be people who will love and value you forever, even if it’s hard to see.

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I Will Survive

does it get better? i fucking hope so.

by c-note13
written by c-note13

i’m gonna swear a lot, bear with me. it’s 22:22. no one’s enjoying this lockdown. but i seem to like it. university’s shut down, i’m away from toxic people. i’m on my phone, laptop and ps4 for almost the whole fucking day. i’m an 18 y/o guy btw, but it’s super tough living with my family. maybe you’ve heard of a “conservative hindu” family, maybe you haven’t. i REALLY don’t like talking about my family to anyone. not even my closest friends know exactly what i’m going through. i have a strained relationship with my dad from 2011. fucker used to beat me a lot, even for the littlest of reasons. i’d always dread his arrival from the office to our house (“home”, my fucking ass). he wanted to instill fear in me and he did that pretty fucking well. i’m fucking 18, and i still hate his presence around the house. my mom, on the other hand, is an instigator. any opportunity she gets to put my reputation down with my dad, she’ll grab it. i distanced myself from them right from 2017, and it gets worse every fucking day. i know their movements so well by now, i can tell who’s approaching my room and when. sometimes, i hide in the washroom when my dad gets home so that i can avoid seeing him for a few minutes. i have a sibling, she’s only 8. perfect mind to brainwash for my parents. they want to make her the “ideal” indian girl; extremely religious, doesn’t talk back to elders etc. basically, they want her to be anyone but me. i’m not religious or political, and i’m going to stay away from it for all my life. my parents hate anyone who goes against their religious or political views. so much for “open-mindedness”. drinking/smoking is a HUGE no-no. although, i do both occasionally unbeknownst to them. on another note, i fucking hate my university life. never wanted to go back to my home country, but that was our “budget”. stuck there for 4 years till i get my degree. the people are so toxic and i can’t seem to get along with most of them. maybe it’s my fault for being too judgemental, oh well. uni life is supposed to be enjoyable. my uni is a highly reputed one but it’s extremely strict and super conservative. guys and girls together is a big no-no. drinking can get you suspended for 6 months. there are pda  (public display of affection) guards posted along the campus. ngl, that’s the creepiest job right fucking there. anyway, the dorms suck, food sucks, people are fucking rowdy-like. maybe i’m super fucking pessimistic. i have a small but tight group of friends back home (not gonna mention where). they’re fucking everything to me, even if they don’t know it. i’m really bad at expressing myself and putting my feelings out there. i’m kind of introverted, maybe? definitely not the kind who’d prefer a night of solitude over a party with close friends, but my social meter runs out really fast. but if i’m close to you, i’d fucking talk all night. oh, and about suicide? i’ve thought about it from when i was 15-16. how did it start? i really fucking don’t know. i never found any joy in living, like most of the people do?? hours and days would just pass and i would sit and wonder, what the fuck is MY purpose? you know, i dated this girl for 9 months in 2017-18, got dumped pretty bad, did NOT take it well. students, teachers etc. got to know, huge scene took place. if you (my ex) ever come across this, just know that i never meant to hurt you. my mom hated me for dating, as if i wasn’t “allowed” to have a crush and act on it. jesus fuck mom, i was just 16. from that point of time, my parents “lost trust” in me and i lost respect for them. the more i got to know about my parents’ attitude towards things, the more i felt disgusted. i get it, nobody’s perfect. took me a year to get over my ex. thought that was the “end of the world”. tried to kms by drinking clorox? resulted in tummy ache lmao. i thought of getting sleeping pills but never went forward with it. other methods seemed too painful. so i finally got over her, idk how. woke up one fine day and didn’t miss her anymore.this world works in mysterious ways. read a lot of inspirational and therapeutic articles on the web to clear my head. all i can say, stick to your friends, your closest ones. you’ll know who the right ones are. the vibe when you’re around them will just feel RIGHT. if you don’t feel the vibe, you don’t need that sort of negativity in your life. i’ve become better at choosing friends. i’ve started to love myself more. yes, i smoke and drink. doesn’t mean i’m a bad person. maybe i’m too selfish as i only care about myself these days, but hey, i never used to care about myself. i get somewhat abused mentally at my house (not getting in detail). i wanna go abroad for masters, probably UK or USA. my family doesn’t have that kinda money and that puts me down a lot. all my friends have gone abroad to pursue their field of interest. wish i had that kind of financial backup. plus my dad made it very clear that he won’t fund me if the fee is beyond his budget. hope i get some form of funding or scholarship lmaooo. do i hate my parents? not really, they’ve done a lot for me even though they act like complete fucking dicks all day. probably that’s the way they were brought up. i knew that my grandpa was abusive, i can see the marks on my dad’s hands. maybe my dad’s releasing all that anger on me? but i know one thing for sure. i want to start afresh. new country, new life. and i want to keep my current friends forever. let me put this out there, high school friends stick with you. in college, people are gonna fucking use you till they want and then dump you when you’re no longer of use to them. i really don’t know what i’m doing in life but i hope i make it somewhere. thanks for reading this really long rant. i will survive, you will survive, we all will survive.

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GeneralI Will Survive

Birds in flight

by EmbalmedHeart
written by EmbalmedHeart

Birds flying too low

from a bird’s eye view,

can you see them too?

The few,

the abused.
The broken the miserable
coming to you all on cue.

The lay of the land,

the eyes above the trees,

like tinfoil soldiers,

and the lions’ mane, the dandelion seeds.

The sandy waters of rivers with no name,

to you bastardous birds,

I guess life is just a game.

Omniscience must be a *****,

to see all this agony and become immune,

to the pain of others,
Even you above us apathetic,
I hope your soul can still be exhumed.

I hope you are not too far gone,

I think to say for all the shame and the horrific memories,

the clocks that mock as time stands still,

That scars aren’t forever,

that time will eventually heal,

that the past is doesn’t have to feel,

so surreal, so terrible, so awful,

so horrible, so horrific, That life calls for another

quick fix.

Even if they can see, and you wonder why they wouldn’t bother to save you or me,

all they can do is watch and observe,

and when you’re unsure,

there’s better ways to let it all blur,

become obscure,

and allow yourself to feel again pure.

Set yourself free.
please.

 

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Coping SkillsI Will SurviveRantsStories of Hope

Here Goes Nothing

by CARLOSPEJUAN
written by CARLOSPEJUAN

Just signed up for a class. I think it’s for me to be able to say I tried more than anything. Still schizophrenic still on disability, still kind of a loser at the moment. I’m trying to read more. My mom and I try to learn new words together. Things are pretty stable, but I really want to find my calling. I’m so frustrated with myself for not being more. I’m so frustrated that I am single, I’m so angry that I lost touch with beautiful people. I feel so sorry for myself. But, I’m working on it. I need to succeed. I need to get out of this rut. I suggest if you read this and you feel stuck, work on it. 🙂 I believe in you. Besides you’re gonna die anyways. Die Trying

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Only a bridge.

by EthxrealPoetry
written by EthxrealPoetry

Today, on this website, someone said that everyone is sad.

I fell on that person that was convinced that, after reading the rants of all the people here, that every person on this platform was sad, and that was why they were here.

I do not agree (but I understand their point of view and I respect it), simply because I am the proof that their theory is not true. I am here today, and even if I have my own problems, I am not sad, I am happy even.

And I am not here to rub that fact in everyone’s face. Each of us is different and here for their own reason and here is mine.

I am here to be a presence.

A shadow, a whisper, whatever you want me to be.

I am here to read raw and pure emotions, to feel them, to understand, to remind myself of my fight and the fights of each one of the people on the planet, some of them being there.

I am here for all the people on this platform to feel like someone is there.

The idea of someone watching and caring, understanding and not judging. Because I know from experience that sometimes, receving nothing, being forgotten, people not even giving a ounce of their attention (sometimes even people we care about), is one of the hurtful thing ever.

Feeling like nobody care, and being here, all alone, believing we are not enough.

I am here to be the someone of someone.

For people to feel like someone is being there.

Just a presence.

So, no. I am not sad, I am many things, positive and negative, but I am not sad.

And it is okay, for me and for you, to feel that way or to not feel that way.

Just remember (even if you want to snap at me for what I am going to say, and even if you don’t believe me, someday you will know what I am talking about.), that someone, is going to be, or is already, here. Caring and wondering about you. Even if it is not right now, someone will come, and I am only here to prove that.

Today, I am here, and tomorrow there will be your person.

I am only a bridge.

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On the Search for Meaning

by Sbilko
written by Sbilko

I found this person: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Viktor_Frankl

 

He specialized in the psychology of depression and suicide; his project managed that not even one more student (of the widespread student suicide in Vienna) commit it during that year. He wrote on the meaning of life and humanity’s attempts to answer the question:

 

https://www.amazon.com/Viktor-E.-Frankl/e/B000APVZJU?ref_=dbs_p_ebk_r00_abau_000000 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Unconscious_God
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man%27s_Search_for_Meaning

 

Surely this will prove invaluably useful!! I myself searched for meaning for 3 years; and I found that the question “What is the meaning of life?” to be faulty, but in the process I found the answer to all I need.

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Chronic PainCoping SkillsGeneralI Will SurviveStories of HopeSuicidal Survivors

Pour yourself a drink and get your shit together

by Bettyblossom
written by Bettyblossom

3 years ago, when I was 16, I was searching for a way out. Anything that would distract me from the gritty, overbearing teenage angst and depression that was engulfing me. I found this site. I would spend hours scrolling through the posts of strangers going through identical things to myself. It was a safe space for me. Because I had no one. In a toxic household with a toxic family, I’d dropped out of the school I’d started the year at. I started online school. Things were easier but I got to spend a lot more time in my head and my room and there came a point in which I stopped coming out. For days. And then weeks. And then months. And then a couple of years. On a different account, that I lost the password for, I posted a suicide note. And on my 17th birthday I took 20 pills. I stumbled into my house and my parents found out but I couldn’t throw them up. I recovered. At a price. I developed an anxiety so severe I couldn’t eat, it got to the point where i ate once a day, if that, and lost a shit ton of weight over the summer. After that, I felt like everyone wanted me. Boys looked at me more and I felt desired so I kept the weight off, plus it’s hard to gain weight back, i pushed forward, though on a path of self destruction. I whored myself, gave myself away for free, got drunk every night, I tore myself apart from the inside out. Ate myself alive. To try to shut my mind off. Then I got pregnant. With my abusive exes baby. I got an abortion. That did a great deal of emotional trauma. I got a new boyfriend. I’ve had him for almost a year now. I’ve had a few decent jobs, I began trying to live, because just getting out of bed and putting makeup on and talking to someone other than my computer screen was a huge step. My mind is still in a scary place, but I’m growing, I’m breathing, I’m meditating and evolving spiritually, Im slowly getting my shit together. If you’re reading this and relate to any of it, this is a sign. Pour yourself a drink, put your favorite outfit on, do your hair and pull your shit together. You’re a part of everything, and everything is a part of you.

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Coping SkillsFamily & Friends EffectsGeneralI Will SurviveRantsStories of HopeSuicidal Survivors

I decided. And I chose him

by Tryingtoholdon123
written by Tryingtoholdon123

If it wasn’t for my boyfriend idk where I would be at. I’m honestly so blessed to have him. as some people know that have read my rants and stuff I’ve been crying everyday for a couple of months and almost 2-5 times a day and just been hurting really bad and hating who I am and suicide was a heavy thought on my mind. But if it wasn’t for him I’m pretty sure I would be gone. He deals with my mental break downs and when I cry and when I get angry and when I’m numb. We do argue a lot but he sticks through all of it. I really appreciate him and need to give him more credit for dealing with me. I can be annoying and crazy and upsetting but he really goes through all of that and finds some way to tell me that he loves me. I love you J ?? Your the only reason I’m alive today and help me hold on to the little bit of love for life I have left and that little bit is you and my family. I know you probably won’t ever see this cause I’m never gonna show you these types of rants cause I’ll probably get a speech like your my father or yelled at lmao but thank you you are the best thing that happened to me. And I just want to let everyone know That’s reading this you will find someone that will stay with you for anything and even through the bad times at the end of the day They’ll still be able to tell you I love you. they may already be in your life or You may still be searching but they Are here and they are waiting for you I promise

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Chronic PainFamily & Friends EffectsGeneralI Will SurviveMy Suicide NotePoetry & ArtRantsStories of HopeStories of LossSuicidal Survivors

“Life is a gift! Live, laugh, love! You only live once (YOLO)! Thank God! Life is beautiful!” etc etc. Well, not really. Wake up and open your eyes to reality.

by niki
written by niki

Only those people who are lucky & fortunate in life who can loudly say that life is a gift. The reality is, not everyone is fortunate. In fact, most people on this planet live in pain & sufferings just barely enough to survive. And then, even if people live in the first-world developed countries like in U.S or Europe for example, there are ironically still people who are depressed, and even suicidal/commit suicide. If life is a gift, like most people nowadays keep saying, then why all those reality exist? The only answer I can think of is: it is human’s nature perhaps for (most) human beings to always want to keep surviving (the survival mechanism), and therefore, they need the optimism bias (especially the most prevalent today with all those motivational & self-help industry); even if it’s at the cost of ignorance (“Ignorance is bliss”), simple-mindedness, naivety, being oblivious, selfish, shallow, superficial, and lacking empathy (in deep way), and honestly speaking, stupidity.

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Coping SkillsGeneralI Will SurviveMy Suicide NoteRantsSuicidal Survivors

Decisions decisions……..

by Tryingtoholdon123
written by Tryingtoholdon123

This constant hate for myself has been getting overwhelming. Honestly suicide has started to become a huge option. I try to think positively of myself and about my life but I can’t and it’s really hard. I know there are peoples life’s worse than mine but I just don’t like myself and I always feel like I don’t deserve to live. I’ve been crying everyday of my life for the past couple of months non stop about 2-5 times a day. My body has become so weak and I always feel exhausted for all this crying but get 4 hours or less sleep a day. I think I’ve reached a breaking point where I can’t take it anymore and I can’t stand myself living anymore and I can’t go on like this. I don’t know what I should do but I know this hate for myself is never gonna stop now. It’s too deep. I don’t think I even liked me or truly loved myself and now it’s just turned to absolute hatred of who I am, what I am, what I look like, how I act, how I feel and where I am, and just everything about me I can’t stand anymore. I always feel like people’s life’s will be better if I was gone. I mean nobody has to worry about me anymore right? I’ll just be in a hole somewhere and everyone can just forget about me and everything will be better. That’s all I want anyway… just for everyone to forget I exist and maybe just to never exist cause I’m just always gonna be the piece of shit I am and nothing is ever gonna change. I don’t know how to what to live or strive anymore it’s so hard when you feel like this all the time and feel like your always peoples problem and nobody cares about you and you always annoy people and you always feel like people are saying bad things about you behind your back and always feel like people hate you or don’t like you. I just wanna be normal………

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Coping SkillsI Will SurviveRantsStories of Hope

Crying Everyday And So Confused

by Tryingtoholdon123
written by Tryingtoholdon123

So for a while now, probably a couple of months I’ve been crying every single day about something it could be the littlest thing but I just start crying and I just going to this episode of hating myself and wanting to just be alone and away from everything and everyone and then it turns into anger and then anybody who tries to help me I give a attitude to. And I do know that I’m clinically diagnosed with bipolar depression But for years it’s been under control and I’ve learned how to control it so much that years ago the Psychiatrist felt like I didn’t need any more medication and it was good for a while my emotions were pretty much under control and I had normal emotions. But that only lasted a while because I have been hiding my depression a lot but it’s never been this bad I’ve never cried every day of my life for months and almost like three or five times a day and it’s tiring and my head hurts and my body sore And I always feel like I’m tired or sick but it’s just because I’ve been crying so much and I don’t understand it I feel like I can’t even go outside anymore even though technically I really can’t because of the circumstances of the world right now but say we weren’t in quarantine and I had to go outside I probably wouldn’t because I’m scared that the smallest thing is going to hurt me or make me sad or anger me and then I’ll just go into an episode out in public and then hate myself even more than what I already do. I’m just confused on why this is happening and I want to change it because it’s taking a toll on my body And on my brain If you read this thank you have a good afternoon stay safe and wash your hands

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Coping SkillsFamily & Friends EffectsI Will SurviveRantsStories of Hope

I don’t know what to do please help I need advice

by Tryingtoholdon123
written by Tryingtoholdon123

Well I used this website before and honestly it’s a really helpful and supporting place and I’ve never experienced any type of hate being here so I decided to use it again and I thank the people on this website for being so nice to me when sharing my feelings really means a lot and would gladly do the same . I don’t even know how to put all that I’m feeling into proper words. I’ve been going through a lot in my own head. I constantly put myself down and I’m always saying that I hate myself. And the worse part is everything I say to myself I believe… I don’t like myself… I hate being who I am… I wish I didn’t exist or was never born cause I’m always constantly feeling like I make peoples life’s worse… I don’t know how to even talk to people anymore like a regular person. There was a time in life where I had to get hospitalized for my bipolar depression and for a while I was doing okay and but as time goes by I just hate myself more and more and I feel like it’s never going to stop. I always never really liked myself. Maybe as a kid but as I was growing up I got bullied a lot in elementary and middle school and a little bit in high school but not too much. All those moments just replay over and over again in my head and just remind me of why I hate myself and I just feel like giving up sometimes. I’m trying to change so I can’t feel this way anymore but due to the circumstances of the world right now it’s hard to change being stuck in the house all day which is basically what I did before and I was really depressed. There are some bright side to my life obviously I have a phone A roof over my head and a very supportive boyfriend Who helps me out with all these thoughts And I think God for these things that some people don’t have but we are all dealing with a different type of struggle no one’s life is ever perfect I was just really like some advice on how I could change the way I feel about myself because it’s come to a point where I don’t want people to be around me anymore and the only way to do that is to get rid of myself and I already tried it once and it failed And I didn’t even tell anyone and the only thing that stops me a boyfriend will be sad and so hurt if I did that to myself and he’s been trying to help me for so long so I’m trying to reach out to someone else to see if they could help me rethink myself So I can feel just a little better about myself Because I’ve been feeling this way for so long and it doesn’t only hurt me it hurts my boyfriend to see me like this knowing that he’s been trying to help me and it’s not working. Like I’ve never felt this type of hatred toward myself like it’s so different than anything I’ve ever felt before it’s like I just can’t stand myself and I just wanna feel a little better I doubt anyone would even read half of this but if you do thank you and I appreciate you reading a small part of my story I might upload a lot more on this website it helps me a lot after texting my feelings down about how I feel about myself it’s calmed me down from ballistic crying I hope everyone good night stay safe and Wash your hands

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Chronic PainFamily & Friends EffectsGeneralI Will SurviveMy Suicide NotePoetry & ArtRantsStories of HopeStories of LossSuicidal Survivors

Life sucks and then you die

by niki
written by niki

Some people are lucky; Some people are not.
The more you learn about this world and society, the more you will realize that Life is random (chances), and yes, Life is not fair. Reality is depressing.

Most people who still always keep saying that “if you work hard, you will be successful!” are naive, ignorant, and simple-minded typical “optimistic/positive/happy-go-lucky” people you always see everywhere. And even for those people who realized it and therefore said that what’s important is to “work smart”, it also usually often means to be sly, cunning, opportunistic bastards who are too often selfish, pricks, ruthless, cold, heartless, and only care about certain shallow things like money, profits, power, position. And sadly often for the vain reasons.

There are often far too many challenges, obstacles, and also bad people who lurk just around the dark corners to eat you up, use you, trick you, manipulate you, etc etc you just name it. That’s why usually the truly good people, and the genuinely smart, wise, and idealistic, visionary type of people who have truly great and noble ideas for the progress of the world are often crushed, and losing out to the selfish, vain bastards and pricks of the world and society that I’ve just mentioned above. No wonder there are many stressful, sad, depressed, and suicidal people all around the world/planet.

This world is a shithole. Humanity is sadly not that great. Life is often disappointing. Society is sick. Existence is (mostly) just a meaningless, stupid, and pointless pain and sufferings until you die.

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Coping SkillsGeneralI Will SurviveMy Suicide NoteStories of HopeStories of LossSuicidal Survivors

Soul Cancer

by cloud
written by cloud

yes, this shit is a soul cancer, depression is even worse than body cancer, it kills your soul , and once ur soul is dead, u are dead even if ur body keeps moving. and thats where we start thinking of commiting suicide cuz thats the only option we see, we are dead, so we want to kill the only thing left which is the body.

that bing said , i hope i dont reach that stage , am getting worse evveryday but am trying to fight back even tho i lose most of my battles vs depression, anxiety, overthinking and negativity .  i am having these shits since 2016. its been almost 4 years and i am dying slowly.  I AM SLOWLY GIVING UP. 

those motiviational videos in youtube, its all bulshits , yea full of shits , Fuk them and Fuk society.

i dunno if i am gonna make it out of this one day, Dont know, maybe… or maybe i will end up like other souls , killing that last thing alive.

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Family & Friends EffectsFun & InterestingGeneralI Will SurviveStories of HopeSuicidal Survivors

Feeling loved and Steven universe Future

by CARLOSPEJUAN
written by CARLOSPEJUAN

I now avoid this place because it kinda brings me moredown than the hope and light I feel I can bring to it. But I don’t know where else I can write this and keep it somewhat personal.
I feel like people love me. And that is good. I was so afraid people hated me and couldn’t stand me. I feared people wanted to kill me even. At some point the paranoia had taken over me, but it wasn’t true. I’m not a monster. I’m not evil. I’m not that horrible of a human being despite how I may have felt. There’s people who love me. My mother loves me. And I am doing ok. Thanks for life to have given me a second chance. If you’re reading this far and are planning on killing yourself don’t. Tommorow may be the day you overcome depression. And trust me, that will make life worth living. Hoping for a cure. Carlos out. No song today. Instead this video of how I kind of feel at the moment. Only difference is I don’t feel like a diamond, I feel inferior. But, I’m sure with time I’ll overcome that. I hope I can watch the full season of Steven universe future that show is awesome. My ex used to love it, now I know why. To bad he lives too far, I think I loved him without knowing. Kinda still would love to be straight. But that is another story. Carlos out

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i’m back and worse than before

by robin1244
written by robin1244

Hi guys,

Its been nearly two years since my last post and I’m in the process of therapy but its not helping me out the way I expected. Until 7 months ago I was physically and mentally abused for over 11 years and it has left it’s scares. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD and depression and I’ve learned to accept it. But the reason for my return is that I was about to attempt to kill myself again, but I used a technique I learned in therapy to stop my attempt. I thought of the last few attempts and I started crying, something that I never do as I’ve gotten used to pretending to look happy. I thought of this site and how people always helped me out and motivated me to stand up tall and continue with my life and today is one of those days. Consider this my cry for help.

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I Will SurviveStories of Hope

Perspective

by Hiccup
written by Hiccup

Looking back on what I’ve posted here a year to a year and a half ago, it’s so weird to me. As if I’m not the one who actually wrote those things. The negativity in those posts made me cringe, but I guess it can be good to vent sometimes. I’m in a better place now, though I still have my lows and struggle with insecurities. Despite this, I’d like to think things will turn out okay.

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