Chronic Pain

4

It’s only a matter of time!

August 15th, 2017by Moonlitwaters

I had a surgery back in November 2016 that’s left me in debilitating constant agonizing pain. I developed multiple hernias after a surgery I had back in June 2016. They were incisional hernias. They weren’t painful, but very uncomfortable. I decided to have elected surgery to repair them. I agreed for the surgeon to suture them and then use mesh to reinforce them, so they wouldn’t reoccur. Which was her recommendation. After I came out of surgery I was in agonizing pain and no amount of Narcotics that they gave me could take away the pain. I knew something had gone wrong during surgery, I …

Processing your request, Please wait....
5

I’m sorry.

August 13th, 2017by Eccedentesiastsoul

I’ve been fighting for so long and its time I surrender. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the perfect daughter. I’m sorry I wasn’t born a boy. I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment and I couldn’t be who you wanted me to be. I’m sorry i couldn’t open up about it. I’m sorry I was too weak to ask for help, I thought I would get over it like all my problems, just like you said. I didn’t want to cause more drama since you said I should “get over it and stop being a drama queen”. I’m sorry I wasn’t friends with who you wanted …

Processing your request, Please wait....
2

Black days

August 13th, 2017by ImSayingGoodBye

Whatsoever I’ve feared has come to life
Whatsoever I’ve fought off became my life
Just when everyday seemed to greet me with a smile
Sunspots have faded and now I’m doing time
Now I’m doing time
‘Cause I fell on black days

 

With the recent suicide of two great singers. For whatever reason, I’ve looked back into Chris Cornell’s lyrics and started listening to his work deeper than I’ve ever have before. His words touch my inner soul. I’ve never really liked soundgarden or audioslave till now. I always loved the grunge era. And I considered Cornell’s bands on the bottom of the list that time. I have no idea why, …

Processing your request, Please wait....
1

then there’s me

August 13th, 2017by matchaffee

my tongue twists
my words, I stutter
people around me are so well put together
then there’s me a star that is slowly collapsing upon itslef
a book that never left the shelf
my knees shake
my feet set firmly upon the ground
things around me has more worth, more love from others
then there’s me a car with no running motor
a heart once beating grows tired everyday
my eyes glued shut
my cheeks burning up a blush
my tears telling me to hush

Processing your request, Please wait....
7

NEED SERIOUS HELP

NEED SERIOUS HELP

August 11th, 2017by MissSweetLand

I need someone with to talk about our problems. I’m a chronic Suicidal now. I’m 20 years old and I’m a girl. My first attempt to suicide was when I was 13 years old. I’m on psychiatric treatment since I was 15 years old. I was bullied, raped, humiliated and I didn’t want to live anymore. I’ve been trough hard situations and all I’ve always tried to do is kill myself, but my family know about my problems and someone is always looking at me so I couldn’t do anything else than being in coma for an overdose of pills. Please comment below if you …

Processing your request, Please wait....
1

August 9th, 2017by DeadHeart

I have the same feeling sometimes, I feel a little cheered up, I have a laugh but I remind myself that this is temporary, the way I really feel, miserable, depressed, crushed, bogged down, stuck, jealous will return shortly.

My thoughts of suicide use to be just thoughts but lately this has also changed for me, I’m coming to realize that my life isn’t going to change, no one is going to come save, I either I have to begin to enjoy this miserable life or end it.

I know I won’t be able to enjoy this life, its literally to hard. I’m so far behind

Processing your request, Please wait....
3

Is It Really All It’s Going To Take?

August 9th, 2017by Eccedentesiastsoul

I do not think I am capable of being loved. I fear that I am never going to be able to find someone who will love me the way I fail to love myself. It has always been my only hope. What if it’s the only way all of this will ever get better? To find the right person who will always be there for me. The thing is I’ve been lied to so many times that I don’t think I can trust anyone anymore. People talk to me when they need something then they just disappear. If I refuse to do what they ask …

Processing your request, Please wait....
0

gross

  Song: Gross by Bulldog Eyes (asleep, track no. 2) “You’re so fucking gross // you know the blow lands low”   this band is very nice and deserves a lot more recognition for their lo-if music. really kind of helps when I’m feeling low    

2

Just Ranting

August 8th, 2017by blackopal02

do you ever feel so useless and depressed that you no longer feel?

after feeling angry and sad for so long i’m starting to only feel numbness. i’m starting to accept the fact that I am useless and will never be skinny or pretty or talented.

i’m too lazy and too far gone to try to “improve” myself and work on trying to get my life back together. when I try to think about feeling “normal” again I immediately realize that that is impossible and absurd. I will never and can never be happy again.

Im such a burden to all who are around me and I’ve been …

2

9am thoughts

August 8th, 2017by Eccedentesiastsoul

Okay. So I don’t really know how this works. What if someone I know finds this, what then? How am I going to explain all this. When people I know see my cuts they judge and say I do it for attention so what will they think if they ever found this? I just need my space, I want to be able to express my thoughts without being scared but I guess fear is always going to be there.

2

Off on a journey

August 8th, 2017by Cognac

I’m off tomorrow, away for a bit. Doing something I’ve never done before – wild camping, far out. I’ve spent most of my life indoors, not being allowed to have my own independence, so my experiences are limited. I’m looking forward to it, but at the same time, I’m not.

I’ve been really slacking, not having the motivation to do much in general (which includes writing this post, took quite a bit of energy to) and get packing and sort out my room before I leave, so I’ve left it to the last minute. This is really stressful.

The long hikes I’ll be taking might drain me …

2

First post

August 7th, 2017by Eccedentesiastsoul

“We do not chose to be born but we do have some kind of decision in the way we die”

It’s funny how life works at times. For as long as I can remember it’s been this way. I just don’t know if it is ever going to end. Its really hard, living like everything is fine. I tend to focus on other people’s problems then my own. To be able to survive this I tell myself that maybe there is a reason I’m like this but I’m tired of lying to myself, I’m tired of believing something that isn’t true and nothing but a sham.

I’m …

24

I’m in shock

August 6th, 2017by whenthepainoflivingistoomuch

I feel as if someone took a iron fist and rammed it right into my stomach and took a sword and put it through my heart.

I checked my email as I usually do this morning after breakfast.  There in  my in box was a name that I have not seen in months.  Someone that was a deep and close and personal friend of mine, that just stopped talking to me and I never knew why.

Now, I do.

I am here to share something with you that she sent me.  I am still crying about it and currently sitting in a police station waiting to talk to …

15

Always Jealous

August 5th, 2017by blackopal02

Do you ever look at someone else and wish so badly that you could be them? In fact I’d rather be anyone else other than me.

“Me” is ugly, gross, flawed, useless, unworthy of life and love, unathletic, selfish, jealous, and just an utterly disappointing piece of shit. Funny how I can list tons of negative adjectives about myself but can’t think of a single positive one. Guess it just goes to show that I really am a worthless loser.

When I see my peers, family, and other people on the street I strangely feel like they’re “showing off” even if they aren’t talking about …

4

I Need a New Body – Mine’s a Worthless Lemon

August 4th, 2017by Hopeless89

I wish that I could be reborn in a new body. Cosmetically speaking, I have got to be one of the biggest freaks ever to exist. My body is a lemon. I have hideous body acne almost everywhere – including sometimes on my forearms. I’ve lost some hair. I have hideous teeth (possibly malocclusion). I am 28 years old but look like a puny 14-year-old. I’m also only 5’3.”

Before I continue, I must state that I know that these problems, individually, are not necessarily freakish (aside from forearm acne).

Yes, some people have bad body acne, and I’ve even found some rare examples online of people …

11

The Average guy.

August 2nd, 2017by IdoCare

After getting accepted to the Uni’ (a really good world known one), I have finished my first semester with an average grades of 75.
75 means – No jobs as a student, hard time finding job once I’m out, and other shitty stuff.
But what is worst is the fact that I went back home. I went back to the nothing I have. To the environment where I have to work a lot while my…. UsedToBe Friends, got their parents as financial backup.
I feel just the way I felt as a 4th grader – Isolated, powerless, incompetent.
My spirit as a fighter died, I feel alone, …

1

Worthless bum

August 1st, 2017by Justanotherbody

So, since my grandfather passed in 2010 I haven’t been much of a person. Like my name suggest, I feel like I’m just another body. More like a nobody. I have an amazing wife and three amazing children. I’m truly proud to be their father, but I know they could have better than me. My wife is the most awesome person on the planet. Through every ailment I have had to suffer, and am currently suffering, she is right there to make sure it’s easier on me as I go through it. She is always making sure I eat, even when I have no appetite. …

4

If only they knew..

July 31st, 2017by insignific4nt

do you think they would say things if they knew?

do you think they would sit here and tell me that everything gets better with time? Or that time heals all wounds if they could feel this?

if they had to feel this knife taking pieces of my heart… would they still look at me and tell me I’ll get over it?

if they could feel the tears that pour down my face would they still tell me everything will be okay?

2 years and it’s like nothing has changed.

2 years and I think about you with every gust of wind.

2 years and I feel your hand in mine …

1

Almost Time

July 31st, 2017by Blue65

Two years and five months ago, I tried to kill myself, taking 47 pills of acetaminophen. Since my attempt was clearly unsuccessful, I decided I just didn’t care to live. I stopped taking care of myself in every way, shape and form, besides the few to keep me looking normal.

Now, I think it’s finally coming back. My memory is a lot hazier than it once was, and I had an instance where I completely forgot what I was saying, in the middle of my first sentence.

I’ve had this feeling of impending doom looming over me, and my dreams have taken a different turn from the …

24

The Story of a Tired Woman

The Story of a Tired Woman

July 28th, 2017by Kairi Mitzou

THE BEGINNING

 

It’s been over a decade since it really began.

My parents were ordinary and loving during my childhood. My mother was a stay at home mom. She took care of my eldest brother, my younger sister, and myself. My father was a chemical engineer. He worked hard but also made time for his family. I remember the short summers felt like forever. I remember many happy, warm days and nights.

I can’t remember how old I was when I first resisted punishment from my parents. If I was told to do something, for example, go to my room, I would freeze my body. My teeth clenched, …