Chronic Pain

8

It officially ends this week.

February 21st, 2017by MissingMy3Hearts31921

I have officially made up my mind and am at peace with it.  Time to say goodbye this weekend.  I wanted to go earlier but one of my daughters birthday is tomorrow so I am going to wait.

I learned that due to my NP hydrocephalus that I am about 18 to 24 months away from suffering the same symptoms as those with CTE.  It is almost like dementia.  I do not want to sit and be a burden to anyone.  Especially do not want to be a burden to my soon to be ex wife and my kids.  I think I have come to peace …

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1

“Choices”

February 20th, 2017by SumGuy

And the lightning did crash

The road it split asunder

Two paths made available

The walk of familiarity, down faded streets of internal torment and outward farcities

The path that stopped abrupt a chasm with no end in sight

Equal unwelcoming feelings pervaded the decision

No backpeddling available, bridges burned bodies left to rot

Choice is the only freedom of the individual

The embrace of the unknown or the amity of misery

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5

Contradictory.

February 16th, 2017by tyrfing

I’ve overcome so many things in my life; a majority of it has been surviving my parent’s verbal abuse and neglect and the overwhelming feeling of being alienated by society.

First of all, I wouldn’t say they’re terrible parents, but every root of each and one of my problems always goes back to them, and it brings me pain that I know that I have to move on since all the damage is done, and nothing will come out of blaming them until the day I die.

It’s hard not to wish for their death, it’s far easier to think about suicide. I’ve developed this inane fear …

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1

I don’t know anymore.

February 16th, 2017by Falsify

This probably will wind up as an incoherent mess, but when is it ever? If my mind wasn’t muddled, would I be writing this? Would anyone of us be? Probably not.
It feels strange to write about this in a public space. But it’s easier than to be judged and mocked by those we care for. Or simply told by our friends and family that we are horrible and selfish for feeling these suicidal urges. They care for you, don’t get me wrong, but they never do seem to know what to do but defend themselves.
“I want to kill myself.” Poor wording, I know. I wanted …

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4

The 2 Lost Souls

February 13th, 2017by completely_lost2

Today has got to be one very hard day… All i seem to think about is the death of my girlfriend and daughter during childbirth. Their watching over me i believe. I want to have them next to me. You guys obviously know the reason i am depressed. Let me go into detail, I was watching my girlfriend, she was 16, give birth to our child. I was in the hospital room and watched the whole gruesome death. She was already in labor giving birth too Arial Hunter on 4-20-2015. Ella was laying saying “i cant, i cant, i cant” i was holding her hand …

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3

Eyes permanently shut

February 12th, 2017by doomhead

I just discovered this site and i felt some of the pain others expressed and it made me want to express mine that I feel like I couldn’t express to no body in person Bc they tell me something in response I could of told myself.. you know the pep talk or some bullshitt of telling you the reality of things.. fuck yo I know.. I hate hearing that shit.. what people think you should do or have to do.. it’s annoying so I don’t bother talking about my feelings with people who seem to just give you a common sense idea to help you.. …

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4

Hitting so hard…..

February 12th, 2017by EvilOni22

From time to time I still find myself overwhelmed and just wishing all was over. I fear this will never fully go away. It’s been building up for sometime now. Longer than normal, stronger than normal. Ever so slowly imploding. Back to drinking myself to sleep cause I really don’t know what else to do. Even that has it’s limitations. Work is what I use typically. Just focus on it day in day out. Let’s me simply ignore or avoid what I can’t handle or can’t control…….that’s becoming me now though.

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4

Slipping away

February 11th, 2017by beautifulsinner

It’s past midnight where I live, and I’m still awake. I’m still awake after taking my remeron, staring at mt celling in the dark. My mind is racing.

It feels like it can’t stop. Or won’t stop. Whatever, it’s not like I’m used to by now. It’s overwhelming living like this, it really is.

Every time I think things are getting better, it’s like something else happens that makes me feel like absolute shit again. It’s hard to find hope when every time you think you found it, it slips away from you.

I know I’ll never be good enough. I know my parents would rather I …

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2

Hi?

February 9th, 2017by _lost._.one_

I feel so alone, as if I am not good enough.

Today I almost suffocated from my own self-hate. Sigh, not literally, metaphorically. There were so many people in the bathroom all of a sudden and I could not cry, I had to hold it in for approximately ten minutes while they fussed over their picture.

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6

losing them

February 7th, 2017by _lost._.one_

I have lost multiple people in my life. Many, many people. It hurts, I thought they would live forever, they would never leave me, but no they didn’t, people never do. It’s all my fault, all mine, they left this world, and I probably caused it… I was young, so little, my adoptive mother/great great grandmother loved me, hated me, protected me,exposed me, hid me, hurt me, but she kept me alive, she died when I was around seven. All I remember is her in the hospital bed with pictures of us taped to the many wires which were connected to her. She died, with …

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13

Alcohol

February 5th, 2017by Mavourneen

Does drinking make you suicidal? What do you guys think of drinking when youre sad? Does weed work better than alcohol as a coping mechanism?

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2

Human’s Imagination / Humans’ Imagination / Humans Imagination is better than Reality

February 2nd, 2017by niki

Human’s Imagination / Humans’ Imagination / Humans Imagination is better than Reality

Movie / movies is better than reality / real life / real world
Video game / games is better than reality / real world / real life
Novel /novels is better than reality / real-life / real-world /
Sci-fi / Science-fiction is better than reality / reallife / realworld
Fantasy is better than reality / real world / real life
Anime / manga is better than reality / realworld / reallife
Dream / dreams is better than reality / real-world / real-life

I hate reality !!!!
Reality it’s all about MONEY !!!!!!
Reality is BORING !!!!
Real world is boring ! real-world is …

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5

Perfection

February 1st, 2017by beautifulsinner

it needs to be perfect. everything you do needs to be perfect. you need to be perfect.

those are just a few of the thoughts racing around in my head, each and every day. its not like my parents had anything to do with this, no, its all me. im always worrying about everything, always tense, always wanting whatever i do to be perfect.

because i want to be perfect.

what a silly thought right? no one is perfect you might say, or we all have our flaws, or its okay not to be okay. but no, to me, its not. its all or nothing in my …

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2

Drugged up Lemon

January 29th, 2017by RustyLemons

So. Here you are. Reading a note from some strange Internet lemon about how they’re gonna kill themselves.

Well. I guess it all started when I was a baby lemon. I was raised by a robot mother. I went to school- hmm? …. what’s a …fah-thur? Anyway. At about 9 I had my first existential break down and tried to hang myself. The pole broke (silly lemon) and hit me in the head and mom came home and didn’t suspect a thing and I didn’t reattempt because she was home. I’ve been cutting since then as a secret solution. A self cutting lemon. Bitter and bleeding.

I’ve …

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6

Moving forward

January 27th, 2017by lifehappens

The minutes are torturess. It’s as if someone is screaming inside of me. My life has become unbearable.

But suddenly now I’m at peace, with the concept of death. I’ve reached the point where I’m okay with how I feel. I accept it. I accept that my life may end with an impulsive slit to the throat. I accept that I may go on for a lifetime feeling this pain and enternal hurt.

I accept these things, but it doesn’t mean I’m no longer aching inside. Because I am. I still have this dull heavy pain in my chest but I’m no longer fighting it. …

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8

Do You Really Want to Die or Do You Just Want Your Pain or Your Struggles to End?

There is a difference. And a BIG one. …problem is, how to tell?

1

the problem of pain

January 24th, 2017by motherchucker

Hello friends. If anyone has suggestions on how to at least cope with the persistent pain of being alive when you don’t want to be, it’d be most welcome. Or just feel free to share whatever’s on your mind. I have gotten to the point of drawing nooses in my course syllabus. You know, like an emo high school MCR fan, except I’m 22 and too old for this juvenile behavior. I’ve gotten to the point beyond tears, where all that remains is a constant dull ache in the chest. Like I’m lugging around weights. I hate going to school, but all other avenues in …

1

360

January 22nd, 2017by Blue65

January 22, 2015. In the next few hours, it’ll be two years since my last suicide attempt. It took me two years to circle back completely and relapse here.

I’ve felt sad before this, but now, I’m back to the cold feeling of hopelessness and sorrow that I had been so used to. The suicidal thoughts are back, and the only thing stopping me is the fear of failure- what happened last time. I became that much more of a burden on everyone I knew, and those whom I thought actually cared for me.

Friends and family forgot about the whole thing. Some chose to ignore it, …

13

Suicide or not?

January 17th, 2017by Randomaccess10

The doctors fucked me up on meds. Forced me to take antidepressants after id already had serotinin syndrome…then i smoked a load with the stress, and had oxygen after to try and fix things…causing more damage, a day in the life of me is like imagine wearing earmuffs, with a car alarm sound 24/7, while your vision is like a home video recording shaking, with the brightness on zero and color turned down, with a bad aerial connection, and you have lead weights strapped to your arms and legs and a jug of water on your head….my little fingers hurt and dont move properly, and …

6

The Funniest Joke, The Second Installment of My Worthless Existence

January 15th, 2017by AKidWithAName

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to my near-monthly shout into the void called the internet! Today, we present the second installment of a worthless piece of dog shit trying to reconcile their guilty conscience to no avail!

God, I am such a freak show. I’m not even saying this shit to be “edgy” or whatever. I am actually fucking hilarious to watch. I’ve been replaying memories of my worthless life and let me tell ya, it could win a fucking comedy award. Hok shit.

So, first, I honestly thought that my parents wanted me. Holy fuck, that was a good one. My parents? Ha. Wanting me? God, it’s …