Chronic Pain

4

sorry mom

  August 14th, 2018 by thisisnothing

my mom told me to go drown about a year ago. the thought stuck in my mind and it really just cant be erased or ignored to the point that i actually conidered it. she doesnt love me. it’s obvious. i’m pointless. pointless to the point of my own mother wanting me dead. i decided to be numb and quiet. a bit recently, she said that if i would kill myself she wouldnt care. she shamed me in front of everyone and cursed at me. i know that i can’t bear this anymore. i tried to get help but she told me that everyone experiences …

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2 days ago • Chronic Pain, Family & Friends Effects, General, Stories of Loss

4

Pain wins in the end, everytime

  August 11th, 2018 by ButterBoi

I do not want to die. I really don’t. I just cannot keep living like this. I was injured. Bad. I should start by saying I am a very sensitive and empathetic person, maybe too much so, but to me people just seemed cruel, and so growing up I preferred the company of animals. I turned my empathy into a wonderful career, saving endangered species in very remote locations of the world, with very little interaction with people. It was perfect for me, and I loved it. Unfortunately, it is also very dangerous work. I did it long enough that my number finally got punched. …

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5 days ago • Chronic Pain

2

Broken

  August 9th, 2018 by blackout21

I am just going to describe my situation, thoughts and feelings here in arbitrary order:
-I am addicted to dimethyl ether(gas in hair spray cans) and media including porn.
-I just now realize how much damage this has caused. I fail at almost everything I try. (85% of the last 7 bigger things I tried)
-I was diagnosed with 3 different mental health issues.(ADD, PTSD, paranoid schizophrenia(here in Europe the chances of being employed with this alone is only around 15%(https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15133589))
-I think I have lost a good chunk of my intelligence.(I once had a high IQ(well seems like I only now know what I have lost))
-I am too uncreative …

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6 days ago • Chronic Pain, General, Rants

2

Where the Lonely Ones Roam

  August 7th, 2018 by sansfranzdeput

If you’ve ever seen any of my previous posts on my chronic mental and emotional afflictions, then you must know this: that I am in pain; and, for most people- if not all- pain is something people hate. They most often turn to addiction or something essentially the same to hide or suppress their issue, whatever it may be.

I myself have had addiction issues before, and still struggle with an addiction to Pornography. That, and my depression and all around loneliness will be the topics I so boringly lay out before you all in this post today.

 

Since a very young age, I have been obsessed …

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1 week ago • Chronic Pain, Coping Skills, Poetry & Art, Rants

4

The Damage Done.

  August 6th, 2018 by Brody2018

Well, where do I begin?
My life has been a roller coaster and would probably make an intriguing, but sad film.
So, why am I here?
I want to die. Badly. The decision is made and it will be carried out very, very soon. First a few affairs to get in order, then off to eternal sleep.
Why?
In a nutshell…..
When I was teen I was physically and sexually abused by my stepfather in private. He would sneak into my room, when I was asleep, put duct tape over my mouth to stop screaming. Then after each time he would say that “nobody believes little boys so its no use …

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1 week ago • Chronic Pain, General, My Suicide Note, Stories of Loss

3

requiem

  August 5th, 2018 by imsosorry2468

It’s taking a lot for me to write this. I’ve had so conjure up the will or energy to even post here again. I feel so hopeless right now. I just want to die already!

God it’s so hard. To think about the shit storm of pain I’ll leave behind. I hate myself for feeling like this. I think people would be sad for a while but at least they’d be able to move on finally and live their lives without having to worry about me or pay for my therapy or my school or anything . My mom could start to fix her marriage …

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2 weeks ago • Chronic Pain, Coping Skills, Family & Friends Effects, General, My Suicide Note, Rants

10

I wish everyone would love me…

  August 2nd, 2018 by WanderingDreamer91

I wish everyone would love me so I wouldn’t havw to be hurt anymore…

 

Their wouldn’t be any misunderstandings, or disagreements, or avoidance, or hatred and so on…

 

People would understsnd me and love.me forever…

 

I… what was it agsin that some people said in my last post about a girlfriend?

 

I should wsit for the girl to come to.me? How? Why? This isn’t Welcome to the NHK, there is no Misaki, I’m trying to be realistic.

 

How am I going to find people atrracted to.me just by natural persona? Or shoukd I some friendship into something more eith a girl I find?

 

Well how do you find and make friends…?

 

I …

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2 weeks ago • Chronic Pain, General

4

Loneliness

  August 1st, 2018 by rejection

I wonder if there is a cure to loneliness…

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2 weeks ago • Chronic Pain

3

To Whom It May Concern

  July 30th, 2018 by bec1998

I feel nothing but pain. The smile on my face is fake. The happy, carefree woman who was a mascot two consecutive years in high school, who sang for small crowds, who wished for world peace when she was younger, who wanted to be beautiful, has died. There is only a broken, tearful, world-weary woman in excruciating pain. A woman who spends her days crying. Who spends her nights crying. Who can’t take the pain.

I feel like I’m a burden to people, and I want to free them from their burden. I make everyone else sad because I have crippling depression, and I’ve had it …

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2 weeks ago • Chronic Pain, My Suicide Note

2

What is it?

  July 30th, 2018 by ariusversea

What is it?

What is it about me that makes me lesser than?

What is it about me that makes it so that I can’t be as good as her?

What is it about me that makes me think of what she would have done, how she would have done better had she been in my situation?

What is it about me that makes me incapable of being her?

I should be happy. I have everything. Everything I wanted. Everything she doesn’t have.

Almost everything.

She has the grades. The natural talent. The recognition that she is in fact the best.

The recognition that I am, in fact, in second place.

And second …

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2 weeks ago • Chronic Pain, Rants

2

Groundhog Day Loop

  July 24th, 2018 by WanderingDreamer91

Groundhog Day Loop Syndrome

(Image Source: Haruhi Suzumiya (Anime/Manga))

Itsuki: “We’ve entered an endless recursion of time. (x4)”

 

Intro

(Some rambling, sorry. :()

 

Sigh… I feel like saying so many things on here. 🙁

 

Like, most of it is on my profile I guess, but it would be nice to talk about personality stuff to see where everyone is at so I can get to know them, or if they never looked into it, they could to discover themselves. 🙂 Like, Myers-Briggs, the Enneagram, arguably sillier ones like their D&D alignment, and so on…

 

I could also talk about dark anime/manga/games with a sense …

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3 weeks ago • Chronic Pain, General, Rants

2

Angry

  July 23rd, 2018 by Sextoyfortheuniverse

This was actually my reply to a comment and I think instead of replying to the person I somehow effectively ranted about my situation and I am too tired to type or think again so I will just paste it here.
I was diagnosed with ADHD and schizophrenia a year back. I was a great student but the indian education system has zero respect for anyone who actually cares about learning so i had to repeat a year and for the past six months i have been getting bullied in college for volunteering to repeat even though I did get the pass marks. My dad is …

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3 weeks ago • Chronic Pain, Rants

3

The Solipsist

  July 21st, 2018 by WanderingDreamer91

Introduction

Here’s a poem I made on Facebook on June 1st, when I really needed to vent. :p
(It’s a bit dark and sadomasochistic, instead of just plain masochistic, I hope that’s okay…)

Not that anyone cares, most people just ghost me…

People usually ignore me or hate me, I’m not sure if anyone is at fault when people leave me or don’t want to talk to me and I’m not sure if I should even care…

I just want to be myself… people are too different from me…

I might make a full post about myself later, but right now I’m kind …

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4 weeks ago • Chronic Pain, Poetry & Art, Rants

1

Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.

  July 14th, 2018 by Baked13

Rehearse. Isolate. Survive.

Human nature is fascinating.

Although, every ounce of me already gave up,

I am surviving through this life I so badly want to escape .

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1 month ago • Chronic Pain

2

I try. I really do

  July 13th, 2018 by hyperballad

I’ve seen so many people, visited so many hospitals, tried so many rx combos, gotten so many different diagnoses and just none of it honestly helps and there is very little tethering me to this planet anymore and I just wish it could be in my hands to decide to let go. No matter where I go or what people say to me to convince me otherwise, I’m left feeling like a stranger on the fringes everywhere I go. I’m alone. I’m deeply unhappy no matter how much I try to change it. And I try so hard

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1 month ago • Chronic Pain, General, Rants

0

lyf is all about sacrifices

  July 12th, 2018 by silentdreamer

Lyf starts getting bored when u just live for the sake of others… It is very difficult to sacrifice all ur wishes in-order to make others happy… This is what happening in my lyf… I seriously don’t know why its always me!!! Its been more than five years and now am fed up with this lyfstyle… Without being able share my feelings and problems to anyone am mentally distressed… I hate my lyf…. really really hate it!!!

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1 month ago • Chronic Pain, General, Stories of Hope

2

‘The Me Show’

  July 10th, 2018 by hyperballad

to start: I’m an alphabet soup of disorders. Three of those are bipolar, borderline tendencies (whatever the hell that means), and Asperger syndrome.

 

My closest support is my partner who is also financially tied to me. And I even feel her slipping through my fingers and this turning into an uncomfortable situation where we only live together because we can’t afford to live without any kind of plan which we currently don’t have and can’t foresee.

I mean. I can easily leave in a month’s time because my mother passed this June and has apparently left me a hefty inheritance. But my partner can’t. She is on …

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1 month ago • Chronic Pain, Family & Friends Effects, General, Rants

8

Can a suicide note stand in place of a notarized will?

  July 10th, 2018 by hyperballad

I’m trapped. I desperately want to die but doing so would leave my partner in a terrible position financially and as such could lose her daughter and her dog. My mother recently passed and has left me her entire estate in her will. I have been struggling against these feelings for so long and do not want to live another day. I have massive amounts of Seroquel and other rx drugs for the taking and I just want to take a walk to the woods tonight with a case of beer and down as many of them as I can. If I provided a written …

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1 month ago • Chronic Pain, General, My Suicide Note

2

OCD: A Cruel Joke

OCD: A Cruel Joke

  July 6th, 2018 by ShiSui

Have you ever heard of this type of obsession?

My obsession is about constantly questioning my sincerity of what I say, do, and think. I’m really bad with examples but it’s pretty much fixating on my intent towards almost everything, whether that intent was sincere or if I’m just faking it. I can’t convince myself otherwise I just keep doubting and obsessing if I’m doing/saying/thinking something for the reason I initially intended. Idk how to explain it any further because I’m obsessing whether this is a sincere post with the intent being to find others like me or if I’m just looking for attention. That’s really …

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1 month ago • Chronic Pain, General, Rants

1

Time travel

  July 5th, 2018 by PurpleCrystal

I wish I could go back in time and change a small detail in my life that would change everything. It would be great to grow up and not feeling useless. Maybe I would lived a true childhood and be less cold blooded. Maybe my parents would give me more attention than fighting all the time. Maybe my father wouldn’t humiliated me. Maybe I would be a better person that would be able to be someone useful than only eating and sleeping. Maybe I would never think about to die. All I feel able to do is to cry because I know I’ll never have …

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1 month ago • Chronic Pain

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