Chronic Pain

1

it´s been a while

  December 9th, 2018 by plasticflower

i haven´t been here for over a year, and i really need to empty my brain, so here´s a bit of the mess that´s going on in my head

 

i tried to hide it more, so they wouldn´t notice. I guess I got too good at hiding it because now she thinks i´m doing so much better. And maybe I am, but it  doesn´t really feel like it. I feel like soon i´ll break; and I don´t know if I can or want to stop it. Today she said, “I think you´re doing much better now. Do you still think you need to see a therapist?”. …

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Protected: Just Saying Goodbye

  December 9th, 2018 by jocelyn._.martinez

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

5

I don’t know what to do, suicide might be my only option

  December 8th, 2018 by kahann

I’m a 50 year old female who has never really lived and probably never will.

Look, I know I should take responsibility for my mistakes and failings but I feel trapped. It’s like I’m in a prison and there is only one way I’m getting out and that’s death.

It all started when I was 6, that’s when my step-father started molesting me. When I was 7 I told my mother what he was doing, that was the day she started beating me. When I was 12 he wanted to do more than fondle me and pleasure himself, when I said no he got into a mood …

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5

Pathetic and Tired

  November 29th, 2018 by sansfranzdeput

All of me is very pathetic: I am not overweight, but am by no means strong, nor do I possess any significant measure of success or unique strength in any certain area. I work, eat- though sometimes I wish that I didn’t-, sleep, and spend the rest of the time just being lonely and writing about people that I see. It’s embarrassingly lame.

I am tired too: I don’t have anyone to just rest with. I watch porn because I’m so fracking lonely; I cry because it’s pathetic; then I pretend it didn’t happen, almost never really confronting it as an issue. I lie about it, …

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2

Deterioration

  November 28th, 2018 by AshCoveredAngel

I’ve had left side flank pain on and off for four years now.

I finally got to see a GI specialist.

The specialist thinks my mental illness has caused my physical illness and pain for the past four years. That I have IBS and there’s nothing she can really do for me, and that psychiatric medication is probably my solution.

Unfortunately medication hasn’t been safe for me and no other treatments have helped me either.

I have already given mental illness the ability to make friends.

I have already given my mental illness educational opportunities.

I have given it my ability to support myself financially.

I have given …

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1

I Give Up

  November 28th, 2018 by FormerHappyGuy

3 Months Ago i posted my first post here ”I Want to be Happy”.
Back in those days i told myself ”If things don’t get better by the end of this year (2018) i would end up my life”
Weeks after i wrote that post i was actually optimist, the things in my life got better, i trutly thought i would make another year. But it was just that, a delusional through.

But life beated me down.

The things that happened goes far from my control, i can’t help not even to myself, less to my family. and if it is not enough…

She found another dude, she told me …

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10

Meds

  November 26th, 2018 by Black Holez

So who here is on medication? I’ll be seeing a psychiatrist tomorrow but some part in me wants to not take meds if I am prescribed one because of all the things I’ve read like it messes up your mind or brain chemistry or something. So what does it feel like when you take your happy pills? Do they even work? Has it messed up your thinking?

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3

Loneliness

  November 25th, 2018 by PurpleCrystal

Sometimes I feel the most alone person in the world. No friends and no one who cares about me. My mother is a fanatic religious who doesn’t accept me as a woman and keeps insisting on treating me a way a hate. She knows I hate it and that makes me feel even more sad, but she doesn’t care. She won’t chance because of her imaginary friend. I tried so hard to be well this year, to feel better, but I keep walking in circles, always ending where I began. Last week I felt that wish to cut myself again after one year and I’m …

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0

I want to leave this hateful world

  November 17th, 2018 by Iwantoleave

People hate me, no one likes me. When they see my face they spit on ground. I didn’t harm anyone, but i don’t know why people hate me. I dont want to live in this world. Why only bad things are happening with me. Good bye everyone.

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1

feeling nothing

  October 27th, 2018 by x0zz

I can’t recognize myself in the mirror , have no money to buy drugs that cure me, no friends , everyone I now used me , my family used me , my family did hurrible things to me , things I can’t say , or remember , I lost my memories , I don’t remember who I was , can’t say who I am now , I have no future , all the things in my life was someone’s else plan , I never did or sayed the things I want , I always react as they want me , I could killed for stupid …

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2

I dont belong to this world

  October 22nd, 2018 by Itscolourlife

Its not me
Its me
I want me
Its not me
I hate me
Its me
I love me
Its not me

This place that I dont belong to
Where is the place I belong to
No one care about me
The good deed I did
The other receive the happiness
Me?
No one remember me
Why?
A?
A?
You dont belong here
Dont you hear me?
The hell is your place to go

You hate everyone in this world
You hate yourself
No one care about you
No one love you
You are like satan
Since a kid you are just..
Satan

Useless
Till now..

Be normal..
You crooked mind..

Die with us
Keep the sadness
Slowly slowly
Turn it into hatred

But Im here
No one see you

They can
But they dont care

They care
When you are normal and be doll to …

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5

antisocial :(

  October 21st, 2018 by uuuggghhh

maybe someone can help me out?

so, three years ago i moved to another city, lost every single one of my friends, and never made any since.. i spent all these years alone like a complete loser i am.

i’m in college now and majority of people still don’t even know my name.

all the attempts of mine to communicate to at least the shy ones are vain.

would someone give me an advice? i’d really appreciate it

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4

I’m Denial

  October 18th, 2018 by AshCoveredAngel

I’ve struggled for years but I still have a habit of dismissing myself insisting “It’s not that bad”.

I compare myself now to the way I was when I was likely in psychosis a few years ago.

I’ve only cried 3 times today….I could have cried for hours non stop.

I’m only scoring 48/76 on depression assessments… I’ve scored 56/86 before.

I’m over eating but I could be living on nothing it cookie dough again.

I’m getting 3-5 hours of sleep a night max but I could be running on 1 or less like I have in the past.

I know I’m not “healthy” and that …

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5

Pain and humiliation

  October 17th, 2018 by SamG

I’m over this life of mine…

I am working on ways to end my pain that I live with daily.  I am slowly planning my suicide leaving no room for error because I need the attempt to work.  I first of all need to draw up a will and have it legalised. That way all money from my super etc. goes to my husband for him to be able to support our children.

I can’t live with how I am feeling for much longer….just recently I have had family humiliate me and make me feel so worthless I know I am better off dead.

I can’t do this …

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0

I Want Different

  October 12th, 2018 by AshCoveredAngel

I don’t want to be ‘sick’ anymore or at least well enough I can resemble the things I want to be. Who I am is not my desire.

I’d like to work but I’m beyond just pushing myself and I’ve been denied disability.

I want to be the super mom I believed in but I’m not well enough.

I want to be able to stay with my significant other and not cry or have flashbacks about things he had nothing to do with.

I want to be all love and light.

I want to be so many things but my illness stands in my way. …

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4

Struggling

  October 10th, 2018 by Old_tired_Aussie

Pain is normal  and those of us experiencing chronic pain on a never ending basis know how hard it is to make friends, keep friends. Im lonely, and made a friendship, which turned out to nothing but lies. It took the edge off and gave me a chance to breathe. Now more lies has even shattered the way i would ignore everything just because I was so desperate for company and the distraction.now it’s over i’m finding the pain is worse, my whole body has tightened up, I grit my teeth so hard I break them. I want to give up on this shit life …

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1

Am I selfish.?

  October 7th, 2018 by Virus.Found

I can not get over it, that things will never be fair. I’m too sensitive about everything. I’m in chronic pain and Doctors could never help me. Or maybe I think I just couldn’t help myself. For 9 years I’m into this Depression and it just got worse. It started early in school, that I realized that something was not right. About me and the tiring reality to go to school everyday. Other Kids seemed so careless. I came too late everyday. It started with 5 Minutes, then 10, then 30 and sometimes I missed the first period. I think I must be a broken …

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2

New Person, Same Old Mistakes

  October 7th, 2018 by Blue65

After months of despair and crippling loneliness, I’ve achieved the impossible.
Me, a kissless loser, found a real gem. Someone who actually cares about me, enjoys me and all my quirks, and tries to push me into bettering myself.

I was riding the high for months, it’s the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.
All I’ve ever wanted was just somebody to share my time with, somebody I can just, finally open up to.
Someone to listen, to love me, and just care.

Of course I looked at myself a lot. A relationship can’t work, how can I expect anyone to love me if I can’t even love myself? …

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3

All I Want

  October 7th, 2018 by SuzieSalmon

My mindset hasn’t changed since January, I still envision myself not existing anymore but I’ve gained more sorrow because I’m around my family more. It gives me guilt, makes me feel so selfish. For once I just wish I could envision being where I feel is home and building the life I’ve missed out on. I wish there was nothing wrong with me and I wish I was strong enough for my family and for my husband. I want to be better. Its almost, December.

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1

Numb

  October 6th, 2018 by Undecided13

I’m in that point of life when I could no longer feel the sadness, no longer feel the pain. I could no longer feel anything. Its like I’m just numb. Just drifting into the darkness that had broken me more times that I could count. So much pain, I wished for it all to disappear. I wanted to escape, because I am too much a coward to face it. I guess I got my wish, then.

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