Chronic Pain

3

I cant anymore

June 15th, 2018by ctrz

I’ve sat here, countless days, haven’t left the house, haven’t DONE anything, I have no purpose, nobody is willing to hear my cries, even my best friend, whom I thought was exactly like me cant see anything wrong. Im leaving to go to Japan in 12 days, and after that, when I get back, Im going to go see her and then, then Im done. Im done not having a reason to live, im done being hurt by everyone, im done with my deadbeat family who always bash on me. there is no way that im going to sit here and let this happen. so, …

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7

******** Hypoxia

June 13th, 2018by kirlin.blair

If you let me fall in love with you like I want to, I’d do anything for you. I mostly want to massage you, eat you out, give you the best food and drink, and remember the smallest things about your personality.

I’d even help you enact a painless and undetectable suicide, if you were completely sure that’s what you wanted. It’s your right and I would never assert otherwise. I would bury your secret and cover it with a nonplussed veneer. I signed up for the whole woman with all her flaws and self-doubt, just so I could find joy in giving. Obviously I’d rather …

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1

Just sharing

June 11th, 2018by idoztknoe

I dont want to talk about it.
I wake up every day with this gnawing feeling. I try to push it away, but it gets worse.
It doesn’t stop. This feeling.
It hurts. It stings. All the heartache, the stress…it gets to you.
But all I ask, is that you understand.
Its deep depths of darkness, and loneliness. Like a boulder of weight always on your back. Slowly hurting you.
It doesn’t stop unless you make it.
When you die you cease to exist, so why fight if when your dead it ll all not exist.
Some took the leap. I really do envy them.
Please just understand that I’m not trying to be …

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5

Fading away

June 10th, 2018by wearehannahbaker

This is my first time writing here. I have read so many comments on the past few months and always wonder if those people are really gone now.

Finally I feel like I belong somewhere, I guess. Been lying all day in bed with absolutely no strength to get up and just crying.

We rock, guys….

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1

Dizzying effects

June 8th, 2018by mo992

So far I’ve been chasing myself and trying to keep distracted. I’m failing.

My health is failing. I feel nauseous and wonky. I act as though everything is fine and my life is faultless.

My heart is racing in my chest. My arms are weak and my eyes burn to the back of my skull. I am restless and yet empty.

I’m failing. I just can’t see myself carrying on like this.

I’m so tired of being tired. I would like death to come and embrace me now but I am in too much pain to go and seek it.

Damn chronic illness. Why me? I would not wish this …

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11

The noise won’t leave

June 8th, 2018by sansfranzdeput

I have Tourette’s Syndrome; OCD; light Autism; chronic and crippling depression, anxiety, and various medical differences/flaws/disorders. My Tourette’s- or tics, as they are often called-. manifest themselves mostly in my mind. With the exception of a few verbal tics, and a plethora of motor/physical tics, I can hide the urges and pain which plagues and afflicts me at my every waking moment. My wife and the rest of my immediate family are all well aware of my suffering; they, unfortunately, however, realize or wish to realize the full extent to which I am truly in pain. The only spans of consciousness wherein I draw pleasure …

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2

Courage

June 7th, 2018by PurpleCrystal

I wish I could have enough courage to die. I already wrote my suicide note and I look at it everyday asking myself when I can finally publish it and just rest to never wake up on this body again. I’m so tired that sometimes is really hard to think about anything clearly. I can’t read a book anymore because I always forget what I read. When I play games I get angry so easily because I can’t be concentrated enough on what is happening and I say the game is trash even if it’s not.

I’m unemployed for the last three years and I depend …

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5

Never hanging again

June 4th, 2018by Agonizing

Noose snapped still tied to my neck and I was too disoriented to tell, found myself in the bathroom looking in the mirror feeling extreme strain and not knowing why I was feeling increasing danger, and I said out “what’s going on?” thinking i had come out the noose hence the fact i was now in the bathroom away from the hanging wardrobe, I was confused I could still feel the tie and i started picking at it and then saw it was frayed, i pulled at it desperately until I could loosen the rope, I got it off and threw myself on the bed …

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1

June 3rd, 2018by Ree1222

I don’t like the feeling that I’ve lost. I’m overweight and it’s not easy finding a method for me. Not interested in a failed attempt and excuse me if all I talk about is wanting death because I never thought I’d turn out like this. I look at my few immediate family members, with a small hole in my heart by not wanting to be here. My body aches, my head aches, I have to work, no close friend’s anymore; it hurts to look my mother in the face because I know she wants the best for me, success in all but I know I …

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1

Why not Vanish?

June 3rd, 2018by BenzQoa

             Can I vanish?
Hello everyone, I believe you all know why I am here posting this. I feel empty, loneliness, hopeless. The will to live longer inside me has vanished, I do not wish to live any longer. I have friends, but none has really understood me. I have a wealthy family, but wealthy does not mean joy. I used to be a genius at school, but due to the current situation, I do not have the will to learn any longer. I cannot feel the joy inside me much longer. I just feel like it is worthless to live …

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9

Dont want to see another day

June 2nd, 2018by Agonizing

4 months of being reminded nonstop that life is now for suffering not for living. Will not hesitate to overdose when I have the drugs. I’ll get coked up, tripping, stoned and drunk for as long as I can and then overdose on more drugs when Im coming down, give the death a running start. Really cant measure my suffering since february, not had a moments rest, got lobotomized by antipsychotics injections, life is unrecognizable and unbearable.

Was told by a couple people I was the best happiest or most intelligent person they knew, now I’m the most fucked up person i

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2

dead already

June 1st, 2018by iamdarling

sometimes, i feel like i’m dead already.

life, is dead already.

i don’t feel fully alive, sometimes.

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25

Massive regrets

May 24th, 2018by Agonizing

Can’t stop trying to turn back time to when I made the biggest mistake of my life and agreed to let doctors who misdiagnosed me as schizophrenic and injected me with paliperidone, an antipsychotic, which has destroyed my brains pleasure function.

I took cocaine yesterday for the first time since getting injected, i was unable to feel a thing from it, no inner warmth no rush of pleasure, just a flat bone dry brain. This further confirms it for me, i am devoid of anything nice and good if even cocaine can’t make me feel pleasure for a minute. I was right to attempt suicide for …

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2

Much more than sadness.

May 22nd, 2018by strawberrycrown

I have so many problems and things wrong with me it’s hard to keep track. I know that this site is for things to do with depression, anxiety, suicide or similar things, but this one is more about other things I struggle with and could maybe find others who can talk to me about it.

So basically it all started that I was born 6 weeks early, a tiny underweight baby who “died” and got resuscitated or whatever 3 times. I mean, bad start right? Well, since then I was sick in hospital for a few months and then still sick after that, just in my …

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38

Chronic pain

May 22nd, 2018by Agonizing

I had one injection of antipsychotics 4 months ago because of malpractice, here’s the outcome

  • I have anhedonia, i literally cant feel pleasure or reward , instead there is anxiety, restlessness, nausea
  • My inner emotions and thoughts are in constant unrest
  • I can’t play xbox for 5 minutes to relax, the unrest dominates every moment
  • Music doesn’t give me an inner good feeling, I feel rubbed up the wrong way by anything stimulating  and pleasurable
  • I compulsively ruminate nonstop trying to turn back time to I spend hours in bed trapped in my mind
  • I cry everyday like I’ve just lost my family and the

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5

Idk.. Just drained mentally

May 20th, 2018by I.beg.for.mercy

Hi my name is anonymous.. Anonymous because I will be a forgotten memory one day eventually.. Knowing my name or who I am will not matter 10 to 30 years from now..
A forgotten memory only because I wont be around for people to keep up with who comes and goes..
When I do pass I dont want no crying.. I would like a open comment no rules on whats said about me..
maybe it will cure their hate or whatever knowing im no longer breathing..
To be in the ground, tossed.in the garbage or even burned in a tire burn..as long as I give those freedom …

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2

Lost needing advice

May 20th, 2018by Username101

I’m very new to this, suicidal forum.. straight to the point.. It’s not that I am going to or really have the urge to commit suicide. It’s the constant thought popping into my head.  I will catch myself fantisizing of the idea. But these questions always rush to mind. Should I end it? What will happen to my boyfriend, family and friends? Who would show up at my viewing or funeral? How can I make the death fast and 100% effective? I’m not sure why I take the time to give deep thought if I’m contemplating to die.. can someone help me understand where I …

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2

I am a bad thing

May 20th, 2018by Triste Foi

I am a bad thing, I think I’m going crazy but I’m too afraid to talk about that to anyone. I am afraid I am going to slowly become something truly awful and dark. And I feel like part of my wanting to die is that I owe it to the world to not make them suffer if I do become something of a monster. You know how when someone gets bit by a zombie so they shoot themselves or something for the greater good of the rest of the survivors and so that they don’t become that? That’s how I feel. I have …

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11

May 19th, 2018by Zigzag

I want to go to sleep and not wake up. I just want it to fucking stop.

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4

history

May 15th, 2018by iamdarling

each and everyday is a part of my history, a history that will be with me forever. unfortunately, i know that forever, i am going to look back on these years of my life and all i’m going to see will be an ugly kid with mental illnesses and no friends, just, wasting her life away. i want my history, i want my past, present, and future, to be happy, i want to do something worthwhile rather than just doing this wasting. uhm, yeah… this is not really what i imagined my life would be like.

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