Chronic Pain

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360

January 22nd, 2017by Blue65

January 22, 2015. In the next few hours, it’ll be two years since my last suicide attempt. It took me two years to circle back completely and relapse here.

I’ve felt sad before this, but now, I’m back to the cold feeling of hopelessness and sorrow that I had been so used to. The suicidal thoughts are back, and the only thing stopping me is the fear of failure- what happened last time. I became that much more of a burden on everyone I knew, and those whom I thought actually cared for me.

Friends and family forgot about the whole thing. Some chose to ignore it, …

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11

Suicide or not?

January 17th, 2017by Randomaccess10

The doctors fucked me up on meds. Forced me to take antidepressants after id already had serotinin syndrome…then i smoked a load with the stress, and had oxygen after to try and fix things…causing more damage, a day in the life of me is like imagine wearing earmuffs, with a car alarm sound 24/7, while your vision is like a home video recording shaking, with the brightness on zero and color turned down, with a bad aerial connection, and you have lead weights strapped to your arms and legs and a jug of water on your head….my little fingers hurt and dont move properly, and …

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4

The Funniest Joke, The Second Installment of My Worthless Existence

January 15th, 2017by AKidWithAName

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to my near-monthly shout into the void called the internet! Today, we present the second installment of a worthless piece of dog shit trying to reconcile their guilty conscience to no avail!

God, I am such a freak show. I’m not even saying this shit to be “edgy” or whatever. I am actually fucking hilarious to watch. I’ve been replaying memories of my worthless life and let me tell ya, it could win a fucking comedy award. Hok shit.

So, first, I honestly thought that my parents wanted me. Holy fuck, that was a good one. My parents? Ha. Wanting me? God, it’s …

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9

My Story

January 14th, 2017by 90Grayson

Hello everyone, my name is Daniel, and I think I’m going to commit suicide very shortly, I want to anyways, not sure if I will though, since things in life change so much, but I hope that moment arrives in a week or two. I don’t know where to start, I’m done trying to figure out why I’m like this, why I have suicidal thoughts, why I cut myself, why I feel so much pain all the time. It sucks, it really sucks to be this way, I don’t believe in destiny, but I cannot avoid feeling like I am trapped, and have absolutely no …

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17

I hate myself

January 10th, 2017by beautifulsinner

every 40 seconds someone in the world dies by suicide.
every 40 seconds i wish i was one of those people.

i wake up and look at myself in the mirror and hate who i am. i hate my skin, clothes, body face; you name it. it wasnt always like this, really. i used to be so fun and joyful and happy.. what happened? i would die to go back to those times when i loved myself, when i was content with life, when i smiled every day. my life feels like a series of unfortunate events, just happening one after another. its funny because from …

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0

Can’t Last til my Last Breath

January 10th, 2017by Old_Medic60

Last Thursday during a period of mania I quit a job of 6 months. Went to the beach and put my ‘hood’ on. As I prepared the tank it occurred to me that I hadn’t removed personal effects from my friends house where I  landed in June after leaving the hotel. Didn’t want to  burden anyone having to root through my stuff. 

Called a crisis line a few hours later ending up volunteering to admit myself for this crisis.

Now several days later, really kick myself for not going through with it. I was in the right frame of mind and more so a valid reason to …

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6

Disappearing

January 7th, 2017by BrokenX2

Sometimes I question, why am I still here? I feel like crawling under a rock and stay there. One time I feel okay, next time I feel completely sad. I’ve deactivated all of my social media, not like anybody actually cares. My friends and family won’t even notice my absence, Maybe after 6 months I guess. Nobody really cares about me.

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9

Anyone want to discuss about philosophy

January 6th, 2017by nevertobe

I am planning on ending it in a couple of weeks or so maybe more or less depends when I get my house in order I am a 20-year-old seeking someone to talk about life and philosophy with and share and enjoy my last few weeks and leave in peace

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0

Some pain is worse than other pain

January 5th, 2017by Scarredsoul

No, the pain of not getting to go out when you wanted to is not as bad as the pain of losing someone you love. No, you don’t have the right to act as if these small things you call “first world problems” are as bad as it gets. There is a fine line between inconvenience and pain. Between a small glitch in a normal to semi good day and having to refrain from the extreme urge to kill yourself. I’m so young, but I could swear I’ve felt the slits of the blood sea’s razor and have checked into hell too many times to …

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27

The Mask….

The Mask….

January 5th, 2017by JinxTheJester

Sometimes I wish I could put the mask away…but it’s become a part of me now…and I can’t take it off…

Have you ever been asked that question?

“Are you okay?”

And always answered…

“I’m fine.”

But what you really want to say is…

“I’m not okay!” “I’m depressed!” “I’m suicidal!” “I’m lonely!” “Im dying!” “Please, help me!”

But you can never get the words out.

Its like somebody’s choking you…forcing you to bottle it up inside…Keeping you from breathing…refusing you salvation from these miserable lies…holding you prisoner…and shutting you down ultimately…… 🙁

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3

Some Words

January 4th, 2017by ceeselena

There wasn’t a time I ever didn’t feel depressed. Even with the cocktail of drugs I’m always on. Everything hurts. I miss my dad. He killed him self 5 months ago. Today is my turn. I’m just done. A lot of people say it. Because it’s true. I don’t want to draw this out. I just want to say I’ve been hurting nonstop for 17 years and it’s gotten to the point where I just can’t be bothered anymore. I love my pets, and I feel they’re the only ones who will honestly miss me. Well, I know of about two people who will. But …

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2

Wits End

January 4th, 2017by Old_Medic60

I’ve put up with these painful esophageal spasms for some time. Cannot eat or drink without painful spasms, chest pain and aspiration. Been to specialists but no one has any idea what to do.
Secondly, been homeless for a year now, living in hotels, friends and my car. I’m 56 and really a battle with everyday life. Tried intimacy the other day and that didn’t work. Had been abstinate for nearly 4 years and what a let down for both of us.
I have my ‘exit bag’ ready always available in my car. Going to a different hospital today and if no answers will end this miserable …

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2

Confession: 3 times the charm or curse

January 3rd, 2017by BrokenAngel8

This one I have been thinking about quite a bit lately… Though certain things that are good happened this year. 2016 was mostly shit as far as me being emotionally, mentally and physically healthy.

It makes me wonder on why god is letting me live like this and being extremely miserable and unhappy with my life. It made think about the 3 times that I tried to take my life in the past.

The first time I was 13.. I was being severally physically and mentally bullied in school for a variety reasons by some of my classmates. It was suppose to be a prescription drug overdose.. …

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1

Why is so difficult?

January 2nd, 2017by FNYGG

I have been struggling with depression for the last 5 years. I think I always had depression tendencies but I started a treatment 5 years ago. I remember since I was a kid I have been thinking of how to suicide. I tried to do so in 2016 and it’s still on my mind and at the moment the only thing that “motivates” me is to know that I have a bunch of pills ready to be taken with alcohol. I have studied how to do it, how pills work and react to have success. Is that crazy?

It’s funny how when people know that you …

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3

Sick

December 30th, 2016by beautifulsinner

sick and tired. thats what i am. stupid me for breaking down at school and telling the school guidance counsellor about my plans to kill myself. right back to the psych ward is where she took me. i cant believe i cracked, i wish i didnt. now im here against my will for who knows how long. im so angry. so angry and tired of people making my hospitalisation for wanting to kill myself about them. “dont you think about your impact” yes, of course i do. but do i care? i dont. im so numb and sick of people telling me it gets better …

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4

Death in the family

December 26th, 2016by Epistemologist2.0

Hello everyone! I am a father (non-custodial parent) of 2 boys. For the past 8 years I’ve spent fighting I. Family court to advocate  for my equal parental rights, as to ensure my bond with my children….Long story short…I lost. The mother proved to be to manipulative. Its funny because the more I fought to be in my children’s life, the more she fought to keep me away. There is really no way I can at this point, classify her as a human being. I’ve had countless, never ending, suicidal/homicidal ideations and the emotional Pain I feel is beyond this world!! To describe my pain …

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1

Still here

December 26th, 2016by my heaven is your hell

I am still here.Same old me,same old sadness that takes away every atom of my energy,same old mind that tells me i am worthless ,same old mirror  that shows me all my flaws .Scale still defines me ,every bite tastes like misery cos it screams :”FAT!” . I am still here and i have no f clue whats going on.

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3

Please Help.

December 26th, 2016by alex71

I have hit a dead end. I don’t have the strength. I have been crying recently so much, my eyes look like as if I am having an allergic reaction. In a nutshell I have authoritarian racist judgmental parents that abuse me verbally, even at the age of 19; I finally found my soulmate but instead of being happy I have doubts in my head and he can be mean sometimes; I hate myself, I have zero confidence, I believe I am worthless and that no one cares about me. For the first time ever I cut my leg twice within the past months.  I …

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6

Struggling to cope

December 25th, 2016by gemini

Don’t get me wrong had a brill day lots of family time and fab gifts, I feel bad complaining as some of you guys have spent Christmas alone or had no family to spend time with etc, but my health condition has been threatening to put me in hospital again over the last few days and I can’t stand it anymore! It feels like I’m constantly being tortured.

I planned to commit suicide after the Christmas holidays so now I just got to get through the next few days of visiting family without ending up in hospital or try ending it too soon around them just …

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