For non-suicidal topics that are fun, entertaining or informative.
Fun & Interesting
So… i just finished my plan, you guys probably know what kind of plan i have and it is just great, well planned actually.
But im thinking we should i go one last time. I tought in a beach, it would be troublesome to go but i can handle, i think in some hill or high place, i have fear of heights, but the sight would be awesome
Soo… what you guys think? Where should i go one last time?
I’m about to try smoke some weed. Is it good? what can it do?
I’m done. I’ve had enough of Arizona. This place is literally my own personal version of hell on earth. I was born in AZ but it doesn’t mean I have to love it. My skin hates it so much. Triple digit temperatures all week are no fun when you gotta walk 15miles just to get to work. The careless peeps who run my side of town won’t build or expand public transportation in many neglected areas out here. I have a car now but I remember when I didn’t have one and arriving to work smelling like shit from sweating on my way there. Besides the weather, I have nothing but painful memories here. I hate seeing certain places that remind of bad memories. I guess I can thank my broken family for that. I’m abandoning them and unfortunately I can’t tell them where I’m going because I don’t want them to follow. There’s a few that I will miss so much but I know if I tell them where I’ll be going then they’ll just pass the word around to the rest. I’m doing this for me and hopefully for my future children if I ever get the opportunity to have some of my own. I’ll be moving to New Mexico. I don’t have much to lose. All I need is me and my car. Obviously it would be wise to secure a job over there first as well as an apartment. I’m not that naive to think I can just get up and go without any roadblocks. This is why I will be preparing for 1 year. I’ve done my research on communities and the environment over there. I’m well aware that I will be needing a new driver’s license as well. I can go on and on about how much I’ve thought this through just to prove that I have in fact researched enough. But my decision has been made.
Everything I own can fit in my small car so theres one less roadblock most people face when moving. The minimum wage may be lower over there but so is their housing prices. $9 an hour will be their minimum wage starting next year. Found many studio apartments for $500-$700. That’s an easy price to pay in my opinion. A little over a weeks worth of work and I have enough to rent a studio apartment already with the income tax rate in between 1.7% – 4.9%. In comparison to Arizona’s 2.59% – 4.54%. And many decent apartments out here cost a lot more between the ranges of $775-$950. People say that’s cheap in comparison to other places but if I can go cheaper without sacrificing safety and quality then WHY NOT?! And yes there are cheaper apartments out here that only charge $500 per month but those are the ones located in areas populated with gangbangers, drunk college students and crackheads as well as prostitutes. I’m sure this happens in every state but the key is knowing which areas to stay away from. Anyways I’m absolutely certain that I will love New Mexico. I’m tired of being trapped in Arizona aka satans fiery asshole. This place is getting too crowded anyway with the high rates of population growth every year here. And the natural formations out there look beautiful….at least based on what I can see from the pictures. I’ll be going out for walks, hikes more often once I get out there.
To climb out of the wreckage of lies, deception and willful betrayal and duplicity. To perceive who someone really is under their ingenuous disguise of innocent princess playing the victim. Covert narcissism runs deep in a traumatized mind. I’ll burn the whole world down to achieve my success and realize my nocturnal dreams to reality. I’ll be damned if I let the insidious lies of a miserably trapped, cognitively dissonant, neurotically insipid, and untreated psychotic disassemble my life. The fire inside of me rages with flames of pride, dignity, and truth of self. The distinctive I. I, Ryze. And I know the Creator. My I is one with the I of the Creator guiding my life. The eternal flame feeding the infinite creativity intrinsic to my nature. I, comatose. Yet I, ryze despite the adversity, opposition and social control. The truth is a terrible thing and you hid too many secrets. My allegiance is to the eminent self, and the transcendent entity. Your allegiances speak for themselves in your poisonous actions, words, and doublespeak. Hidden behind your veil of delusions of grandeur, your grandiose ego and superficial machinations of a personality. Fuck you. I refuse to be held down. This is a declaration to MY future!
It’s only natural that the more a human has to handle large masses of anything, they cease to see the individual and rather the collective. It’s how vision works, zoom out and you don’t see the atoms anymore just the mass. This makes them forget that people are people. They either are psychopaths to take on such a terrible task or they become psychopaths along the way. The sheer lack of sympathy that is displayed by authouritarians is sadistic and psychopathic to say the least. That’s why the world will never get better, and people will always die.
Targeting down unwanted behavior, which might have been caused by extreme environments. Making a behavioral change, to resolve those conflicts.
Lately, 1) I have been fed up with making unsocial statements or just being indelicate in social environment. I also have been fed up with 2) my lack of sleep.
First step, targeting the problems and its reasons; I feel like it is an outcome of physical state. or is it?
Let’s look further:
1). Being socially indelicate – why? Because I talk fast. is it all ? No. let’s look further; I ACT quickly probably due to PTSD, and other PAST environments that I have been in, in which I had to ACT QUICKLY, and be PASSIVE. I am also feeling “lonely” because I notice way more people than they notice me [due to the fact that I am ALWAYS ALERT TO THE ENVIRONMENT due PTSD]. Feeling lonely -> increase pressure to socials -> increase anxiety and defects in the process. Repeats it self….
2). Why I cant fall asleep quick? because I’m always sitting on the lookout, and I also feel extremely lonely [also related on being always alert, noticing many people with out being able to say to them that I’m in anxiety]. —there is more but I will pass on making further analysis—.
Now, second step: Making behaviroal changes:
1). Calming myself with thoughts and other well known techniques [NON DRUGS]. Practicing out loud with mirror and others. Experiencing more socially stable conversation, in which I take an ACTIVE role, speaks sometimes TOO SLOW, so I can experience a different sort of awkwardness – the sort of which I’m AFRAID OF. (then I will learn that it is not bad, and will feel more CALM).
In addition, every time I feel lonely and unwanted, to let my thoughts go over and away, take a few moments to rest and enjoy the beautiful day around.
2). small opening: until now I had to sleep with a played TV show or other thing, to help me run away from my thoughts. My solution is putting a 15minutes music [set music on phone to close in 15 minutes] and to play out a calming music [maybe change it every once in a while], think about my goals, my means, how I will change other unwanted behaviors.
In conclusion, with writing this, I have thought about ways that I think fit for me to cope with my problems, and I offered myself BEHAVIORAL SOLUTIONS for BEHAVIORAL PROBLEMS. It is important to practice them. I hope to succeed, and will updated later.
As for usual, if you thought this was worth reading, please comment, tell me what you think, if you have advices, I would love to know. I am hear to gain help and to overcome my problems. I want to cope with my life, and find better ways to heal the wounds.
Stay strong, be brave,
p.s. cliped wing I tried sending you emails, didnt got response. Maybe you can send me an email? update me that you have sent one, so I can check maybe there is an auto spam block for some reason.
Last 6 month were extremely stressful for my own experience, and a lot of fears or other worries of mine, have re-appeared.
I have started playing idiotic games on the computer in purpose of escaping reality. I have ditched my studies and fell down in the final exams.
In my own perspective the last experience was harsh enough to deduct my self esteem and many other aspects. Now I have to deal with the consequences and find solutions.
So what is my plan?
Well first – slowly accept the idea of harsh reality, and tough problems.
While doing the first step, I am also coping with my urges of “running away from the reality” – and instead , I am dealing with my own problems by staying focus on DOING the solution.
In addition, I have brought back few habits that I have seen helping me progress,
|||| I shall state that the progress I have seen, wasn’t indicated by me, but was indicated by outside perception, OR, how people see me, and how good am I functioning in many aspects of life [ example: social places, friendships, hobbies, work place, self hygen, doing sports, eating habits and so on…] . ||||
helping me progress, as such: reading a book (thus increasing my ability to read, I have dyslexia), working out casually (helps fighting depression or sadness, more time around people so feeling less lonely, and creating better physics thus helping increase positive feedback by people around), expressing my self more loud and more often (as for: asking questions in class, taking a step to talk with friends, making conversation with anyone that I can think of).
In addition, in order to deal with the sadness and loss that I feel due to recent events, I decided to both write down my thoughts, and play the guitar and sing more often. Thus, I have a healthy way of expressing my feelings. I hope to achieve further on, a more open mind set, and perhaps be able to talk about my feelings with close people to me.
I have shared with you this personal note. I hope it can help you, or at least make you feel it was worth reading it.
If so, you are more than welcome to comment and show me that there are people out here.
Stay strong, Be brave,
I just wanted to write something.
Let off my thoughts. I grew up without a father and had to learn my place as a male in society. It took me a lot of failures to get anywhere beyond my starting point.
I guess it was easier for me to say I don’t belong, or to let go whenever I didn’t solve my problems
with the time passing, I’ve learned to accept more and more responsibility for my actions and, much more, for my dealing with struggles.
I had few traumatic events along my life, that left me to feel alone, and perhaps alienated from other social beings.
I had also few amazing experiences that I barely count on and remember.
Sometimes I think retrospective that this are my life, and I should keep on making the best out of it. Some other days I just want to lay down and feel sorry for myself, or cry a little.
Maybe one day I will accept the fact that life are a wave, sometimes you are up and sometimes you are down.
Eventually, I hope to keep walking toward my goals, get hold of my greater dreams, and keep progressing.
I have left few friends away from me in the last months. I took a step to finish some unhealthy friendships, and conquer new healthy ones.
I have pushed myself to start talking with girls and being more manly. I have proved myself I also can succeed.
I hope good days will get among us and that we will grow better and better. I hope I will find the power to succeed my final exams.
I think I need to learn more how to appreciate what I have, and make the best out of opportunities.
I’m easily hurt by others, and extremely motivated (which is good) but for the wrong reasons (like when people doubt me).
Maybe with the time passing by, and me growing up, I’ll learn how to deal better with life, and how to find a healthy motivation.
I wish you all well,
stay strong be brave,
I must apologize in advance, because I’m going to put a lot of videos and articles in this post and it will probably occupy a lot of space on the starting page of this site (needless to say, feel free to write your opinions about euthanasia in the comment section).
And a PDF about euthanasia in Belgium:
I’m curious about the average suicidality of people who post here. So, I thought I’d conduct an experiment and ask.
On a scale of 1-10, How close do you think you are to killing yourself right now? (1 being not close, 10 being very close)
EDIT: To more accurately measure degrees of suicidality, I’ll be taking fluctuation into account as well, because people feel more suicidal on some days than others. So, if your number today is different than it wouldve been yesterday or earlier in the week, that’s okay. Please feel free to share those numbers as well. So, to recap, Please share your number as it is today, and if you want, share your numbers as they have been recently as well.
I’ll keep an eye on this post, and post the resulting average of those who responded after a day or two.
Thank you to those who participate!
It’s the name of a YouTube series by the channel “Cracked” i randomly found weeks ago. I find myself keep rewatching both seasons on a playlist. It covers topics like dating, depression, death/life, etc. through the eyes of a few random young adults animated. It just makes me feel like i’m not going through some of my issues alone, and i don’t mean that as in theres noone around to help me if I actually asked, but that there are other people with the same mindset as me about certain topics(even pass my depression/suicidal thoughts I’d never actually admit to to anyone I know(including myself)). Some of these videos/episodes LITERALLY give me goosebumps.
I encourage everyone, (especially anyone in their 20s) trying to understand what life is/means to watch a video or 2…it helps…, not saying that its going to “fix” anyone, but it’ll probably have you thinking a little differently. That’s what it is doing for me.
Considering the site this is I’ll put this video’s link as an example…
I hate small talk, and chide others for resorting to it in conversation, but I guess it is a good way to start a talk with others. So, what kind of weather do you guys prefer? Cold or hot? Wet and rainy or dry and windy? Winter, summer, spring, or fall?
Also, are your preferences tied to any childhood/cherished memories that make you feel good? Any nostalgia linked to the weather?
I felt kinda lonely, and just wanted to chat. I hope someone answers this.
You go to push phantom glasses up your nose that apparently you felt sliding down… only to realize you’re wearing contacts
the old cat.
the younger cat.
the solar eclipse.
the falling leaves.
her best friend.
the group chat.
the dancing bird video.
the cute cat video.
the chicken farm.
the funny dreams.
This poem is based on the ancient Greek epic poem Odyssey, which is attributed to the legendary author Homer. Quick summary of the Odyssey: there was a war between the ancient Greeks and the Trojans (Troy was – and still is – located at nowadays North-western Turkey), the Greeks laid siege on the city of Troy for 10 years and they destroyed it (there’s another ancient epic poem, Aeneid by the Roman author Virgil, that picks up the story after the destruction of Troy, but let’s stick to Homer’s Odyssey for now). After that, one of the Greek kings named Odysseus (in Latin: Ulysses) set out for Ithaka, his birthplace and kingdom. On his journey home (which lasted, according to the poem, 10 years) he had many adventures and misadventures.
And, for the film buffs, a good adaptation of the Odyssey is this one:
Anyway, I posted this poem because we can see it as a representation of life itself. And I can’t decide if it’s optimistic or pessimistic…
At first glance, it seems very optimistic: keep trying and fighting to reach your goals, whatever they are. Its meaning is similar to the phrase ”the chase is better than the catch”. But the final lyrics of the poem make me think of it as pessimistic and a little bit ironic:
And if you find her poor, Ithaka won’t have fooled you.
Wise as you will have become, so full of experience,
you will have understood by then what these Ithakas mean.
These lyrics are implying that it was all for nothing, that every effort was fruitless and meaningless. And that’s why I can’t decide… I might say that the interpretation of Cavafy’s poem depends on someone’s views on life…
I wrote a post earlier asking for metal music suggestions and was satisfied with the suggestions I received. I’ll leave the link on the bottom.
My favorate music genres are:
metal (Black is my favorate but all is enjoyable)
Rock (gunsengunsen(that’s what I call Guns N’ Roses for the laughs), highly suspect is new but good and Pink Floyd Perl jam etc)
Jazz (Chet Baker fav, also songs like monks dream- take 8, in your own sweet way, take five and so on)
and one more genre that I don’t quite know what is called ( Cigarettes after sex, Korey Dane, Beck) but it’s like calm music with whispering or so
Anyways, back to the point. I’d like to revive more nice suggestions and of course I’d give good recommendations ( at least I’ll think they’ll be good, really just depends) back to you.
My my least fav genres r music such as :
Rap ( I used to listen to Eminem as a child n he’s cool, i especially dislike Icelandic rap(i live in Iceland n at work it’s ok the radio all day long))
Dubstep ( even tho I really enjoy Korns “the path of totality” album)
Dance club idk ( you get the point)
i like the band ratatat tho, even tho I don’t know what genre they’re considered to be
those are just not my cup of tea but who am I to judge, Most people I know or know of have the opposite taste of mine so I never really have anyone to share my music with
i didn’t make this post to whine about music I don’t like but really I’m open to all suggestions as I said above, even if my least fav genres I could still find enjoyable music (from my point of view of course)
feel free to share your music, honestly I’m open to even the unlikeliest of opinions
here is some music I like if anyone would like to take a look, or take a listen whatever. I’ll go from soft(top) and leave the heavy stuff for the bottom.
Not sure if all the artist are right but it’s according to my saved Spotify songs
Chet Baker – I fall in love to easily
Bill Evans – Gary’s theme
Dexter Gordon – I guess I’ll hang by tears out to dry
Brad Mehldau – when it rains
—whisper genre (please tell me in comments if you know the name thanks)—
Alex turner – it’s hard to get around the wind
Korey Dane – fade into you
Foals – Spanish Sahara
The Maccabees – toothpaste kisses
—Rock (childhood fav genre)—
Dire straits – Sultans of swing
The doors – la woman ( the song and album
david Bowie ( pretty much everything)
Highly suspect ( rather new)
incubus – make yourself + morning view (albums
and so many more
— Metal ( delicious )—
Antigama – empty paths (album(ear rape))
Naglfar – harves (easy going Black Metal)
Avenged sevenfold (cliche but my childhood favorate)
Sólstafir – nón (this band is the only good thing about Iceland from what I believe)
Hellyeah – moth
And so, so, so many more
I meant to keep this post short but I just couldn’t stop myself.
Can’t wait for your suggestions may they be many.
thank you for your time
https://suicideproject.org/2017/07/metaldetector/ the link I promised
P.s. I was gonna say something else but I forgot
one year on the suicide project.