My Suicide Note

11

I really did try

August 15th, 2017by iwouldrathernot

Please excuse my ramblings if they don’t make any sense, I don’t really sleep anymore. This isn’t the root of my problems I’m just saying maybe the things I say won’t make sense because I’m bad at communicating when I am this tired.

 

I don’t really know what I want to say actually, I am just very lonely and lost. My world view is very dark, from what I have seen of the world, it is very ugly to me. I don’t see people in a good way anymore. Lots of things went wrong with me, I hate myself so much.

 

For the past five years, I …

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3

Can’t Move

August 15th, 2017by blackopal02

I can’t get out of bed. And that’s one of the main reasons why i hate myself so, so much.

I hate myself for doing nothing, for being unproductive, for being a worthless failure. I hate myself for being so fat and ugly and not trying to do anything about it.

My whole body feels numb and heavy, and my eyelids droop, yet at night i can never sleep.

Why am i like this? Why can’t i be like the girls at my school who have their lives together; who are on the school teams, have friends and significant others, who have no serious physical ailments, and who …

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5

I’m sorry.

August 13th, 2017by Eccedentesiastsoul

I’ve been fighting for so long and its time I surrender. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the perfect daughter. I’m sorry I wasn’t born a boy. I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment and I couldn’t be who you wanted me to be. I’m sorry i couldn’t open up about it. I’m sorry I was too weak to ask for help, I thought I would get over it like all my problems, just like you said. I didn’t want to cause more drama since you said I should “get over it and stop being a drama queen”. I’m sorry I wasn’t friends with who you wanted …

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2

Black days

August 13th, 2017by ImSayingGoodBye

Whatsoever I’ve feared has come to life
Whatsoever I’ve fought off became my life
Just when everyday seemed to greet me with a smile
Sunspots have faded and now I’m doing time
Now I’m doing time
‘Cause I fell on black days

 

With the recent suicide of two great singers. For whatever reason, I’ve looked back into Chris Cornell’s lyrics and started listening to his work deeper than I’ve ever have before. His words touch my inner soul. I’ve never really liked soundgarden or audioslave till now. I always loved the grunge era. And I considered Cornell’s bands on the bottom of the list that time. I have no idea why, …

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3

then and now

August 13th, 2017by lostidentity

I used to love life… every bit of it.

I used to love traveling and staying up late and being with friends.

But now my mind and body has become a mobile prison I cannot escape.

Travelling meant I had to suffer from continuous worry that somehow this trip will end up badly and my mom will find out how I tried to escape from the chaos of our home.

Staying up late meant that I had to battle my mind’s endless debates on how my life will end up; good or bad (the bad side always wins). I would always find a reason to stay awake and that alone will …

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7

NEED SERIOUS HELP

NEED SERIOUS HELP

August 11th, 2017by MissSweetLand

I need someone with to talk about our problems. I’m a chronic Suicidal now. I’m 20 years old and I’m a girl. My first attempt to suicide was when I was 13 years old. I’m on psychiatric treatment since I was 15 years old. I was bullied, raped, humiliated and I didn’t want to live anymore. I’ve been trough hard situations and all I’ve always tried to do is kill myself, but my family know about my problems and someone is always looking at me so I couldn’t do anything else than being in coma for an overdose of pills. Please comment below if you …

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4

Life Got Worse…

August 11th, 2017by Kirsten

I wrote several blogs on here under the name of Shelly, my last was about six years ago. So much has happened since then that I literally don’t know where to start, and not in a good way! I’m still alive. Clearly. I’m now 45 and I’ve lost nearly everyone dear to me except for my dog, cat and sole remaining friend. One of the people I lived with for a long time turned against us and moved out severing all contact… that’s his choice, though I guess I mean nothing to him now.  Then my life partner and best friend died, in two months …

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9

My Last Post

August 9th, 2017by FrozenSammy

So my last post…is getting a lot of hate….and I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to get raped….I know it’s my fault…and I’m sorry….I shouldn’t have even posted about it….I’m very sorry for making everyone upset…I just shouldn’t have said anything….I should have kept it to myself…I’ve done it for a year….I shouldn’t have said anything…

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1

August 9th, 2017by DeadHeart

I have the same feeling sometimes, I feel a little cheered up, I have a laugh but I remind myself that this is temporary, the way I really feel, miserable, depressed, crushed, bogged down, stuck, jealous will return shortly.

My thoughts of suicide use to be just thoughts but lately this has also changed for me, I’m coming to realize that my life isn’t going to change, no one is going to come save, I either I have to begin to enjoy this miserable life or end it.

I know I won’t be able to enjoy this life, its literally to hard. I’m so far behind

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2

Just Ranting

August 8th, 2017by blackopal02

do you ever feel so useless and depressed that you no longer feel?

after feeling angry and sad for so long i’m starting to only feel numbness. i’m starting to accept the fact that I am useless and will never be skinny or pretty or talented.

i’m too lazy and too far gone to try to “improve” myself and work on trying to get my life back together. when I try to think about feeling “normal” again I immediately realize that that is impossible and absurd. I will never and can never be happy again.

Im such a burden to all who are around me and I’ve been …

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3

The feeling that just doesn’t go away

August 8th, 2017by eeyore

I’ve been holding out my hand for help for so long. People who’s duty is to help children from abuse didnt even help me. But now I finally see a hand reaching out for mine. The hand belongs to death. All I have to do is end my life and everything will be okay. I’ll be okay for the first time in forever.

I’m stuck in this empty dark hole. Alone. In this nonstop feeling of misery. I feel so low that it physically hurts me. It’s choking me. It’s the feeling aching at the back of my throat. I’m trapped and defeated.

Come on, I’m a …

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2

Two types of people who suffer

August 8th, 2017by eeyore

im not gonna say that everyone struggles or suffering but for those who do, there’s two types

the one who suffers tremendously but keeps going to share their story and to help others

or the one who also suffers tremendously and gives up bc they simply can not handle the endless pain and emptiness (or any other feeling they are struggling to overcome)

 

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15

Abusive Relationship

August 7th, 2017by FrozenSammy

I was in a very abusive relationship, I don’t like talking about it but I need to because I feel like I’m going to explode if I don’t. His name was Roman. He was very kind to me and that meant a lot to me because I was going through a really dark episode. It started small, degrading me with words. Then he started hitting me, kicking me, eventually things got sexual. He was into a lot of kinky stuff that I won’t get into. I have headspaces called little space, kitten space and slave/sub space. I only go into them occasionally but he took …

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3

Just gonna leave this here.

August 7th, 2017by Snowy

To my husband: I’m done trying to please you when nothing will. I can’t keep all the pain in any longer. Now you won’t have to leave me or deal with my bs as you call it. Good luck finding a new girl that will deal with you and your bs. I can’t anymore you’ve sucked me dry. Sorry your best friend is going to have to pick up my body and as you put it be disgusted with me. I wish I could have turned off my feelings before it got this bad.

To my mother in law/boss: I may have inconvenients you tonight but …

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6

How

August 7th, 2017by FrozenSammy

How do you survive when the world wants to crush you? I’ve had my fair share of shitty experiences. My mom almost died from an emergency heart open surgery, twice. I was in an extremely physical, mental, emotional and sexual abusive relationship. My parents used to punish me and my sisters by spanking us with metal blind closers. They said it was “the Lord’s rod of discipline” and I finally called them out on there bullshit. Then I came out as transgender, female to male, and gay. They are very Christian and still have not accepted me for who I am, it’s been over a …

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24

I’m in shock

August 6th, 2017by whenthepainoflivingistoomuch

I feel as if someone took a iron fist and rammed it right into my stomach and took a sword and put it through my heart.

I checked my email as I usually do this morning after breakfast.  There in  my in box was a name that I have not seen in months.  Someone that was a deep and close and personal friend of mine, that just stopped talking to me and I never knew why.

Now, I do.

I am here to share something with you that she sent me.  I am still crying about it and currently sitting in a police station waiting to talk to …

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11

Im broken. I don’t know how much longer I can do this

August 6th, 2017by eeyore

I honestly don’t know where to start. I don’t know why I’m at this stage of where being dead is more pleasing than being alive. I never thought I’d be in this position. This might be quite long. I just really need to let it all out. Not sure the type of response I need or expect but if you’re reading thank you I hope you’re well and okay.

Ok so I haven’t been diagnosed with depression. I’ve lost all desire to do anything. It’s either a.) I’m asleep alllll day or b.) I don’t sleep for three days straight. I just feel so low. …

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2

I am done

August 6th, 2017by sharps31

To my mother, there was nothing you could have done, no more that you could have said, no more support you could have given.  I have been broken inside a long time and I cant seem to put myself back together.  Too much hurts me in this world and I cant deal with it anymore.
Please dont be sad I am gone – be happy that I wont be in pain anymore, that I wont be battling demons everyday, that noone and nothing can let me down, disappoint me or hurt me anymore.  Take comfort this is my choice and I am in a better place.
Hold …

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15

Always Jealous

August 5th, 2017by blackopal02

Do you ever look at someone else and wish so badly that you could be them? In fact I’d rather be anyone else other than me.

“Me” is ugly, gross, flawed, useless, unworthy of life and love, unathletic, selfish, jealous, and just an utterly disappointing piece of shit. Funny how I can list tons of negative adjectives about myself but can’t think of a single positive one. Guess it just goes to show that I really am a worthless loser.

When I see my peers, family, and other people on the street I strangely feel like they’re “showing off” even if they aren’t talking about …

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12

My Note

July 29th, 2017by KoneWone

Starting point for note:

  1. Sorry about all the crap I’ve left to clear out
  2. Sorry to everyone I’ve hurt
  3. I’ve had an interesting experience here but the novelty has worn off
  4. I hope I don’t reincarnate on this planet
  5. Didn’t think I could do it but I did
  6. …..any more ideas?
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