Stories of Loss

For those who have passed on.

1

At the end of the year i will die.

March 22nd, 2017by Aquarium

Well i guess my story isn’t really easy to tell, without talking about my past. So if your willing to read a page to listen, i would be thankful.

If you want to skip my past then why i will be killing myself at the end of the year, Will be at the bottom of the page..

(Forgive my spelling and grammar.. I have no education )

 

Before i was born, i was not exactly planned. My mom was 17 and my dad was 21. Both my parents had really bad and horrible pasts. My mom was raped as a child by a lot of men, And no …

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4

Blank

March 19th, 2017by Zelrot

I lost my baby within three years of her birth. Before that, I was moderately depressed. Once in a while I would break down into tears, I was even afraid to look in the mirror. I’ve seen myself as a monster most of my life. If not I as a monster, then I as someone surrounded by them. I’ve been married to my husband for quite a while now, I love him dearly but his depression only piles onto mine. He’s put a gun to his head around 238 times now, once just recently. He pulled the trigger all but that last time, all bullets …

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7

Abuse, Broken, Alone, & No Future

March 13th, 2017by BrokenDreamer

All my life I’ve tried to do the right thing and all my life I got pain and abuse.

Years back everything was destroyed by a hurricane and lost that I owned and my health started to fail.

In 2014 my father died due to med mal.  I’m on disability having gotten a severe debilitating condition.  I’m in massive chronic pain.  Greedy relatives tried to the little money my father had.

I have no one to help me.

In 2015 I got abused by 2 medical facilities and imprisoned in one due to a false statement someone made.  I witnessed an African-American beaten by hospital security severely in the …

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0

Day of the thorn, For the rose now despises me…

March 10th, 2017by CARLOSPEJUAN

I worked
countless hours
I ran,
distances many men are incapable of doing
I did things that while moral and proper left me exhausted
i, I never, ever have worked so hard in my life
I ran things, boss like. To no avail for I failed a lot
I did things hoping that one day I could see you again and hoping
that I co uld be there for you and hoping that I could be that person,
That you  looked up to, that person you could look forward to being
the reason why I stayed around
the reason why I worked so hard
the reason why I never gave up (offered myself), the reason why I …

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3

My humanity is rehearsed; I am merely a set of learned & adaptive responses.

March 2nd, 2017by NoOneIsHere

As a teenager and through my early twenties, I used to think that me being alone was because the world was full of **** and that I was being graded on how well I conformed.  But over the years I’ve begun to see that I’ve failed everyone in my life.  I don’t know how to be a real person.  I cannot give people what they need.  I know the words but I don’t know how to speak the language.  And I can no longer delude myself into believing the world is at fault while pretending that I’m not an empty shell of a human being. …

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4

Funerals

February 28th, 2017by Mkaye

I have been battling depression ever since I was 13. Over the years I have been in and out of a variety of therapies and treatment methods. I spent a lot of time when I was younger in group therapy and I became close to many of the people who I saw consistently. As time went on, people would bring in other friends and our little group grew. There was a time when we were growing faster than we were killing ourselves, and I took comfort in the support network.

 

We stopped growing, and now all that is left is death. I switched my phone number …

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5

Behind the closed door.

February 22nd, 2017by AmandaBen

A poem written by me during my darkest moments.

 

Behind the closed door

 

Behind the closed door

Lies a girl who hides her pain

Buried in so much sorrow

All hope is being drained

 

Behind the closed door

Lies a girl practicing to smile

To hide the truth from everyone

A mask in which will only stay for a while

 

Behind the closed door

Lies a girl with cuts that bleed red

From unbearable sadness

She’s only hanging by a thread

 

Behind the closed door

Lies a girl who could no longer cry

She starts thinking

How will she say goodbye?

 

Behind the closed door

Lies a girl perfectly still

Who lost all hope

Who lost all will

 

Behind the closed door

Was where a girl once used …

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3

5AM BPD/Love/Sob

February 20th, 2017by Elliot97

Do I get up and disappear while she lays beside me, sleeping beautifully? Even if she did no wrong I can’t force myself to believe she hasn’t, If I disappear maybe she’ll find someone better and worthy. I was always told anything said or thought after 2AM should be ignored but it seems to be my wisest moments. I don’t know how or why I think this way, I wish I didn’t. I wish I was ‘normal’… I used to say consistency is key in my previous relationships but it seems the only thing consistent in my life is sadness, suicidal thoughts and total destruction …

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9

Mentally, a vegetable!

February 19th, 2017by peanutApplecart

I just ordered my sleeping pills for the first time. I have been feeling xtremely suicidal after I lost my job and seeing the love of my life married to someone else. I have a feeling that there is nothing I do to screw things up but it somehow gets it’s own way out there. I have failed relationships in the past and it took me years to get back to a normal life (though I was stressed out of the “worthless” feeling Everyday). I stopped talkin to my friends as they keep saying the same crap that “things will get better” and the ‘shallow …

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2

they say im a dreamer

February 17th, 2017by beautifulsinner

ever since we were young, they always told us we could be anything. we could be an astronaut, or the president, or an artist- whatever we could think of, we could be. because they always told us “skys the limit” or “if you can dream it, you can do it”. but the thing they never told us, were the curveballs life would throw at us. the things that would hinder us incapable of achieving that dream. they never told us how shitty growing up was.
and yet, here i am. just on the cusp of graduating high school, trying to make it through so i …

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4

The 2 Lost Souls

February 13th, 2017by completely_lost2

Today has got to be one very hard day… All i seem to think about is the death of my girlfriend and daughter during childbirth. Their watching over me i believe. I want to have them next to me. You guys obviously know the reason i am depressed. Let me go into detail, I was watching my girlfriend, she was 16, give birth to our child. I was in the hospital room and watched the whole gruesome death. She was already in labor giving birth too Arial Hunter on 4-20-2015. Ella was laying saying “i cant, i cant, i cant” i was holding her hand …

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3

Eyes permanently shut

February 12th, 2017by doomhead

I just discovered this site and i felt some of the pain others expressed and it made me want to express mine that I feel like I couldn’t express to no body in person Bc they tell me something in response I could of told myself.. you know the pep talk or some bullshitt of telling you the reality of things.. fuck yo I know.. I hate hearing that shit.. what people think you should do or have to do.. it’s annoying so I don’t bother talking about my feelings with people who seem to just give you a common sense idea to help you.. …

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2

also i’m new here and haven’t ever been on forums at all

February 12th, 2017by cheystaley

im 22 and my favorite color is pink. i’ve been hospitalized 8 times so far. first when i was 15 and last was in august.

ive been waiting and waiting for things to get better and stay better but it seems like they get better and then worse then the last time it was worst.

a few days after christmas i found out i was pregnant. by this guy i’d slept with twice before who i knew i didn’t meant anything to. he’s kind of my friend i guess. i became friends with him and his other friends last year. they all haven’t known me very long …

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5

It hurts

February 12th, 2017by kamidaka

God that I hate so much: my love for that person really hurts.

So Valentine’s day is coming, and I’ll tell her my feelings. I do not expect a positive answer. Her personality is so overwhelming that I can’t handle it. She’s so strong, she needs a strong person by her side. I’m not what she needs or what she’s looking for.

But she feels that nobody loves her, and I want to change that. I want her to see that she can be loved, if I love her with all my soul it means there will be other people who will love her too.

She’s perfect. Not …

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11

Insomnia is taking over

February 11th, 2017by lilxtina

I have never had insomnia before, this is the first time in my life. It is hell and making my depression even worse.

Does anyone else have it? Or has anyone else had it? How did you deal with it?

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8

Flying to a Funeral – I need your support

February 10th, 2017by lilxtina

On Sunday I will be flying to the United States to attend my partners funeral. We were in a long distance relationship and I hadn’t seen him in over a year, due to financial reasons. We talked everyday, until it happened.

Our love was like no other and anyone who has read my previous posts will know how much I loved him with all my heart and still do.

I have been having sleepless nights and hardly been eating anything at all, frequent anxiety attacks hit me when I think about making the long flight from Australia to USA. I know anxiety will hit me ten times …

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3

I woke up choking, what does it mean?

February 9th, 2017by lilxtina

My partner and the love of my life passed away last week and I am in constant despair and disbelief.

Since his passing I’ve tried to kill myself by overdose on ibuprofen and even put a knife to my chest on 2 occasions (survival instincts kicked in). I was found by my sister and mum when I overdosed and so I am still here, to wallow in my pain and misery. If you want to know more you can read my other post.

Anyway, last night I was asleep and in the dream world (its the only way I can escape from the pain), and something strange …

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3

Hi?

February 9th, 2017by _lost._.one_

I feel so alone, as if I am not good enough.

Today I almost suffocated from my own self-hate. Sigh, not literally, metaphorically. There were so many people in the bathroom all of a sudden and I could not cry, I had to hold it in for approximately ten minutes while they fussed over their picture.

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6

losing them

February 7th, 2017by _lost._.one_

I have lost multiple people in my life. Many, many people. It hurts, I thought they would live forever, they would never leave me, but no they didn’t, people never do. It’s all my fault, all mine, they left this world, and I probably caused it… I was young, so little, my adoptive mother/great great grandmother loved me, hated me, protected me,exposed me, hid me, hurt me, but she kept me alive, she died when I was around seven. All I remember is her in the hospital bed with pictures of us taped to the many wires which were connected to her. She died, with …

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0

An evening between Hope and Despair

February 5th, 2017by Foxglove7

Yesterday I found this place, where thoughts can be expressed that are so often kept silent

it is an empty place where hollow people dwell

“hollow”,  spacious to the point of echoing

empty, expectant

so i sang a song and gave a little speech

to the chorus of voices all lined up at the shore

a faceless sea of voyagers paying their’ fares

tearing their flesh and flaying the souls within

all to buy a ticket

all to buy a ticket

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