Stories of Loss

For those who have passed on.

11

First post, with a question

August 14th, 2017by uptheguff

I’ve been a lurker here for quite sometime, I have read so many post, replies and whatnot, that my head is filled with swimming thoughts.

I understand all too well, what has brought you all here…what has brought me here.

Seems, that most of wish to be free from existence, from the pain….we all have reasons why we want to go, some more than others.  We all have a reason that life is not as it seems but a form or “HELL”.

With all that in mind, I have a question.   All I want is death, all I want is peace, to no longer exist.

About 6 months …

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2

Black days

August 13th, 2017by ImSayingGoodBye

Whatsoever I’ve feared has come to life
Whatsoever I’ve fought off became my life
Just when everyday seemed to greet me with a smile
Sunspots have faded and now I’m doing time
Now I’m doing time
‘Cause I fell on black days

 

With the recent suicide of two great singers. For whatever reason, I’ve looked back into Chris Cornell’s lyrics and started listening to his work deeper than I’ve ever have before. His words touch my inner soul. I’ve never really liked soundgarden or audioslave till now. I always loved the grunge era. And I considered Cornell’s bands on the bottom of the list that time. I have no idea why, …

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6

I hate my body

August 13th, 2017by an_old_child

I really hate my body. I’m not fat, I’m not too ugly, I’m  just covered with scars and a I hate it when I sweat. I actually hate my skin. I’m only 19 and I should be beautiful at this age. I can resist my stretch marks because almost everyone has them so they are natural but I can’t stand my scars. My body is full of those red things. They first appeared the first time I shaved my body hair and now they are everywhere on my hands and legs. I used to have tones of acnes on my face and now they’re gone …

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4

Life Got Worse…

August 11th, 2017by Kirsten

I wrote several blogs on here under the name of Shelly, my last was about six years ago. So much has happened since then that I literally don’t know where to start, and not in a good way! I’m still alive. Clearly. I’m now 45 and I’ve lost nearly everyone dear to me except for my dog, cat and sole remaining friend. One of the people I lived with for a long time turned against us and moved out severing all contact… that’s his choice, though I guess I mean nothing to him now.  Then my life partner and best friend died, in two months …

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9

My Last Post

August 9th, 2017by FrozenSammy

So my last post…is getting a lot of hate….and I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to get raped….I know it’s my fault…and I’m sorry….I shouldn’t have even posted about it….I’m very sorry for making everyone upset…I just shouldn’t have said anything….I should have kept it to myself…I’ve done it for a year….I shouldn’t have said anything…

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1

August 9th, 2017by DeadHeart

I have the same feeling sometimes, I feel a little cheered up, I have a laugh but I remind myself that this is temporary, the way I really feel, miserable, depressed, crushed, bogged down, stuck, jealous will return shortly.

My thoughts of suicide use to be just thoughts but lately this has also changed for me, I’m coming to realize that my life isn’t going to change, no one is going to come save, I either I have to begin to enjoy this miserable life or end it.

I know I won’t be able to enjoy this life, its literally to hard. I’m so far behind

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15

Abusive Relationship

August 7th, 2017by FrozenSammy

I was in a very abusive relationship, I don’t like talking about it but I need to because I feel like I’m going to explode if I don’t. His name was Roman. He was very kind to me and that meant a lot to me because I was going through a really dark episode. It started small, degrading me with words. Then he started hitting me, kicking me, eventually things got sexual. He was into a lot of kinky stuff that I won’t get into. I have headspaces called little space, kitten space and slave/sub space. I only go into them occasionally but he took …

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6

How

August 7th, 2017by FrozenSammy

How do you survive when the world wants to crush you? I’ve had my fair share of shitty experiences. My mom almost died from an emergency heart open surgery, twice. I was in an extremely physical, mental, emotional and sexual abusive relationship. My parents used to punish me and my sisters by spanking us with metal blind closers. They said it was “the Lord’s rod of discipline” and I finally called them out on there bullshit. Then I came out as transgender, female to male, and gay. They are very Christian and still have not accepted me for who I am, it’s been over a …

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24

I’m in shock

August 6th, 2017by whenthepainoflivingistoomuch

I feel as if someone took a iron fist and rammed it right into my stomach and took a sword and put it through my heart.

I checked my email as I usually do this morning after breakfast.  There in  my in box was a name that I have not seen in months.  Someone that was a deep and close and personal friend of mine, that just stopped talking to me and I never knew why.

Now, I do.

I am here to share something with you that she sent me.  I am still crying about it and currently sitting in a police station waiting to talk to …

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2

transparency

August 3rd, 2017by takethistoyourgrave

((follow up to oscillate wildly))

so. maybe…2 weeks after i made my earlier post we moved from the apartments i hated. and i was so happy! i was doing so well mentally because we had a better place now. i dropped out of band in another effort to reduce stress and also because i lowkey hated band now, and the new place was about 10 minutes farther away from my school. if i had to get up at 5:45 in order to make practices then, it would be 5:25 now and…no thanks.

i just got back from a trip to the lake with a friend …

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4

If only they knew..

July 31st, 2017by insignific4nt

do you think they would say things if they knew?

do you think they would sit here and tell me that everything gets better with time? Or that time heals all wounds if they could feel this?

if they had to feel this knife taking pieces of my heart… would they still look at me and tell me I’ll get over it?

if they could feel the tears that pour down my face would they still tell me everything will be okay?

2 years and it’s like nothing has changed.

2 years and I think about you with every gust of wind.

2 years and I feel your hand in mine …

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13

Just have to let something off my chest. Is suicide by cop possible? Down on a dark path. I need help.

July 21st, 2017by Black Holez

It’s 2 AM in here and I can’t even sleep with so many things going on in my mind. I didn’t even have thoughts of suicide and killing myself  when first coming to this site but things have been going downhill right now that this is actually the first time I have had thoughts of committing suicide by cop and taking the bastards who wronged me with me. It scares me that it has come down to this. I just have to let some things out of my chest if I go through with it. I’ve been putting out the facade for too long that …

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4

One More Step.

July 21st, 2017by kellinandrew

I tell myself, one more step, every day. When I wake up, I think, just one more day. I try to keep my mind on one day, one moment, at a time. Because when I begin to let my mind drift, I start to slowly drift away. Sliding into an uncontrollable downward spiral. I cannot keep living my life through the small window I have allowed myself. I feel as if I am completely alone. My boyfriend, is gone. Our relationship fell apart after I lost our baby due to a miscarriage. My rape case against my father has been dismissed. So, he is on …

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3

So long, my beloved

July 19th, 2017by mranony

I saw my mother died.
I saw every breath she struggling take.
I saw the twitches of her body as she dies.
I felt the warmth slowly leaving her body.
I saw my family breaking as my mother breaks.

And it was petrifying.

And as she was being embalmed,
I burnt every imperfection in my mind.
The scar on her left chest,
The stretch marks that bare the three of us.
And all the hardships she’s been through
etched in every part of her body.

And it was beautiful.

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Does anyone listen 2 matchbox 20?

July 10th, 2017by ILoveMyDog

“I don’t know if I’ve ever been good enough
I’m a little bit rusty, and I think my head is caving in
And I don’t know if I’ve ever been really loved
By a hand that’s touched me, and I feel like something’s gonna give
And I’m a little bit angry”. I am really confused and reaching out for help, I dont know if my boyfriend is truely abusive or if its me, if I should kill myself over it or the stuff that’s gone on in my life or if anyone would ever love me, if I have anything redeeming and if I care, I would really like …

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2

I really want to die

July 8th, 2017by Demonqueen

… But I’m scared of failure.
Will I be paralysed?
Brain damaged?

Fail and I’ll be watched and not able to reattempt.

………………..

Vent.

I have mental health, undiagnosed… But imo it is severe.

Vent.

I’m almost 26. Literally everybody I’ve met this year thought I was 12.
When I was 15…. Everybody thought I was 10-12.
You get the picture.
I’m paedo bait.
Not everyday you get to legally “bang” a “12” year old.

Lost count of the times middle aged men have tried to prostitute me and continue on to tell me they thought i was 12-14.

Walking home today with my mum and her partner and two men …

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3

My Lost Flame

July 3rd, 2017by Melted Snow

When I was a bit younger, about 7 years ago, I met a woman who changed my life. She quickly became the best thing to ever happen to me, and I was so happy to even spend an hour with her. I was with her for 5 years. She gave me a drive to complete college, to get a good paying job, she was all I could ask for. She made me feel content with my life.

However I made the biggest mistake that I continue to regret, it makes my heart drop. I have short periods of depression like I have all through my life, …

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9

Lost

June 28th, 2017by Mallyjune

I don’t know what to do.  I’ve never felt so lost in my life.

My ex boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago.  Because we lived together, I had to move out.  Two days ago, I found out I was pregnant.  When I told him about it, he stormed out and basically told me he wants nothing to do with any of it.

I’m so miserable.  I wake up and go to bed every night miserable and I don’t see a logical path of it getting any better.  Last night was the closest I’ve ever come to killing myself.  The only thing that stopped me was …

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6

why God tortured me like that?

June 24th, 2017by an_old_child

after years of suffering, it’s getting good at last.

i think i’m feeling happy and it seems to last for a while. the question here is, why did God tortured me like that?

i know that the day would come that everything will turn upside down again and i will feel down and suicidal -since no happiness is everlasting and no sadness, too- and i think that i’m not ready for that day.

i definitely feel stronger than before all these things happened to me – i don’t really want to say what i’m referring to by “these” – but i don’t like the idea of being put …

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3

Another Useless Post: I am not quaified for any relationship.

June 17th, 2017by BlueDiamond

I need a short break from this site. I’m starting to get so OCD or too obsessed about it that it’s making me rip my hair out. Yes, this web-site relaxes me, so the break won’t be long like two days max. XD I got contracted myself. Plus, the internet is getting slow, so I need to fix it.

Topic: If you have requirements to attract a certain person, you need to look in the mirror, if you want to know why if aren’t attracting them. BTW, dating preferences do not make you a bigot. I’m not desperate for anyone, and do feel like I’m throwing …

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