Stories of Loss

For those who have passed on.

4

Looming Doubts of Presence

October 17th, 2017by singularbluerose

I’ve made several attempts in just two years. None of it worked.

Everytime I would disappear or just fade away from my friends and they wouldn’t even notice. I’m not saying anything different here from what other people here have been through. I’ve always been the friend that took notice of others. I always go out of my way to notice everyone else, because no one would ever do the same to me. I always felt that it was a horrible place to be in my shoes.

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4

My first attempt

My first attempt

October 16th, 2017by NotAlright

I was always a loner, I am just the girl who would sit in the corner and read alone, having only a few friends. I’m also one to have a lot of secrets and put on layers and layers of masks, to hide the brocken form and tears… and soon, I nolonger know how to cry, how to laugh from my heart, or how to smile truely. I hide away behind the walls, and isolated myself even more to protect what’s left of me, to protect my thick fire walls and masks. And due to those suppressed emotions, I always have a problem with my …

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4

Off the hook (addiction)

October 9th, 2017by Urm8451n

TLDR : addiction sign, lack of friendships and lost conflict.

Today I did really good. I deactivated my Facebook account and I’m really close to stop spending useless time on whatsapp.

For those of you who don’t know,  due to suffering and lack of friends… and probably fucked up parents,  life failures, crapy job, broken heart and etc…  I started to develop signs of addiction.

Im taking Ritalin for studying (ADHD)  and each time it hits me, I feel really good, like I’m focusing on the high I get from it.

I also took lately mid-strong pain killers for my stomach ache and I started getting high on it. …

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3

Loneliness… don’t u feel it?

October 8th, 2017by Urm8451n

I have been standing outside the house for a while, letting my thoughts hit hard on love and company.

I really miss my ex, but not because she was someone who gave me trust. But because she was something to hug, hold and have sex with.

It’s easy to remember our time together as lovely,  but in fact it wasn’t as so. therefor I decided to quit it, and even then I’m still missing that hug.

I feel like play Chas game against “time”,  as if some kind of persona,  shaped like a standing clock, is over thinking me at a chess game, and slowly winning.

I wish I …

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9

Broken Psychopath

October 7th, 2017by MonsterNamedKira

I haven’t been honest with a human being a single time, in probably 6 years. I dont understand why others dont lie constantly. I guess others don’t really fit into the sick fuck category either. Honestly though, the deep emptiness inside me seems a little “Extra!” Just a constant void ripping every way inside you, constant and cold. I cant imagine actually feeling anything anymore, it seems impossible. My feeling has been turned off for only a few years and yet they seem like surreal fairy tales you’d tell a tired child at night. But dont misunderstand when Im allowed complete isolation from others, some …

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2

Standing through the waves

October 6th, 2017by Urm8451n

Lately, with my mind and experience expanding, I learn to accept more burden and horrors as a road obstacles.
It is as if I’m riding my car through a bumpy road. Sometimes in encountering a fallen tree, or just small pockets.

I learnt to survive by my own, and followed the importance of knowledge. Right now I’m following my plan to use academic education as a “way out ticket”.

I will try to concur the highest summits man has ever seen, only to let myself the relief to live quietly and alone , perhaps allowing me to build a normal family (unlike my ancestors).

I know the road, or …

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4

I desperately need help!

October 6th, 2017by cofi94

Hello good people… I’m writing this as the last resort after a true hell of a year because, despite my and my family’s and my therapists’ best efforts, the things have only got worse, and I have fallen in deep depression and almost completely lost hope and will to live, but am still very afraid to try suicide and still have spark of hope that things can get better… To start with, I had a very interesting life, I had a lot of ups and downs but was very satisfied with myself and healthy, and was always enthusiastic and full of energy and will to …

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1

my crazy life…

October 4th, 2017by hellfire187

hey,

just want to share a little bit of my story.  Sorry for my bad english.

My father is an alcoholic psycho, as long as I can think. He was allways fliping out. I started smoking weed, when I was 12. I was smoking and drinking every day, since Im 16. At this age, I became sick, crohns desease. Every day pain, like hell… Im on opiate painkillers since Im 20. This every day pain breaks my brain. Got depressed after some years of horrible pain. With 25 I started to take speed, meth, cokain everyday use, in weekends mdma, sometimes lsd, alltogether with weed and painkillers. Every …

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0

A goodbye to myself

October 4th, 2017by TThomas

What is my purpose in living? I ask myself this just about every day now. I have no ability to do anything regardless of my efforts. I genuinely believe that I am cursed. Everything that I love to do always finds a way to rid itself from my life.
For as long as I could remember my strongest passion was for martial arts. I saw jackie chan and other martial art films and it just clicked with me so perfectly. I started taking tae kwon do classes when I was in 6th grade and I was happier than I can even imagine, everything about the grind …

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10

So… Suicide.

September 25th, 2017by TheLastReaper

I don’t know when all of this started, I just know it keeps getting stronger by the day.

I was never the one to believe that you have to tell others your problems, never thought of mental health as something real, I just thought of it as something you make to yourself, because you are not strong enough, or smart, or pretty enough, a weakness if you will, and I still do.

I didn’t have the baddest of childhoods, nor the best. I was bullied since I was a kid till I finished high school, but I kept going, knowing that something better was waiting for me …

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11

Relapse.

September 25th, 2017by Eccedentesiastsoul

5 days ago I lost 136 days of being clean of cutting. It might seem like nothing but it took all of me to get past those 136 days. When I broke them it wasn’t like always. Right now, I feel so shitty about myself and I’m in a really bad place. I got through the last school year taking vitamin supplements because the doctor told me to do so. I stopped them about 2-3 months ago and for the past week I’ve been feeling so down and tired all the time. Last night, I slept for the longest I have ever slept since school …

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3

September 24th, 2017by snader

Moving on, as a concept, is easy. It is automatically breathing and taking one step and another, it is walking forward with a hint of history in the back of your eyes and a gleam of hope in front of them. It is doing what people tell you is ‘best, is most normal for people in your situation’ as if they have any idea what that situation is and as if they know what is best for you. But nonetheless, moving on, as a concept, is easy. It requires no effort, it is what we do, what we do, what we do.
Yet in reality …

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10

Will mixing Zoloft and seroquel kill me?

September 23rd, 2017by kattwilliams77

I can’t take it anymore I’ve wanted this for years. After my grandma died I felt lost. I was with her when it happened, I was only 12. After that my life just went downhill. I dropped out of school got in trouble with the police. I’m never going to amount to anything so why does it matter.

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3

Sin.

September 22nd, 2017by Eccedentesiastsoul

“Wanting to die, is a sin”

Our English teacher read that line. I was in shock. I could hear people whispering and laughing. No one seemed to care. How could she say that? How could the author of the book write about that? How do they want people to admit that they have been wanting to die when they are being taught that it is a sin? Telling us that, would only make us wish we were dead already. We have already got the sin, haven’t we? Why wait around and collect more sins by thinking the way we do?  Wanting to die isn’t a choice, …

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1

Relapse.

September 22nd, 2017by Eccedentesiastsoul

Ever since school started I haven’t been posting since I barley have time to breathe. I visited the hospital about 2 weeks ago since the headaches and chest pain proceed. The doctor gave me pills for a week and immediately checked my oxygen level thinking it had something to do with my asthma. After we left the hospital my parents gave me shit not only because the doctor said it was nothing but also because I forgot my identity card at home. I’m starting to forget things for some reason and I want it to stop. If I keep on forgetting things I won’t be …

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3

my life is a mess

September 19th, 2017by iamdarling

i’m ugly.

i’m untalented.

i have no friends.

i haven’t attended school for two years.

my family are abusive.

 

 

my life is a mess, and i can’t clean it up.

i have nothing going for me,

and i am going nowhere.

i’ve ruined myself and my life.

 

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3

Leaving This Life

September 14th, 2017by usedcanvas

When I was younger I attempted suicide many times, I obviously failed. But when I got better I read that people who try are more likely to try again and be more successful and I used to cry cause I was so scared I would try again and die. At the time I didn’t want to die and I was scared to return to how i used to be. But now I’m in this place where I’m not going to commit suicide but if somehing were to happen to me I don’t know if I would stop it or if I would try and help …

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6

Fake Friends

September 11th, 2017by Lostsoul_20

I hate that my “friends” are all friends with my rapist – they claim not to be but they very obviously are. Always talking to him, laughing with him, partying with him, visiting his place, cooking for him at one point fucking him. I wish they could see how deteriorating this is. Its not enough to say I should be the one to say don’t hang out with him. if some guy that you say you’re only acquaintances with rapes you’re friend you get rid of the guy. Don’t make excuses as to why you continue to get close to him and apologise and continue …

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4

Any survivors blame their partner?

September 6th, 2017by lonely87

Im really struggling to understand how/why my husband chose not only to blame me but to make a campaign out of it in his suicide. His note blames a threat I made (I kept threatening to have him arrested for his violence, I was referring to historical violence but he was paranoid and thought I’d lie and say it was ongoing) but also makes reference to needing the kids to be saved from me, calling me a monster. He left a list of alleged domestic abuse I’d done which ranges from true, to lie, to downright bizarre, to deliberately calculated to sound like something bad …

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33

I drove my husband to suicide.

September 4th, 2017by lonely87

For those of you thinking about it, or those of you who have ‘survived’ it either as an attempter or someone close to them, here’s my story.

I’m 30, and my husband D was 31. We were together for 11 years and married for 9 of those, with two young daughters aged 7 and 2.

I won’t lie, the first 2-3 years we put each other through hell – I would obsess and interrogate him over silly things, go on and on at him, we argued a lot, he would lash out/snap and be violent. He was immature – I remember during one argument in the car …

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