Stories of Loss

For those who have passed on.


Not guilty

January 24th, 2017by lostitall2015

Where to begin?? Last August I had a complete mental breakdown.  I have bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder and PTSD. My wife and I were heavily into synethic marijuana. Almost every dollar we had went into it.  I lost my job due to drug abuse and moved to another state to gain a better job. When I was away my wife began cheating on me.  I was unaware of it till I had my breakdown. One fateful night I lost it all. I drove home and confronted my wife about everything. From the drugs to the bills and everything in between. I was …

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***WARNING *** TRIGGER CONTENT*** This is so fucking gutting. SO sorry for her and anyone else going through rough times here and elsewhere. I’m in tears. She had SO much going for her. What a filthy worthless piece of shit family she had, the poor little angel! She was beautiful, smart, MATURE for her age, […]


Suicide or not?

January 17th, 2017by Randomaccess10

The doctors fucked me up on meds. Forced me to take antidepressants after id already had serotinin syndrome…then i smoked a load with the stress, and had oxygen after to try and fix things…causing more damage, a day in the life of me is like imagine wearing earmuffs, with a car alarm sound 24/7, while your vision is like a home video recording shaking, with the brightness on zero and color turned down, with a bad aerial connection, and you have lead weights strapped to your arms and legs and a jug of water on your head….my little fingers hurt and dont move properly, and …


Frustrating. When Life Keeps Betraying You Even After Death. “A Ballad of Life: Aram Niakan’s Suicide Story.”

It’s a slap on the face. It’s fu*king insulting how some unfortunate ones are screwed over in death, just as they were in life. There are so many places/countries where they don’t give a rat’s ass for somebody’s last will that it’s enraging..!



January 15th, 2017by beautifulsinner

i am so fucking worthless. from my head to my toes, i hate myself. i care for people who dont care about me, and maybe thats my problem. maybe thats why i feel so worthless.

it hurts when you know that youre always the one there for your friends. whether its 2am or 2pm, youre there. dropping what your doing to support them, because thats the kind of person you are. the kind that cares too much and falls in love too hard. maybe the reason why im always there for people is because i never want them to feel as alone as i do. because …


My Story

January 14th, 2017by 90Grayson

Hello everyone, my name is Daniel, and I think I’m going to commit suicide very shortly, I want to anyways, not sure if I will though, since things in life change so much, but I hope that moment arrives in a week or two. I don’t know where to start, I’m done trying to figure out why I’m like this, why I have suicidal thoughts, why I cut myself, why I feel so much pain all the time. It sucks, it really sucks to be this way, I don’t believe in destiny, but I cannot avoid feeling like I am trapped, and have absolutely no …


What have I done.

January 12th, 2017by xxcora

I don’t know how long it has been since I crushed, snorted and swallow all the Adderall pills I could find and any other as well. I apologize if this seems incoherent or miss spelled I could be reacting to the Adderall. Adderall is prescribed to me so it wasn’t hard to get, other than the fact they won’t give me more than once a day. So, I started saving them up every day for the past few weeks or days? I have no idea if it’s enough. I read someone where if you snort the pills you are more likely to overdose so that’s what …


I hate myself

January 10th, 2017by beautifulsinner

every 40 seconds someone in the world dies by suicide.
every 40 seconds i wish i was one of those people.

i wake up and look at myself in the mirror and hate who i am. i hate my skin, clothes, body face; you name it. it wasnt always like this, really. i used to be so fun and joyful and happy.. what happened? i would die to go back to those times when i loved myself, when i was content with life, when i smiled every day. my life feels like a series of unfortunate events, just happening one after another. its funny because from …

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Some pain is worse than other pain

January 5th, 2017by Scarredsoul

No, the pain of not getting to go out when you wanted to is not as bad as the pain of losing someone you love. No, you don’t have the right to act as if these small things you call “first world problems” are as bad as it gets. There is a fine line between inconvenience and pain. Between a small glitch in a normal to semi good day and having to refrain from the extreme urge to kill yourself. I’m so young, but I could swear I’ve felt the slits of the blood sea’s razor and have checked into hell too many times to …


The Mask….

The Mask….

January 5th, 2017by JinxTheJester

Sometimes I wish I could put the mask away…but it’s become a part of me now…and I can’t take it off…

Have you ever been asked that question?

“Are you okay?”

And always answered…

“I’m fine.”

But what you really want to say is…

“I’m not okay!” “I’m depressed!” “I’m suicidal!” “I’m lonely!” “Im dying!” “Please, help me!”

But you can never get the words out.

Its like somebody’s choking you…forcing you to bottle it up inside…Keeping you from breathing…refusing you salvation from these miserable lies…holding you prisoner…and shutting you down ultimately…… 🙁


The only thing keeping me alive is that I’m ironically afraid of dying

January 3rd, 2017by graveyardbee

No one will probably read this but I’d like to pretend they will because I can’t tell anyone I know.

I’m almost 17 years old and I’ve had general anxiety since the day I was born, and severe clinical depression since I was 7. In the last two years, my life has hit 20,000 leagues under the sea. My depression has gotten worse and worse and I’ve tried so many different medications and none work, which doesn’t help ease the ache of what’s been happening. December 17, 2013 I started dating one of my best friends, and I was head over heels in love. I was …


Why is it always a tragedy?

January 3rd, 2017by an_old_child

You have no idea how many times I typed all that down and deleted it. (I am referring to the story of my thoughts by “that”)

it all seems great and wonderful when it is inside my brain, but when i say it aloud (or in this case; type it down) it seems sarcastically unimportant.

i haven’t lived for about two years. everything has changed, suddenly and adversely. i don’t feel good at all.

yes! i don’t feel good at all! that’s the best way to explain it.


I’m a coward

December 31st, 2016by beautifulsinner

im a coward. one big coward with daddy issues. to him, it seems like my problems are far from real, and that they’re just in my head. that if i just “thought” about being happy, i would be. newsflash, depression doesn’t work like that. i cant just turn my suicidal thoughts off. believe me, i would if i could. but i cant, and thats why im sitting here in the psych ward hating myself and wondering why im still alive. id be happy if it was that easy.

but instead, the doctors are trying to get me to talk to my father about my feelings. but …


2016 the eye-opening year

2016 the eye-opening year

December 29th, 2016by Ariayanna1994


The beginning of 2016 was when I got myself together and had my three beautiful children full time I was working as well. I shelters many people family or not and fed the mouth of people who talked bad upon me. I’ve never been the perfect mom sister daughter but I always made sure everyone was good and taking care. October of 2016 was when I experimented with a certain drug. No the drug did not ruin my life but it changed me as a person. The same month landlord told me I could not renew my …


Death in the family

December 26th, 2016by Epistemologist2.0

Hello everyone! I am a father (non-custodial parent) of 2 boys. For the past 8 years I’ve spent fighting I. Family court to advocate  for my equal parental rights, as to ensure my bond with my children….Long story short…I lost. The mother proved to be to manipulative. Its funny because the more I fought to be in my children’s life, the more she fought to keep me away. There is really no way I can at this point, classify her as a human being. I’ve had countless, never ending, suicidal/homicidal ideations and the emotional Pain I feel is beyond this world!! To describe my pain …


A Truthful Look at Suicidal Impulses (Reality, Documentary)

  It is difficult for people to understand the mind and behavior of those affected by true Bipolar Depression Disorder. Identifying, accepting and treating it in a child, that must be extremely challenging. If life isn’t worth living, it definitely isn’t worth dying for either. With all due respect, if you believe there is no […]


There is no self to kill


In Tears Out of Nowhere

December 9th, 2016by SumTimesIWonder

I’m a grown man. I have a wife and children in their mid and late teens. I have a career
and I like what I do. I won’t become a millionaire but quite frankly not looking to either.
Without unmanageable debt, in good health, not religious but spiritually at peace with
my own convictions and family values. In general terms, I’m okay.

But I’m not.

I don’t know why. It just happens and it’s been like this for me for a few
years now. I’ll be driving and suddenly a knot clogs my throat and I can’t help bursting
out crying uncontrollably for about a minute or so.

I have tried to understand …


I’m back.. And feel worse than ever..

December 8th, 2016by GerbzBaby

I haven’t posted here in what seems like a long time. My life was starting to improve little by little, but, as of recently it’s gone down hill. I’ve been having so much trouble with keeping myself happy. My physical as well as my mental health is rapidly deteriorating. I’m not eating correctly, I only eat at least one to two meals a day with very little consumption of water. When I do eat it’s junk food. My digestive system is all kinds of fucked up (going to the doctors soon to get it checked) and I really do fear for the worst.

My mental health …