Stories of Loss

For those who have passed on.

2

5AM BPD/Love/Sob

February 20th, 2017by Elliot97

Do I get up and disappear while she lays beside me, sleeping beautifully? Even if she did no wrong I can’t force myself to believe she hasn’t, If I disappear maybe she’ll find someone better and worthy. I was always told anything said or thought after 2AM should be ignored but it seems to be my wisest moments. I don’t know how or why I think this way, I wish I didn’t. I wish I was ‘normal’… I used to say consistency is key in my previous relationships but it seems the only thing consistent in my life is sadness, suicidal thoughts and total destruction …

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7

Mentally, a vegetable!

February 19th, 2017by nutjobcantlove

I just ordered my sleeping pills for the first time. I have been feeling xtremely suicidal after I lost my job and seeing the love of my life married to someone else. I have a feeling that there is nothing I do to screw things up but it somehow gets it’s own way out there. I have failed relationships in the past and it took me years to get back to a normal life (though I was stressed out of the “worthless” feeling Everyday). I stopped talkin to my friends as they keep saying the same crap that “things will get better” and the ‘shallow …

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2

they say im a dreamer

February 17th, 2017by beautifulsinner

ever since we were young, they always told us we could be anything. we could be an astronaut, or the president, or an artist- whatever we could think of, we could be. because they always told us “skys the limit” or “if you can dream it, you can do it”. but the thing they never told us, were the curveballs life would throw at us. the things that would hinder us incapable of achieving that dream. they never told us how shitty growing up was.
and yet, here i am. just on the cusp of graduating high school, trying to make it through so i …

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15

Sappy Valentie’s Day

Sappy Valentie’s Day

February 14th, 2017by SeeSmith

You may be suicidal, but you are still loved …in a way.

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7

Burying him, burying myself

February 14th, 2017by lilxtina

Today is Valentine’s Day, and I will be burying the man I love.

He died on the 30th of January 2017, unexpectedly. He was only 28 and we were meant to get married and have a life together.

Everything has changed and my life feels empty, my purpose has disappeared. He didn’t need to go. He was the most beautiful man and he had so much potential.

Life is unfair.

Apart of me died when he died. I feel like today I will be burying myself as well. He was the better half of me.

It’s been two weeks since he passed. Everyday is harder. Everyday I am not with …

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4

The 2 Lost Souls

February 13th, 2017by completely_lost2

Today has got to be one very hard day… All i seem to think about is the death of my girlfriend and daughter during childbirth. Their watching over me i believe. I want to have them next to me. You guys obviously know the reason i am depressed. Let me go into detail, I was watching my girlfriend, she was 16, give birth to our child. I was in the hospital room and watched the whole gruesome death. She was already in labor giving birth too Arial Hunter on 4-20-2015. Ella was laying saying “i cant, i cant, i cant” i was holding her hand …

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3

Eyes permanently shut

February 12th, 2017by doomhead

I just discovered this site and i felt some of the pain others expressed and it made me want to express mine that I feel like I couldn’t express to no body in person Bc they tell me something in response I could of told myself.. you know the pep talk or some bullshitt of telling you the reality of things.. fuck yo I know.. I hate hearing that shit.. what people think you should do or have to do.. it’s annoying so I don’t bother talking about my feelings with people who seem to just give you a common sense idea to help you.. …

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2

also i’m new here and haven’t ever been on forums at all

February 12th, 2017by cheystaley

im 22 and my favorite color is pink. i’ve been hospitalized 8 times so far. first when i was 15 and last was in august.

ive been waiting and waiting for things to get better and stay better but it seems like they get better and then worse then the last time it was worst.

a few days after christmas i found out i was pregnant. by this guy i’d slept with twice before who i knew i didn’t meant anything to. he’s kind of my friend i guess. i became friends with him and his other friends last year. they all haven’t known me very long …

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5

It hurts

February 12th, 2017by kamidaka

God that I hate so much: my love for that person really hurts.

So Valentine’s day is coming, and I’ll tell her my feelings. I do not expect a positive answer. Her personality is so overwhelming that I can’t handle it. She’s so strong, she needs a strong person by her side. I’m not what she needs or what she’s looking for.

But she feels that nobody loves her, and I want to change that. I want her to see that she can be loved, if I love her with all my soul it means there will be other people who will love her too.

She’s perfect. Not …

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11

Insomnia is taking over

February 11th, 2017by lilxtina

I have never had insomnia before, this is the first time in my life. It is hell and making my depression even worse.

Does anyone else have it? Or has anyone else had it? How did you deal with it?

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8

Flying to a Funeral – I need your support

February 10th, 2017by lilxtina

On Sunday I will be flying to the United States to attend my partners funeral. We were in a long distance relationship and I hadn’t seen him in over a year, due to financial reasons. We talked everyday, until it happened.

Our love was like no other and anyone who has read my previous posts will know how much I loved him with all my heart and still do.

I have been having sleepless nights and hardly been eating anything at all, frequent anxiety attacks hit me when I think about making the long flight from Australia to USA. I know anxiety will hit me ten times …

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3

I woke up choking, what does it mean?

February 9th, 2017by lilxtina

My partner and the love of my life passed away last week and I am in constant despair and disbelief.

Since his passing I’ve tried to kill myself by overdose on ibuprofen and even put a knife to my chest on 2 occasions (survival instincts kicked in). I was found by my sister and mum when I overdosed and so I am still here, to wallow in my pain and misery. If you want to know more you can read my other post.

Anyway, last night I was asleep and in the dream world (its the only way I can escape from the pain), and something strange …

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2

Hi?

February 9th, 2017by _lost._.one_

I feel so alone, as if I am not good enough.

Today I almost suffocated from my own self-hate. Sigh, not literally, metaphorically. There were so many people in the bathroom all of a sudden and I could not cry, I had to hold it in for approximately ten minutes while they fussed over their picture.

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6

losing them

February 7th, 2017by _lost._.one_

I have lost multiple people in my life. Many, many people. It hurts, I thought they would live forever, they would never leave me, but no they didn’t, people never do. It’s all my fault, all mine, they left this world, and I probably caused it… I was young, so little, my adoptive mother/great great grandmother loved me, hated me, protected me,exposed me, hid me, hurt me, but she kept me alive, she died when I was around seven. All I remember is her in the hospital bed with pictures of us taped to the many wires which were connected to her. She died, with …

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0

An evening between Hope and Despair

February 5th, 2017by Foxglove7

Yesterday I found this place, where thoughts can be expressed that are so often kept silent

it is an empty place where hollow people dwell

“hollow”,  spacious to the point of echoing

empty, expectant

so i sang a song and gave a little speech

to the chorus of voices all lined up at the shore

a faceless sea of voyagers paying their’ fares

tearing their flesh and flaying the souls within

all to buy a ticket

all to buy a ticket

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2

Human’s Imagination / Humans’ Imagination / Humans Imagination is better than Reality

February 2nd, 2017by niki

Human’s Imagination / Humans’ Imagination / Humans Imagination is better than Reality

Movie / movies is better than reality / real life / real world
Video game / games is better than reality / real world / real life
Novel /novels is better than reality / real-life / real-world /
Sci-fi / Science-fiction is better than reality / reallife / realworld
Fantasy is better than reality / real world / real life
Anime / manga is better than reality / realworld / reallife
Dream / dreams is better than reality / real-world / real-life

I hate reality !!!!
Reality it’s all about MONEY !!!!!!
Reality is BORING !!!!
Real world is boring ! real-world is …

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2

Betrayal

January 31st, 2017by Parzival

Oh jeez where to start. I actually haven’t logged onto this site for at least a year maybe longer? It’s hard to remember. I was doing a whole lot better and things were looking up. I had setbacks, times where I struggled but nothing unbearable. Well recently my best friend of 6 years (by far the longest friendship I have ever had) left me. This is the person I have gone to with everything and who I probably care about most in the world. We have been drifting for apart for about a month because I attempted suicide over a PTSD trigger and she got …

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8

Do You Really Want to Die or Do You Just Want Your Pain or Your Struggles to End?

There is a difference. And a BIG one. …problem is, how to tell?

1

the problem of pain

January 24th, 2017by motherchucker

Hello friends. If anyone has suggestions on how to at least cope with the persistent pain of being alive when you don’t want to be, it’d be most welcome. Or just feel free to share whatever’s on your mind. I have gotten to the point of drawing nooses in my course syllabus. You know, like an emo high school MCR fan, except I’m 22 and too old for this juvenile behavior. I’ve gotten to the point beyond tears, where all that remains is a constant dull ache in the chest. Like I’m lugging around weights. I hate going to school, but all other avenues in …

0

Not guilty

January 24th, 2017by lostitall2015

Where to begin?? Last August I had a complete mental breakdown.  I have bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder and PTSD. My wife and I were heavily into synethic marijuana. Almost every dollar we had went into it.  I lost my job due to drug abuse and moved to another state to gain a better job. When I was away my wife began cheating on me.  I was unaware of it till I had my breakdown. One fateful night I lost it all. I drove home and confronted my wife about everything. From the drugs to the bills and everything in between. I was …