Stories of Loss

For those who have passed on.

1

I’m done with this

April 23rd, 2017by AzureXCrimson

I read other stories here for a while and decided to post my own here because I’m through with this shit. If you’re easily triggered then leave now because I’m not holding back because I’ve been through both fucked up and weird shit. Fair warning: I might ramble at times.

I’ve had a shit life for quite a while now and I’m officially done with it. I’ve been through a shit school system and graduated, dealt with my dumbass parents until my dad fell off a roof during a job (good riddance. Bastard left us in a financial mess) and my mom died in 2010. I …

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0

I Will Overcome !

April 23rd, 2017by Addiictivetragedy

Mind like quicksand, but I try to stay above land.
Kaleidoscope of different scenarios. Life falling in a burial. Heart broken like shattered glass, not healing no mater how much time has passed. Haunted dreams every night, becoming weaker after every fight. Can’t distinguish what is real or in my head, every night laying on my deathbed. Anxiety, bipolar and PTSD, is slowly overpowering me.
Suicidal Thoughts but I’m afraid of death, continuous thoughts of how I will lose my last breath. Anxious, anxious all the time, but with meds they tell I’ll be just fine. Irritable, angry, sadden and scared, all through my mind like a …

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7

I Just Lost the Best Part of my Life

April 23rd, 2017by Arthur R.

My girlfriend of almost three years just left me with no explanation, Im just looking over pictures of us together and i cant stand it. I had just gone with my friend to get an engagement ring just five months ago. i made the last payment on it just last week. I was going to ask her to marry me at our favorite cafe, it was where we first met. i had stopped her from suicide after she had lost her father and now im honestly the one whos trying. since that night we had made more memories in a few years than i had made …

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0

So I’m crazy

April 21st, 2017by azuzu

They ask me tell them everything and now I’m crazy. I tell them about my sadness. I tell them about my self loathing. I tell them about my secret desires to be dead. I tell them about this black pit I’m in.

They tell me I’m crazy

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0

Battle Scars: 2017 Update

April 16th, 2017by Counting The Days Until I'm gone

Today commemorates eight months since I have gotten the urge to turn to this forum. At my last visit, I was broken, and quite humorously, at this visit, broken no longer can summate my existence. In exactly one year, I have had few victories and so much pain and deception that I have crawled back into the safety of my introvercy. Since my last visit, (when I was a 18 year old bum, not attending school) I have made some progression. I currently work, go to school and volunteer regularly but my battle scars are still present, Scars that refuse to heal, scars which threaten …

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1

What makes me move on?

April 14th, 2017by kellinandrew

I am here to tell you one thing. Death isn’t my solution, it is my hideaway spot. The place I dream about when things get bad, the place I think about when I want to end things, but cant bring myself to do it. I find it comforting to dream about what could be if I died, but then it begins to scare me, it begins to make me feel alone, and sometimes I don’t know what to do. How to handle life, how to keep going. Im so tired of struggling, so tired of living off of nothing, having to rely on others, I …

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8

I remember

April 13th, 2017by Ka7613

And I can’t fucking breathe.

I remember what you did to me and I know how you are and I know what you’d think of me now if you knew who I loved. Maybe you already know.

I know what you did to me when you were high off of prescription pills that probably weren’t all yours. What you did multiple times. It was just a game though, right? We were just playing doctor, and that made it okay.

You’re slowly killing yourself, and I’m glad, but I’m also worried. Worried about you, of all people. You don’t deserve that from me …

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2

My Life, Why I Want to Die

April 11th, 2017by AnonymousUser27

This is a short explanation of my life and why I want to die I’ll keep it short but I plan on killing myself rather soon so I’d like at least someone to have heard this story. I’m 20 years old currently and have been severely depressed for the past 12 years. It started when I was around 7, I was a smart kid who loved school but was athletic too. I was much more athletic than my grade and the one above it so I played with the much older kids. At the time I didn’t realize but they were picking on me and …

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7

Personality

April 7th, 2017by CombatDamage

Who else here, has had so many mental disorders since childhood, that you never really developed an actual personality? You don’t have one, because you never even had a chance at one. Having just a a strange slew of symptoms. Personality? you don’t have one only having a strange slew of never ending symptoms that make your head spin and turn. They say healing things like depression that the goal is to “get back to your old self”, but I don’t have anything to go back to. Just static nothingness.

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9

help please

March 31st, 2017by the deceitful

hello
im a compulsive lair and suffering from ocd
i started taking prozac for my ocd
and admited being a liar to my family
but fact is i’ve been exposed as a liar
in university
among people i know
and dont
even in social media
and having a wierd name
gossips and reputation precceds me
where ever i go
how can i be given a second chance when im cast out like this
is only way out suicide

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3

At the end of the year i will die.

March 22nd, 2017by Aquarium

Well i guess my story isn’t really easy to tell, without talking about my past. So if your willing to read a page to listen, i would be thankful.

If you want to skip my past then why i will be killing myself at the end of the year, Will be at the bottom of the page..

(Forgive my spelling and grammar.. I have no education )

 

Before i was born, i was not exactly planned. My mom was 17 and my dad was 21. Both my parents had really bad and horrible pasts. My mom was raped as a child by a lot of men, And no …

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5

Blank

March 19th, 2017by Zelrot

I lost my baby within three years of her birth. Before that, I was moderately depressed. Once in a while I would break down into tears, I was even afraid to look in the mirror. I’ve seen myself as a monster most of my life. If not I as a monster, then I as someone surrounded by them. I’ve been married to my husband for quite a while now, I love him dearly but his depression only piles onto mine. He’s put a gun to his head around 238 times now, once just recently. He pulled the trigger all but that last time, all bullets …

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7

Abuse, Broken, Alone, & No Future

March 13th, 2017by BrokenDreamer

All my life I’ve tried to do the right thing and all my life I got pain and abuse.

Years back everything was destroyed by a hurricane and lost that I owned and my health started to fail.

In 2014 my father died due to med mal.  I’m on disability having gotten a severe debilitating condition.  I’m in massive chronic pain.  Greedy relatives tried to the little money my father had.

I have no one to help me.

In 2015 I got abused by 2 medical facilities and imprisoned in one due to a false statement someone made.  I witnessed an African-American beaten by hospital security severely in the …

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0

Day of the thorn, For the rose now despises me…

March 10th, 2017by CARLOSPEJUAN

I worked
countless hours
I ran,
distances many men are incapable of doing
I did things that while moral and proper left me exhausted
i, I never, ever have worked so hard in my life
I ran things, boss like. To no avail for I failed a lot
I did things hoping that one day I could see you again and hoping
that I co uld be there for you and hoping that I could be that person,
That you  looked up to, that person you could look forward to being
the reason why I stayed around
the reason why I worked so hard
the reason why I never gave up (offered myself), the reason why I …

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3

My humanity is rehearsed; I am merely a set of learned & adaptive responses.

March 2nd, 2017by NoOneIsHere

As a teenager and through my early twenties, I used to think that me being alone was because the world was full of **** and that I was being graded on how well I conformed.  But over the years I’ve begun to see that I’ve failed everyone in my life.  I don’t know how to be a real person.  I cannot give people what they need.  I know the words but I don’t know how to speak the language.  And I can no longer delude myself into believing the world is at fault while pretending that I’m not an empty shell of a human being. …

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4

Funerals

February 28th, 2017by Mkaye

I have been battling depression ever since I was 13. Over the years I have been in and out of a variety of therapies and treatment methods. I spent a lot of time when I was younger in group therapy and I became close to many of the people who I saw consistently. As time went on, people would bring in other friends and our little group grew. There was a time when we were growing faster than we were killing ourselves, and I took comfort in the support network.

 

We stopped growing, and now all that is left is death. I switched my phone number …

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5

Behind the closed door.

February 22nd, 2017by AmandaBen

A poem written by me during my darkest moments.

 

Behind the closed door

 

Behind the closed door

Lies a girl who hides her pain

Buried in so much sorrow

All hope is being drained

 

Behind the closed door

Lies a girl practicing to smile

To hide the truth from everyone

A mask in which will only stay for a while

 

Behind the closed door

Lies a girl with cuts that bleed red

From unbearable sadness

She’s only hanging by a thread

 

Behind the closed door

Lies a girl who could no longer cry

She starts thinking

How will she say goodbye?

 

Behind the closed door

Lies a girl perfectly still

Who lost all hope

Who lost all will

 

Behind the closed door

Was where a girl once used …

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3

5AM BPD/Love/Sob

February 20th, 2017by Elliot97

Do I get up and disappear while she lays beside me, sleeping beautifully? Even if she did no wrong I can’t force myself to believe she hasn’t, If I disappear maybe she’ll find someone better and worthy. I was always told anything said or thought after 2AM should be ignored but it seems to be my wisest moments. I don’t know how or why I think this way, I wish I didn’t. I wish I was ‘normal’… I used to say consistency is key in my previous relationships but it seems the only thing consistent in my life is sadness, suicidal thoughts and total destruction …

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9

Mentally, a vegetable!

February 19th, 2017by nutjobcantlove

I just ordered my sleeping pills for the first time. I have been feeling xtremely suicidal after I lost my job and seeing the love of my life married to someone else. I have a feeling that there is nothing I do to screw things up but it somehow gets it’s own way out there. I have failed relationships in the past and it took me years to get back to a normal life (though I was stressed out of the “worthless” feeling Everyday). I stopped talkin to my friends as they keep saying the same crap that “things will get better” and the ‘shallow …

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2

they say im a dreamer

February 17th, 2017by beautifulsinner

ever since we were young, they always told us we could be anything. we could be an astronaut, or the president, or an artist- whatever we could think of, we could be. because they always told us “skys the limit” or “if you can dream it, you can do it”. but the thing they never told us, were the curveballs life would throw at us. the things that would hinder us incapable of achieving that dream. they never told us how shitty growing up was.
and yet, here i am. just on the cusp of graduating high school, trying to make it through so i …

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