The last time I posted on here was back in 2018.. Since then so much has changed. I was in a shitty relationship for 2 years that went to shit, I graduated high school which I thought I never would and I made it past 18 years. I went through hell during the last two years of high school would be an understatement but I am past that now and do not want to relive it. I stopped counting how long I am clean of cutting for and would not be able to give you an estimate. I do rely on other coping mechanisms that […]
look, I’m a cynical hateful shell of a person who happens to be having a very difficult to ignore good week.
so if you are assuming that down the line I’ll return to my anti life anti organizations anti capitalist apathy, know that I am too.
I still hate the cheery; “Oh, nice things happen, therefor they will continue” which is usually a terrible lie.
Which is the amount of cautious framing I have to do because if I say things are going better without that, my distrustful wounded brain will rebel, because we’ve trusted people before, and that didn’t work out.
I’m working as an electrician, which I […]
Long story short, my life is a complete failure. It’s full of wrong decisions, (in)actions, regrets, mistakes after mistakes, that I honestly think maybe it’s already too late to “fix everything” (eg: I’m losing all the good chances/opportunities, as I’m getting old now). It’s really ironic & tragic, because a lot of people always say that I’m very talented especially in music (I used to be quite an active musician & composer/songwriter, but sadly I’m still not famous & successful), smart, a deep thinker, a highly sensitive person, etc etc.
I am also an idealist, meaning that I actually have a BIG vision & idea for […]
Then he told this parable:
“A man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard; and he came looking for fruit on it and found none. So he said to the gardener,
‘See here! For three years I have come looking for fruit on this fig tree, and still I find none.
Cut it down! Why should it be wasting the soil?’
He replied, ‘Sir, let it alone for one more year, until I dig around it and put manure on it. If it bears fruit next year, well and good; but if not, you can cut it […]
Ever let the anxiety sink ,the rage boil up
Ferment the pain, and bottle it up
Reflecting on the past like it ain’t slow enough
Mom’s always sad that I ain’t growing up
Pills help me cope but I’m still fucking up
Fuck going outside, the moon aint show enough
I laugh about death like I ain’t dark enough?
Friends ran away? I guess they stalked enough?
Fam patient with my death like who’s taking what?
keep a sharp angle, latitudes of my cuts
Force you to be strong like you ain’t had enough
have the nerve to ask what’s wrong…
God ain’t fucking […]
Today i had a fun day and to eat we had a vegetable soup and i said i didnt like it and my mom and step dad are coming at me like “its because your used to fat foods and chocolate all the time” “does your dad pay you to eat” just because i didnt want anymore today im going to start starving myself because if thats my problem im going to fix it. Im tired of this constant yelling i get it every day every other week. I want to leave already. This has been going on for 4 years since i was 8. […]
I was procrastinating on my homework when I came across this website. I’m writing this all off the top of my head so just stand by. So I read so many peoples stories on here and noticed one thing, everyone on here is going through the SAME THING. I myself often have bad mental health and breakdowns, but you know what? nobody is perfect. AND DON’T SKIP, I know everyone uses this as a pity sentence but just spend a minute of your life reading this because you need to open your eyes. Think to yourself, do you think there is a single […]
Maybe, it is me who is my own culprit, it is my fault that I did not act the way I was supposed to in order to survive in this cruel world. Maybe, everything that is bothering me is just an illusion, it is a noise coming from my mind that is making me feel worthless, reminding me constantly of all my flaws and insecurities. Maybe, I wronged myself by having expectations on others, hoping they would understand me, hoping that they will turn out the way I want , hoping they will bring happiness and well-being in my life. Maybe, I should have learned […]
I’m so angry.
I’m SO ANGRY ALL THE TIME.
I feel like the whole world is against me, but you know what?
At this point, I’ve had the biggest epiphany. I don’t care anymore.
Imagine that.
Do, whatever the fuck you want.
Be a slut, dress how you want. Be an asshole, be kind, go out at night. get drunk, fall in love, make huge mistakes, lose and gain friends, burn bridges.
I don’t care what your parents say.
Do it.
Fucking do it, cause you know what, you only live once and no one is going to hear about us in those […]
I don’t want to leave my favorite coworker. She’s slowly become my best friend over the last two months, and I don’t want to leave her.
My cousin. He’s an only child and I’ve taken on the role of older sibling to him so that he has some form of positive influence in his life.
My brother. I want to rebuild my relationship with my older brother. We haven’t spoken in over five years, but I want to reconnect with him and I know I can’t do that if I’m gone.
I want to spend as much time as I can with my family’s dog before he’s gone.
As […]
I hate the way you smiled at me from across the hallway as you went to third period, and the beautifully stupid ring of your laugh as it cut through the air.
I hate the speechless face you made at 2 in the morning while we sat on your rooftop in the 28 degree weather, numbing our hands and toes.
I hate that when we’re with other friends, the only one I think about is you.
I hate the tingles that went down my spine as your hands touched my waist, pushing me higher and higher on the swing set at the park in the middle of the […]
when i used to self harm i used to hit my head a lot, i didnt think of it that much back then but now i see the result. probably any type of self harm is better than hitting ur head, i suffer from memory loss, but no one would probably believe me, i dont even remember basic stuff such as what happened the day before, what somebody told me or things that i did, i may sound dramatic but its worse than it sounds. i dont remember how i started it but i did it everytime my mom was bitching about smth that ive […]
I had this awful nightmare last night. It should be noted that I have scary/unpleasant dreams all the time, my primary consumption is horror and engineering simulations/texts, so that tends to reflect in my dreams.
After last week’s crash and burn, finally my former therapist reached back out. She featured in the nightmare, criticizing me for not adapting better, and when I woke I realized that if it was up to me I’d never talk to her again. I told my wife, got some pushback there, but what can you do?
There’s something I thought I would get, maybe that I used to get from therapy and […]
Previously, I went to visit family in California for the summer. I was in a pretty bad place mentally, so I used the money I had saved up to go surfing all summer long.
And for the first time, in a long time, I was happy.
Not just happy on the waves, but at home too. It’s like the board was an extension of my body, and I was free to be me when I went out.
No homework, no stress, no group chats, no toxic friends, no mom, no dad, no yelling, no crying, just me, and the board.
Just me, surfing. […]
She overcame sadness by sharing her gift. Listen to my dear friend at soundcloud.com/ samanthasings ~ may you be renewed and find comfort and joy in this life
If you need a friend and have nobody, follow me on IG and we can be each others friend. I’m lonely and been in a dark place. I’m losing so many friends.
*I accept all follow requests, just DM me after so I know this website is the reason for the add*
riley_with_a_d
Still the honor roll!!!! This was a post from obviously a while ago. These people meant a lot to me back in that time. I was actually getting back on to see if these people are still active on this site currently by any chance?
SP Honour Roll
written by @
12/23/2014
Bisban (Morlock)
Clevername
CyanidesOfMarch
C4 (and his various aliases)
Dawg
DeathDreamer
Distant.Road
Distress
Duke of Marmalade
Koji
Nias
OnlyLoveisReal
PainNLife
Persa (and her various aliases)
Procel
Quaero
RealTalk30
Rocketman (and the Hot Tub Gang)
RogueShadow (I forget the numerals)
Searchingformeaning
Shepherd (RogueLonesome)
Snuf (and his various aliases)
Stendarr (and her various prefixes and affixes)
StruggleOn
Thanatos (and his various aliases)
Tristeza
TheWhispersOfMySins
Xanadu (and his various aliases)
I was convinced i dreamt this website
Some sick depressed fever dream
An ill lonely teen looking to relate to people
I sunk so low
I still do
My scars scabbed through shame
But you heal
Still fragile, broken, cracked, but still healing
Which sounds like some cringe-y crap
Fuck, Ill be so-called ‘healing’ till the day i die
But
I have to make peace with that
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