Ive been betrayed, abused, mentally fucked, cheated, lied to , spied on, stolen from, robbed of happyness and all my belongings, caged in psych wards, my entire life… But it occured to me, a few years ago… That I too, live in some kind of floating box CIA prison , the same as Terry A Davis claimed he did, and explained… For over 20 years. Even in my youth, people shit on me, talk down to me, betray me. .. fuck me over… The suicide attempts, the depression, the pain i went through, the betrayals…. I never knew I lived in some kind of prison that followed me around until a few years ago, I didnt know that this life was a construct around me, with the deliberate purpose of torturing me… the entire “gangstalking” things is a cover up, honey trap, for the real victims to run to online, where they just abuse them more, and discredit them.. a whole fiasco, a shit show. a mockery of the true “target” of theirs. .. . what a fucking joke. the jokes on me. as Terry A Davis said, “i live in a cia prison, a ****** runs my prison” …… yeah…. Yeah sure, we developed all the symptoms of schizophrenia, most heavily abused people do. It didnt come natural. We werent given a chance in life. To be normal. Because we think differently. We dont suck societies cock. We arent pussies. We dont conform like sheep following a trend. Thats cool. Thats punk rock. Terry A Davis , id like to say I can make it until the day comes, where this torture shit , the truth is revealed. And i will try. But today is a bad day. Im pretty down. I joined this site to rant. To express my pain and sorrow. Sometimes I dont know if I can make it another day. What a shit life. I will try to see the day this is exposed and get some kind of vindication for you. If for nothing else.
Stories of Hope
People always tell me that I’m privileged, spoiled, and have a good life, that I should be grateful. But what if that is still not enough? What if I want so much more in life?
I’m an idealist. I have big dreams, and even visions to change the world. But sadly, in reality, there are still so many factors that limit me from achieving all my dreams. Instead, here I am just being another normal, ordinary, average Joe on the street that just only do mundane, boring, & meaningless job everyday. Even worse now, this all has led me to experience an existential crisis (or existential depression), that honestly, now I don’t even have any motivation, or basically zero energy to wake up every morning, because what’s the point? What is the point of living, and what is the purpose & meaning of life, if I have to be just like everybody else with their simple mind (simpleton) with their optimistic/positive/positivity motto “Live, Laugh, Love”, but at the cost of sheer ignorance, being oblivious, & stupidity? That’s just depressing for me. Is that all there is? That’s it? I wish life could be so much more than this! I just can’t accept that this is all there is! That’s just a cold, boring, & depressing reality! I wish there are more in life than all of this stupid pointless, meaningless bullshit & nonsense everyday for the rest of my life until I die. “Life sucks and then you die”, if that’s the case, then why not just check out early? There are even many stories & cases of the so-called “privileged, spoiled, fortunate, lucky, rich, or even successful” people who died from suicide. So it’s not just “poor, unfortunate, low-class, struggling” people. It’s all random. Some people will live, while some people will die. That’s just how it is. That’s life. And that’s just the reality.
“I don’t believe in luck! I create my own luck!”. Most people seriously underestimate how luck plays a BIG/HUGE factor in life.
A friend of mine used to tweet a phrase that always sticks with me: “Some people are lucky, some people are not.” That was some years ago, and the more I live now, the more I see (& realized/learned) that it’s true. Most people seriously underestimate how luck plays a BIG/HUGE factor in their lives. Or in life, for all that matters. I don’t know and I’m not sure if it’s due to the meritocracy thing (“If you work hard, you WILL succeed/reach success!”), or if it’s due to the ‘positive/optimistic’ self-help culture/trend/hype that is literally almost everywhere nowadays, etc etc. But I think it’s very naive, simplistic, & ignorant if people seriously believe that they control ALL and EVERY aspect of their life/lives.
Even the posts here in this website that will get popular & many comments, and other posts that get almost no view/comment or even banned/deleted (even though when they’re really good posts, but sadly just very underrated or underappreciated), it also has the ‘luck’ factor in it. And as a result (or even the fatal consequences), no wonder some people in this website will feel even more alone, unloved, nobody cares, and some of them will probably even decide to be ‘gone forever’ by committing suicide.
But back to the main point again: if you really think much more deeper, you will see that it’s all random (yes, somewhat nihilistic). Some people will win, & some people will lose. Some people will survive & live, while some people will die. I always view our human species just like those little ants: There are billions of them on this planet, and some will get crushed & die, while some other will survive & live. That’s basically our human life too. In fact, it’s ALL lives in this universe. Some will live; Some will die.
Lastly, it’s the same thing with all of us here who are depressed & suicidal. You take a look at all your other friends, family, colleagues, or people, and how they somehow are happy, or even successful, and then you think: “Why I can’t be like that too?”, even though you’ve tried or even work really hard. And then even when you eventually see how some of us in this website can finally recover, cured, healed, & finally lead a normal, happy, & successful life too, it will make you think the same again: “Why I can’t be like them?”.
I don’t know if it’s god, karma, universe, destiny, fate, or just simply pure random chances. But to say that you don’t believe in luck, playing at least SOME aspects/parts in your life, that’s just naive, ignorant, & too simple-minded. People who said that probably haven’t truly ‘open their eyes & wake-up’ to reality.
What’s on your mind, bud? Talk to me.
I know you came on this website to see what people have to say, to see if you can leave any comments. And I also know that you want to leave comments on people to help them with the shit they’re going through.
SCREW THAT. THAT’S NOT WHY YOU’RE HERE. YOU’RE HERE BECAUSE YOU NEED HELP, YOU NEED SOMEONE WHO’LL LISTEN.
I WILL LISTEN.
Leave a comment, let’s talk. I’ll listen. No judgement, no problem-solving (unless you want it). I’ll try my best to understand, I’ll try my best to here you until you’re through, and most importantly I WILL NOT LEAVE YOU. Talk to me, leave a comment.
To the admins: I’ve been here since 2012, if memory serves me. I’ve been to some of the deepest, shittiest parts of life and came back fighting with lots of psychedelics, booze, victories and losses. I’ve had an amazing amount of love thrown at me and have recently come back to this site with the intention of helping.
Warning: mentions of self harm and other sensitive content. I’ll try to be vague on certain words. sorry if it triggers you, this is to make you feel like you’re not alone.
My mother was forced down and forced into intercourse with my father, who she was with for 16 years at the time when she got pregnant with me. SHE HATED ME FOR IT! she attempted to get an abortion, then failed. My father even attempted to throw my mother out a window, and luck was on my side as they failed to do so.
Growing was equally as miserable for me. my father was abusive to my mother, brother, and myself. I later in my life found that he was cheating on my mother too – as I have 3 siblings from different mothers that are the same age as myself. My own family thought I was a curse onto all of them, so I was treated like one growing up. I had no choice in the matter; as I didn’t have the means to escape. I was tortured, beaten, raped, abused, forced into having sex with drug dealers before I even hit 14 years old too. I was locked inside cages for 9 hours at a time and forced to watch my father rape them too.
Every day was miserable for me, I would get forced into BEGGING my father to do things to me – and he’d threaten to do them to my brothers if I didn’t. mom wasn’t any help, as she would overdose on various illegal drugs; and would rent me out to pedophile drug dealers to ensure she’d get her fix.
I attempted suicide 9 times during my life time, three of those times I was actually declared legally dead and put on life support. My dad would make betting rings with my mother and a friend of his on when I’d finally actually do it. He even raped me without protection and got me pregnant at 13 years old, of course he forced me to abort it. It’s not as easy as “get up and call the police.” because what people don’t understand is… to make us more dependent on him he got us into massive amounts of debt. in fact, my mother had to ask him to let us go to school to begin with!
This would be the one thing I would contribute to saving my life. see, when I was laying there half dead on the floor and hearing my brothers scream, I came to a realization as I tried to tune it out with a song I heard playing on the radio…. he may have power over me and them now, he can take away everything about me. he can make me a shell of my former self, he can break me and break me again. he can make me feel like I’m nothing, but the one thing he COULDN’T take is the power I had within myself to protect my brothers from him. I decided that throwing my pride away to protect them was worth it. I started begging him to do things to me instead, and I would sneak in books and such into our cages and keep learning to focus on something rather than the pain. Eventually, I became fluent in 3 languages, 4 if you count American Sign Language.
I focused completely on my future as well as my brothers’ futures too, and we formed different ways of coping with our pain. then it happened, we got these small laptops from our school that had video cameras. my parents didn’t know, but I made a Facebook and reached out to my uncle. he asked about why they didn’t talk to him much, and at first … he didn’t believe me because “your father goes to church every Sunday and works as an engineer, my sister is a nurse for Christ’s sake!” and he put him on a high horse. I made a plan to prove it to him, I had him Skype me. my parents didn’t notice the camera was on, and my uncle caught my mother shoving my hand onto a pan that was JUST taken out of the oven followed by my father branding me again.
He found out about the massive debt he put us in to make us dependent on him. Now, my uncle had enough of that. he’s active duty army you see, so he gets paid a lot of money. he saved up for 2 years and I took a dead end job of working as a cleaner. we planned EVERYTHING in secret, and he helped me pay off ALL of our debt so that I could get us out of there. but that’s not all. he didn’t want us to go homeless, so he even got us plane tickets to come move in with him after proving to us by a DNA test and showing us his military ID.
We moved out on February 13th 2020. each of us have been going to trauma counseling. We also now have to get medical check ups once a month in the least due to all the permanent damage we got through various torture methods. I developed schizophrenia, severe PTSD, DID, paranoia, and I also get random tremors in my body that occur from the muscles in my body getting used to all the torture methods I’ve gone through. It was a HUGE struggle to survive, I only did so because I had to grovel and beg….
My message to the one(s) reading this is… please don’t give up. you may not be able to see it, but there’s a reason you’re suffering now. you’re growing so much stronger the longer you force yourself to stay alive. those scars on your body? the fat on it? the bones you may see? that’s your body. you have only one life, and people that love and depend on you would be devastated to lose you. please don’t throw the fight for the sake of being tired. I tried that so many times, you’re not doing anyone a favor. allow yourself to cry and let it out. I don’t care how “manly” or how “strong” you are, everyone has the urge to cry. cry all you want, and if that means for a few hours or even a few days – just do it. part of making yourself strong is the ability to accept and let your past scars be left where they belong, in the past. You are cared for by at least ONE person, even if it’s yourself. you’re beautiful in your own way, trust me. You’re hurting now, but the pain you feel is something that’s going to eventually make you into a person that you would want see when you face the mirror. all the scars you have are from the war you fight daily to make sure it doesn’t all end. despite everything, there has been some form of reason that you’ve been keeping yourself alive. for me, it was my brothers. for you… maybe it’s the possibility of having a future with someone that keeps you up. maybe it’s your pets, maybe it’s because it’s something small like you have to attend an event – let whatever positive thing it is be the reason you don’t throw the fight in… you’ve suffered this long, haven’t you? surely you can suffer as long as it takes to get yourself to a space where you’d be happy in. you deserve to feel happy, you deserve all the love and the care you could possibly ask for. <3
So yeah I thought i would never come back here. But yo still here. I stopped posting here for over a year now. Does anyone remember me? If someone does, that means you’re still here huh? I hope you guys are doing much better than before. Even if you guys aren’t fully healed yet, at least much better than before. Me? as usual I still have it in me. Even if I’m a better version of me now, It’s still there. I still feel it. I still see it. I’ll probably continue posting again huh. Hello to my SP friends!
After years of destroying my skin in times of
desperation/crisis/ stress, I thought that I’d managed to replace it with better/healthier/ safer coping methods. I thought I had finally started to stabilise.
I should have known better.
I’ve been thinking about things that have happened to me a lot lately, and I have realised that I am stranded, stuck, lost, alone in this world now.
My parents, as much as I love them dearly, have no idea about what I’ve been through, and wouldn’t (couldn’t) understand if they did.
My friends don’t understand why I am not the same, why I am not the old me. They have noticed that I am not miraculously better, even after being given time and space.
The only one who does know, is the one that left me like this, and they don’t care. They just went back to their life, to their family, to their friends and just cast me aside.
I don’t know if the fact that they can all go about their lives being the same, being steady, being them, makes me mad or sad.
Yeah, it’s both.
Hey, to anyone who cares. It’s been 7-8 years since I’ve posted here. I don’t know why I remembered this site tonight, in this moment, or why I still remembered my misspelled username and account password. I don;t know why I decided to even write anything. Maybe if you’re looking for a sign, this is it. If you believe that kind of thing.
I’m alive. 8 years and I’m still alive. It got better for me.
Sure, I still struggle with depression. Sure, it gets tough. After all, I did still think of this website. But I learned how to manage. I learned how to outlast the pain. I know some people may not be able to. And that’s okay. We’re all hurting here, in one way or the other.
I made it through. It took most of those 8 years but I made it. Maybe you’re almost there. There’s hope in that.
This post is a share of a post written by a user (on a different site) that goes by the name of “ellee”.
A link to the original story found below.
I know that you’re struggling with depression,
I know that it’s a horrible experience,
& it can be so hard to remember all your good points
When someone is doing his best to upset you
When life sucks & becomes difficult
But you shouldn’t give up,
you shouldn’t let life pass you by,
what you’re feeling won’t last forever.
Accept, admit the fact that you’re different,
Be sweet, patient, nice to yourself,
Use kind languages when you talk to it,
I know this is very challenging,
but you deserve to be treated well especially by yourself.
Don’t hide your feelings even negative ones.
You’re not a criminal,
It’s not your fault.
Take a walk,
BREATH in to feel alive.
Listen to happy songs…
Pass a smile,
Smell the roses
Or write down your feelings even if it will make you cry,
But, when you will finish,
you will have a deep feeling of calm
Don’t just give up,
Live for you,
Do Justice with your life.
Just signed up for a class. I think it’s for me to be able to say I tried more than anything. Still schizophrenic still on disability, still kind of a loser at the moment. I’m trying to read more. My mom and I try to learn new words together. Things are pretty stable, but I really want to find my calling. I’m so frustrated with myself for not being more. I’m so frustrated that I am single, I’m so angry that I lost touch with beautiful people. I feel so sorry for myself. But, I’m working on it. I need to succeed. I need to get out of this rut. I suggest if you read this and you feel stuck, work on it. 🙂 I believe in you. Besides you’re gonna die anyways. Die Trying
I, too, can be like you.
Words… My paint.
Pictures… My canvas.
Emotions… My colors.
Unspoken… My brush.
I, too, can be like you.
Where my bluest of blues may crash upon you like the saddest of songs you know through and through
Or my most crimson’s of red that may dance in your head like love or love lost if your minds set on dread.
But, I am not like you.
My writings are just writings.
My pallet; shades of grey.
Without you… I am nothing
But with you… I am everything
You each hold more power than you realize.
And, more often than not, simply being yourself is all that it takes to give someone’s words, and life, meaning…
… Perhaps even when they need it the most.
My original posting of this with visuals can be viewed at:
Today, on this website, someone said that everyone is sad.
I fell on that person that was convinced that, after reading the rants of all the people here, that every person on this platform was sad, and that was why they were here.
I do not agree (but I understand their point of view and I respect it), simply because I am the proof that their theory is not true. I am here today, and even if I have my own problems, I am not sad, I am happy even.
And I am not here to rub that fact in everyone’s face. Each of us is different and here for their own reason and here is mine.
I am here to be a presence.
A shadow, a whisper, whatever you want me to be.
I am here to read raw and pure emotions, to feel them, to understand, to remind myself of my fight and the fights of each one of the people on the planet, some of them being there.
I am here for all the people on this platform to feel like someone is there.
The idea of someone watching and caring, understanding and not judging. Because I know from experience that sometimes, receving nothing, being forgotten, people not even giving a ounce of their attention (sometimes even people we care about), is one of the hurtful thing ever.
Feeling like nobody care, and being here, all alone, believing we are not enough.
I am here to be the someone of someone.
For people to feel like someone is being there.
Just a presence.
So, no. I am not sad, I am many things, positive and negative, but I am not sad.
And it is okay, for me and for you, to feel that way or to not feel that way.
Just remember (even if you want to snap at me for what I am going to say, and even if you don’t believe me, someday you will know what I am talking about.), that someone, is going to be, or is already, here. Caring and wondering about you. Even if it is not right now, someone will come, and I am only here to prove that.
Today, I am here, and tomorrow there will be your person.
I am only a bridge.
I found this person: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Viktor_Frankl
He specialized in the psychology of depression and suicide; his project managed that not even one more student (of the widespread student suicide in Vienna) commit it during that year. He wrote on the meaning of life and humanity’s attempts to answer the question:
Surely this will prove invaluably useful!! I myself searched for meaning for 3 years; and I found that the question “What is the meaning of life?” to be faulty, but in the process I found the answer to all I need.
3 years ago, when I was 16, I was searching for a way out. Anything that would distract me from the gritty, overbearing teenage angst and depression that was engulfing me. I found this site. I would spend hours scrolling through the posts of strangers going through identical things to myself. It was a safe space for me. Because I had no one. In a toxic household with a toxic family, I’d dropped out of the school I’d started the year at. I started online school. Things were easier but I got to spend a lot more time in my head and my room and there came a point in which I stopped coming out. For days. And then weeks. And then months. And then a couple of years. On a different account, that I lost the password for, I posted a suicide note. And on my 17th birthday I took 20 pills. I stumbled into my house and my parents found out but I couldn’t throw them up. I recovered. At a price. I developed an anxiety so severe I couldn’t eat, it got to the point where i ate once a day, if that, and lost a shit ton of weight over the summer. After that, I felt like everyone wanted me. Boys looked at me more and I felt desired so I kept the weight off, plus it’s hard to gain weight back, i pushed forward, though on a path of self destruction. I whored myself, gave myself away for free, got drunk every night, I tore myself apart from the inside out. Ate myself alive. To try to shut my mind off. Then I got pregnant. With my abusive exes baby. I got an abortion. That did a great deal of emotional trauma. I got a new boyfriend. I’ve had him for almost a year now. I’ve had a few decent jobs, I began trying to live, because just getting out of bed and putting makeup on and talking to someone other than my computer screen was a huge step. My mind is still in a scary place, but I’m growing, I’m breathing, I’m meditating and evolving spiritually, Im slowly getting my shit together. If you’re reading this and relate to any of it, this is a sign. Pour yourself a drink, put your favorite outfit on, do your hair and pull your shit together. You’re a part of everything, and everything is a part of you.
If it wasn’t for my boyfriend idk where I would be at. I’m honestly so blessed to have him. as some people know that have read my rants and stuff I’ve been crying everyday for a couple of months and almost 2-5 times a day and just been hurting really bad and hating who I am and suicide was a heavy thought on my mind. But if it wasn’t for him I’m pretty sure I would be gone. He deals with my mental break downs and when I cry and when I get angry and when I’m numb. We do argue a lot but he sticks through all of it. I really appreciate him and need to give him more credit for dealing with me. I can be annoying and crazy and upsetting but he really goes through all of that and finds some way to tell me that he loves me. I love you J ?? Your the only reason I’m alive today and help me hold on to the little bit of love for life I have left and that little bit is you and my family. I know you probably won’t ever see this cause I’m never gonna show you these types of rants cause I’ll probably get a speech like your my father or yelled at lmao but thank you you are the best thing that happened to me. And I just want to let everyone know That’s reading this you will find someone that will stay with you for anything and even through the bad times at the end of the day They’ll still be able to tell you I love you. they may already be in your life or You may still be searching but they Are here and they are waiting for you I promise
“Life is a gift! Live, laugh, love! You only live once (YOLO)! Thank God! Life is beautiful!” etc etc. Well, not really. Wake up and open your eyes to reality.
Only those people who are lucky & fortunate in life who can loudly say that life is a gift. The reality is, not everyone is fortunate. In fact, most people on this planet live in pain & sufferings just barely enough to survive. And then, even if people live in the first-world developed countries like in U.S or Europe for example, there are ironically still people who are depressed, and even suicidal/commit suicide. If life is a gift, like most people nowadays keep saying, then why all those reality exist? The only answer I can think of is: it is human’s nature perhaps for (most) human beings to always want to keep surviving (the survival mechanism), and therefore, they need the optimism bias (especially the most prevalent today with all those motivational & self-help industry); even if it’s at the cost of ignorance (“Ignorance is bliss”), simple-mindedness, naivety, being oblivious, selfish, shallow, superficial, and lacking empathy (in deep way), and honestly speaking, stupidity.
i first found out about ‘suicide forums’ when i was reading from a (shocker) suicide book. i quickly looked at the website, convincingly telling myself it was out of curiosity. closed the tab as if spending any more time on it would spread to me and infect me. it did. it became something i did a lot. reading through pages and pages of people and their thoughts. ironic to see so many alone people feel alone together. at this point i wouldn’t say i’m sad, i’m still. i wish i could write about how everything has messed me over. i feel drained, empty, tired of feeling out of place. i am fearful i will feel like this my entire life, unsatisfied. i sound spoiled. there’s nothing wrong with getting married, having kids, buying a house. it is too predictable. is there a point where i ‘learn to grow up’ where i realize everyone feels this way but just ignores. settles. i don’t want an expensive car. i don’t want a big house. i don’t want followers. i want to be someone. hypocritically i write on a suicide website. this is my problem. i can’t choose whether i want to change the world or take myself from it. different parts of the brain. i feel myself becoming more hopeless. be someone. be known for your kindness. impact people. you’ll never be anyone why try, end it before you’re in too far. i am so scared of ordinary. i’m scared my fear of ordinary will make me ordinary.
i am so privileged. the guilt is eating me up. ending it is cowardly but people would get over it. life moves on. people eventually move on.
So for a while now, probably a couple of months I’ve been crying every single day about something it could be the littlest thing but I just start crying and I just going to this episode of hating myself and wanting to just be alone and away from everything and everyone and then it turns into anger and then anybody who tries to help me I give a attitude to. And I do know that I’m clinically diagnosed with bipolar depression But for years it’s been under control and I’ve learned how to control it so much that years ago the Psychiatrist felt like I didn’t need any more medication and it was good for a while my emotions were pretty much under control and I had normal emotions. But that only lasted a while because I have been hiding my depression a lot but it’s never been this bad I’ve never cried every day of my life for months and almost like three or five times a day and it’s tiring and my head hurts and my body sore And I always feel like I’m tired or sick but it’s just because I’ve been crying so much and I don’t understand it I feel like I can’t even go outside anymore even though technically I really can’t because of the circumstances of the world right now but say we weren’t in quarantine and I had to go outside I probably wouldn’t because I’m scared that the smallest thing is going to hurt me or make me sad or anger me and then I’ll just go into an episode out in public and then hate myself even more than what I already do. I’m just confused on why this is happening and I want to change it because it’s taking a toll on my body And on my brain If you read this thank you have a good afternoon stay safe and wash your hands
Well I used this website before and honestly it’s a really helpful and supporting place and I’ve never experienced any type of hate being here so I decided to use it again and I thank the people on this website for being so nice to me when sharing my feelings really means a lot and would gladly do the same . I don’t even know how to put all that I’m feeling into proper words. I’ve been going through a lot in my own head. I constantly put myself down and I’m always saying that I hate myself. And the worse part is everything I say to myself I believe… I don’t like myself… I hate being who I am… I wish I didn’t exist or was never born cause I’m always constantly feeling like I make peoples life’s worse… I don’t know how to even talk to people anymore like a regular person. There was a time in life where I had to get hospitalized for my bipolar depression and for a while I was doing okay and but as time goes by I just hate myself more and more and I feel like it’s never going to stop. I always never really liked myself. Maybe as a kid but as I was growing up I got bullied a lot in elementary and middle school and a little bit in high school but not too much. All those moments just replay over and over again in my head and just remind me of why I hate myself and I just feel like giving up sometimes. I’m trying to change so I can’t feel this way anymore but due to the circumstances of the world right now it’s hard to change being stuck in the house all day which is basically what I did before and I was really depressed. There are some bright side to my life obviously I have a phone A roof over my head and a very supportive boyfriend Who helps me out with all these thoughts And I think God for these things that some people don’t have but we are all dealing with a different type of struggle no one’s life is ever perfect I was just really like some advice on how I could change the way I feel about myself because it’s come to a point where I don’t want people to be around me anymore and the only way to do that is to get rid of myself and I already tried it once and it failed And I didn’t even tell anyone and the only thing that stops me a boyfriend will be sad and so hurt if I did that to myself and he’s been trying to help me for so long so I’m trying to reach out to someone else to see if they could help me rethink myself So I can feel just a little better about myself Because I’ve been feeling this way for so long and it doesn’t only hurt me it hurts my boyfriend to see me like this knowing that he’s been trying to help me and it’s not working. Like I’ve never felt this type of hatred toward myself like it’s so different than anything I’ve ever felt before it’s like I just can’t stand myself and I just wanna feel a little better I doubt anyone would even read half of this but if you do thank you and I appreciate you reading a small part of my story I might upload a lot more on this website it helps me a lot after texting my feelings down about how I feel about myself it’s calmed me down from ballistic crying I hope everyone good night stay safe and Wash your hands