Category:

Suicidal Survivors

For those who have survived suicide.

Mismatched Scarecrow

by CARLOSPEJUAN 1/16/2023

written by CARLOSPEJUAN

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I just wanted to be a scientist. That is all I wanted. But I don’t know if that will come true. It seems like life doesn’t want that to come into fruition. I’ve tried studying for it , but the math is so complicated I am not sure If I can do it. Maybe if I take one class at a time? I am getting older however, so I am not sure if I can take the liberty to do that. I feel like the scarecrow from Wizard of Oz. Except there is no wizard in sight. I love science. I really do. I am […]

1/16/2023 3 comments

Maintaining My Mental

by Itscolourlife 1/16/2023

written by Itscolourlife

trying to maintain my mental health thru someone
someone that love me and know my story
weve been together since 2010
from a friend to best friend to love
from cheerful to depressed version

started to
loving myself
grooming myself
looking into the bright side
trying to be better

but i
afraid to be in relationship
relationship is a frail thing
break like a glass
cant be forever

and what makes me scared the most
what if i dont love him back
what if he develop depression too
what if i fail you?

just like today
when my parents trying to take the mental health stability i earned and […]

1/16/2023 1 comment

Is it worth it?

by savaiina 1/16/2023

written by savaiina

lately every time i take a step forward, something throws me back 3 steps. [background; long story short, my father killed himself when i was 5, i blamed myself, mother got into an abusive relationship and got on drugs. when i was 11 i moved with my aunt, (somehow got even worse) ive had drugs pushed on me the whole time here, lots of drinking and fighting, lying to police, etc.,, i was treated like a slave and belittled by my cousins for 4 years. so so much more that i cant even begin to explain.] The first time i tried to kill myself was […]

1/16/2023 2 comments

My own box of lie

by Itscolourlife 12/31/2022

written by Itscolourlife

I thought telling myself im getting better
Telling you im getting better
Will actually make me feel better
But its not
Its just makes me feel lonelier more than before
Trapped in my box of lie coating with happiness
Im so sorry i choose to left this way
But even if i ask and scream for help
You wont help me
You wont be here
Only my smile and cheerful side makes you happy
Makes you closer
Guess everyone loves the sunshine
But forget about the rain in the same sky

12/31/2022 0 comment

things can get better

by bell3 12/18/2022

written by bell3

Hello 🙂

Im not here to vent but instead share my story in the hope that i might be able to help you if you need it.

During the past three years i’ve been incredibly depressed and suicidal. I used drugs in an attempt to numb the pain but instead i came out of my addiction with more trauma than before. I went to extreme lengths to numb myself to avoid truly feeling the overwhelming feelings that i knew might swallow me.
However despite all that i’m still here today and doing better than ever.

Thats not to say i’m happy, i still crave drugs but i’m 10 […]

12/18/2022 1 comment

HELP: Should i go to my friend wedding party with my condition?

by Itscolourlife 12/7/2022

written by Itscolourlife

Hey hello you there.. if you see this post may you keep reading.. i really need your help.. SO

There will be a wedding party around 2 weeks from now. The groom is one my best friend and the bride is a fake friend/ a witch/idk what i should called her. As you guys know im battling my depression for 2-3 years and i just getting better this month, struggling by myself without medical, parents, or friends help.

Now i am fatter like 10kg more than before. Ive been locking myself all these years and doesnt want to meet my friends. One of the reason why […]

12/7/2022 5 comments

Gratitude is overrated

by niki 11/23/2022

written by niki

Gratitude is overrated, like many other optimistic/positive-thinking advices. Not everybody can do that. It’s unrealistic, and honestly full of BS (bullshit)

Gratitude has become today’s current hype which everyone seems to be doing, and even keep posting about it constantly on social media. Everywhere you see people always talk about gratitude (& with all other optimistic/positive stuff usually).

It becomes irritating however when gratitude is forced and shoved down our throats, as if everyone should (or must) do that. In reality, you can’t just force other people to keep showing gratitude constantly. Things happened, shits happened; problems, pain, & sufferings happen to some people, which is ridiculous […]

11/23/2022 0 comment

Connect.

by Thanatos.Nykthos 10/14/2022

written by Thanatos.Nykthos

Healing.

That’s the word we keep using.

Healing the inner child. Healing the past, Healing and moving forward. Moving with each other.

Special.

What we have is clearly special.

It’s not like we love each other, but we care. We keep using that word, too. Care. I care for her. She cares for me.

…

Pact.

We made a pact together.

We would be alone with each other if it helped and also avoid self-isolation.

Her mind. Font. Her Font. She is so similar to me. She calls it OCD and Anxiety.

I am afraid to speak before her.

but my words

become easier as they leave me

when I speak with her –

i feel heard. After all. Somehow. […]

10/14/2022 2 comments

sadness

by iwannagiveup 10/11/2022

written by iwannagiveup

I am so tired of being sad and tired. I do not want to be alive anymore, but I am stuck in this place of fear and guilt. i am scared to give up, as I worry about my grandparents and family’s reactions. I do not care about myself much anymore. I act like I do, but every act feels forced and I am exhausted. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I do not have any plans to commit, but I do wonder sometimes. I just want this pain to end. To live is to suffer, and the only way […]

10/11/2022 0 comment

Please read this.

by Im begging you not to give up hope 9/30/2022

written by Im begging you not to give up hope

Hello there, friends. I just ran across this website tonight. At first I was shocked because it seemed to be promoting suicide, but then I read the rules and realized that wasn’t the case. However, I didn’t worry any less about the people on this site. I don’t know any of you but I’m guessing I know the feelings you’re feeling. Please take a look at what I have to say.

Disclaimers

I’m going to make a few disclaimers before I start. First of all, if I accidentally say something that offends you, I apologize and recognize that your viewpoint exists. However, I don’t apologize for speaking […]

9/30/2022 12 comments

Taking the pain away

by Thanatos.Nykthos 8/20/2022

written by Thanatos.Nykthos

I am afraid of harm.
I have grown wise about harm.
But I just found that when I perform it, the crippling pain leaves in a way and for a time while my wound remains.
I am scared of myself now.

[image and caption removed]

8/20/2022 17 comments

Nykthos, shrine to Nyx

by Thanatos.Nykthos 8/16/2022

written by Thanatos.Nykthos

My eyes roll back, my tongue hardens, balling up in my throat.

I choke on my body, every finger feels alone. As if somebody is pouring their voice into my mind, humming a drone which washes over me like I’m being boiled alive, I reeel repeatedly, awash sans sensation save an echoing of separation.

Like a hand to the face, or a soft bucket of cold water, my senses return, the highways of mind occupy themselves once more.

Defenseless, totally vulnerable to otherworldly nothing, unreasonable in any fashion.

/~\\

(Abandoned places)

https://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/transition.html

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1362361318816053?prg140729=e1da73fb-d096-44f6-b6c1-fe74d31d939d&

https://www.bmj.com/content/341/bmj.c3222

https://www.uptodate.com/contents/suicidal-ideation-and-behavior-in-adults/print

https://drjonicewebb.com/how-to-deal-with-your-emotionally-neglectful-parents/

https://www.wikihow.com/Accept-That-Your-Parents-Don%27t-Understand-You

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pantone_448_C

https://www.dwihn.org

(here- […]

8/16/2022 2 comments

FUCK IT – Update – Hard decision//Never Loved//Obdurance

by Thanatos.Nykthos 8/10/2022

written by Thanatos.Nykthos

FUCK TIME TIME IS A B!TCH

FUCKIN RANT O’CLOCK, FUCKLES MCGEE!

GUESS WHAT?! I’m FUCKING waiting now, and I FUCKING hate it!

WAITING FOR THIS STUPID FUCKING SOLUTION which is GONNA MAKE MY LIFE BETTER

but FUCK WAITING OH GOD

I WAS STABLE for like A WEEK AND A HALF damnit! FUCK COPING! FUCK QUESTIONS from PROFANE PREACHERS of PALLID HATE!

HERE’s the UPDATE, because HELL YEAH that’s useful!

Part ONE:

I wanna make some FUCKIN DEMANDS, damnit!

I WANNA COFFIN, DAMNIT! and you BETTER NOT THROW AWAY ALL THE SHIT I PUT TOGETHER TO LAY THIS WHOLE MESS OUT FOR YA!

alright, now to the kind and well-deserving members of thesuicideproject.org, I’d like to […]

8/10/2022 7 comments

Never Loved

by Thanatos.Nykthos 8/4/2022

written by Thanatos.Nykthos

Looking to golden lights, disoriented by gossamer affection

You never loved me- lie no more. Leave me or love me, I shan’t stand for your façade any longer. I see truth, I knew from the genesis of your sin, it held no virtues.
You called my light delusion, and you called my patience an unchecked ego. When I spoke clearly at last, your shell crumbled, you held no quarter to the lies before which you had brought forth against me. You say it “I love you not, I care nothing for you however you shall live.” And so it was laid plain.

8/4/2022 1 comment

Hard decision

by Thanatos.Nykthos 8/3/2022

written by Thanatos.Nykthos

Goddamnit, I’d hate for this to just be some bum other journal for me. But- At break point, I know that need.
Tonight I make the daring leap, I do what I hate myself for, what they will never forgive truly. For they cannot love, They cannot care for anything other than their purchase ‘pon me.
They will hate and weep, plead and probe into me, but my adamantine message cannot falter. Tonight will be difficult, I fear it’s malfruition. I pray to honest God for strength, for forgiveness for the resolve of self I have lacked so long, and for grace abounding […]

8/3/2022 3 comments

R. has lost herself

by Virus.Found 7/28/2022

written by Virus.Found

What the hell lifelong friend.?! 2 days ago I replied to my friend R. and she tells me short and cryptic sentences. It sounds like a goodbye. You’d think, someone who planned on dying, actually had some great last words to offer. But… that wasn’t the case.

So I’ve tried to make her tell somebody about the bottle of pills she swallowed, her roommate at best. It took me a while and I convinced her to do so – Radio silence. There was nothing I could do, so I just waited. Got a “My roommate took me to the hospital”, that’s it. I really wonder, if […]

7/28/2022 3 comments

Never found – ai art

by Thanatos.Nykthos 7/25/2022

written by Thanatos.Nykthos

The playlists abounded, the only things left besides the journals upon journals, notepads chock-full

7/25/2022 0 comment

“Greetings.”

by Thanatos.Nykthos 7/24/2022

written by Thanatos.Nykthos

https://creator.nightcafe.studio/creation/lgZAU77M5JbFZvkkBCuY

It is human to, at this point, put forth a greeting to the community i have just joined here. Hello. I want to die. I shall start with a recent tale of achievement in my life.
-I am very happy that recently, I secured my avenue of prospective death in a manner of which I shall not discuss, but which brings me great solace to find was appropriately covert and fruitful. I feel peace knowing I can hold the hand of death this way, and have been more productive for having this comfort.

This is all I shall share for now.
Wishing […]

7/24/2022 1 comment

I wished I had missed out.

by With Love 7/16/2022

written by With Love

So, I’m trying to not want to die enough to be fun to hang out with tonight, right? And I’m watching videos of suicide survivors trying to find a reason not to kill myself. They start talking about all the things they would have missed out on- their kids, their music, their dog, whatever.

You know what I would have missed out on if I had succeeded in killing myself at 16?

My rape.

It speaks for itself, doesn’t it?

Anyways. I had to get that out of me. Let’s see if I can shut my brain up and not cry long enough to make my friends happy. Hope […]

7/16/2022 2 comments

DYING TODAY IN A SHITTY COUNTRY

by lifeisadankjoke 7/5/2022

written by lifeisadankjoke

I live in a country that sees suicide as an act of rebellion . So there are laws to scare people from commiting suicide . One of those laws is that if I am not above the age of 21 . If I commit suicide my close family parents and older siblings will be held accountable for my “mistake” by paying stupidly large sums of fines and me and my parents have to at least be held inside a “psych ward” ( basically a prison ) until I am deemed to be “normal” again . I have been actively trying to commit suicide since I […]

7/5/2022 3 comments

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