Suicidal Survivors

For those who have survived suicide.

0

I Will Overcome !

April 23rd, 2017by Addiictivetragedy

Mind like quicksand, but I try to stay above land.
Kaleidoscope of different scenarios. Life falling in a burial. Heart broken like shattered glass, not healing no mater how much time has passed. Haunted dreams every night, becoming weaker after every fight. Can’t distinguish what is real or in my head, every night laying on my deathbed. Anxiety, bipolar and PTSD, is slowly overpowering me.
Suicidal Thoughts but I’m afraid of death, continuous thoughts of how I will lose my last breath. Anxious, anxious all the time, but with meds they tell I’ll be just fine. Irritable, angry, sadden and scared, all through my mind like a …

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1

Tried (twice) and Failed (twice).

April 23rd, 2017by bobbywylie

You’d have thought that, after my first attempt, way back when I was 19 years old (I’m in my 50s now), I may have learned a thing or three. Twice I attempted suicide – wholeheartedly, I might add – and twice some unplanned outside “influence” got in the way. The first time, I was just so alone, very few friends (I didn’t know how to make them), no job, no girlfriend, nothing to live for. I was into drugs at the time – I’d taken LSD (and had a couple of pretty nasty, as well as good, trips), and I was pretty much dependent on dope (grass). I …

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1

Blossom

April 23rd, 2017by Addiictivetragedy

You used your words, I used my heart. I became unheard, you became a dart. I reached out, you pushed away. I started to doubt but I was forced to stay.
Growing a flower, supposed to be a blessing. but you had the power. And I was left stressing..
Far from family , no one but you,
Loss of gravity, my hatred grew.
You where supposed to be my happy ending, but this chapter was just beginning.
My flower blossomed, she is so beautiful, I became cautioned, you grew so pitiful. Yelling and abusing, but with no bruising. I tried to flee, your family didn’t agree.. threatened like a thief …

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4

The choice to end my life is mine. The only thing standing in my way is my fear of failing again. I almost died in November I overdosed on aspirin which a lot of people think you cant do but you can. I almost passed out on the bathroom floor but I decided I would […]

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Battle Scars: 2017 Update

April 16th, 2017by Counting The Days Until I'm gone

Today commemorates eight months since I have gotten the urge to turn to this forum. At my last visit, I was broken, and quite humorously, at this visit, broken no longer can summate my existence. In exactly one year, I have had few victories and so much pain and deception that I have crawled back into the safety of my introvercy. Since my last visit, (when I was a 18 year old bum, not attending school) I have made some progression. I currently work, go to school and volunteer regularly but my battle scars are still present, Scars that refuse to heal, scars which threaten …

20

Has Anyone Survived an Acetaminophen Cocktail Overdose?

March 26th, 2017by Bree9

Has anyone tried going out using over-the-counter drugs, specifically in the acetaminophen category?  (I won’t give specific brand medication examples to prevent my post being taken down). Did it hurt or did you just go unconscious? How did you feel? Did you have organ damage? Were you hospitalized? I want to know what happened but most of all, I want to know if it HURT?

5

Blank

March 19th, 2017by Zelrot

I lost my baby within three years of her birth. Before that, I was moderately depressed. Once in a while I would break down into tears, I was even afraid to look in the mirror. I’ve seen myself as a monster most of my life. If not I as a monster, then I as someone surrounded by them. I’ve been married to my husband for quite a while now, I love him dearly but his depression only piles onto mine. He’s put a gun to his head around 238 times now, once just recently. He pulled the trigger all but that last time, all bullets …

13

Failed before I started

March 16th, 2017by Vsgfail

I was waiting for a refill. They refused to give me anymore. I am now stuck. I don’t know what to do.

I need to do more research. Why can’t we simply choose not to exist?

I simply want to sleep and never wakeup.

So back to square one.

7

I failed

March 9th, 2017by Ka7613

I threw them up.  I went to go get more out of the medicine cabinet because I didn’t have enough and my stupid fucking cat was standing in front of my sister’s bedroom door, just staring at me.  Looking back he probably wanted me to feed him, but at the time it felt like he was judging me, telling me how horrible I was for leaving my sister alone.  For not calling my girlfriend like I promised her I would if it got bad.

I told her afterwards, my girlfriend.  I knew she would be upset, but I didn’t think she would cry.  Hell, I didn’t …

13

Sometimes There is Popcorn

Sometimes There is Popcorn

March 7th, 2017by SeeSmith

Generally, I mind my own business, but sometimes there is popcorn.

11

New to the site

March 3rd, 2017by TrIeD2mAnYtImEs

I’m a 37 year old recently divorced recently homeless recently incarcerated recently fired bipolar schizo affective civil engineer. I’ve been searching through the internet, found this site and signed up today. The posts I’ve read today helped me through my depression that i face for about 40-70% of each day. I had a rough childhood and had my first suicidal thoughts at 13. I fought it for ten years and took an attempt on my life at 23 (pills)…things just got harder. I tried a few more times slit wrists, pyschotropic pills and electrocution. Any thoughts or information on how to navigate the site would …

4

Failed hanging & slitting wrists

March 1st, 2017by ThisIsHard111

My mind is my worst enemy. I’ve screamed until I lost my voice over my mind just standing in the kitchen screaming and screaming and screaming! I’ve been getting mental health for years but those people don’t know how to help yiu.

Even when I get myself to a level where I say hey, I think I can live with nyself, MY LIFE GETS RIPPED APART! Every time without fail. Everything ends, no matter how hard yoyo try, even good feelings will pass but bad feelings pass and get replaced with worse. So much crying pain, even physical pain with back problems from numerous car qrecks, …

3

5AM BPD/Love/Sob

February 20th, 2017by Elliot97

Do I get up and disappear while she lays beside me, sleeping beautifully? Even if she did no wrong I can’t force myself to believe she hasn’t, If I disappear maybe she’ll find someone better and worthy. I was always told anything said or thought after 2AM should be ignored but it seems to be my wisest moments. I don’t know how or why I think this way, I wish I didn’t. I wish I was ‘normal’… I used to say consistency is key in my previous relationships but it seems the only thing consistent in my life is sadness, suicidal thoughts and total destruction …

3

Mah Story

February 17th, 2017by Killstead

Here I am. Another night, another thought; like the nights before, and like the thoughts before. Only difference tonight being a Google search and bumbling into this website.

Well, sigh. Here goes.

My story starts about 18 years or so ago, back when I was 12. I wasn’t actively thinking about suicide before this time, but they put me on the mind destroying drug Ritalin and the rest is history. It was Xmas eve, and I had made a super potent spicy drink for ‘Santa’. Well, my naive little mind thought I had made the drink so strong that it was going to kill my mother. Of …

1

I don’t know anymore.

February 16th, 2017by Falsify

This probably will wind up as an incoherent mess, but when is it ever? If my mind wasn’t muddled, would I be writing this? Would anyone of us be? Probably not.
It feels strange to write about this in a public space. But it’s easier than to be judged and mocked by those we care for. Or simply told by our friends and family that we are horrible and selfish for feeling these suicidal urges. They care for you, don’t get me wrong, but they never do seem to know what to do but defend themselves.
“I want to kill myself.” Poor wording, I know. I wanted …

4

The 2 Lost Souls

February 13th, 2017by completely_lost2

Today has got to be one very hard day… All i seem to think about is the death of my girlfriend and daughter during childbirth. Their watching over me i believe. I want to have them next to me. You guys obviously know the reason i am depressed. Let me go into detail, I was watching my girlfriend, she was 16, give birth to our child. I was in the hospital room and watched the whole gruesome death. She was already in labor giving birth too Arial Hunter on 4-20-2015. Ella was laying saying “i cant, i cant, i cant” i was holding her hand …

4

Hitting so hard…..

February 12th, 2017by EvilOni22

From time to time I still find myself overwhelmed and just wishing all was over. I fear this will never fully go away. It’s been building up for sometime now. Longer than normal, stronger than normal. Ever so slowly imploding. Back to drinking myself to sleep cause I really don’t know what else to do. Even that has it’s limitations. Work is what I use typically. Just focus on it day in day out. Let’s me simply ignore or avoid what I can’t handle or can’t control…….that’s becoming me now though.

3

Hi?

February 9th, 2017by _lost._.one_

I feel so alone, as if I am not good enough.

Today I almost suffocated from my own self-hate. Sigh, not literally, metaphorically. There were so many people in the bathroom all of a sudden and I could not cry, I had to hold it in for approximately ten minutes while they fussed over their picture.

2

Um…well here goes…

February 7th, 2017by _lost._.one_

Hello 🙂 I am going to start now…

I have attempted suicide before, but all times my plans have fallen through. I have tried suffocation through bag twice, tried hanging myself once, tried swallowing a ton of pills once, and that’s it. I cut. I despise blood and looking at other peoples injuries makes me want to faint, but for some reason it’s different with my blood. I laugh when I cut and I shake so much. It calms me, makes me happy for a short while. I wish I could be left alone though, my parents are the kind of parents who despise any problems …

2

It just kept on getting worse

February 4th, 2017by Dark_Shadow

I broke up with my boyfriend early September last year. It wasn’t easy but I had to save myself from the toxic relationship I was in, where he would make all the rules but the rules would not apply to him. He made me feel shit about myself and blame me for all the problems in our relationship.

The first thing I did after that was to seek professional help, he encouraged me to go despite all the bad things that he had done to me. I went to see my doctor and told him about my depression and self-harm. He started me on some anti-depressants …