Suicidal Survivors

For those who have survived suicide.

0

Back to ground zero

February 22nd, 2018by Urm8451n

I went back to my home town. The horror-ed house and the damned “friends”.

I feel like I have to run away. This semester break is short, so I don’t have to worry about being here for long. But….. to be fair? Those aren’t my friends. Those are kids who ditched their friend in great need. I have had flash backs since I got back to here.

I feel like I have to run, run far.

People  talk about suicidal experience – which is good, but they forgot to tell you all about the “before” time.  The time they stood on the edge. How it feels? it feels …

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6

Suicidal family member

February 20th, 2018by Urm8451n

This post is what SP means with family effect and suicide related. This isn’t a happy ending nor a crisis, but beware of triggers.

 

When I was a young boy, I remember my mother going up the stairs, half dead, she was barely walking, her new bf helped her.  She was getting treated with chemotherapy and other cancer related drugs.  She was dying, it was an intensive fight.  She was alone, and my father divorced her.  Her family was so abusive and ugly that they didn’t even help.  I was about five and didn’t understand why my mom is falling to the ground.  I saw her …

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2

An update

February 16th, 2018by Elysianvinyl

Hello! If you remember any of my last posts (I don’t blame you if you dont), I’m currently in a mental rehabilitation center as necessary due to my recent suicide attempt. They allowed me technology today.

They’ve been shoving psyciatric pills down my throat and it’s so annoying, but I guess whatever helps. I hope to be out by the end of March.

See you the next time Im allowed my phone. Stay strong.

~Alex.

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13

Dying to Live

February 14th, 2018by Die2Live

So I want to try something.  A ‘Proof of God‘ project if you will…

I’d like to be clinically dead long enough to see the “other side” and if possible ask God a few questions and then be resuscitated.  (If there is such a deity).

This would actually be pretty awesome to do “Live” on Facebook or YouTube.   It seems I would need a partner to resuscitate me after I have been in fact, clinically flat lined with a heart monitor hooked up to verify time of death.

I have some ideas as to how I would do this, but suggestions are very welcome.

 

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12

Febuary 4th, 2018 wasnt my last day on earth after all.

February 6th, 2018by Elysianvinyl

two days ago, i attemped to take my life. If you remember, i made a post on it a few hours prior. so, heres how that day went and where i am now.

That day i had waken up around 9pm. By 10 i had my mind made up. I ate breakfast, watched TV for a little while. After a couple hours, i began to secure the rope (i had previously bought it) to my ceiling fan, then i tied a hangmans knot that would so just fine.

I chose a chair and placed it underneath, standing on it with the rope around my neck. My adrenaline …

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2

I’m Crazy, I Should Kill Myself

February 5th, 2018by Bettyblossom

Maybe I’m a psychopath. Maybe I truly am mentally disconnected from reality. Lacking empathy. But I want attention. After I tried to kill myself I just wanted to shout it to the world. Why did I want to do that? Why do I want to do anything? I’m useless. Oof, this is a hard one to swallow.

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2

My Story

February 4th, 2018by Duncan Walpole

In the middle of august I tried to take my life, I was destroyed by pain and I was so anxious about school especially some exams I had to do in order to be accepted in the next class.

I tried.

I failed, and when my mom got home I was in my bed crying and I had a very bad scar that explained what happened, she called my dad and we went to the hospital and now I’m here.

After everything happened I felt so calm and relaxed, I finally had my mind clear.

Now I have a psychologist but I still feel the pain inside me and …

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11

Coming clean, I had psychopathic needs.

January 28th, 2018by Urm8451n

Few years ago, I was a dead boy walking down the school’s corridors. Walking back, forth, between rooms for each class, and from there back to the empty house.

I always had knew what was expecting me at that house.
I always feared from those ‘good’ days. I was so.. under pressure, I could have felt that life is a – if you enjoy today, tomorrow you will be in sorrow, and if you are really lucky, your suffering will start from the same day you dared to fucking smile.

I kept my mouth shut for so long, didn’t feel anyone around me. They were merely humans to …

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4

I wish I live in movies, books, novels, comics, anime, video games. Real world / Real life / Reality is boring & depressing.

January 26th, 2018by niki

Honestly, I just can’t understand nor fathom why Most / Majority of people can go watch movies, read cool, creative, imaginative books / novels / anime / comics, or play super imaginative & fantasy video games, and then later on they just go back to reality, as if nothing happens, and they’re ok with everything.

I hate to say this, but Most people simply just lack Imaginations. Even worse, Most people are boring. All people care in the everyday’s reality & their lives is just the most superficial, mundane, boring, & stupid things. Which is very depressing, especially when you feel like you’re just alone & …

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12

Failed

January 21st, 2018by FlightlessBird

I ended up in psych ward after a failed suicide attempt.

My roommates laughed at me for thinking I’ll be out after few days and that I should be ready for a looong stay.

I’m losing my mind already and it’s been only a day.

All because of being trapped.

I desperately want to off myself, just to get out of this place, while I was pretty stable at the hospital and feeling okay.

Patients are loud, won’t let me sleep and stray dogs have better food.

I’m constantly stressed out because literally everyone has issues here.

And I could barely deal with my own.

I want to smash things.

Or my …

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9

Pork Soda

January 20th, 2018by thetrashmen

So I got out of the adolescent unit of a behavioral health facility

and

I’m lost.

I went purposely, y’know

seeking help.

And I got some?

I felt so optimistic

so productive

whilst I was there

but I got picked up last night

and now I just

don’t know what to do or how to apply anything?

There’s so much to fix

so much to get past

and it seemed so simple there but now it’s just

not?

I had it mapped, planned in the abstract

and no way to truly accomplish anything.

I’m trying so hard to get it together and I’m so pissed that I can’t fix myself in a day

but Rome fucking burned in one.

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5

I feel..

I feel..

January 9th, 2018by RiloMor

I know it’s kind of dumb thinking this way. Like, it’s not my fault my dad was not the brightest bulb in the box and I know this. But I hate him for doing this to me.

Maybe it’s me over-thinking things but, from my knowledge and knowing serverl people with disorders physical and mental as well as having researched it extensively.. I just can’t help but think that my father, and his stupied genes gave me all these worries. Hell, my half sister and half brother are even worse than I am after he got married to a lady whose bulb seems to be on …

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4

Looking Back

January 7th, 2018by colourandlight

  1. I spend a lot of time looking back. Especially recently.

Aged 9. Started self harming.

Aged 10. Tried to throw myself out of the window (several times).

Aged 11. Couldn’t understand why I was the way I was. What was wrong with me.

Aged 12. Distractions. Life. I wasn’t any better, but things kept moving.

Aged 13. Minor improvements. Self acceptance.

Aged 14. Good. Not great, but good. Acceptance. Progress. Self medicating through reading.

and life continued much the same until last year. Not good. Not bad. Clear head at least.

 

I met someone. We’ll call him Oscar. Or O.

He was amazing. A recovering alcoholic, who’d been driven to drink by the …

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2

Want to hurt myself all the time

January 3rd, 2018by Bunnytea

I want to hurt myself almost everyday. The main thing that keeps me from hurting myself is that I don’t want to end up in the mental hospital again. All of my mental hospital visits have been bad or outright traumatic thus far.

So many times, I get so upset at myself that I want to bang my head against the wall. I think “You’re stupid, worthless piece of s***!” and yell at myself and I cry because of how much I hate myself and can’t stand being alive. I have hurt myself by hitting my head before, usually when I was already in a mental …

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0

Trapped

January 3rd, 2018by empls

I’ve wanted to die for a while now. On and off. Every time I feel like I’m glad I haven’t done it yet because I might be enjoying some part of my life, it always comes crashing down and leaving me right back to wanting to die.

If I had my way, I would have done it maybe 10 years ago. My mum raised me to be quite religious and now, despite my doubts about the religion, I can’t risk dying just to go to hell on the off chance it’s true. It’s so engrained in me. In a way I suppose it has saved me …

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2

God has answered my prays, I was reborn-ed.

December 28th, 2017by Urm8451n

Hey, good day for all of you.
This will be my last post

, because I have changed, and I’m quit-ing this site.
For those who didn’t follow my posts, or read the last posts of mine, I wanted to wake up today, fearless and with out feelings.

Fully honest with all of you strangers: for the last days I have been fighting in my mind, over the control of this body. As if I fought with my “anxiety” persona, which fears failures. Today I guess my other persona won, because I’m fearless. I’m focused on what I want and when I want it.

I’m just a kid, I …

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4

Anniversary

December 26th, 2017by Blood Rain

It’s been a year since I last left a post here. I hadn’t thought I’d be back, both for the reasons I’d left and the reasons I had tried not to look back.

Today’s the anniversary of my last suicide attempt. Ironically it is the one that ‘saved’ me but at the same time took so much from me. In survival I was able to remove a mental block I had put on my emotions and memories that held years of abuse by the hands of my father, who has lost his memories through alcoholic seizures, and the only one who really understands what I suffered …

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0

Sad

December 25th, 2017by lonewolf23

Today was Christmas Eve and i am somewhat sad because all my co-workers seemed to hate how cheery i was today. I’m typically always happy and in a good mood no matter what day it is but for some reason it irritated some of my co-workers today. I work at a grocery store as a cashier and so it was super busy today but i didn’t mind. After all, who wants to be served by a grumpy employee on Christmas Eve? I know i wouldn’t appreciate it if i went through some cashiers line and got dealt a mean attitude. I understand being a cashier …

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8

Her Timeline

December 16th, 2017by SilentVoices

Before she was aware, she moved across seas. Of course she wasn’t aware, she was only 3.

By the age of 5, she knew something wasn’t right. Protecting her siblings while her parents fight.

From K to 12 she struggled without support. But even with uneducated parents, her grades were in good report.

Her home-life however, left much to Desire. Constant fighting and screaming and emotional fire.

At the tender age of 8, she would lie in bed, wishing she were dead.

Withdrawn and silent, she turned 14. Dragged to the psychiatrist for her mind to be seen.

Finally diagnosed with Severe Clinical Depression. She was given drugs, but to her …

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1

being your illness

December 12th, 2017by onemorehour

 

 

i lost my grip about 5 years ago, i started thinking that everyone i loved hated me, that they would leave me, and so i pushed them away.

 

i had been through a lot of trauma with the people i loved, people we loved had killed themselves and as we always took life as it was a little harder than the rest, i thought they would understand, that they would stay by me as i had stayed by them, that they might help me out. they could not handle it and i manifested the abandonment through my paranoia and dramatic cries for help that no one …

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