Suicidal Survivors

For those who have survived suicide.

7

I didn’t jump. I lived to see my 16th birthday! :-)

September 19th, 2017by Dawnstar

Broken Arch

I’m not suicidal at this time, and this story, although true, has taken place in the past. Perhaps writing this is part of my own integration process, and maybe it can help somebody else, I don’t know? Anyway, hello everyone, and to quote Hannah from 13 Reasons Why, “It’s me, live and in stereo”! 😉

Unlike the Netflix series, I wish I could list specific reasons why I became suicidal. I wasn’t raped by a family member or anything like that, and I really have a life which (although certainly far from perfect) I’m sure many would be envious …

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3

Any survivors blame their partner?

September 6th, 2017by lonely87

Im really struggling to understand how/why my husband chose not only to blame me but to make a campaign out of it in his suicide. His note blames a threat I made (I kept threatening to have him arrested for his violence, I was referring to historical violence but he was paranoid and thought I’d lie and say it was ongoing) but also makes reference to needing the kids to be saved from me, calling me a monster. He left a list of alleged domestic abuse I’d done which ranges from true, to lie, to downright bizarre, to deliberately calculated to sound like something bad …

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1

Unnoticed

September 4th, 2017by AnonymousCK

I remember the first time I told someone in person that I had attempted suicide many times. I had just forfeited a debate round and my coach was furious. I was talking off my anxiety with the girl I still love today (4 years later).

I was walking on one of those concrete walls next to stairs outside, this one more tall than usual, personally I’m terrified of falling/heights. So to calm myself down I try to do something that is more terrifying than my thoughts, that’s how I overcome my anxiety attacks. So anyway I’m pacing back and forth on this wall talking to my friend and I just said “sometimes I just wish I’d fall off and die in a freak accident” and she just looks at me horrified (I don’t typically talk to anyone about personal things). She says “that’s not something to joke about” I simply told her that it wouldn’t be the first time I’d tried. She asked how many times and I told her I’d lost count. We left it at that.

I think the things that surprised me the most is that firstly it was actually fairly easy to tell someone and secondly that she had no idea.

Now I started this off by saying it was the first time I’ve told someone; however, it’s also the only time. Every other person never asked. How can someone have had ton of siblings and attempted many times over 8 years and no one notice?

 

My guess is they did.

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3

Almost Done

August 25th, 2017by Almond801

I’ve been writing my goodbyes for a long time. They’ve never been quite right. They start out with gratitude and subtle apology but I get lost after that. I don’t feel grateful or sorrowful. I don’t feel much beyond the negative spectrums anymore. I’ll get brief bursts, like sun bursts through the clouds, but they are gone often while still happening. I have lived for myself but it was empty. I have lived for others and repeatedly failed in it. I have lived in transition while searching for solutions and believing that there must be another way.

Day after day it gets harder to breathe. I …

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1

They are back.

August 23rd, 2017by Eccedentesiastsoul

Lately I’ve ben having these migraines that take everything that’s in me to stand. It’s not new, I used to have them daily until they somehow, the same pain transferred to my stomach. I got it checked out by a doctor long back and he gave me pills and said I was fine to go. Now the pain is back and it’s stronger than ever. I’m not being over dramatic or anything but it hurts to the point where I actually think there’s something wrong with me. Before I got back to my country I got a strong one and I literally cried myself to …

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3

Back home.

August 21st, 2017by Eccedentesiastsoul

Things are back to getting worse. I don’t know if I can proceed anymore, go threw all the upcoming months, get a year older, it’s just too much. I still have to finish high school and I don’t know how to feel about that. I want to escape. Get as far away as I can from this country but in order to do so I’ll have to get a scholarship and because of my background I don’t think I’ll be able to get one. Even if I do get one, I won’t be accepted for who I am, or at least I don’t think I …

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51

You Don’t Know What’s Good For You

August 19th, 2017by Angel of Life

WARNING: It is not enough if you have read these techniques.  You must put actually put the techniques into practice! Everyday we are expected talk softly to suicidal people and treat them as though they are rational and understand how the brain works. They don’t. If you don’t understand that you REALLY don’t know about mental illness and you better read carefully to the end. You are the only one who can fix this and unfortunately you have no training, education or experience to do so, and the disease you have actually tries to stop you from fixing it. I was depressed until the age …

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4

I am a disappointment

August 18th, 2017by haterlivet

One thing i´ve always thought of is that it´s so scary when someone mentally ill and suicidal (me) falls in love. We start feeling whole again. Like we´ve got a purpose, a reason to be here and a reason to start and try.

But one thing that really scares me and hurts me inside to think of  is that; what happens when the person who´s saved me leaves? What happens when the person takes away all the hope and love and beauty and rip out all the stitches they used to put in their partner together again and the broken soul is left worse than they …

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5

Suicide without hurting others

August 18th, 2017by haterlivet

I want to end my life, But i want to end it in a way that doesnt hurt the people around me. I’ve come to learn that this life really aint for me, i tried for so many years to stay strong and fight the pain Im feeling, But its absolutely impossible and Nobody really understands the mental illness Im going through. I dont really like to talk about my depression to a lot of people, Cause they think that Im calling for attention or that its no big of a deal. But i really wish They knew What Im going through

My biggest problem is …

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1

I’m stuck in this existence

August 15th, 2017by tardis21

My first post…

So I have bipolar disorder. Unspecified type. Spent the last year constantly seeing the mental health team. Two visits in a mental hospital. One visit to hospital after my OD.

I try to be happy but I’m just not. It’s so hard to pretend. I have ran out of energy to carry it on. After the first time I OD’D, the thought of ending my life excites me. The thought of the pain ending. Physical and mental. It’s all I think about. It’s so selfish since I have children. But I don’t feel of much use to them. My partner doesn’t understand I don’t …

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3

Black days

August 13th, 2017by ImSayingGoodBye

Whatsoever I’ve feared has come to life
Whatsoever I’ve fought off became my life
Just when everyday seemed to greet me with a smile
Sunspots have faded and now I’m doing time
Now I’m doing time
‘Cause I fell on black days

 

With the recent suicide of two great singers. For whatever reason, I’ve looked back into Chris Cornell’s lyrics and started listening to his work deeper than I’ve ever have before. His words touch my inner soul. I’ve never really liked soundgarden or audioslave till now. I always loved the grunge era. And I considered Cornell’s bands on the bottom of the list that time. I have no idea why, …

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6

I hate my body

August 13th, 2017by an_old_child

I really hate my body. I’m not fat, I’m not too ugly, I’m  just covered with scars and a I hate it when I sweat. I actually hate my skin. I’m only 19 and I should be beautiful at this age. I can resist my stretch marks because almost everyone has them so they are natural but I can’t stand my scars. My body is full of those red things. They first appeared the first time I shaved my body hair and now they are everywhere on my hands and legs. I used to have tones of acnes on my face and now they’re gone …

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2

Two types of people who suffer

August 8th, 2017by eeyore

im not gonna say that everyone struggles or suffering but for those who do, there’s two types

the one who suffers tremendously but keeps going to share their story and to help others

or the one who also suffers tremendously and gives up bc they simply can not handle the endless pain and emptiness (or any other feeling they are struggling to overcome)

 

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2

9am thoughts

August 8th, 2017by Eccedentesiastsoul

Okay. So I don’t really know how this works. What if someone I know finds this, what then? How am I going to explain all this. When people I know see my cuts they judge and say I do it for attention so what will they think if they ever found this? I just need my space, I want to be able to express my thoughts without being scared but I guess fear is always going to be there.

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24

I’m in shock

August 6th, 2017by whenthepainoflivingistoomuch

I feel as if someone took a iron fist and rammed it right into my stomach and took a sword and put it through my heart.

I checked my email as I usually do this morning after breakfast.  There in  my in box was a name that I have not seen in months.  Someone that was a deep and close and personal friend of mine, that just stopped talking to me and I never knew why.

Now, I do.

I am here to share something with you that she sent me.  I am still crying about it and currently sitting in a police station waiting to talk to …

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1

wednesday – 1:01AM

July 25th, 2017by suicidalkitty

What frustrates me so much is that this sickness taps on my windows on cold, stormy days, begging me not to sleep. It sits on my lap taunting me to caress its soft but stinging, midnight fur. In busy crowds, it whispers my name as i walk, telling me sugar-coated stories of how it made at least 5 souls drain out all the sadness inside of them in thick red in the last 4 hours it left me so i could finally close my eyes and sleep. But on days where i sleep longer and wake up waiting for its thick cloud to suffocate me, i …

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7

xx

June 26th, 2017by Folfanda

Yesterday was my birthday, things weren’t looking up so I took about 20 of the only over the counter sleeping pill my parent’s had (they don’t take much) and I swallowed them down with a soda. I though it would be a peaceful, surreal, almost lovely experience, but as I sat outside on the hammock I started to feel dazed and tired, my body just kind of bobbed around for a few minutes, I thought I could just lay down and drift, but the feeling only intensified, and though its what I wanted, naturally my body responded negatively to the effects of the pills, and

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6

40… still breathing

June 25th, 2017by Milestiba

I don’t write much because it takes my phone forever on this site to type on a post. Infuriating!! Commenting is easier. So my post is in comments below.

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6

why God tortured me like that?

June 24th, 2017by an_old_child

after years of suffering, it’s getting good at last.

i think i’m feeling happy and it seems to last for a while. the question here is, why did God tortured me like that?

i know that the day would come that everything will turn upside down again and i will feel down and suicidal -since no happiness is everlasting and no sadness, too- and i think that i’m not ready for that day.

i definitely feel stronger than before all these things happened to me – i don’t really want to say what i’m referring to by “these” – but i don’t like the idea of being put …

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7

Here to listen to you

Here to listen to you

June 23rd, 2017by LostInDebt

Hi guys,

I thought I should be a leaning shoulder to several people out there willing to put an abrupt end to their lives.

Firstly, it is safe to say I have been down that road as well and I know exactly what it feels like to be empty and isolated. I held on to one string (scratch that, two strings actually) : my pregnant girlfriend and God… If my girlfriend wasn’t pregnant, I probably wouldn’t be writing this today because I wouldn’t have anything/anyone to look back to… She loves me too much to hurt her. Then, God! I remembered everything they said about suicide, how …

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