Suicidal Survivors

For those who have survived suicide.

7

I have been living a lie

  November 19th, 2018 by anonym254

I can’t stop shaking.

I’ve been lying to my parents for 3 years. They think I’m about to graduate from university when in fact I haven’t been going to school. My parents are so proud of me. It’s all a lie. I honestly don’t know what to do right now. I have no friends, I have nobody except for my parents, where do I even begin to pick up my life? The son that they love is a complete lie, he doesn’t exist. i have had really bad social anxiety and depression that i haven’t been able to even get up and go to class.My …

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8

no way out

  October 6th, 2018 by AKidWithAName

She was drunk.  Doesn’t that make it my fault?  She was raped before.  That’s the only reason she did it.  She wouldn’t have done it to me if it wasn’t done to her.  She was too drunk to know what she was doing and it wasn’t her fault, right?  And God will condemn me for adultery and homosexuality.  She’s taken any chance of heaven away from me.  She stripped me of any hope for a future.  There is nothing after this.  Not even death could let me escape this hell.  It’s never going to end and I am going to continue to be tortured by …

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1

Waiting

  October 5th, 2018 by They Call Me Amy

Hello again everyone. Things have been pretty tough recently, I’ve been struggling to get out of bed, to eat, to talk to people. The impulses are strong. I’ve almost jumped off my window a couple months ago.

My parents are getting old and my dad is a little sick again. I feel bad for them because they have to live and put up with me and all my psychological issues. There is not a day where I wish I wasn’t born. I am turning 23 this month. I am not getting better.

I finally reached the point where there is no hope. And it’s not as dark …

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2

I am tired.

  September 15th, 2018 by Engie

I wrote a suicide note once. Only time I ever did. I wrote it right before what I guess you could call my first real attempt. It was only three words long.

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1

Watched The “s” word today

  September 14th, 2018 by bbpplily

So at my college, they had a showing of the “s” word. I went not because I had to but to challenge myself. I attempted to commit suicide last November. Luckily I wasn’t triggered but it had me thinking about my last attempt ( i have many more but this was the most recent) and how alone I felt. I spent almost a week in the hospital trying to get my sugar levels stable ( I am none diabatic and toke my father’s insulin on top of over 40 pills) nurses tell me repeatedly I should have died and I should never try again etc. …

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7

Life is boring , Reality is boring , real life is boring , real world is boring

  September 14th, 2018 by niki

Especially when you’ve realized that nothing we do here in reality will ever compare to our imaginations. And no, I’m not talking about petty, shallow, superficial, & stupid imaginations like most people only have with their simple-minded brains. I’m talking about all those best fantasy movies, games, novels, comic books, anime/manga, etc, with all their magic, superpowers, & magical, fantasy, adventurous world/universe with its limitless, unlimited possibilities.

Fuck this reality.
Reality is boring, stupid, & depressing.

reality is boring , life is boring ,
it’s all about money
i hate money
i hate business
i wish i live in the movie game anime manga novel comics books

I hate …

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0

Precognition of Pain

  September 2nd, 2018 by Yikrens

it’s okay that everyone turn missing for a little, for a short, for long, for ever.pretending soon or close to have born alone, to be raised alone, to learned alone and to loved alone, cried alone and married alone.

to have fucked alone, till I found myself in a lie, one of which the wreck turned to recover and inserted in this world alone that suddenly I turned insane to not been at all alone.

but all I meet, anyone there is getting me to know is fading out life.

the world is yet not close to understand, healed. corruption is raised and cultivated. any declaration destroyed and …

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6

Suicidality and Antidepressant Drugs

  August 24th, 2018 by Titania

Source: FDA Government Website

Antidepressants increased the risk compared to placebo of suicidal thinking and behavior (suicidality) in children, adolescents, and young adults in short-term studies of major depressive disorder (MDD) and other psychiatric disorders.

The following symptoms, anxiety, agitation, panic attacks, insomnia, irritability, hostility, aggressiveness, impulsivity, akathisia (psychomotor restlessness), hypomania, and mania, have been reported in adult and pediatric patients being treated with antidepressants for major depressive disorder as well as for other indications, both psychiatric and nonpsychiatric. Although a causal link between the emergence of such symptoms and either the worsening of depression and/or the emergence of suicidal impulses has not been established, there

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9

Misunderstood

  August 18th, 2018 by HearMyBrokenHeart

I’ve never posted here though I’ve thought about it before. Scrolling through the stories of those who seem down, heartbroken, or even suicidal… Today, I will finally post, as I once again feel misunderstood and left unheard.

I tried to kill myself Tuesday. My mind raced as I left work and went out to a spot I had pictured before, but not without stopping by my apartment for a knife that I wasn’t sure would complete the work – but at least enough to try. I had texted my therapist, who I wrote a short text, one she labelled cryptic, as my mind was made up …

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3

reality is boring , life is boring , it’s all about money , i hate money , i hate business , i wish i live in the movie game anime manga novel comics books

  August 18th, 2018 by niki

reality is boring , life is boring , it’s all about money , i hate money , i hate business , i wish i live in the movie game anime manga novel comics books

I hate reality , reality is boring !
I hate real life , real life is boring !
I hate real world , real world is boring !

I wish I live in movie / movies , I wish movies were real
I wish I live in video games , I wish games were real
I wish I live in novels , I wish novels were real
I wish I live in anime , I wish anime …

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2

Almost one week

  August 16th, 2018 by Lb88

Today I cut for the first time in almost one week. I thought I could do it. I thought I could be strong! I always think I’m gonna wind up able to be ok but I’m never really ok. I was mildly happy today and that’s a shock because i haven’t been even close to happy in god knows how long! I spent the day boating and drinking with friends but when I got home around 8:00 pm my depression got the best of me and I found myself with a blade in my hand cutting my thighs without remorse. I thought this would be …

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3

That Time of Year

  August 2nd, 2018 by TiredStoic

This month will be the four year anniversary of my father’s suicide. He shot himself in the head in his bedroom and I was the person to find his body. It took me awhile to tell anyone I didn’t know how to call my mom (she left to take my brother away for college that night) and tell her my older sister or my younger brother. It’s inexplicable to say the least. I just don’t know how to handle this time of year. And I hate the holidays so it kind of just rolls into it, my dad birthday is also in September. Any other …

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4

just a little more

  July 29th, 2018 by 3333330000055599669

i’ve been suicidal since i was 14, maybe 13, but my memory before my first attempt is blurry. i’m almost eighteen now.

i didn’t intend on making it this far, at all. i didn’t intend on living this long – ever getting a job – making it to my senior year of HS.

but, if you’re like me. it’s probably important to remember something my friend said to me.

“you shouldn’t deem yourself a failure whenever you fall down again, you’re still going, you’re still strong. Your illnesses aren’t you. You’re you; and that’s what matters.”

just a little more, okay?

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2

Nothing Left

  July 28th, 2018 by Brokentoi

If hating me makes you hate yourself a little less, I’ll do that for you…

I’ve long since outlived my welcome and my usefulness.

Precious little goodness have I contributed to this world; nothing to my own credit do I leave behind. Nobody here depends on me, all will be relieved when I’m gone.

I’ve nothing left in this cold, desolate place to hold me here.

I’ve lost it all. There’s nothing left now for me to lose, anymore.

There’s just nothing left. C ‘est la vie.

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1

Is This Who I Am?

Is This Who I Am?

  July 28th, 2018 by raperapelemonade

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2

Unprovable Pains

  July 25th, 2018 by raperapelemonade

Outside of myself. The woman everyone see’s just like everyone else, is carefully crafted. I am strong enough sometimes to smile and make jokes to my colleagues and sort out the chaos on my 3 Monitors to successfully complete a days work. I have pain beyond my threshold leeching on my spine and chest. I contain them until the weekend when I can perform my mental surgeries.

When the wounds mastisize and become larger than my ability to contain them I am frozen. I am powerless. I look at my 3 Monitors and watch the inbox rise watch the Skype pings sting watch that there is …

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3

After 5 years .. I am back again at suicide project !

  July 24th, 2018 by jano.19

The Last time I posted was FIVE years ago ..

I never though I’d ever come back .!

Yet here I am

I guess we never really change !

no matter how hard we try to change ourselves deep down we will always be the same .

I fought hard .. and I’m still fighting .. I’m not really willing to surrender not before not now not ever

yet still my inner self , my flaws , my weaknesses.. are catching up with me ..

spend the last five years in what I developed to br a stable life .. it is actually to most people it’s what they want .

I got …

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0

Fine… Im Fine

  July 23rd, 2018 by razorwrists

Sometimes I just feel down and sometimes I feel as if im being held down by something so big I cant breathe It casts a shadow over me I cant quite tell how big but its big enough to cover my mind its so dark I struggle to smile people think they know but there just as lost as me they offer advice but it passes by my head like a breeze not a small breeze its like the breathe of the shadow it inhales and I feel blank then it exhales and still nothing happens im at a stand still but I don’t know …

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14

Maybe

  July 22nd, 2018 by raperapelemonade

Even though we cant talk to each other directly here. I feel safe here. I feel in the silence, a comradery.

I love reading the stuggles the goodbyes because i can relate so much to these entries and i just have nothing but love for you.

Even if you are a judge of me, i can relate and I’m grateful. Whatever comes… I’m just grateful for this silent hive where our honey is our words about our bloody battles of life, death, trauma, pain more than anyone else in the real world could ever handle. We can speak it here in complete truth and honesty without fear.

I’m …

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5

What do you do when you can’t feel anything? Just emptiness, numbness… I can’t do anything.  I’m suicidal. Ive tried so many times. I tried to get better. I stopped taking antidepressants for 2 months now. I didn’t want to depend on it anymore.