There’s nothing wrong with my life. I have friends, a good education, a loving/supportive family, I’ve been doing the things I love, I pretty much have everything I want, I’m not homeless, and my health is great. Yet I’ve still been suffering mentally and emotionally. I don’t understand.
I’m a 50 year old female who has never really lived and probably never will.
Look, I know I should take responsibility for my mistakes and failings but I feel trapped. It’s like I’m in a prison and there is only one way I’m getting out and that’s death.
It all started when I was 6, that’s when my step-father started molesting me. When I was 7 I told my mother what he was doing, that was the day she started beating me. When I was 12 he wanted to do more than fondle me and pleasure himself, when I said no he got into a mood …
Despite what I think of myself, I still have a reason or two to keep holding on. So maybe I’ll just stick around for now.
So who here is on medication? I’ll be seeing a psychiatrist tomorrow but some part in me wants to not take meds if I am prescribed one because of all the things I’ve read like it messes up your mind or brain chemistry or something. So what does it feel like when you take your happy pills? Do they even work? Has it messed up your thinking?
A couple of weeks ago I had a major emotional meltdown. Sometimes a minor thing will trigger such things. Anyway, as soon as I got home, I completely fell apart. I didn’t think I would ever stop yelling and crying.
I think of my personal despair on a zero-to-ten scale: Zero being no despair, and ten being climbing up into my attic and putting a belt around my neck. On this particular evening I was up around a nine.
I knew something had to be done, so I was able to get a prescription for Zoloft (generic name sertraline). I’ve always been very leery about taking artificial …
Does anyone here spend most of the time indoors and only going out when necessary? It’s been weeks since I’ve gotten out of the house and I’m losing my mind already. I haven’t had social contact aside from my girlfriend and sad thing is we only see each other hours at best because she has classes to attend to. My routine consists of moping in bed, waking up, doing nothing and then seeing my girlfriend every time her classes are up which is in the wee hours of the afternoon. My life is trash and honestly, it wouldn’t make a difference if I died today. …
I think the internet is causing a lot of problems for me. I have a habit of looking up answers to impossible questions, such as what’s wrong with me, why was I born, what’s the point of going on another day? And I always get the same answers. Life if a gift. Don’t waste it. But I have to wonder if it really is. Maybe it is for some people, but not for me. It’s like when you get something for Christmas from your grandma that you really didn’t want. And you’d feel really guilty about throwing it away because they obviously took the time …
In general, Feelings cannot happen without a thought happening first. If you feel sad, it’s because you are thinking sad thoughts. If your thoughts are happy, you will feel happier. If you think you cant do something, then you’ll feel powerless, and you wont do that thing–even if you have the ability and really CAN! We can delude ourselves like that. If your feelings seem “automatic”, it’s a good indicator that youve been running your thoughts on “auto pilot”. Its possible to take back control though. What you put into your head or keep inside your head is what you will get right back.
Thought -> …
These days I don’t feel anything. Things that I used to care about seem uninteresting.
I feel like I have been on a road to self destruction. I see myself doing things that I know will only hurt me, but I can’t bring myself to care. I can’t bring myself to care about anything anymore and that scares me.
My grades are slipping, my relationship with my parents is straining.
I know that I should try to fix everything while I still can, but I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to do anything anymore.
The thought of dying have been on my …
you were not even 13 years old when you planned your suicide. you were not even 15 years old when you seriously attempted your suicide.
i am here to tell you, younger me, that i am glad you are still around.
think about your mama. what would she feel like in this very moment, in these past few weeks when she has felt so low, if you were gone?
you were practically still a baby when someone touched you, a bad touch, a touch you didn’t like or want, and it made you feel so tainted.
listen to me. that is not what boys do when they like you. that …
empty wallets and clouded minds
my daddy is gone, he is gonna get what’s coming to him, he is gonna get a taste of his own medicine
he is gonna get what he deserves
Just had a baby last week. My boyfriend stayed home for a few days to help with the recovery. Hes gone back to work on Monday and im here…while my baby is in the hospital because she was born 2 months early. Im home and it hurts to move. I…have such an urge to harm myself. I told my doctors a plethora of times that im suffering from depression and it falls on deaf ears every time. I keep doing the wrong things, saying the wrong things, and i just feel like a failure and a horrible mom. A horrible person.
Can you overdose on percocets? …
dislocated self-awareness. declination of the past. dispersion from freedom. unpleasant emersive thoughts. respective immersive social relational trust fond. disability of detachment.
this just keeps me awake what I read. who makes funerals, I would be death inside but I want to express it privately and have trust in coping skills, and issues.
I wished it in a bad prediction for the future to die, and I relapsed from hate to love which is something strong to me. I am unable to remember this, but the development of the relapse took my commiseration which used to consume me out in view of my desire and which had me …
For anyone who has been reading my posts since I joined, would know that I, like many other people on this site, cut myself in desperate times. However, I haven’t in a couple months even when I wanted to. I realised that maybe it isn’t the best/only way to deal with problems and I hope other people can stop too. But the end of one addiction is the beginning of another one and unfortunately for my health, I’ve started smoking about 2 months ago and before that, did it probably once a week for a few months. Not a lot but still I’m doing it. …
Once, I was desperate to get along well with my friends. I paid whenever I went out to eat with them, gave them gifts so they wouldn’t leave me all by myself.
It so happened that I had dated one of my friends. Dating him wasn’t as happy as I thought. That experience still haunts me. The touch, the kiss.. all is a nightmare. Even now, as I trace my scars, I think of him – he destroyed me mentally. Yes, the relationship was toxic.
One might wonder, “Why didn’t you break up with him? Don’t act like a baby.” Well, if you and your boyfriend happens …
Last night, I had my 18th birthday. I invited 13 people. And only 4 showed up. We made so much food. The evidence of people not coming is still here. People just told me they couldn’t come last minute. I felt shitter as the night went on.
I had a 3 tier cake. A fire pit to roast marshmallows. Cocktails. Multiple games. In the end it didn’t matter what was at the party people still didn’t show.
It was half an hour until two of my friends showed. They were the first guests. I thought they were the only ones coming until another two showed up. I felt …
I always struggled with some sort of addiction ever since I was little. When I was little it was huffing sharpe markers. Im pretty sure every kid did that hah. Then when i was a pre-teen it was self harming. The usual cutting, scratching at myself until i bled, pinching, biting, etc. I was addicted to tormenting myself for 7 years. Of course, that stopped. But now as a fresh adult, i find myself leaning to a new addiction. Smoking. I do vape and i find it as a casual hobby rather than an addiction tbh. But the thing about cigs is that it feels …
i was twelve.
he reached between my legs and touched what was not his.
the guilt, the shame, the sadness… they practically ate me alive.
i was fourteen.
he pulled off my shirt and kissed me where i did not want to be kissed. i wanted those bruises gone. their weeklong stay was too long.
i was told that a boy will touch you like that when he likes you.
i tell myself a boy will touch my heart if he likes it so truly.
the old cat.
the younger cat.
the puppy.
the solar eclipse.
the falling leaves.
her sister.
the baby.
the jokes.
her brothers.
the movies.
her best friend.
her love.
the group chat.
the dancing bird video.
the cute cat video.
halloween.
the chicken farm.
art.
pumpkin seeds.
summer.
the funny dreams.
music.
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