Three Days

Anna, I’ve only recently discovered this site so I cannot say I have seen your post. If it was there when I joined I would have read it, I try and read everything on here as I find it comforting to know other people feel this way, because I don’t personally know anybody who feels this pain I do.

I can sympathise with you. I understand you. The past few weeks and days I’ve been gradually feeling worse and worse. I mean I’ve felt depressed and hated life for 5 years, which for a 18 year old seems a lifetime. I may be young but I think I am mature enough to understand emotions and the way the world works and what is real and what is not.

Yesterday I was ready to die. Ready to go.

I found this website… read through everything and there are some inspiring people on here. I then sat in my room, on my bed, crying all day long just thinking and thinking. I decided I need to give it one last shot. I deserve that, everybody deserves that. Especially in a situation like this.

I don’t want to. I don’t see the point. I don’t expect things to get better. That is the main thing… NOT EXPECTING things to get better… and then you won’t be disappointed if they don’t. I believe in not holding on to hope as it is a risky business.

I am chosing to hold on to love. It sounds kinda pathetic I know. I am in love though and it aches so bad, even though we are together. But I love him so much it hurts. I’m going to hold on to it though.

I am thinking of what my perfect life would be. And I am going to try and build the foundations to it. I’ve messed up my education and everything, so at the minute it looks like nothing is going to come of it and I might as well die right now and stop this depression I’ve felt for years and years as it is the logical thing to do. But I am going to try my hardest before making any rational decisions. Who knows what could change. Only you can make it happen.

You will be thankful one day that you did not do this.