me

hi i’ed like to start out by saying im not really the suicide type this is just a vent for me really right now for me to calm down i havnt had the best life by my veiw point i lived in a lil apartment for most my life with my mother she would go husband to husband each one treated her badly drunk drugs etc were there problems ive been pushed through school sense i was in 2nd grade wither i pass or fail same either way elementary school wasnt all that bad sept the fact i would miss school alot becuase either i didnt wake up or i would miss the bus of course my mother father figger at the would not drive me to school middles school i was made fun of becuase my family didnt have the money to buy me nice clothes like the rest of the kids ive been jumped for no reason what so ever just cuz i was a big white guy in a mostly not white school im not racist its just facts from my life i delt with 2 years of that until the school lost me they didnt know where i was my mother fliped out and took me out of the school i got put into a nice school where there where nice teachers but kids seems to thinks its still fun to make fun of the way people dress and i would feel broken in side i then pretty must gave up in school i got put into a special class for kids that are for lack of the better term dumb the delinquents in which we pretty much didnt do a damn thing all day becuase the teacher didnt teach us one damn thing and forged are grades the teacher didnt get into trouble becuase the students didnt care they would listen to there ipods play there psp’s etc. that was the same year the schools thought it would be better for me if they held me back i never had many freinds becuase not to many people liked me but when you get held back its like geting punched in the face or having dirt in your eyes the pain is some thing that you cant even talk to people about well i finally got through middle school i got to high school i made a few freinds and it wasnt so bad i was a sort of kinda dark kid in a mixed group of freinds we would hang out and have fun togather and stuff then we finally started to group distant from each other mostly becuase i started to smoke the drug marijuana i made a freind that lived next door to me and he got me started i never bought any just i guess i was what you would call a smoking buddy then not to long ago i was with him on my brith day and he wanted to get high so he called a freind of his and we went to a street corner to pick up the drugs and they droped off 2 guys they got out and the guy that we where buying from said to wait there we will go pick up the stuff they come back and the guys pull guns on my self and my freind at the time we gave them every thing we had and then my freinds phone started ringing and they wanted his phone but he wouldnt give it to them then he ran one way and when i saw him run i ran the other way they shoot at him or maybe it was me i dont know but we both got away with are lives long story short even though i still rambled on quite awhile i havnt been the same sense i was robed on that night i quit smoken pot though but i havnt been able to trust people if some one comes to my house i dont know my mind starts racing telling me that something bad is going to happen and that some thing bad is going to happen im 20 years old and i droped out of school and im afraid of people i dont know this has been my vent off of my life comment on it if you feel like it i just needed to get all that off my chest becuase i having been right latly