whenever I’m in the car driving to location x, I always think about what would happen if I got into a car accident. Would I finally be relieved of this weight that is my body, or would I survive and have to deal with even more shit in my life? I get so tempted to just drive off of the bridge and plunge to my death, my freedom, but I never do. Mainly because the car is brand new and we haven’t paid it off yet. Why let all that money spent go to waste? But whenever I see cliffs I always think about jumping off them; feeling the air blow around my body, and imagine I am flying, which I will end up doing because my soul will fly up to heaven where I really belong. But I never do, someone or something always holds me back.
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Just a suggestion,
but you might probably like the movie/japanese anime film titled “Paprika”.
it basically address exactly all your thoughts (and also mine, just similar like you).
Just try, give it a watch. You won’t regret it, I promise.
thanks my friend showed it to me a little while back. I think inception was a rip off of this
I have the same feeling, why life or death wouldn’t take care of this so i don’t have to think about suicide? … anyways …. Luckyly my life isn’t bad 24/7 so i consider suicide as an option when everything turns to shit around me. It has a calming effect on me to know that when this all gets unbearable i have the possibility to pull the plug (will i have the courage? that is another story 😉
To know that no matter what is going on around me, i have a way to pull the plug on this, be free, and give the finger to the world empowers me and gives me peace of mind.