I want it all to end. I just wasn’t built for this world. For twenty years I seem to have fought a relentless daily battle just to keep going…and for what…to hurt more people? Alcohol,drugs,meds, you name it, I have abused it, the decade or so that I drowned myself being the worst. I have caused so much pain. Nothing takes away the desire to die, it knaws at me from the minute I wake until I eventually sleep. I can’t take it anymore. I have tried in recent years to alienate myself from everyone around me and I avoid relationships, I just feel sorry for my parents, they are getting old and I’m an only child, I’m such a disappointment. Even my mother has said to me in the past that at least if I am dead, she will know where I am and no longer have to worry. My father just hates me, he doesn’t even hide it…and let’s face it can I blame him? who expects the child that you try so hard for to be such a waste of life? It goes without saying that they will be better off when I am  gone. I have an old dog, he’s sixteen now and I love him so much, he’s the sole reason that I have held it together this long, but I just need to go now. I dread leaving him, and him looking for me,  but I am broken. I would like to say that I have had this brutal life, but it’s just been normal, everyone I grew up with has carved careers, got married, had children, but I can’t make a go of anything. I would never have a child incase it ended up like me, I wouldn’t wish this on an enemy and I feel my line must be stopped. Weird thing is that I’ve always felt that I should never have been, I was born really premature and ill…ten years earlier and I wouldn’t have survived…Oh the joy of modern medicine, is it inconceivable that I was meant to die, to save me and everyone else from this pain??? I’m going to end myself tomorrow, going to have one last night with my dog and play my guitar for a bit. Settled on gassing myself, going to make a cd of  songs for my suicide to play in the car whilst I fade. I don’t believe in an after life, just looking forward to not being. I hope whoever reads this finds peace, whatever road they must take to get there. Goodbye
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Hello there 🙂
I am really sorry that some people “have” to write such stories. But the life sucks some time. Every one will tell you to move on, to get power and to try to change your life. But the people, who says this are not in your position.
First – the way to die you have chosen is really painless. I spend last 5 months reading about many suicide acts, and this is most painless.
Before I ask you what I want, I will tell you a little about myself. Sorry if you think this is some kind of selfish, but I just want you to know, that I may understand you.
I am 26 male. I am planning to kill myself in the end of December. I am not sure how exactly to do it. I have two options – eating ricinus communis beans and hypothermia. I have the needed amount of beans, and now I am waiting the weather to become more cold.
Firstly I wanted to kill myself on 08.08.2010 – this was too emotional. I give myself a grace period to see what will happens… Well nothing will happens, if YOU don`t do anything.
I really understand you. I am crying every night. I don`t want to wake up on the morning…
Tell me your story, please. Tell me about everything that makes you unhappy.
Give your self a grace period – only to see, or feel something that you haven`t see or did.
Please don`t do anything just for showing someone something.
If you want to run away – grab some bags, get in your car and go to some new place/state/country.
Whatever you do – do it for yourself. But really, really – please tell me everything.
Wait at least one day and tell me about your parents, dog, house, car. What is your favorite music. Which songs you want to write on the cd.
If you don`t want to write here – this is my email: atorvalds01@gmail.com
I will wait to see your answer.
hi rust never sleeps,
I hope you get this in time, please do not do anything to harm yourself, please!!!
You say you have had a hard time recently( well more than a hard time) but believe if you were to do anything like what you suggest then believe it or not your family would be devestated and they would never get over it. I am seriously deppressed at the moment and have been for a number of years, it feels like there is no hope, but i have come to the conclusion I have to try, try anything other than harm myself. Dont get me wrong I have tried suicide numerous times, i just wanted out of my head, it was and still is too much!!!i have been in and out of hospitals over the years but i just wanted to share something with you…….. there are places where you can go, only you have to want to, its called rehabilitation. I am trying to get in there at the moment. You stay there for up to 2 years and they rehabilitate you and help you deal with all your problems. You should look into it please, its worth it.
Please dont hurt yourself, i would be very sad and many others would too. pls if you need to talk I am here for you, you only have to email me. shinade21uk@yahoo.co.uk anytime and i promise i will get back to you.
stay strong and email me if you want to talk.
Big hugs
Shinade
HEy there RUst,
Its hard man I know I’ve been there and Im here too if you just need someone to vent to. I’ll listen and try my best to give you advice. Just one step at a time alright.
Aim: NoHart126 Skype: Danyiel.Arkady