I think myself to be a man.

I am born a woman but since I was 11 years old I´ve started talking about changing gender, I´ve come out to my parents about it for about 6 months ago. I´ve been trying to fit in all my life with the girls, I wore girl clothes and earings and that kind of stuff and I hated it, but I was bullied alot in elementary school so I didn´t want to be more bullied than I already was. Now I´m 18 and Dress in guy clothes from top to bottom, I´m always wearing a binder for my breasts and I´ve cut my hear off and that feels great and all but I just don´t feel like a woman, even in girl clothes, my father is very supportive in my decisions but my mother ain´t. I have trouble sleeping at night I get flashbacks from the time I was bullied, I find sex rather disgusting but that´s beside the point. I don´t socialize very often because it gets rather tense with my friends since almost all of them are girls. I´ve contemplayed suicide many times but I´ve never cut myself or anything. I´m just to afraid of killing myself even though it feels like I want to. Whenever I look myself in the mirror all I see is a person not worthy of living on this earth and I have very guilty feelings towards my parents for some strange reason. My mom is devistated because of the way I feel, but she doesn´t see the person inside of me she is very judgemental and very status fixated like she looks down on people who happen to not work, feeling like crap or don´t have a good education etc etc. I just feel so pressured in life I can´t live the way my mother wants me to because all it´s done is giving very bad experiences, experiences I´d rather forget. I´m going to talk to a gender therapist about my feelings and hopefully get some results!