My dreams consume me. I can’t sleep at all during the night hours but it kills me to stay awake the rest of the time so I sleep. It’s a gauranteed thing that when I sleep I’ll dream at least one dream, if not four dreams. I don’t wake up until late afternoon every time because its almost mandatory that I fnd out what happens to me in the end. I know I do this because I’m depressed. I sleep all day and eat the rest of the time I’m up or I do school work if I’m having a non-drowsy day. I just dont know what to do because I don’t have family to help me (my mom left me when I was 2 & my dad committed suicide when I was 15) so I live with my boyfriend who I’ve dated for a year now and have grown to pretty much produce no more love for him…hes dishonest and I feel unappreciated by him….oh man. If all of this doesn’t make you wanna just put a bullet through your head right now; trust me things don’t even get better. The only “fun” event of my life is going to raves and the bar but it slowly has gotten unamussing; and not to mention the fact that I have no job because I’m unstable. I want it to stop. Not to sound so emotional but I feel like I’m on a carousel: I sit on a “high horse” (so all of my friends and aqaintences think) while I smile; but only as if I’m in a daze; as the circle of life repeates it’s circle over and over and…you get it. So this is why I like to dream…because my dreams are more eventful than this life I day walk through.
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it seems to me that most of lifes problems could be left behind it you were to physically leave them behind. places like brazil or chile or even argentina are easily accessible to north americans and ryan air takes brits a stones throw away from turkey, a land of plentiful labour jobs which pay just enough with culture that doesnt hold a price tag. and if that gets too much just carry on moving, immerse yourself in a crowd and be a leaf in the wind. just help out where you can and in the poorer parts of the world you will actually get your reward (although itll be little more than food and a bed for the night) the great thing about south america and the middle east is the imformal sector of work means you need not update your visa or pay your tax to the people who dont deserve it because theyve no way to track you. it may be that you couldnt live in such poverty but hasnt your life shown you that a rich country and public services doesnt bring happiness
@che: spot on advices, applies to me as well.
Dascha, you sound eerily similar like me..the only difference is probably I’m being 28 yrs old, a male, and I’m of Chinese ethnicity (live in Indonesia btw).
the things that you mentioned is a sure sign of depression, or in other words, it could simply mean: not living to the BEST of ourselves.
environment and where you live can play such a MAJOR, MAJOR HUGE roles in determining one’s happiness and “living-to-the-best” condition, as che mentioned so well above.
heck, I’m actually now planning to move to another country,..have to ask friends around first though, especially regarding the practical money things.. but I’ve always been a free-spirited kind of person, and HATE to be binded to one place, especially where I’m living right now! it’s just soo contrary to all my personal values! no wonder I feel highly stressed, and depressed, whereas other friends and family of mine probably couldn’t FEEL what I felt!
I want you to google these two things now:
1. Google “Free MBTI test”, click on first link, and tell me what’s your result as.
2. Google “Highly Sensitive Person HSP test”, click on the first link, and tell me what’s your result too.
One thing for sure that perhaps can somewhat gives you a comfort now: You are not alone in this.
mostly reality seems cold and harsh
I wish i can escape to another world
that could accept the differences I have
from others, then I dream and everything seems
so wonderful, there are no people to judge me
I am not lonely anymore even though I still have
no one
My mind cheats me, creating a world that seems so real
but is just an illusion
but then again, what if my life is the dream and my dreams are reality
only that I spend more time in my dreams than I do spend in reality