1,2,3,4,5,18, how many times am i going to cut, before i realise that watching my blood seep out of my arm, doesn’t solve anything ? Yes, i tell myself, you shouldn’t do this! What is wrong with you ? You’ve never done anything like this before! But the scissors just keep coming back to haunt me. 18 times, 3 times in 2011. On my legs, on my arms, hidden so no one will ask questions. Its time to stop, but once i stop, i just start again. Whether it be a week or year later, its impossible for me to move on and never go back.
My friends help a lot, till they have issues of their own. Its seeping through me. The dark makeup, the black clothes, the cutting ? I’m starting to hide myself, so no one will ask. Cause i’m afraid, they can’t take the answer.
Half way out of the dark. I’ll make it, but im not sure how long till the bleeding and cutting ends, but i know its not right. And i have people who care about me, that will help me stop.
Half way out of the dark ..
17 comments
Beautiful words, I understand them well, and am sure many others do
thankyou, writing is my way of copying, and being distracted.
You really shouldn’t be pressing yourself into the need of expressing your anger into self harm. It’s really bad to think that you must have parents that treat u like crap and logically force you into cutting up your body. You need to get distracted from what is causing you this, go see a movie, see some friends, just escape. And your emo. That’s not true. You ate way better then emo, and you don’t want to become that person.
I feel for you sister xxx
aww thanks scoo96. I don’t think i’m really emo, i just scared of being it. And yeah, going to see friends on friday, get me away from the house, its perfect. And, i hope your not a cutter too, cause i realise thats its really bad for you, but addictive. Its why i can’t stop.
Thanks bro. xxxx
Are*
@cattygirl96 I actually am, its a really ling story, but my friends know it. Writing it out helps, and I’m sure lots of people tell to this, you need to see someone. Posting your story online only gets you half the story — you can’t see their reactions, emotions or faces. It doesn’t need to be a pro, just anybody.
And its great that you are managing to get out.
@scoo96 yeah, i have some really amazing friends. I would tell them, if i ever got to see them. One of them still owes me that hug (:
Yeah i’ve told alot of people, that writing it out helps. I just need to follow my own advice.
@cattygirl96 haha, that’s great, and I’m sure it will be come soon, when you see them.
Coming*
@scoo96 , lol, we will see
listen…we both know cutting is not the solution. Talk to your loved ones about how you feel? and what cutting brings you? together you guys will find a way to fix this problem.
How do you feel right before you cut? lonely? lost?…if u want to talk i am here. I am always available to listen to people who need someone to listen to them. Right before u want to cut u can just get online and tell me u are about to cut…we will talk of what you want or what you are going through at the moment in your head…
if it is something u think can help you and u r interested let me know.
@lava couldn’t have said it better myself
Oops, I mean lala
@lala thankyou so much. do you have a hotmail or something i can reach you on that ? one of the disadvantages of living at home with family, is having no one to talk to that won’t shout in your face.
@cattygirl96
my hotmail is patriciadotliseathotmaildotcom. I am always available whether i am in class, with friends or just out.I always make sure i am logged in. (on my cellphone or laptop) so i can talk to people most of the time.
Just know it is okay to feel alone and lonely. Don’t panic about it. Stay calm and find ways to fix it. Like trying to make new friends and stuff. But i will always be there to talk if u want.
I suggest cutting your face. Instead of your arms or legs just do your face. There is little risk to cutting your face. Just make sure they are deep enough like the ones on your arms and rest of your body to scar over and keep them for the rest of your life to remind you that you that you were right. Then when you try to get a job they see the scars on your face and wonder where you got them from and you tell them ” I did it”. They will show you the door. Now you are staving to death. Cutting is great isnt it! It wont matter because they will see the scars on your arms anyways and wonder the same thing. So yeah cutting is awesome.
@lala
so is that patricia.lise@hotmail.com ??