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by 77evergone77
written by 77evergone77

I can’t do this. survive in a reality that feels like a dream- a nightmare.
I can feel myself slowly go insane. nothing feels real anymore. i float around this world in a haze that only clears enough to allow those moments of horrible feeling-panic, fear, anger, sorrow- to come through and take over. to dictate this dream life I’m forced to live. 

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38 comments

life sucks thin u die 1/29/2011 - 7:51 pm

WE CAN DO IT
i know its hard and things seam pointless. trust me i know, but its all gonna be for a better life.

77evergone77 1/29/2011 - 7:57 pm

I’m not really sure one exists. I already cut twice today. I want to again but I lost my razor downstairs and mom is down there. I’m so tired of all of this. I want it to end

life sucks thin u die 1/29/2011 - 7:58 pm

i have found a thing that might help you have you heard of the butterfly project look it up and try it.
but plz dont cut. plz i beg you
i have one butterfly one me right now and its about to be gone

77evergone77 1/29/2011 - 8:02 pm

I’ll look it up but I can promise you much of a difference will be made.
I know you don’t want me to cut. I don’t want you to either. But singular I need to. Like now.

life sucks thin u die 1/29/2011 - 8:07 pm

can you tell me why u need to

77evergone77 1/29/2011 - 8:20 pm

I’m not sure if I can.

life sucks thin u die 1/29/2011 - 8:24 pm

why is it hard to talk about or something

77evergone77 1/29/2011 - 8:29 pm

I guess. I’m not sure if might just make things worse. I jist stopped crying/shaking and if I go back then I’ll definateky find some way to cut way worse then I would like to now. I’ll probably SH in my sleep again or black out or something.

life sucks thin u die 1/29/2011 - 8:31 pm

ya i know what you mean. its good that you stop crying i am glad about that. 🙂
you should draw a butterfly on your arm or some where

77evergone77 1/29/2011 - 8:34 pm

I will. I’m not sure how long this’ll last though.

life sucks thin u die 1/29/2011 - 8:37 pm

your not sure of how long what will last

77evergone77 1/29/2011 - 8:38 pm

The butterfly. I don’t think it will last a day at this time.

life sucks thin u die 1/29/2011 - 8:42 pm

mine is still on and it been there for three days
just try it it cant hurt you 🙂
just make the name thats someone speacil to u

77evergone77 1/29/2011 - 8:44 pm

Please dont mention people being special to others. This month has been terrible.
But I will try it

life sucks thin u die 1/29/2011 - 8:51 pm

i was just say someone that is very close to you or that means a slot
sorry i didnt mean to bring something hurtful up

77evergone77 1/29/2011 - 8:56 pm

It’s okay. I just got one of those ‘pang’ things. I’m keeping myself relatively calm.
This is killing me

life sucks thin u die 1/29/2011 - 9:01 pm

ya thats good
and what is kill you

77evergone77 1/29/2011 - 9:08 pm

Idk how to say it. Just living like this.
Pretending I can just go on when I know that at any moment I’ll be reduced to how I wad not even half an hour ago. My emotions and thoughts are eating me inside out.

life sucks thin u die 1/29/2011 - 9:18 pm

ya i know that feeling
wright them down and keep them to yourself
when ever you have a high point of sadness or something

77evergone77 1/29/2011 - 9:24 pm

Thank you for the advise bu usually by the time I get there I’m beyond reasoning and if you were too look at me I’d seem utterly insane

life sucks thin u die 1/29/2011 - 9:27 pm

i know what you mean
i have started wrighting things down and it helps me out

77evergone77 1/29/2011 - 9:29 pm

I already do a lot of writing so I’m not sure how much of a difference it would really make

life sucks thin u die 1/29/2011 - 9:30 pm

it it might if you put how you feel

77evergone77 1/29/2011 - 9:38 pm

What I’m saying is I already do that in my writing. I don’t make it obvious bu I still do it.

77evergone77 1/29/2011 - 9:40 pm

What I mean is if I feel trapped I will do a paranormal or scify type thing with someone being held down or trapped. If I start being violent again. I’ll write another chapte of my murder story. If I’m depressed. Thn i go with descriptive writing.

life sucks thin u die 1/29/2011 - 9:41 pm

o ok ya i get what you mean

77evergone77 1/29/2011 - 9:46 pm

Yeah. If you ever want to you can read sone of my stuff. Lol. It’s my way of trying to trust you more. I hate sharing my writing with people I don’t feel I can trust.

life sucks thin u die 1/29/2011 - 9:52 pm

i would love to reed them thats if your ready for me to reed them

77evergone77 1/29/2011 - 10:05 pm

For some of them I think I am. A few won’t really say much about me unless your an expert at reading into things. And others might take a little while.
Teres two short ones I posted on here a while ago.

http://suicideproject.org/2010/02/murderers-and-suicide/

http://suicideproject.org/2010/04/i-lost/

life sucks thin u die 1/29/2011 - 10:12 pm

ok i will reed them
thanks

77evergone77 1/29/2011 - 10:16 pm

You dot have to if you dont want to.

life sucks thin u die 1/29/2011 - 10:18 pm

no i want to

77evergone77 1/29/2011 - 10:19 pm

Okay then

life sucks thin u die 1/29/2011 - 10:36 pm

they are realy good

77evergone77 1/29/2011 - 10:58 pm

Thank you. Is it okay if we just email back and forth instead or would you rather stay on here?

life sucks thin u die 1/29/2011 - 11:03 pm

it doesnt matter to me whatever is easer for u

77evergone77 1/29/2011 - 11:05 pm

Okay then I’d rather do email.

life sucks thin u die 1/29/2011 - 11:05 pm

alright i had email you

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