the worst night ever..

last night had to be the worst night ive ever had. and ive had some bad nights. tuseday after school I was supost to be in extra help for science but i was so upset i didnt go. Instead i spent and hour walking around the school crying. i dont know where in the building i was cuz i was out of it. but i just cried and cried. i ended up in the auditorium at the last 5 min of extra help.. i sat there and cried some more. then the bell rang and i whiped my tears calmed down and walked outside. i didnt wanna tell my mom that i didnt go because i was to bussy crying.. shed just say cut the crap or stop with the drama.. i didnt wanna hear that.. so i lied.. i said i went. and then i just blocked everything out about my day. i told her all the good stuff and i talked about Nick (boy i like) i just wanted to forget..

but then last night my Fuckin Shitty science teacher sent my mother an email saying this is the scond time that i didnt attened extra help. ok. now im just going to say this once…. GET A LIFE YOU DICK!!! my teacher is a fucking moron! i cant stand him!! news flash old mad how about you spend some time with your fucking family instead of making my life suck even more!?!?!? ugh!!!

ok.. now that thats out of the way.. so my mom read it and fliped out on me.. she yelled and screamed. thank good my mother doesnt hit. or ide be fucked. big time!. so then my dad yelled at me.. and now he has lung cancer and he cant breath. not a good idea to yell dad..

i just wanted to pack my bags and leave that moment. i wanted to run away. run far far away. i wanted to get the hell out of deer park.. if i had my licence i would have snuck out that night.. but i cant drive.. so i had no way of leaving.. i just.. i got screamed at over this. and i hated it!. i tell you im scuicidle and you yell at me??.. why?… i just wish i could dissapear.. forever..

once again the thought of  “you dont believe me? fine! ill prove it!” crosed my mind.. but then… all i could do was cry my eyes out… i need to get out of Deer Park… NOW!.. or i will never find my happiness… and i will die hear…

for those of you who have been to deer park.. there is an over pass above DPA… i could jump over there and end everything in  a heart beat….. and i think i might do that… one day… soon…..