I miss him so fucking much. I feel like he’s dead! like I’m mourning of some bullshit. I don’t get it? I’ve been fine for like a year, and now? now I can’t stop fucking crying. I can’t stop clawing at my sides. I fucking cut…again! my friend keeps phoneing, but I’m not answering the phone.
I just want to talk to him, I just want him to come online. it’s bad enough I’m fucking depressed, I can’t sleep anymore, I can’t keep pictureing him touching me, my moms being a fucking *****, schools acting up. and now? now…
I miss him. I have contact with all of my friends, except him. the only fucking one who KNOWS.
what am I going to do? I can’t send him a message, he won’t be able to read it, cause he’s not fucking online. can’t phone him, never got his number.
fuck this shit. no point. everyone leaves in the end. why should he be different.
anyway. worth a shot. Joshua hopkins? from swansea? Saturn? Morbid? whatever the fuck you want me to cal you. I fucking need you, NOW. I’m this close to topping myself. this close. I’m so fucking depressed I’m pissed off. but whatever, like you’re gonna read this. good shit doesn’t happen to me. not anymore.
P.S. I lied, it doesn’t get better. things never get better.