Love all your lies… not.

I had a similar experience when it comes to losing the virginity with
the wrong one..
I remained a virgin even after being on relationships
with people I “knew well” – like from my classroom/
a son of my family’s friend…
(none longer than a year though).
The problem was that out of the blue when I turned 18,
I went head over heals about a guy. We talked for 6 months,
made out, and he would try to advance and I’d simply say no.
I started to weigh the fact that I was deeply attracted to him, and
that he was 24 at the time, so I created some sort of fantasy that
we could get married eventually. So I thought: Okay, I’ll tell him about
being a virgin and then he will know he is my first guy so that might
make him see how special he is and we could end up together if
I make him my first.

The guy gladly accepted being with me, but the thing is that right
after our night ended, he vanished and I found out he was clubbing
and kissing various models on the same week later.
I got so deeply heartbroken that I ended up
discrediting love and romance and ended up placing it simply as “sex”.

I lost track of my true essence, and ended up having meaningless sex
with other partners (since I believed that making love was a lie and
then i ended up acting on a rebelious way against all my
pure dreamy ways). I got together with a friend of his and stayed sleeping
with him for a year… I didn’t want to feel alone, neither did I want the
guy to think that he had played me and I was cryin by myself.

But you know what? Instead of all that, I should’ve simply said:
Well whateva!
Keep on rocking by being myself, and spending my time going to the gym,
getting hotter and prettier. Hanging with my friends and having a good
time being myself, and then wait till the right guy showed up and married me,
so I’d be loved on my honeymoon.
I’d feel TRULY wanted that way.

In the end, it doesn’t matter what that guy thinks or what!
It matters is if I’m truly happy or truly lonely. Life goes on.
For me, for him and for others. He dates someone else, I date
someone else. If I date someone else wrongly, I’ll end up alone.
Even when someone said: Oh you r sooo sexy… (and made u
feel so wanted), those are all vain compliments.
True story.

Nowadays I have friends who are happily married living a true beautiful
love, and I’m single and with a lot of internal issues to solve.
If I remained true to my feelings (even after he left me) I’d definitely
find the right partner at the right time, and then I’d feel loved for real!
It might not seem so at first, but there are tons of guys out there who
would truly value the fact that the girl has so many delicate and cute
feelings, instead of being so sexualized like many.

(I’m not dating anyone for a long time now, and I’m getting ready to
live a healthy relationship with someone in a near future, hopefully).