Ok, I need to let some steam off.
I’m new to this.
I’ve only ever told my best friend any of this & I thought.. maybe it would be easier to tell strangers who can’t directly judge me?
I really need help, I’m 17 years old and all I have to show for my self is a few Gcse’s and mutilated arms. I have nothing going for me, all I do is cut myself & want to die. I actually don’t want to die though, I just need someone to listen to me and tell how to get help. It’s so embarrassing asking for help that I never do it? All my life I have had pressure building up and up on me, I know this sounds like a drag and that you probably think “She thinks the world revolves around her” No, other people have much worse problems than me but right now, nothing’s right. My mum hates me, she can’t wait for the day I move out, she’s immoral and ill. What mother takes an overdose and leaves her 13 year old daughter to take care of a 11 year old critically dissabled boy with no food or money to fend for themselves? My dad, loves his new family more than us. I admit, I have friends & some family who love me but it’s not enough to stop me from cutting my arms, legs, belly. I’m a mess and I don’t know what to do? I’ve been played in my life so many times, I’m a fucked up kid. I’ve had 2 peodophillia scares in 7 years… Being groomed at 8 only barely escaping rape. The second time being 16, yet again only just escaping rape. Nothing was done about this! I recieved no support or help from this. I have no one to talk too. There’s this boy (cliche i know, “I love him, he doesn’t love me” sort of stuff) But it’s different sort of, I do love him and he “loves me”, 10 months of my life I have gave to this boy for him to take my virginity and throw everything back in my face. When I was actually with him I never once cut myself or took an overdose. I’ve told him how I feel and how I just need him to make everything better and to sort my head out. I had councolling, I’ve had therapy.. Nothing’s worked. I really need someone to talk to before I do end up taking my life.
I know what you’re thinking, stupid little girl thinks the whole world is agaisnt… No it’s not technically, but it feels like it.
Please someone give me some help or reassurance.
That’s what I need.
Thank you
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7 comments
Hi Nicola. I don’t know what to say or do, but I will do my best, OK? I am sorry you are having hard times. I feel your pain right now. I hope you hang in there a little longer and talk to some of the fine people in this blog. It’s tough I know, but we all care and want you to be OK. You are young and have lots to look forward to and live for. Please hang in there, lots of caring people in this world, really there are. Hope I helped even a teeny bit.
Hey,
I take it from the fact you’ve done GCSEs that you’re in the UK right? (Me too!)
1st thing to do is see your GP. You can legally do this without your mum knowing a thing. Usually a doctors practice has a few different doctors so ask to see a different one each time until you find one you like. I’m so glad I did this – my GP is awesome! Always willing to help and ever so friendly.
Obviously councilling/therapy hasn’t worked for you first time so mention this and ask to try something different. Again, try to find someone you feel comfortable talking to, preferably someone you can phone up when things get really bad. They sometimes have a 24 hour emergency number too.
And if all else fails, there’s always us lot!
We are all rooting for you.
There are some guys like that. You just have to be careful. I’m sorry I didn’t know you longer to help you, but that’s just how some guys are. They’ll use you and leave you. Not all guys are like that though, but those guys that aren’t might not be too appealing or exciting.
Just talk about how you feel here if it helps you. I’m sure lots of people here will love to help you out in any way. I’ll help you out too. You shouldn’t cut yourself. You’re not a stupid girl who thinks the world revolves around you. You’ve just been hurt and wanted someone to be there for you. Someone who actually truly cares and not is out to use you. I can understand that. So don’t worry about it talk to us.
Hey….my problems are similar.my mom hates me too.I’m not sure what to say realy…except ignore her.tell her to piss off.
And…my mom aunt were raped.my sister..almost.they nevr told anyone till they turned like twenty I vthink.it takes gutts to tell strangers.you said you barly vescaped but still…
I may not be helping….I’m sorry…….ill shut up..
Nicola, your situation is not your fault hon. You seem actually like a great gal who is in a tough spot. Not to sound harsh, but your mom is ill and her behaviour is all about her own illness and dysfunction. I know you have to experience the nonsense, and there’s a part of you that knows this but it doesn’t mean you’re not worthy of being cared and loved the way you most definitely DESERVE!…..You are not f***ed up, you are the result of a really dysfunctional situation and anyone would grow up with the same challenges if faced with what you’re dealing with…I really feel for you.
Seek out as much support as you can, a family counselor or someone you feel you can trust to help you. Look after yourself as best you can and make choices that are in the best interests of your own health. clnrch7@yahoo.ca should you want to msg me…Take good care of yourself. Remember, it’s not your fault, and you are doing the best you can, given your circumstance.
Nicola, and nikki123,
If you need an annonymous person to talk to, who is non-judgemental and can provide support and advice then I’m more than happy to be that person. Im a 20 year old male from Sydney australia.