He broke my trust

He’s 41, I’m 16, he created this website for kids in crisis and I’ve been talking to him on a regular basis for almost a year and a half. I’ve been suicidal for longer than that but I didn’t try anything until a little while ago when all the shit in my life hit the fan. I told him because I trusted him not to freak out. After a few weeks he and my guidance counselor ganged up on me and since he’s out of the country the counselor took me to the ER and told my mom everything and I wanted her clueless. The hospital was horrible. I managed not to get admitted but I spent 12 hours of hell there, it was traumatic and horrible and the doctors were idiots and that experience made everything worse and now honestly the biggest reason I want to kill myself is to be able to forget about the hospital.

I used to speak to him once a week but now since he was the one whose fault it was that I went to the hospital I’ve only spoken to him three or so times since the hospital experience. I hate him. He did that to me. It’s his fault. I talked to him today and he was defensive and said he had to do it and that I just have to trust him that it was for the best. I can’t trust him anymore. He lost my trust. He screwed up and doesn’t want to admit it. I have no one anymore. My mom is a useless piece of shit who depends on me for support and now I don’t have him anymore. I used to tell him everything but now everything’s bottled up. Therapy is useless. I just want to be happy. I don’t want to be suicidal or sad like this anymore, I want to be normal. How do I get over this? How do I trust him again? Can I trust him again?