Well, here’s this stupid empty box that I’m supposed to fill with my stupid empty words. Why do we keep trying? I don’t mean the living thing. I know why I’m trying to stay alive. We’ve all got our own extremely similiar reasons, now don’t we?
What I meant was, why do I keep trying to connect? I’m good on the suicide thing. Maybe if another person that I think of as a mother commits suicide or somebody else that I love breaks my heart then I would probably be in danger of committing suicide. Again. Since that’s not the case, then why am I still trying?
I still have all of my same old emotions. I still want to kill myself just as much as before. The only difference is that now I’m either too strong or too numb to let those feelings take control of me. I’m gunna go with the too numb one, seems more likely. Anyway, sheesh, can’t ever keep a straight thought.
I meant why do I still try to make a connection? I’m using this site, facebook, my poetry site, and countless other websites and chat rooms, and what am I getting from it? A bit of time killed, and that’s it. Where is my life?
I don’t know you, I will never know you, and vice versa. So what is this? A desperate time killer? What are we killing time until? I don’t think it’s the end. Maybe a beggining, if we aren’t too impatient. I hope so, I could really use a beginning.
There are only so many different ways to spin the same ending.
3 comments
first off taking back sunday fan by any chance? if you live in the uk they are playing in like a week.
i know what you mean, when i go online it really is a way to pass the time till i can pass out and not have to think about stuff, even though my dreams are usually plagued by everything bad they can force in. i wonder the same things, why bother when am i really going to get anywhere or am i just putting off the enevitible. i always think if it hasn’t worked one time, just try again right away, don’t give up, but i guess it’s the same as everything, fold my cards and pass the time till i pass out…again.
Big TBS fan, sadly I’m in the US. And yeah it’s the same for me, spend my whole day just killing time until it’s over, then doing it all over again the next day, and the next, and so on and so forth. What’s the point? I can tough it out when it comes to life and I do, but I really don’t know why. Right now life and death feel pretty much like the same thing to me, and I’m not super worried about which one I get.
About the “trying to connect” thing. Yeah I totaly agree…. I came here because I don’t wanna be alone, sometimes a bit of encouragement lifts my spirit even though in the end I know what might happen to me if I put my effort on it, and that is to die. I could pour out my heart in here and somehow feel a bit of relief. Like you I feel numb.