i sat in my room sifting through my life in a polariod.
i was pretty.. who knew… at the time i sure didnt think so…
but i would give anything and everything to look like that again.
to be that happy again.
to have all the friends in the world, yet not a worry.
but hey, ‘nothing last forever’
no happy-ever-afters, just happy-for-right-nows.
i could ramble shit about my past, but where is that going to get me.
the worst part, is when i have to think about my future.
or lack of?
final year, graduating, ‘what are you doing next year’
and all you can say is ‘not sure’
because honestly i know exactly what i want to do.
but to verbally admit that, i couldnt do.
if i have no hopes, i wont be disappointed…
if i publicly admit that i would like to go THERE in life, it will only make it worse when i fail.
could it be worse?
lights, please guide me home…
please try to fix me.
5 comments
I know the feeling. When you lose something you can’t replace, you have 3 courses of action:
(1) Lower your standards. Make yourself happy with something less.
(2) Accept that it’s hopeless & don’t try to be happy.
(3) Fight like bloody hell to reclaim what was once yours. Or die trying.
The only one that appeals to me is (3). Especially the “die trying” part.
I like 3. Never done me ant good but so desperately beautiful.
Yeah, I can’t imagine living with the idea that something I once had is lost forever, even though it may be the case. Even the death of a loved one is something I cannot accept. I’m going to invent a damn time machine if that’s what it takes… Cracked, your choice of words is so perfect: “desperately beautiful”.
@Hattie… I loved this, soooo beautifully written.
Its one I’ll be coming back to often!
Something about it just speaks to the soul.
makes me want to die even more