I can’t do this, I just can’t. I’m terrified to be myself because I will only be punished for it. But by pretending to be someone else I’m punishing myself. (I’m not just talking about pretending to be happy.) This is torture. I’m already a coward as it is, I don’t need this discouraging me.  But I’ve gotta try, for me. They don’t need to know anything about me..

After all, even if all of my smiles and laughs are fake it’s better to pretend I’m happy, because it’s the closest I’ve ever get to ever being happy again.