For a while now I’ve been considering deleting this account.For me I don’t see what this site has done. If anything my depression is worse. Maybe it’s just me. I’m not sure.
In all of my posts I feel…uncollected? Like it’s all bundled together and just doesn’t make sense anymore. But when I write it, it makes perfect sense to me. Is it because my thoughts are that way? Am I crazy? I don’t know. Nothing seems to make much sense anymore.
Everything in my eyes seems to be a blur. And everyone’s just walking by, enjoying things. Things I don’t see, don’t have, don’t feel. I’ve never felt so alone in my life. But the thing is, I don’t even know why. I feel like it doesn’t even matter anymore. Everything I say is just something people would listen to if they have nothing else to do. If it was the last thing in the universe that they have to do.
I can write a whole story as to why I feel this way and how it all happen. But I don’t want to bore you out, whoever may be reading this. So I’ll give the basics. If I can find where to start. Sometime about 2 weeks ago, my grandma came to visit from Wisconsin. Now, I love her. She basically raised me while my mom went out and got drunk every weekend. But the thing is…she’s annoying. She won’t take the hint to leave me alone when I want her to and when I ask her the only response I get is ‘why?’ for everything. And frankly not everything is for her to know. That isn’t the worst part at all. Well, it’s kind of in the middle. But she puts me down. Constantly telling me about my obsession when I intend to forget about it. Then she nags me on other small things. I love her…but I can’t deal with her shit for so long.
Next is the fight. I’m not even sure it was a fight but I don’t know. I was mad and kind of went off on him. But, since I know he’s on here, I won’t say much more. Especially since he won’t talk to me.
At the moment I won’t bother to write more. I know it’s hard to care or try to about someone as pathetic as I am. So don’t. I don’t want you too. The last thing I need is more simpathy for me.