To be honest, I really don’t know what to say or where to begin. I stumbled onto this site today and my main reason for joining is because I don’t think my family or friends would really know to begin to understand.
I really feel like the walls are just tumbling in, and I’m trying to run, trying to find a way out but it just seems like there’s no open door. I really wish I could just have one moment of clarity. Like just recently, things weren’t going to well, and I told one of my good friend how I had been feeling lately and now he just looks at me like I’m a freak.
It just seems so easy to walk in front of a bus. Thanks for reading.
11 comments
Hi, I am new here too. I am actually glad I stumbled upon this site because I realized how many people are feeling the same way I do in some situations. It’s good to know that this is natural after all that feeling of isolation and loneliness. That usually drives me towards my suicidal tendencies. I am the same way too. I have tried to talk about what I think and feel, but everytime I do people look at me like I am insane and then just brush me off and it makes me shut them out.
Some of them even tell me I am just out to get some attention, so I just withdraw and keep it all to myself. I am trying to find a way out, and most days I think suicide is the only way. The easiest way.
I didnt know where to begin either, the best thing is to post what ever comes to mind, that’s exactly what I did.
Dear Deadotter,
Thank you for the response.
I guess no one really knows what to say, but I would find it so hurtful for someone to say that you are just trying to “get some attention” … don’t people have a heart?
I find it really frustrating when people tell me to “snap out of it” or “grow up.”
People just don’t understand.
hi bright eyes!
I think most times they don’t know what to say, and people really want to avoid talking about depression and suicide. I can understand that but I am sure everyone has felt it at least once in their life, and if they claim they never have, they are lying.
I was pretty much at the end of my rope when I stumbled upon this site. When I read the rules I knew it would be a place that was fitting for me to let things out.
But yeah people have no idea how insensitive and hurtful it is when they say things like that when all you want is someone to just listen. I get the whole “get over it already” all the time from friends and family, that in the end I just withdraw and shut everyone out.
Suffering alone with these thoughts are bad enough, but being pushed away because of them is even worse.
I agree completely. It’s almost like some people are scared to admit that they think about suicide. Or scared to talk about it in general.
Rope? I don’t think I’d be able to hang myself, I think it’d be too painful and there’d be too much of a chance it wouldn’t work.
I completely agree – I tried talking to a couple of good friends, but they really don’t get it and they just get uncomfortable when I talk about it. I can listen if you need – try my best to anyway.
Yep, most times I get an awkward silence as a response. No use expressing to my parents either, because they’d want me to get therapy and probably send me away so they don’t have to deal with me anymore. I sort of quit telling people how I feel, and even if they were to ask I don’t bother responding and telling them the truth because I can predict how they’d react to it.
Heh I am a coward so a painful death isn’t what I’d pick unless I am truly desperate. If I am really going to do it, I don’t want to fail. Last thing I want is to wake up and realize it didn’t work and boy….I really don’t want to explain myself to anyone.
I really appreciate it, you taking the time to respond really means a lot. I’ll do the same too. If you ever need to talk or need someone to listen I am willing to.
I’d take awkward silence over, ‘get over it’ or like you said, ‘stop looking for attention.’
I’m exactly like you – so scared of pain. I would much rather something completely painless/quick and overall effective. It would be horrid to wake up realising that I’m not in a better place and instead in a mental institution.
It’s really the least I can do, and I’m always up for a chat. And thank you. I mean it.
well awkward silence and how they’d look at me is enough to drive me right back to my suicidal thoughts and tendencies. It’s even worse when I find out that people don’t include me in things like get togethers and hanging out just because at one point, I expressed that I was depressed and lonely, I never even mentioned suicide but that was enough to drive them away.
Yep painless and effective. Waking up and failing is one thing but waking up and ending up in a mental institution is far worse. I shudder at the thought. I haven’t gone as far as trying to kill myself yet, but lately it’s gotten stronger-the want and the need.
Little things set me off. How about you?
That’s really sad, people can be so cruel.
I haven’t tried either, or cut myself actually. I want to, just too scared about the pain. And having family who have to clean up after is always a scary thought.
I have days of blur, where everything just seems unclear and I really want to kill myself, and then I feel crazy happy other days, so who knows. I don’t have a diagnosis, and I don’t want one but I know this isn’t “normal.”
It was really nice talking to you, but I’m gonna go sleep, I hope things get better for you. Good night, wherever you are.
Same here. I don’t really want family to clean up after me, cutting isn’t my thing, and the whole seeing my blood ain’t for me either lol. I get days like that too, when I am just there but not really present you know? I know what I am feeling isn’t considered “normal” in society, but from what I’ve read on here it’s completely normal.
It’s good talking to you, hope to do so again another time. Have a good night’s sleep
Cutting is amazing tbh…well to me it is…cuz well…i cry alot..once i start crying i cant stop till i run out of tears…when i cry i feel at ease a lil..but once im out of tears the pain is excruciating…and i can’t stand it…so i cut maself..it just relieves me when i cut…a while ago i went mad krazy suicidle and i ended up going to the GP and then the nurse got really concerned n crap..n then more docs came n i was just there crying…and then they sent me to the treatment place..where people are suicidle..they put me on pills n crap…and then they wanted to talk to ma parents…and then i told ma mom one morning i was crying in bed..telling her i might commite suicide n all…and she ended up talking to the treatment people…n then they discussed shit with ma mom…and i got fed up of them asking me shit …they dont know what i went thru n they just say yh do this n that…it aint easy as you say…so i told em i was okay n all…and i nvr went back to that place again…everytime i went there i ended up cryiing…im planning to exist before ma 18th bday if i can. =]
I’m new here too. When I read these, I totally agreed! At times, my friends told me i was a drama queen or attention whore just because I had feelings.
I love coming on here and talking to you guys, I feel safe here and can express my feelings without being put in a little white room.