Put A Gun To Her Head, Pull The Trigger Now She’s Dead

Had you known me in January you would have known a very sad individual. Had you given me a gun, I would have pulled the trigger. Had you given me a rope, I would’ve hung myself. Had you let me drive, I would’ve sped up and crashed. Had you seen me at a bus stop, you would’ve seen me jump. The point is in January, I wanted to die. I thought this was my only solution in life, there was nothing wrong with my life but I still hated it. I hated myself, my family, my peers, school, basically I hated everything. So this is a pretty basic story of a lonely depressed girl who hates everything and just wants to kill herself. Until something strange happened, I started lying to myself, telling myself that I couldn’t die because [insert excuse here] Then it became the truth, I didn’t want to die, I wanted to live, sorta. I still struggle with feeling depressed, but I don’t think about killing myself, I haven’t cut or burned myself for months. It’s still hard though. I’m still a very hateful person, I lose intrest in things easily and have a boredom that can never be solved. But I hide these things, I don’t burry them deep, I write them out so those thoughts are released from me. Now don’t get me wrong I see no future for myself besides death but I’ve learned to hide this wish. Anyway it never gets better, but it gets easier because you get stronger.