I’m afraid of happy people. They are chemically unbalanced!
Sometimes I like to just stand on the chair with a cable cord or belt around my neck, afraid to kick away the chair and die already. I know I won’t ever kick the bucket like that. I just like to…feel in control.
I really like being happy. But it takes too much, it’s very hard to work for. Nothing ever really swings in balance anymore since my friends had left. I guess I feel the same way you people do. Depressed, lonely, stranded.
But I want to walk away from life with a smile. Sometimes I ask myself, if I could live my life over again…Would I? I always shake my head no. It’s not worth it, you see.
I am fourteen. I have never been enthused about anything really, I just go along with what people want me to do. I feel I make meaningless choices in life. My ideas on happiness seem to be worthless to everyone else. I guess everyone in the world would be happy with a husband, a car, a well paying job and a few kids and a degree from a college. So specific, what everyone wants from me. I just want to get away. Be with my friends. Forget about this fucked up world we live in. I don’t want to wait for the time of my life to come. I want it now. I want to run fearless into an endless night. Roam where I please, please who I need. What everyone wants from me is depressing me. I am going to kill myself.
2 comments
Hey I feel like you do in the mornings, I hate waking up, id rather I didnt actually. But being 14 yourself means you still havent failed in life. You still have most of it to live, so you can turn it around. You havent failed yet. Now I have a house, have a fiance, and have a baby on the way. I lost everything in a month. Now that destroyed me and I dont know how to start over. You still can. Trust me, if I could be in your shoes I would shut all the bad out focus on me and earn lots of money young. That would later make it easier in life. Trust me its about living for you. That is what I find strong happy people doing. They care less about worrying.
no one can be truly happy, trying to be someone they are not. life does require compromise at times, in order to cohabitate without mass anarchy. but living your life to fulfill someone else’s ideals of “happiness” and/or “success” pretty much just sucks and is very draining.
and all of those things (husband, car, 2.3 kids, picket fence, or whatever), they may make some people happy. but it’s not automatic, as they make a lot of people miserable as well. it just depends on what you like and what you decide is important to you.
we are all so different, and there are so many of us on this crazy f*d up planet, it’s statistically impossible that the exact same list of ingredients, so to speak, would please everyone. that’s just not happening. besides some of the coolest inventions and the most moving art comes from the outliers; those who think outside the box.
but again, it depends on what you want for yourself. and you are the one who gets to decide and discover what you like, what you want, and what really matters to you. doesn’t mean people aren’t going to be a pain in the ass trying to shove you into a “one size fits all” mold. sometimes because they fear that which is different, or perhaps it never occurred for them to question it, so it freaks them out when someone does. other times it is out of genuine, albeit misguided, concern for you and their ideas of what is best for you and your happiness. they can be opinionated, but it doesn’t mean they are right. it’s okay to be different.
you come across as an intelligent individual. i bet other like-minded individuals could be found who would be interested in your ideas on happiness, as well as your thoughts on many other things. don’t give up trying to find them.