Hi
I am 18 years old, I am an intern at an accounting firm, and I generally hate my life…
I guess it’s not [articularly bad, but it’s not particularly good either… It’s as if all I’m doing is just existing, just being, not having any purpose… I hate my job, and I keep messing up at it. I hate my life because I feel I’ll never get where I want to be. Whenever I try to tell someone about this, they just tell me that my problems aren’t that bad… I realise as much, but I still feel like shit. I just want release. I just want to be happy, be satisfied with where my life is, where it’s going, and how it’s getting there. Is that too much to ask? I’ve contemplated suicide many times, but I’m too scared I don’t get it right the first time, and end up being somebody’s burden. I just want someone to tell me that I’m not the only person who feels like this… I probably sound like a pathetic loser, but hey, no-one ever notices me, so who cares…
I don’t know for how long I can just exist anymore… I need something more substantial than that…
14 comments
Hi Darkheart. You must be new here. Welcome.
Well, I understand your situation because mine is similar in some ways. So in that, you’re not the only one who feels like this. Many people here, around the world or perhaps someone closer to home feels the same way. You’re not alone.
Thank you… I needed that… I don’t want to die… I’ve got an amazing girlfriend who would be destroyed by it… But it’s so difficult to just find something to be happy about… You know? My self-defenses against my suicidal tendencies are crumbling, my excuses for not doing it are becoming less and less… I just feel like I need a break… To clear my head… To experience youth and freedom… I feel like I’ve just left school and I’ve been thrown into this adult world with no warning and no chance to just enjoy life…
Yup. I’ve got plenty of friends who’ve filled a void in my life. For that, I am thankful, and it’s become my reason to be happy. Isn’t your girlfriend enough? Or maybe you want so much more out of your life.. like me. I don’t really have any good advice to offer because I’m in a tight situation myself.. Although my mood is in higher spirits. Iuono.
See the thing is, I only get to spend 2 days a week with her, and then, I feel great, but as soon as I’m on my own again… It’s horrible… And your advice is doing more than you know.
I see. Well, my friends live very far away from me. I’m from Canada and most of them are from America. The only connection I have with them is through email, and cellphone. But it’s okay, it makes me happy knowing that someone out there cares about me and understands me. =] As for relationship advice, I’m a clueless nut, lol.
Lol, better a clueless nut than an ignorant ass. Canada huh? I’m from South Africa… Beat that…
Hah, yes of course. Thing is, I get cold-hearted towards relationship problems. Mostly I keep my thoughts to myself and slowly back away. Lol. ‘Beat that’? I have a friend who’s from a small ethnic minority in England, from a city called Liverpool. And, someday, I want to live in Tokyo, Japan.
I love Japan! Okay okay, I’m an white English guy, who lives in a majorly Afrikaans (Dutch adaptation, kind of opposite to English) town, my family is part Dutch, part Belgian, part Cornish, part Scottish, part Jewish and part German… BEAT THAT!
I can’t tell you my identity but I’m mighty damn proud of who I am! I speak two languages. Yes, only two. It’ll be three once I learn Japanese. I have friends who are French, Chinese/Korean, Filipino, Palestinian, and Scouse. Lol, we are competitive people aren’t we? ^^
Hmmm… I have a friend from the Congo who speaks French, I have friends who are Xhosa, Zulu and Sotho, my brother-in-law is a South African-born Dutchman who met my sister in England, and I too speak two languages =)
Hey, I guess this means we’re even. Welcome aboard to my boat of beautiful, colorful, intelligent freaks. =] Might I ask what your second language is?
Afrikaans… So I kind of understand Dutch, Flemish, and a bit of German… I’m guessing your second language is French oui?
I see. =) Nope! It’s a secret. (~_^) Now I must go. Later.
Darkheart,
I read a book about a year ago that forever changed my life its called, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, by Donald Miller. Its all about how life is meant to be lived and not just gotten through. Im a 19 year old business major in America and am afraid m life will end up with not purpose or passion if I go into the business world, but this book showed me that life is not a job, family, or status. But life is an action. Check it out. It will change your life. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Million_Miles_in_a_Thousand_Years
This life is worth it. If you are living.