I think about suicide all the time. I don’t feel I have any value whatsoever. Mostly due to what a miserable ass I am but being old (I’m 47) just makes it worse.  I don’t know how I made it this far to be honest.  I have just given up on life. I hate myself. I feel like someone who can’t handle anything. My life really isn’t that bad on paper (I have a job and house and all that crap). But I am alone and that’s probably the main cause of my depression. My husband told me towards the end of my marriage that not only does he not want to be with me, but no man would want to be with me. I know he’s right. He’s also a jerk. But he was right about that.  Being married to him was daily hell. I gained my freedom when I left him. Being married to the wrong person is worse than being alone. But only slightly worse. I can honestly see why some women stay in an abusive relationship.  Glad I could post here. It helps.
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3 comments
No he isn’t right don’t even start thinking that way cuz it will only lead you to worse places. I was in a relationship and when we argued and talked about ending it he said that i would never find anyone better then him and all any guy would want to do is fuck me and leave me. There was a point where i believed that, but it isn’t true. People say a lot of hurtful things when they are angry and hurt and it doesnt make it anymore true. Before you can even find someone or start dating i recommend that you see a therapist to talk about what your feeling and ways to help make yourself feel better. yeah i know annoying to hear that i used to think so but im still doing therapy and getting better i suffered depression and being alone was something huge of mine. And everyday i get a little better and stronger. The sooner you help yourself the better maybe then if you want to date or what not you can because you are ok. And don’t think that because your in your 40’s you’ll never find someone because honestly you dont know that it isnt a fact. So keep your head up and try and be positive.
Thanks for the kind words. I do need therapy, but even that is hard because I feel like no one wants to hear this crap (so I post here instead 🙂 I’m glad therapy is helping you. We all deserve to be happy.
Yes i highly recommend it and sometimes if you need a boost they can prescribe anti depressants i am bipolar so anti depressants didnt work the right way with me but i found a medication that really helps me. And therapist choose to do therapy to listen and help people so don’t feel like what you have to say and feel is unimportant. Writing is also a type of therapy but hey whatever you choose as long as it helps you.