I wish I had a way out so easy like in front of a train. I’d have to walk twent miles to get to train tracks. If u really do it good bye, I hope you don’t tho.
i should have given up a long time ago. i tried to stop living in the past. and letting all the negative thoughts and emotions control my life. but, that didn’t work.
If they were here I’d be dead by now, months ago. I’d just lay there all night Til the train came. Dammit. I’d try to talk u out of it but idk how too.
that’s funny. cause that’s my plan. to walk at least til i’m far enough out of town..then lay down. music blaring in my ears. looking at the stars. finally at peace. <3
Ok i know your father is a cross dresser. And he’s dress up like you.
Your going to off your self cause of that?
Just give him a dress or high heel’s just. Be stong.
Haha I was the same dear. I don’t believe anyone on this godforsaken planet can actually be considered unique (no offense). *Erhem* The method is of no significance. Sorry.
‘Don’t’ as in don’t push it yeah. Like Static X – Push It. Check it out if you wanna.
“Push It”
corrosive
tainted by my sin
I’m spilling blood
and I can hardly contain it
corrosive
hallowing the hand
stiffened I eat away
eat
eat into the surface
yeah you push it
explosive
more violent more violent
all consuming throbbing
strait to the circle
explosive
move on reaction
I slow it down I slow it
down, down, down, down, down
yeah, you push it
I see it. I need it
I see it. I need it
my mind is corrosive
I trip on corrosive
I freak
see through me
my eyes are explosive
I feed on it
black out
crucify me
It would be hypocritical of me if I went and got myself pregnant. Fuck NO! *sigh* again… Wishes don’t come true, yes. At least we have some kind of control when we choose to kill ourselves….
Leaky, this is dumb. You haven’t tried all the options.
I read your story and it pisses me off. Rape pisses me off because they go in there, uninvited, and they take without asking and they steal your body and they destroy the part of your soul which is meant to be kept safe, waiting for someone to love.
Those bastards will burn in hell, but YOU can’t let them win. You CAN take back what they took from you. But you really need to consider therapy. You are arrogant in thinking that they can’t help you – like you are the only person in the world who has been through trauma.
I know you’re a fighter. Your words scream like an ambulance siren coming to help someone. You could help someone. You probably already have. But you really need to grow up, and grow old, and wise.
BTW you had me so worried… I had literally like 3 people text me about you! No joke they were like “leaky is looking for you she really needs you right now”
a fucking argument. people keep shoving shit down my throat..
and i’m trying to accept and move on from my past.
so i can end all this bullshit suffering.
cause i really would like to get fucking better..
and these people know i want to fucking kill myself.
i think they’re testing me..
but i can’t handle it anymore..
people are fucking pushing me away..
they’re pushing me off the fucking cliff.
77 comments
You shouldn’t. Never give up.
I wish I had a way out so easy like in front of a train. I’d have to walk twent miles to get to train tracks. If u really do it good bye, I hope you don’t tho.
i should have given up a long time ago. i tried to stop living in the past. and letting all the negative thoughts and emotions control my life. but, that didn’t work.
lucky for me, i’m almost right next to em.
If they were here I’d be dead by now, months ago. I’d just lay there all night Til the train came. Dammit. I’d try to talk u out of it but idk how too.
that’s funny. cause that’s my plan. to walk at least til i’m far enough out of town..then lay down. music blaring in my ears. looking at the stars. finally at peace. <3
Such a peaceful way to go, Seeing the stars and all. Beautiful. Then… Idk. Maybe a ghost who wonders the train tracks, idk
mmm. i wouldn’t mind that. i would walk them forever.
I wouldn’t mind that either. Being a ghost, free from life.
Ok i know your father is a cross dresser. And he’s dress up like you.
Your going to off your self cause of that?
Just give him a dress or high heel’s just. Be stong.
first of all, step-father who used that as an excuse to feel me up. that is not why i’m gonna kill myself. and don’t act like you care. so, fuck off.
He tried to use humour to make you feel better.
Changin your story hun.
Hey hey hey no hatin’ people. Seriously I don’t care who started it. Just don’t blow a fuse – all of you – because of a misunderstanding.
well because he read one part of my life, he wants to say i’m changing my story for the reason i want to kill myself?
i’ve got an extremely short temper.
You what 18?
don’t.
I get it. I had a short temper too back when I was younger. Nowadays I unleash it via cursing + metal (music). Fucking awesome.
Tonight.. are you going to do it? I thought about making tonight my third attempt. But I predict my method won’t work so I’ll hold it off.
Don’t what hun?
i’m violent. and i self mutilate. music sometimes helps. ROCKON!
tonight, yes i plan to..
what’s your method..?
idk. nothing donnie.
Haha I was the same dear. I don’t believe anyone on this godforsaken planet can actually be considered unique (no offense). *Erhem* The method is of no significance. Sorry.
‘Don’t’ as in don’t push it yeah. Like Static X – Push It. Check it out if you wanna.
“Push It”
corrosive
tainted by my sin
I’m spilling blood
and I can hardly contain it
corrosive
hallowing the hand
stiffened I eat away
eat
eat into the surface
yeah you push it
explosive
more violent more violent
all consuming throbbing
strait to the circle
explosive
move on reaction
I slow it down I slow it
down, down, down, down, down
yeah, you push it
I see it. I need it
I see it. I need it
my mind is corrosive
I trip on corrosive
I freak
see through me
my eyes are explosive
I feed on it
black out
crucify me
yeah, you push it
‘course I cannot upload it. Crappy connection.. bleh.
You want to end you? do it Hun. But your got some Atttiude. Give you sted dad a shoe.
awh. static x is legit. good call.
i do have a fucking attitude. and i do want to end me. thanks for the permission sweetheart.
“hun” “sweetheart” lol. Make out! Just messin’ around. (^^)
Better to have an attitude than to be meek/submissive eh.
:O haha.
back to that last one.. i agree that no one can be unique. and it’s kinda sad. lol.
What? English please.
It’s also sad when not everyone gets the recognition they deserve.
mmm. yes. that as well. life is sad.
*Acknowledgement y’know.
Even sadder when people keep bringing other souls into this world to suffer. *sigh*
i know. if given the choice, i would have asked never to be born. i wish there was a choice. not JUST after the suffering has already occured.
What you diss in
what, donnie?
Me too. Nothing can be done to undo our coming of existence.
<//3 i wish i wish. but wishes don't fucking come true.
It would be hypocritical of me if I went and got myself pregnant. Fuck NO! *sigh* again… Wishes don’t come true, yes. At least we have some kind of control when we choose to kill ourselves….
Some wishes do… Not not not
exactly! that’s the only thing we can actually control. the how, the when. it’s a beautiful thing.
well if you do, goodbye 🙁
Like some form of art. An elegant suicide. Simply marvelous.
exactly. <3 it's romantic. like poetry.. a sonnet; to silence.
B.OB. Youtube i could really use a wish right now. tune.
Love and death..? Reminds me of a poem. Hmm…
:] i wrote a poem about it.. but it’s lovely, isn’t it? the way they work so beautifully together?
Care to share? Hmm well I wouldn’t know anything about love. Only my love of art…
mmm. the love of art. of all things beautiful.? of all things sad.?
Everything
I know it’s hard, but please don’t do it. You can find help somewhere and live a happy life.
I don’t believe in a happy life anymore.
We don’t necessarily have to believe. We just have to persevere.
Leaky, this is dumb. You haven’t tried all the options.
I read your story and it pisses me off. Rape pisses me off because they go in there, uninvited, and they take without asking and they steal your body and they destroy the part of your soul which is meant to be kept safe, waiting for someone to love.
Those bastards will burn in hell, but YOU can’t let them win. You CAN take back what they took from you. But you really need to consider therapy. You are arrogant in thinking that they can’t help you – like you are the only person in the world who has been through trauma.
I know you’re a fighter. Your words scream like an ambulance siren coming to help someone. You could help someone. You probably already have. But you really need to grow up, and grow old, and wise.
Katrina baby how many times… Have I said call me or text me or email me…
i know.. i didn’t wanna bother you..
You would NOT be bothering me at all… I am here to help you through hard times.
I am SO glad you are okay.
<3
Hey you!
You okay?
i’m trying to be.
Tell me what all happened…
If you wish to.
BTW you had me so worried… I had literally like 3 people text me about you! No joke they were like “leaky is looking for you she really needs you right now”
sorry.
nononno dont be sorry! I am sorry I was not there.
What set you over the edge?
a fucking argument. people keep shoving shit down my throat..
and i’m trying to accept and move on from my past.
so i can end all this bullshit suffering.
cause i really would like to get fucking better..
and these people know i want to fucking kill myself.
i think they’re testing me..
but i can’t handle it anymore..
people are fucking pushing me away..
they’re pushing me off the fucking cliff.
Friends or family or both?
Or strangers?
Or do you just feel like everyone (besides me of course) is against you?
both. (even though i don’t have much for “friends”)
i do. i really do. and i feel like, since no one acts like they care..
they’d be better off without me. ya know?
Sometimes it is hard to see that people care when we are so self destructive against ourselves. I know I have that problem.
It makes me sad.
i’ve seen people act like it though.. people i thought i could trust..
and it is sad.
Well luckily for you – you have found someone who will always care.
it’s funny how we can care for other people so much more than ourselves. <3
but i'm glad i found you.
And I you <3
Stay strong please
:/ it’s hard yaknow.
I know hun I know.
I dont know how long I’ll last either
But until I am dead and gone I’ll be there for you
i don’t want you to leave.
I dont want to either hun. fuck I gotta go to my doc thingie.. ill be back alter. Text when you get home. it will be so much fun
Think of me and smile
ohkay. i will, i will, and i will. <3
already am.
🙂