I’ve known in my head for months I’m going to complete suicide eventually. Â I’m way older than most of the people posting here, but your pain is my pain. Â I wish there was a magic bus for us all to board to take us to “AllBetterLand”, but there isn’t.
My problem is my inability to vocalize my problems. Â I would rather die than tell my SO that I can’t pay the bills. Â Sick and sad huh? Â I know. Â I know it’s unreasonable. Â But it immobilizes me. Â I get panic attacks when I think of getting the mail. Â He has plenty of money to help with the problems, but I couldn’t stand to listen to his questions and recriminations about what a failure I am. Â After 30+ years. Â It’s true to0. Â I have some sort of mental disease that I cannot even get diagnosed and get help for because I can’t even afford health insurance.
I don’t know how I’ve managed for this long. Â It’d be a tv movie for sure.
I’m trying to figure out how to do it. Â I will have a small window for discovery and I do want success.
3 comments
It don’t matter how old you are, the stresses of life will always get to us, whether your 10 and are jus tryin to get through school, 50 and worrying about whether or not you rate retirement, or 30 and trying to raise two kids. Life will always have stresses when it comes to money. Money is the all powerful sin of the world and yet we worship it like God, let it put us down when we don’t have it, and abuse it’s power when we do. It’s the silent evil that man created.
You’ll find a way through it though, especially if you’ve made it this far.
God loves you and so do I. I do not KNOW you but I sure understand you. JUst know there is someone out here that would love to understand you and kiss your pain away. For sure there are people like this in the world. I am one.
Find the strength to choose vocalizing over committing suicide.