I cant get into everything now,but had ugly confrontation with my mother and boyfriend “confronting” me on how awful I am-basically he’s trying to weasel away from me and they both say I dont deserve love,marriage,or children..mother even said I dont deserve my dog b/c she isn’t fixed or groomed…dont have endless pots of $$$,esp. after she(mother) comes to visit and Im spending $$$ driving her all over the area and buying food,etc. Yet it baffles them why I am suicidal………..
Anyway,I know I keep meaning to post my whole story,more for me than anyone,but cant tonight…now hav to work a ten hr day in 8 hrs…so not calm enough to sleep but called up Zanny to help me get some zzz’s tonight.
I’ve known for a long time that suicide is my only answer.I made the decision for certain about a week ago. But tonight,Im driven to set a couple of potential dates. I would have liked to have made it to my last vacation,but dont think thats going to happen.
All I need is some encouragement that once this is over,Ill be at peace. Please,no posts about getting help or life is beautiful. I’m so beyond all of that,it makes me sick.Just,if you feel like me,give me words to keep me focused on ending this agony called life,FOREVER.
To those souls braver than I that have made the ultimate sacrifice and called it quits,and to those about to shortly…..good luck,and I hope that whatever is at the end has healed you.
5 comments
Well, whatever you do, I hope you research and plan carefully. Nothing is worse than a failed suicide attempt. I always think to myself that after I’ve done it, I’ll still continue to exist anyway — just in a different form, as memories, rather than in a physical sense. It can be expressed as an equation, to some extent — Existence = Life + Death, and when the quality of life decreases, we voluntarily move to the next stage, death, to continue validating our existence.
Hope I’m making sense here.
Sorry for long replies, this is a bad habit I really need to kick. If you have questions on methods, feel free to ask me at dontpokeme@hotmail.com. I hope you find peace, whatever you do.
Hun, I totally hear you! Even though I don’t have people giving me shit – I know they want to, so I stay WELL away…
*ahem* anyways, I keep thinking about killing myself too, but I know that I need to see my family first, even if it’s to say goodbye. So you CAN do it! Just keep your eyes on the prize and that way, you won’t get side-tracked or jump the gun (no pun intended) too early 🙂
God Bless,
x
Sorry, I cant lie to you that once this is over you will have peace… there are no guarentees in life or death. Maybe the christians were right, and we burn in hell if we suicide – no one knows.
But I hope you find what you seek.
If you can not grow spiritually, you have no freedom and your life has no value the best you can do is offer your life to service for a good cause.
If even that is denied to you then I see no possible objections to wanting to end ones life.
If you are a believer but you are denied the right to live your life as you see fit then it is not your fault that fate has denied you the chance to use your life in a righteous way and therefore death is the right thing to do.
It is prefferable to kill ones self than to submit to the wishes of every pig and rat that ever inhabited this planet.
I cannot raise a child in an environment that I do not think is adequate, I have failed to secure an exit for myself and my future children from the nightmare that is my life.
I think it is only natural to let go of everything and to embrace the inevitable.
I know how you feel.