I’ve been depressed for a few years now i’d say… and I have not ever felt this terrible for this long. I don’t understand why I do not enjoy my life. I have a decent social life, my family is always helpful, and I feel that i’m ungrateful for feeling this way. I’m 17 now, I just got my license a two months ago, and I felt more free. And it seems that when something good happens to me, it lightens things up somewhat, but I still feel down. I had told this girl that I really liked last night how I felt about her, and I wanted to know if she felt the same. Before I told her i had somewhat knew that she was interested in this other kid from my school, but i had to get it off my chest. And she had told me nicely that she likes us being friends. And I don’t have anything to argue about really, but I feel very lonely most of the time, especially if I’m not doing anything. And  I feel that my life isn’t getting much better, I don’t want to kill myself, but I am trying to improve things and nothing seems to work. I had also tried seeing a therapist but it was always somewhat awkward and I didn’t feel like I could really go over any of my real problems. Also last year around the same time my life had somewhat changed dramatically. I had a very frightening panic attack when I had drank approx. 7-9shots within maybe 45min, and then i used a “gravity bong”  for marijuana use, and for months I had panic attacks sober, and they were the scariest things of my life, and since then things have kinda been worse… I tried Lexpro and that didn’t really help my depression nor anxiety, and i’m now trying welbutrin but still i do not feel satisfactory. I’m trying to hold on, and I feel forced to anyway, not because of my family, I’d be sorry for them but this world isn’t bright, but because I don’t have the will power to even fucking do it. It makes me feel like I’m too much of a ***** to do it anyway, and only makes me feel worse. I don’t even think I’d leave a note if I killed myself, I think i’d just use a hose and run my car and let the exhaust finish me. I don’t think i’m going to jump to anything just yet, but I’m not happy, and I’m looking for hope. My problems feel stupid, and that also tears me down, also i don’t have much self esteem, and whenever i try to have something w/ a girl it doesn’t workout, I’m not a hideous looking person, i’m aware, but it seems like whenever i find someone I like, they just don’t feel that way about me. That isn’t even the main problem, but it’s just something that always tears me down and i suppose i feel that if I did have a significant other… than maybe i wouldn’t feel so fucking shitty. I don’t know what to do anymore… I just don’t know.
5 comments
wow, u almost completely mirrored my life. thats how i feel, somebody there would make things better, and ive had it ruff. for awhile i had a girl, just a few weeks. ended when she blew a guy and all we had done was kissed. i dont want to end it, but it sucks. i get through each day trying to make goals, talk to some more people than normal, work better on running, try to give a few more compliments, (dont do anything like this in a creepy way, that doesnt help anything, just like people u sorta know, or r sitting next to u or something). remember after high school alot of this social shit just ends and itll get easier, good luck!
Sorry to hear you’re feeling so depressed. You sound like a gentle guy, and I think you did good, telling that girl you liked her. Even if you haven’t been lucky yet, I’d say the odds are sooner or later you’ll meet a girl who feels the same way about you.
Personally, I don’t even have the courage to tell a girl when I like her, and I’m 10 years older than you. Not that that’s any help to you, all I’m saying is you seem to be doing the right things mostly, and I think that’ll pay off in the long run (even if that sounds boring).
Have you discussed your panic attacks and depression with your family? I’d reccomend being open about them (if you aren’t already) so as to get the best possible help or treatment.
Good luck
Crazy, you sound very much like myself. Everything you said was like me except talking to the girl you liked. I couldn’t manage to do that. That’s an accomplishment, and even if it didn’t work out as well as you had hoped… at least now you know. You won’t have to wonder “what if?”.
I can’t get over how familiar your post sounds. I’m just floored – even getting your license 2 months ago.
I hate to say it, since I want to do it so badly, but don’t kill yourself.
Thank you for the support. It does mean something. I just hope that I can find happiness somewhere in life, and actually enjoy it.
i know what u mean.. my problems don’t seem bad at all compared to other people, mine just sound lame
i do want to kill myself but deep down i know i won’t ever do it…