Three to five times (times varying from weeks to months) I would have a firearm, and sit with it, sleep with it, cock the hammer put it to the side of my head and yet even in deep emotional crrisis could not pull the trigger ?
I know there are alot of younger people here and really haven’t had access to guns, so may not get any responses.
Guns leave alot of messy stuff that has to be cleaned up, what thee police leave at a suicide scene coulb possibly be cleaned up by family. No one would want a family member to do this.
I also think of the first responders and the policeman that have to see this stuff, it might be the one last thing they can possibly take, PTSD.
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I’ve prepared to asphyxiate myself, and was unable to go through with it.
But, no, I don’t have access to firearms. I wouldn’t dare to use one anyway, have you read the Preacher comics? There’s this character who gets so upset when Cobain offs himself, that he shoots himself in the head. Unfortunately he survives, hideously disfigured. It’s such a fucking hilarious comic.
I have sat around for many hours, embarrassingly and cowardly, with guns without the courage to pull the trigger. Tried getting used to the taste and feel of the barrel in my mouth, tried the “fu*k it pull!” self-screaming, etc. Can’t do it. I am resigned that I will need to use a different method.
I just can’t get over the thoughts of slowly bleeding out or making my life even worse after surviving the blast. There are waaaaaaaay too many examples of people surviving that type of “suicide”. Just search for “shotgun blast to face suicide” on the net. You will see all kinds of disgusting survival pics and stories….
I have a shotgun and sometimes will take it out and contemplate using it. If I ever do, I’ll make sure to do it in the woods so the animals can do the cleanup. But I met a man who had tried to kill himself with a shotgun and lived. He didn’t have much of a face left – it was horrific. This is probably not the way I will go.
I knew that other should have the same difficulty with pulling that trigger leaving this world and onto the next.
Yeah, it is ironic. We know what we want, but we somehow cannot believe that we will do anything but make our lives even more miserable by trying to get it…sad…really.