kay, so…i have a pretty good life, well not as bad as others. i do cut becuz i think thats the only way to make the pain go away, to never works though, and i can’t stop. when I’m so sad i can’t think clearly.
this weekend i was so sad and I’m not even sure why, so i decided to go for a walk. i walked all the way to this one bridge by my house. i don’t know what came over my but i ended up standing on it. and a part of me wanted to jump but the other half couldn’t do it. after i stood there for a while i finally got down and walked home. yes I’ve thought about killing myself lots of times, but never gotten that far..
I’m still sad even though i feel i should be happy. i have an amazing boyfriend and good friends and family..
-Morgan
17 comments
i can totally relate! but keep remembering all the friends and family you have. and remember: ITS OKAY TO CRY. crying and screaming and getting sad is a part of letting all the shit inside you that’s eating you away disappear. and its okay to still feel sad after that…cuz it kind of was a missed opportunity. but i’m glad you didn’t do it. if you have people who love you then you should not want to leave them. cuz leaving them is the hardest part (at least for me it is). its alright, you are here now…right?
yes i agree. like to try and stop cutting i wrote my boyfriends name on my wrist so every time id go to cut myself id see it and i won’t for him 🙂 and i cry every night and after i do i feel better. and yess leaving people is the hardest thing, i always think people will leave me so i never really open up to anyone.. I use to let people in easily all the time, it hurt to much to watch them leave, so now I’m extra careful. its seems like everyone i end up really caring about always leaves or ends up hating me… sometimes i cat handle that..
You made a good decision by not jumping. I can relate to the uncertainty of your sadness, I am very sad most of the time, except when I’m with this girl who it didn’t workout with but i’m not going to let go of the friendship cause i seem to only be content w/ anything when i’m w/ her, BUT, I believe you can find happiness, your family can help you and your boyfriend would most likely do anything to help you. I do not cut, but i think about suicide everyday and idk how but i talk myself into thinking that if I give things time, maybe I’ll find happiness, idk if that can help you at all, but when you get in those situations, if you can just want happiness, and tell yourself that it can get better, it may stop you from making a decision that could end your life. I know things can get hard, but try to even just IMAGINE hope. I hope things get better for you, try to hold on!
Yes thank you, a lot 🙂 I will try to look for the happines well at least try. I’m not sure if I will succeed but trying always helps 🙂 an yes my boyfriend does really care. When I told him about what I almost did this weekend he was so sad becuz he almost lost me. My family doesn’t know I cut or anything like that. I hope they never do. I just dont know if I can tell them. I don’t think I’m strong enough…
And that’s good that u are a certain way around this girl. I am glad u guys are friends and that she’s helping you :). Stay strong an I will too
you just have to stay strong and pray. i wish you luck! xoxo
Just hang in there, and therapy can help sometimes, if it’s the right doctor. If you aren’t seeing on currently it honestly could help a TON, I’ve went to a few, and it hadn’t really worked out well till i actually found one that worked for me. And i know it is hard because you don’t know how they’ll react, but if you do get the courage to tell them just make sure you let them know that you are telling them because you are reaching out for help, if you do so then they will understand hopefully, they do care about you. Life is a journey that’s for sure. Just think about therapy if you hadn’t taken it into consideration already, =). I wish you the best!
Ya sometimes she is all i have to look forward too, and good! Staying strong is what can help get through the worst. =)
“i was so sad and I’m not even sure why, so i decided to go for a walk. i walked all the way to this one bridge by my house. i don’t know what came over me but i ended up standing on it. and a part of me wanted to jump but the other half couldn’t do it. after i stood there for a while i finally got down and walked home.”
Oh my god. That was me exactly a couple months ago. I did the exact same thing.
I know where you’re coming from. I guess. I’ve never cut myself, but I’ve thought about it. Honestly, I’m too chicken to kill myself. And just talking with people on here gave me some hope to continue on. I hope the same happens for you too. :]
i hope u never cut yourself, it really does hurt and it leaves scares. and i am deciding to get help. so hopefully this works
@morgie222 and TheGoodGirl:
Failing to kill yourself isn’t a failure, or a sign your “too chicken”…
We have different aspects of our psyche, id, ego, and superego…
The id is the more impulsive side, and the superego is your more rational side…
The ego is somewhere in between the two, the compromise of the extremes of your self.
Your id seeks instant, impulsive goals–
Like wanting to kill yourself, suddenly, because something in THAT moment seems as if it’s too much.
Your superego works towards long-term, grandiose goals…and since it’s long-term, it doesn’t work with the impulsive self, but the opposite side, the rational self…
And, again, your ego sort of represents a mean or compromise of the two’s extremes.
So your id wanted you to die, in that moment, and your superego didn’t…
And your ego may well have compensated by giving into the id by giving such a moment and allowing you to face the brink of things…but not quite giving in, and pulling back, because of the rational groundings of the superego.
(And I probably just butchered the language and real technical meaning of Freud’s idea, but whatever…)
In any case:
We all have impulses…but it does NOT make you a coward or a chicken tha you don’t act on every impulse–if we all did that, and didn’t stop to reflect, imagine what the world would be like…how much worse things would be if people never took the time (painful as it IS, I know it IS painful) to take a step back and think about things, even the most horrifying, unpleasant things, and weigh pros and cons and whether or not to go through with things or not.
i always thought i was to chicken becuz i didnt kill myslef or i didnt cut deep enough…. idk im just very sad all the time.
For what it’s worth…
I’m glad neither of you DID go through with it, that somewhere, you did weigh matters, and decided not to kill yourselves…
It may feel like cowardice, but it’s not:
Indeed, it is sometimes far braver a thing to do to think and reflect and take on all the pain that entails rather than act on an impulse.
I’m glad I have the chacne to speak to both you you…that couldn’t happen if you had given into your impulses. 🙂
Impulses, of course, are not always bad, or wrong…they’re just another part of your self–just remember, they’re not ALL of your self…
There’s so much more to both of you, I’m sure, than just what strikes you impulsively in your worst moments…we ALL have troubling impuslive thoughts; I’m not suicidal, but I’ve had moments where, frustrated or angry or whatever, I’ve thought of doing something like smash this or punch him or her for making fun of a friend…we all have such thoughts…
You just have a harder time because you face harder issues, and so your face more difficult impulses, still.
But there’s more to you than impulses…
And more to life–to YOUR lives–than what may appear hopeless or bleak or disgusting in a moment of despair…
Anyway, I’m probably sounding preachy right now, and I don’t want to, as I always hated that when elders spoke to me that way, so I’ll stop…
But please know, it’s not cowardice, and *I* am happy BOTH of you two bright ladies, who have so much to live for–YOU DO, I’ve heard you both, and I believe you both DO–are still alive…and not gone in one, terrible moment. 🙂
and yes i think i’ll try therapy. or at least look into it.. it may be best
way to go sherlock….you are awesome…i love it when people have the words
i want to thank evevryone who has been commenting, i think this site is actually helping me a bit.. im thinking of asking my mom if i can go to therapy or something but then id have to tell her aso..idk
@Sherlock, thank you for sharing that, really. You really do have the words, like Amakua said. I don’t know why but, that made me cry. Christ, my emotions are all over the place today. Not cry in a bad way but, a good way I suppose. I was feeling pretty crappy today and the whole id – ego – superego thing makes so much sense. Thanks for putting it in a way I can understand and not using Freudian tongue-twisters. Ha