I can’t live with this phobia any longer
I told you all it’s what made me suicidal and i wanted to get it sorted out before we started with the ocd and anxiety therapy. Which we didn’t ’cause my therapists didn’t listen to me.
I ain’t placing any blame even if it sounds like it.
I’m sorry for leaving you mum, don’t think i didn’t appreciate all you did for me.
I’m sorry i never showed how much i love you and how much you meant to me.
We had our ups and downs, i still love you though, no matter what.
And dad, i don’t really know what to say, we weren’t really that close, you weren’t really there for me when i was growing up, i only saw you every other weekend and we barely talked. i love you though.
If it wasn’t for my phobia, i’d probably still be here.
I loved making music although i didn’t record much of it, i just improvised a lot.
I loved being high on zopiclone and weed, they made me play guitar better, it feels kinda spiritual, like i’m connecting with the drugs and music.
I stayed for so long for you mum, and george, my best friend, the only true friend and person i ever talked to, i hate myself for doing this to you, but there really ain’t no use in me hanging around. Only to make you happy, but i’m not happy at all, i just sit and cry wishing i’d die. I’ll always be with you.
I love you mum, dad, george, grandma and grandpa
peace
be strong
i don’t want you to mourn my death, celebrate my life instead
the reason i didn’t leave this note at home is that i didn’t want to worry you
i love you so much, pleases forgive me
P.S. tell jenny, jasmine and sofie i’m sorry and i love them
OKAY, so now that you’ve read my note, do you think there’s anything missing or something? is it good or bad? should i add something?
i’m pretty high off of zopiclone and caffeiene, zopiclone is wearing off though, so i’m having a hard time concentrating and shit
18 comments
I would nix the “celebrate my life” bit and replace it with “celebrate that I no longer am in pain”. Just my two cents. They will be “losing” something in their mind, letting them know that you are no longer feeling a constant pain is better in my opinion than telling them to “celebrate” what they are losing.
yeah i might do that, thanks
is it too long though, i kidna want a short note, might shorten it up when i’ve sobered up a bit
Um. I’m not sure about leaving notes, it strikes me as wanting to have the last word. I’m just planning to leave a pile of cash under a paperweight to go towards paying my funeral and a request that all my books get donated to War on Want.
I like the idea of leaving a note. If you’re lucky enough to have people who love you, maybe having an explanation will give them some piece of mind.
i do have people that love me, my mother and george
idk about my dad, liek i said in the note, i don’t relaly know him even if i used to go to him every other weekend, and now i go there every now and then but we never really talk properly, only time he says he loves me is when he’s drunk and his brother is near us, just to look like a father, he never kept his promises when i was growing up
and one tiem he was drunk (he’s an alcoholic) and i was at his place playing poker with him, his brother and jimmy, their friend, and dad gave me a watch he’d bought in thailind
then the next day he called me and said he wanted the watch back
so he only says he loves me when he’s drunk when his brother is near, otherwise never
and on his facebook it says some shit and then it says’ i have a son, 17, from another relationship. other than that there are no problems’
like i’m a problem or something
so idk if he really loves me that much
i might be mistaking though, it might just be awkward saying i love you sober and shit since we don’t talk very much, i love him anyway
but is the note too long or something? shoudl i add something? idk
or is the note good the way it is?
Yes, I agree. Leaving no explanation will tend to make people assume some sort of responsibility or guilt. Although, many of us here are messed up enough that those around us should have a good idea as to the real cause. But I definitely believe it is nice to reiterate that it is a choice to escape from the pain that is unescapable and that there was absolutely nothing that anyone could do to make it “better”. Trying to reduce or eliminate that ridiculous guilt that others seem so willing to take on is important. We are trying to escape pain, not inflict it.
Well, perhaps I’m a little different. My family know that I’m miserable, and they know the reasons why. I can’t talk to them about it and I don’t want a last communication which can be analysed and re-read endlessly by people who will feel guilty in any case no matter what I write.
Oh, I would keep it simple. The more that you say, the more that it can be misinterpreted.
Myself personally:
I am sorry for any pain that I may have caused, however, I could not endure the pain that I experienced internally any longer. Everything that you have done helped me immensely, however, it is I that was too weak to endure what pain remained. I thank you for doing all that you could, you were the very best of life. Thank you. I love you.
causeway,
Haha, yeah same here. Everyone that I know is very clear on what I am. 😀 I’ve only been like this my whole forty plus years. And I was never one to not state my mind. In my situation, I think that everyone would actually be relieved. I mean they want to help me and do their best, but they have to know by now that it is futile. But they love me, so it isn’t like they can say, why don’t you just kill yourself already. 😀 I really believe those around me would be relieved to see me finally at rest.
Whats your phobia?
Living a long, long, long time. Waking up. Falling asleep. Having to have a “conversation” that has no importance. Pretending to be interested, content with, or accepting of the mundane, trivial, or outright absurd.
Oh, sorry…I was thinking that crying asked me as a follow up to my post…I realize now that I was just running my mouth. (as usual :))
@crying on the inside
i’m a major emetophobe
phobia of throwing up and feeling sick
Mr S. : OMG!! I used to have that phobia! Except it was a phobia of my kids throwing up. God, I went through years of anxiety that they would get sick. Every time either one of them knocked on my door at night or complained of a stomach ache, I would completely freak out to the point of feeling ill myself. Now that they are older and don’t get sick too often, I’m not so afraid, but I still get anxious even when my dog gets sick. It’s really annoying. Honestly, it’s so irrational. I mean, what’s the big deal? So I have to clean up some dog barf… but it still freaks me out. Must be a control thing.
I think the best is not leaving a big note.
The less you say, the better.
@hbmom
yeah, i’m so afraid of it i wanna die, so that’s a real problem
i’m nto saying yours isn’t, i’m just saying it’s a real big problem for me