Hi all, I’m new to this site. I was led here from another site about suicide. So I started reading through some of the posts on here and found I could relate to so many of them. I decided to post my ramblings. I apologize in advance if this is extremely long. I just want to get out what’s been bottled up for a while now.
I’m only 20 years old and I feel like a failure. Like I have no real future. Like my life has no purpose. Recently, I’ve been thinking about suicide. About a month ago I took a walk and not too far from my house is a bridge; it’s such a small bridge so it’s stupid to think I could have killed myself if I jumped off. But there I was standing there actually contemplating it. I must have stood there staring at the water for almost an hour. But I just turned around and went back home. I ended up telling my mom about it a few days later. She was upset and concerned, but has since not mentioned it or asked how I’m feeling. Two days ago we had a fight. Over something pretty stupid, and it was mostly one sided with her yelling at me. She hasn’t spoken more than two words to me since. Those suicidal feelings returned. I’ve thought about taking pills or slitting my wrists. But I don’t think I have the guts to do it. I’m too afraid. Afraid of everything. And I don’t know how to conquer it.
Maybe I should tell you what’s been happening to get me to this point. After graduating from High School, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I flirted with different occupations like; psychology, photography, fashion design, writing, joining the army, joining a circus? Really all over the place stuff because I didn’t know what I was passionate about. Well, don’t. I knew though, that I wasn’t passionate about going to college. I’ve never liked school. I like learning, just not school. I don’t know why, maybe it’s the people or the environment or me not liking being told what to do. Don’t get me wrong, I was always a good student. Good grades. Never had a detention in my life. I don’t do drugs or drink or smoke even when most people I knew did. I guess I’ve never felt like I really connected with anyone. Like I was an outcast that no one could relate to, despite having plenty of friends. I also can’t afford college. I know what you’re probably thinking. Trust me, I know my options. Loans, scholarships, financial aid. I’ve heard it all. Countless times. The people around me became like a broken record. Repeating the same lines over and over. So annoying that I still dread running into people I know for fear that they might ask me what I’ve been up to. I can’t tell them the truth because I don’t want to look like a loser.
I also can’t find a job. No one will hire me from what I suspect is my lack of work experience. Which is baffling. How can I gain experience if no one is willing to give me a chance? Should I just blame it on the shitty economy? So I’m broke, not in college, and not doing much of anything. To top it off my two best friends; one for 8 years and another I’ve known since I was 5 (but we didn’t become bffs til HS) completely abandoned me. Even after they noticed me withdrawing, they didn’t even care to ask if I was okay. The friend for 8 years is in college. She made a ton of new friends (always obsessed with popularity) and hardly spoke to me anymore. When I did try to talk to her, I called her out on ditching me and she took offense and became condescending and snotty. Basically saying I was a nobody, a nothing loser from a small town. She thanked me for being a “blip on the radar” with her all those years ago. Since I guess she’s famous in her sorority or something. Her great advice? Fill out an essay (for college) and all of my problems will go away. Apparently essays are magic. Who knew. Ironically, this is turning into an essay. Sorry again, if you’re still reading. Almost done.
My other friend ditched me quick to hang out with the local town druggies. But I’m sure they’re a fun bunch with awesome personalities.
Lately I’ve become very cynical about life and people in general. I feel as though I can’t trust anyone. That they’ll all screw me over eventually. I realized today that I can’t even force myself to sound happy or put on a smile or anything. I used to be able to do that. Even if it is fake. At least I could grin and bear it, so to speak. I haven’t been formally diagnosed. But I don’t need someone with a fancy degree to tell me that I’m depressed. I can’t even afford therapy or medications. Not that I think medications will work. It probably doesn’t help that I think all doctors are quacks who don’t really care about their patients; they just fill out a prescription and get you out of their office as soon as possible.
So, no degree, no job, no friends, no car, no support. I realize I shouldn’t blame all of my problems on other people. I did this to myself in a way. But I don’t know where to go from here. Is life worth living when it’s like this? Will it ever get better? The only thing keeping me here is my fear of ending it all and my tiny sliver of hope for the future. But it’s wearing ever thinner.
Thanks for reading.
41 comments
Think thoughts that make you feel good. The ending of one’s life is a choice, you have free will. There is more written about how it is wrong than, that it is simply a choice based on your current circumstances. It’s the judgment of it, that is the biggest problem.
Do your best, that’s all anyone could ask, and do not judge yourself for making the best decision you know how. Take care.
Your post brings back some memories. I was pretty much the same at your age – now 20 years later I’m back where I started. I tried to kill myself when I was 21 (failed OD), and a lot of things have happened since then, some good, mostly bad. Looking back, I wish I had succeeded. That’s not to say it will be the same for you.
You don’t sound clinically depressed to me. It’s more a reaction to life circumstances and they can change and be changed. So you need to start experimenting, change a little thing here, a little thing there – see if it has the desired effect. If not, change something else. When you hit on something that works, make another bigger change. You don’t need airheaded girls or drop-out friends to get in your way during this process. Your life is about you, not them. And living is hard work, unless your rich.
You don’t have to go down the route of loans, scholarships etc. Take some time out, volunteer with a charity, save a little and travel if you can. Find out what you like – it can take years to do that. I didn’t discover a love of science fiction until I was 28.
The world is a horrific place and it takes time to evolve defence mechanisms. You may never evolve them. I haven’t. But you have to go through a lot of stuff before you find that out, and a lot of that stuff hurts like hell. But some of it is also glorious – there’s the dilemma.
Your mom is probably worried sick, but can’t express it, hence the outburst. Don’t do it to her. She didn’t bring you up for you to take yourself out, and I think you owe it to yourself and her to give your life a chance. It may not work out but if that happens and you find yourself back where you started you can always tell yourself and her – I tried.
Thank you for responding. I’ve tried to think good things and how it could be always be worse. That I really don’t have it too bad. But I always go back to what I know; being negative.
Hum, you said alot. In saying alot I don’t “hear” the pain or feel it in your words.
Disassociative type of thing going on, I’m not a doc. Yet I have read hundreds of stories on this site and I’ve read a few written like yours.
I definitly see your situation, and can relate.
Life is a hard nut to crack and can get otta control.
Keep coming here and read around the net for answers.
Being negative is not a fault in itself. You negativity will likely make you cautious, pessimistic, careful; and it means you’ll probably tag change as dangerous or boring. Your negativity is your mindset and you will always have it. But the way to deal with it is to live long enough to find out what you like about life, and then fill as many hours of the day with those things. Find consolations and someday they may become the actual prize.
@causeway, you say a lot of things that ring true. I suspect it’s your wisdom 🙂
The one goal I have is to travel. I’ve always wanted to take a road trip. But as with everything travelling takes money, which I don’t have. It’s crappy that nothing is really free. Even something that could boost my happiness.
I hope that I can eventually get it together. I don’t think I’m ready to completely give up. I want to give my life a chance first, like you said.
If it means anything, I would hate to find out you succeeded in killing yourself. Do you think you could give yourself another chance?
@caucajun, You’re right, when I wrote it I was feeling un attached to my words for some reason. It’s not the first time I’ve written them. I journal a lot and I write it all the time. Stuff that has been going on for 2 years now. Maybe that’s why. I don’t know.
aha, travel. When I wanted to travel several years ago I did a little trading – I bought a box of old pulp crime novels at a yard sale and sold them on ebay individually for a good profit. So I had a little money to do it. It was hard work and it took months but I got there. This is one of the hardest things to deal with – in the end you have to do it for yourself. Very few people can or will help. You should learn a little selfishness too.
Give youself a chance – you deserve it.
I am planning to end my life in the New Year. I don’t really want to but some things are happening beyond my control, and I find I don’t have any courage to deal with them. I’ve run out of options.
That’s a good idea, selling stuff on ebay. I didn’t even think of that. I’ve already had the misfortune of learning that people aren’t very helpful. They turn the other cheek when you need them the most. It’s sad. I try to be there for the people I love/d whenever they needed a shoulder to cry on or someone to listen. I never got that in return.
If you don’t mind my asking, what things are out of your control right now? I don’t know if there’s anything I can say that will help or change things for you, but I’ll listen.
You see – you’ve only been here an hour or so and we know you’re a compassionate and warm human being, who cares. If I were you I would tag counsellor as a future career option, perhaps something you should look into. Perhaps you’ll find your quickening in listening, sharing, healing.
There’s nothing you or anyone can do for me. My problems are money related. Money is one of the silliest things to harm oneself over (second only to a failed love affair), yet when you get to a certain age (I’m now 40), you find poverty becomes a terrible burden and it becomes embarrassing too. I live in Ireland – there’s just nothing here. A wasteland.
That’s funny, because the terrible friend I had (that I mentioned up there) suggested that as a career that I would be good at. I guess maybe she wasn’t so wrong. I just war with myself over not wanting to go to college and not having enough money.
I’m from America, and that’s one word I’ve never heard to describe Ireland. I guess I’ve always had the tourist view of Ireland in mind, not the real-world-Ireland. My mother quit her job a year ago (30 years in a factory) because of the stress. So we’re home together (perhaps why we’re butting heads) all day while my dad works to support us. He works in the same factory. All 3 of us are living on his income and we’ve become pretty “poor”. I say poor in quotes because that’s how I refer to it, we’re still fortunate to have a roof over our heads and food on the table, but not much else. It’s never been this way for us, as a family, and it’s hard to get used to. It’s hard seeing people so happy, spending money for the holidays. Money is a silly thing when you think about it. It makes the world go round. Everyone is trying to get the most money they can. I wish it were different.
I wish there was something I could say to you, but I know I can’t. Crazy, stupid suggestion: pack up and get the hell out of there?
That’s one thing I should have said earlier – always remember the importance of money. It’s not everything but it’s a hell of a lot. You have to take a pretty grim, mean-spirited attitude to money if you want to survive. Love of money is like a disease that’s spreading across the world. Never love money – hate it; but gather as much of it as you can. It’s like the old saying – keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Don’t spend; save, and don’t go into too much debt. I didn’t learn any of this until it was too late. I walked out of good jobs because I didn’t value the paycheque. I regarded myself as too much of a ‘gentleman’ to be concerned with something as lowly as money. I don’t want you to be a lady about money, ever.
Look after your parents, and stay on their good side – they will always be there for you, believe me. Even if you can’t talk to them about the stuff that matters, they’re still people who care and people who count. Your mother is probably having her own problems quitting like that, and maybe your dad is worried about keeping you all on his wage. Use your empathy on them – it would be a good way to test your counselling skills.
My parents are still alive – I love them and hate them in equal measure, so it balances out. Home is always somewhere you can go back to if things go wrong. Keep it that way.
I can’t get out of here. There’s nowhere to go to. By that I mean I have no skills which would allow me to emigrate, and the UK is just as much of a wasteland as Ireland at the moment. The only place for a job is London but it would cost a small fortune just to set up there. Also I can’t precipitate a situation where I’m seen to be running out on my debts. I still have that crazy ‘gentleman’s’ notion of honour.
We’ll see what will happen. I am trying to raise some money in various ways, and perhaps a job might materialise – that would solve everything. Well, almost everything. 😉
It’s 2am here so I’m turning in. Thanks for the talk. Remember what I said – you’re too much of a lady to be considering ending your very valuable life. Check out counselling courses; psychiatric nursing and so on. It may be your calling.
I’ll be back online tomorrow evening.
“Never love money – hate it; but gather as much of it as you can.”
That has to be the best damn advice for money I’ve ever heard. Or read. My parents were trying to teach me the importance of saving. I had some money saved up in the bank. It wasn’t a lot but it was supposed to get me started. I hadn’t put any into the account for a while, and without notifying me, the bank took out quite a bit of it. So I took all of it out of the bank and closed the account. Unfortunately, I ended up spending it all after my mom quit her job and such. Some stuff I needed, other stuff I spent on pointless entertainment. I know now that I shouldn’t have spent the money that I didn’t need to. Good life lesson. And when I do acquire more money, I shall try not to be a lady about it. 🙂
You sound like my dad as far as honoring your debts. I suppose that’s wise. Better than being a criminal, which is what I basically suggested, haha.
As for keeping my parents on my good side, I think I’ll have to swallow my pride and offer up a good apology to my mom. She is important to me and I can’t lose that over a silly argument.
I wish the best for you. I hope that you can find a job and pay off your debts. You may be more valuable than you realize. You give great advice, by the way. I bet you wish you could turn back time and tell your younger self this. Like that song “I wish that I knew what I know now when I was younger”.
Ah, the time difference I forgot about that. It’s 9pm here. Good night. And thanks for everything. You gave me hope. Hopefully it lasts. And I might just look into counselling now. I might be back tomorrow, I don’t always go online every day. Til then. 🙂
No one wants to fuckin’ employ me either…
I hear ya. Where are you from?
London and like you I don’t really have work experience either.
“How can I gain experience if no one is willing to give me a chance?” I ask myself the same thing everyday…
It sucks. I don’t understand it. It seems to me that they are all too lazy to train new people or something.
Holy. Crap.
Your life is almost a mirror image of mine. I’ve been through the exact same crap that you have.
email me if you wanna talk… cute copper19 @ hotmail.com (no spaces)
or IM me: AIM/yahoo!
artzygrl1919
I felt exactly like you at 20,and at 35 still feel the same confused and lost person as I did back then.
Becoming an adult is a difficult phase in life;you are expected to form relationships,responsibilities get a career etc..It got too much for me and led to panic attacks and a nervous breakdown,and barely would talk to anyone.It still affects me today.I think my time is up now,I’ve had enough.
The good thing about you is that you haven’t had it for long and you can recover if you get the right help which I didn’t – the longer you’re screwed the less hope you’ve got.I’ve missed out sh1t loads in life ,basically all my 20s and 30s
@noom, I completely agree. Adult life is hard to adjust to. For some it doesn’t seem to be so hard. But I too have had panic attacks. And I find change a hard thing to adapt to. I always have. I eventually get the hang of it, but I am having a difficult time with this particular change. I’m the type of person that needs to have control of my life, and right now I feel like I have no control. Even though everything from now on is my choice, I still feel like I have no control. I can only hope and try to get my shit together before it’s too late. I’m not quite ready to give up yet.
I’m guessing you haven’t found your niche in life?
@TheGoodGirl
“I’m guessing you haven’t found your niche in life?”
Yeah,you could say that.
Together with doing endless course,not comfortable in jobs and quitting,avoiding things when they get tough and social problems.You can run away for so long until you realise you can’t do it forever.I’m just not cut out for this life.I had everything going for me at 18-19 then I just seemed to distance myself from everything.I should have aimed for a simple life instead of trying to pressurise myself into being someone i’m not
Hi GG,
just read your first post – the short assessment is – you’re at a crossroads and you’re not sure what directions to go. Yet you actually mentioned one very viable solution that I don’t think you really considered in depth yet it could solve many of your problems …
Military.
Why is this a good option:
1. Job
2. Training
3. Experience
4. Funding for college without loans (or very minimal)
5. Money
6. Travel (and no – not just to war zones)
7. Pride in country and accomplishment
8. Feeling of “Belonging”
9. Commradarie (friendships)
10. Family Honor – your parents will be proud
And that’s just off the top of my head. It does require a commitment of about 4 years to pay off – especially for college money, but while you are in, almost every post has an education center that is affiliated with a local college and you can take classes for next to nothing.
There are many jobs in the military that can translate well to civilian life so as long as you can score decently on the entrance test you will have your pick of them – for example – air traffic control – every city has an airport so if you learn that skill you could get a job anywhere in the world.
The hardest part of the Military option is getting through basic training which is 8-12 weeks (depending on branch of service). It’s physically demanding but in many ways – it’s actually fun! and your days are SO busy that you almost forget how “long” the whole training course is – before you know it – it’s DONE! and you’re a soldier who the drill instructors will now treat you with respect!
The next “difficult” thing is surrendering to the military system … in other words – following orders. Because when you’re in service you are part of the machine – you aren’t quite an individual anymore BUT you are also learning to respect those that have been there before you and trusting them to guide you to becoming a better person. when you keep your eye on your end game goal it becomes easy.
In any regard – it doesn’t hurt to talk to a recruiter to see if it is something hat would be of interest.
If you have any questions, you know where to find me,
army dawg
is taylor on?
Oh – I forgo – about your mom – I think you freaked her out and she doesn’t know how to address your state of mind. she’s afraid she’ll say something that will “send you over the edge”.
sit down with her and reassure her that you are NOT going to harm yourself, and that you NEED here to talk to you and help you figure out your future now more than ever. tell her that you are open to anything she has to say to help you make your next moves. but TALK. Do things to help her so she sees you try to engage instead of withdrawing
she will be relieved and you will gain an ally
two heads are better than one 😉
gabby dawg
Helloooo, dawg. About my mom, I have talked to her. She’s aware of everything and she’s trying to help me figure out my future. We recently had another talk, not the one I mentioned in this post, and now she asks me almost everyday if I feel suicidal. I tell her I don’t. Which is true. For the most part. When I react badly to something I still have those thoughts. It makes me feel pretty low, that I’m making her worry like that. At least I know she cares. She is my ally and I don’t want to fuck that up.
About the military. My mom and dad don’t want me to join. I’ve already been approached by a recruiter when I was in high school. I talked to him and he told me basically everything that you just did. Are you a recruiter dawg? lol Anyway, he gave me his card and stuff. I talked to my parents and they were not liking it. Not that I was either. I am also a weakling and I don’t think I could endure the physical and mental stress of basic training. I also have a problem following rules and being told what to do. I am a little bit of a rebel, you see. I think it’s really courageous to join the army/marines/navy/airforce; I just couldn’t do it. It is a good option. Especially for someone so clueless like me. I’m just not cut out for it, you know?
Ad Astra cant reply now, because he is due elsewhere, but he will get back to you.
In the meantime, i say ~
a) Thats a nice, honest, courageous post ~ I like it.
b) Havent fully read the replies, but i do suggest you print/copy the entire thread to pc and re-read and understand what people are syaing be it good or not so good. Use the positive & discard the negative or unproductive/unworkable stuff.
c) By Posting this, you have shown ‘other pple’ they & you are not alone in feeling the “same way” … so i say to all of you …. hang in there.
As always, i read A LOT of good stuff on here from both sides – problem sides and solutions sides. This i rate as a really good example of how to detail your problem side ~ it takes courage, so tyou.
I’ll likely be back when all of you are alseep ~ sorry. painting some rooms and i only have this week to do it, so gotta get it done.
Many young people are stuck in similiar situations all across America, and the world for that matter. Just remember you are not alone and everything can be solved with some good thinking & hard work.
Take Care.
ps: do you all REALLY think you are the first young people to find difficulty getting employed when u have no work experience?
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo ………… 🙂
suggested solutions coming … gtg…
…laterz
GG – No … I’m not a recruiter LOL
But I served in the 80’s – It seems scary and foreboding to consider – but it’s easy time and solves a lot of your issues. FYI – Parents NEVER want “their baby” doing something so “adult” by themselves without their help and guidance – it’s just the way they are. I’f I recall … and believe it or not … you can still serve AND be a registered conscientious objector (object to violence) – you’d end up serving mostly stateside postings or other secure allied posts. and not be eligible for combat deployments.
You can (and should) verify that with the recruiter – if you decide on that route
I think you are stronger than you think – military is 90% mental – you focus on the exact orders and do them and you’d be fine – the physical aspect is really easy – and good for you 😉 … FYI – Air Force is way the easiest – I worked with those pussys – they told me heir basic was like college with a gym class every day – don’ know if they were fibbing – but they had almost zero discipline so I believe them 😉
drill sergeant dwg
Goodgirl, I’m not a recruiter but I have a lot of mil experience. You could just join the Air Force and for the most part its fun. Your chance of ever charging a machine-gun nest under a hail of lead are almost zero. The best part of the military is the friends you make. You will feel like part of the team, have friends that last forever and probably sit behind a computer in AC before going back to your 1 bedroom “condo” on base every night. Don’t discount the military if you need a little direction, its only 4 years and you can get your college degree free the whole time…sorry, that’s just my useless 2 cents 🙂
Goodgirl, I agree you probably wont be happy in the military. I think you’d make an excellent teacher or nurse, but there’s the uni problem… My flatmates is a teachers aid and she didn’t need a degree for that. You can also do a course for a few months and get registered as an emt, it’s a rough job but highly in demand and the pay is good so you can save for uni.
Regarding travel it is not so expensive as you think. I often travel for free. Check couchsurfing.org and the community section of craigslist. I often hitchhike but I wouldn’t recommend it for you
@ad astra, “do you all REALLY think you are the first young people to find difficulty getting employed when u have no work experience?”
I can not speak for everyone else but, I am under no assumption that I am the first young person to have a hard time finding a job with no experience. It is my lack of experience coupled with this terrible economy, that is the reason I am having a hard time getting a job. I am aware of how much everyone is struggling right now, not just young people. Middle-aged people, old people. There are people all over this site that are having a rough time of it, job-wise.
Thanks for reading my post, I look forward to your other suggestions for me, don’t know if I’ll be on when you get to it though. Also, don’t want to rain on your positive parade but, I really don’t have hope that it will get any better until a complete economic collapse ensues and everyone – including the rich – are in the shitter. Only then will change happen. And even then…I’m not so sure.
@dawg, didn’t know you served. You are full of suprises. I also didn’t know you could object to violence and not get deployed ? Even though you say it’s 90% mental, I don’t think I’m even capable of that. I’m a very sensitive person and I know they break you down before they build you back up. I just don’t know if my already being depressed and having random suicidal thoughts would be good in that environment.
@Lon3-Spartan, IF I ever joined the military, I would probably go the way of the Air Force like dawg said. Were you in the Air Force? “Your chance of ever charging a machine-gun nest under a hail of lead are almost zero.” Yeah, I’d want to avoid that. lol
@one_day, You’re right, really. I don’t think it would be right for me.
You live in Austrailia, right? I’ve looked up some info on becoming a teacher’s aid here in new jersey and a lot of schools prefer you to have at least some college education under your belt. I have thought about becoming a local emt in my hometown. And also about becoming a nurse. I don’t think I could be a nurse though, I’m a total germ-a-phobe lol.
I think I will check out couchsurfing.org.
Yep I’m in AUS but I used to live in new York. Never have enough emts there. I had another random idea… My best friend in London took a week course on how to give hair extensions. Bought herself a glue gun and went house to house giving people hair extensions charging 500 pounds a head cash. There’s all kinds of weird random things out there you can do for money.
LMAO. Now that’s what I want to do with my life. Be a travelling hair extension glue gunning saleswoman.
500 pounds? Damn.
old people have many life experiences – it should be too surprising … especially if no one asks 😉
… but being a 500 pound glue-gunning door-to-door hair extender is NOT one of them LOL
real hair dawg
And your real hair is amazing, I might add.
Hey GG,
I ‘think’ the the basis of this post is actually in your title? Maybe this is what first needs to be overcome? The best way is not to worry about worrying and overanalysing, rather just start something and go do it.
So you want to traveL? Honestly i would highly recommend that to any young person before they start college.
1) Think of any kind of casuall/backpacker jobs to establish some funds – fruitpicking, menial jobs for elderly, (waitressing is the best travel job you will find),
2) Couchsurfing is an excellent suggestion by One, just be sure to be know exactly who you are staying with and obv leave your details with family/friends each time you travel/move.
3) Start local (ie your state & Nearby states ~ little baby steps and all that, plus more realistic).
Can you register for gov benefits to get some money? Do they enjoy free or subsidized train travel in the states?
4) google wwoof org as they have organic farm jobs that suits backpack travellers
5) Google house sitting jobs ( housesitworldwide) as there are sites deicated to this. they often give you free accommodation in other cities in return for looking after thier place but you still need some money to support yourself. That said, in a bigger city, there are lots more casual job opportunities.
6) Volunteering for travel (google volunteering holidays). You will meet other young people like yourself, make friends, and you will get some work experience. Im sure your parents would help you fund this as it would be a learning experience for you too in so many ways. Plus it looks good on the resume when you say you did this in lieu of being able to find a proper job. I kinda think this is a really good plan for 2012 for you. Just be aware of shady operators too asking for money.
Tell your parents this is an investment in your happiness and not some frivolous cost.
The world doesnt wait for the fearful, you just gotta get out there and DO IT…there is no time to decide whether you have or havent guts…. thats irrelevant….just DO it…
7) As you become more experienced traveller, you can start planning your trips around specific events/festivals maybe of interest
8) PS RE volunteering holidays, consider also poor countries like parts of Asia because the cost of living there is so so cheap, that any money you do have will go a long long way in covering daily costs of living. You will be amazed.
(volunteryprojectsoverseas org ) is a reasonable site, plus many more out there.
Now re getting some useful work/travel skills, can i suggest ~
a) Go find the best restaurant in your town and tell them you are willing to work for free for one month in order to gain experience waitressing. Tell them you are keen, a hard worker, enthusiastic and willing to learn.
Your doing nothing anyway right? You may as well do something and gain useful experience? E,ployers love a +ve can do attitude.
You will learn not only customer service skills, food handling, time mngt, but also money mngt/cash register skills and simply getting used to the grind of work.
At the end you may or may not get a job depending on what they have, but you will gain useful travel skills and something to put on your resume ~ plus get a reference from them when you leave as you should do with every employer.
This strategy works for any of the more casual jobs (even office work). In fact i would suggest you put this on your resume ~ willing to work for free for one month in order to gain some experience. (ie i do actually believe i can improve your chances of getting a job be it casual or something more permanent, all you have to do is test me)
b) ebaying is not at bad way to make some pocket money but yes it does require a little money to start or if you have goods to trade, try selling them.
c) I mostly think 2012 should be a year about you and that you start making some baby steps towards your goals.
I personally think, volunteering holidays are a good way to go as it achieves travel, work, and life experience and you meet other likeminded people too.
Anymore advice, you know where to reach me.
I try be practical to a persons situation first and foremost and think outside the box.
Take Care …
Addy
“But I don’t know where to go from here. Is life worth living when it’s like this? Will it ever get better? The only thing keeping me here is my fear of ending it all and my tiny sliver of hope for the future”.
Yes it will get better, promise, but you have to put some effort in also. With some help and some useful insight, i have NO DOUBTs you will have a good 2012. Promise ….
ps i might have some small admin work for you in 2 weeks … not sure but let me know if ur interested.
Yes, the title sums up the main point of my post. I am scared, of everything. And I am a quintessential worrier. I over-analyze every single option before making a decision. I am not a go-getter. I have a hard time just going out there and doing it. As for travelling, I really do want to do that. I have to overcome my fears of that too first, haha. My mom instilled those into me. She’s paranoid about me even walking down the street. I don’t know about free train travel here in the states. I highly doubt it. Nothing’s free here. And I am not eligible for any kind of government benefits.
I will consider your suggestions carefully. Cause that’s what I do. Thanks for all that. I hope it will get better, but I am in a mood today where I don’t think it will.
I do understand GG, i do, as someone who was quite shy as a teen and more then overcome it. i just think 2012 is the year you make all the necessary changes to your life with actions, not just thinking/analysing.
If you like the idea of “little steps” , then working for free for one month in exchange of gaining experience is a good way to overcome life.
Ok So maybe try this and start at a crappy restaurant, for 2 weeks for free, then another one for 2 weeks for free, by then you have some experience so perhaps then you go to ‘the best restaurant’ and offer your services for free. Don’t tell them you worked at dodgy places. When they see you are capable you might just impress them 🙂
Tip ask if you can work monday-thursday as its quieter too so you can ask more questions and learn stuff.
Thinking gets you only so far in life. Action takes us further.
strategy Ad Astra 🙂
ps i understand today may not be great, thats cool.
ps1; i still say let me help …. ‘test me’ ….. im sure i can help you ultimately find a rewarding career, not just job …. that is easy 🙂 …but another day …. stay well …
just try think of everything as ‘stepping stones’…. thats how i workout things ….. but alas another day …
ps: let me know if u want to do that admin work in 1-2 weeks time ….
here’s something for later to consider which i think might suit you …. based on some things you ave expressed here ….
You have good manners, good people skills, good communication skills.
have you ever considered a career in say
~ the hotel industry? with time it provides career skills, training (ie they train staff), it offers a career path not just a job, and travel discounts once you are in the industry. Pay is average in the beginning, it can be an interesting career path from the normal 9-5 office stuff.
~ likewise working for a travel agency.
Maybe your parents would help you pay for such courses?
eg here’s a job description for the Hyatt – Morristown, NJ (im sure not near you but u get what im saying) –
Front Office Agent | MOR000511
Description
At Hyatt, we believe our guests select Hyatt because of our caring and attentive associates who are focused on providing efficient service and meaningful experiences.
Front Office associates are responsible for the guest registration process and communication of hotel services and promotions. This highly visible role gives opportunity for casual conversation and has a direct impact on creating the guest experience. Other duties may include processing forms of payment and responding to guest inquires. You’ll be the face of Hyatt as a Front Office Associate. If you have worked at other Hotels as a front desk clerk or you have an interest in hotel clerk jobs, we’d love to hear from you!
Hyatt associates work in an environment that demands exceptional performance yet reaps great rewards. Whether it’s career opportunities, job enrichment or a supportive work environment; if you are ready for this challenge, then we are ready for you.
You’re more than welcome.
Qualifications
•A true desire to satisfy the needs of others in a fast paced environment.
•Refined verbal and written communication skills
•Ability to stand for long periods of time.
•Must be available to work all shifts including overnights, weekends and Holidays.
Use your past hotel job experience to make a difference at Hyatt. For immediate consideration for the Front Office Associate position, click Apply Now and complete an application for the Front Office Associate position on the Hyatt Careers Site!
Primary Location
: US-NJ-Morristown
Organization
: Hyatt Morristown
Pay Basis
: 10.5 Hourly US Dollar (USD)
Job Level
: Hourly/Entry Level Employee | Full-time
enough food for thought now ….
Take care GG ..