for all th people who wonder were i am i am gone. i have seen a thousands hearts broken and i believe they were mostly mine. I have tried to look after people in need. i served my comunity as an EMT for 5 years and i felt good about saving people in their time of need. but for the past two years my life has fallen completely apart and their was know on to save me. people have hurt me and taken what they needed and left me to rott. the world is a comlpete hell and i cant be apart of it any more. i see no happiness and i see no love and no hope. all i see it darkness and pain. i feel this life is a complete waste and i did all i can to try to change it to make things better. i feel abused neglected hurt and abandoned by the world so it is time for me to get off this ride we call life. im sorry to all this hurts but i just dont see hope in nothing. i am broken. my heart my soul my mind and my body. i have given my all and i got nothing left. good bye im gone
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5 comments
If you are an EMT..then you should know better than to end your life. I know you’ve seen a whole lot in your life but cant you say you’ve saved, helped other lives. You are here because people need you. If you need someone there for you then I know many would be more than willing to help you out. Have you ever thought of taking a break from your job and taking care of what’s most important..YOURSELF! You learner that in training..the most basic rule. Protect yourself so you can protect others. Someone has your back..I’m sure!
The stuff I have seen has haunted my every dream and it controls my every move. We have critical incident stress meetings but they are a joke. If you say to much the will bench you for sure. No one talks for fear of their job. We are suppose to be strong and face anything. Well bull shit. Look at an 12 year old boy hanging in a closet by his belt dead and tell me you shouldn’t think . I think of it non stop
EMT is a tough life and I honestly believe they should all go through regular councilling or download with their colleagues about what they go through, because it can be fairly traumatic. My last boyfriend used to be an EMT, by the end of it he was a shell of a man. There is also another lady on this site who is an EMT, Black_Scorpio. I think it’s important for you guys to talk to each other because no one else can really understand what you go through.
Thing about saving people when it’s your job is that people will rarely thank you for doing your job. You just have to accept that and try not to expect it – then if someone does thank you, it’s a pleasant suprise, not an expectation.
This world is hard, I’ll give you that. But you can’t truely believe it is all hopeless, otherwise you’d never have become and EMT in the first place. Mybe you are broken, but anythign broken can be fixed. Take small steps and maybe that massive all-encompassing ‘Life’ won’t seems so daunting.
Can you talk with your colleagues? Are you close enough to any of them?
I don’t think anyone expects you to be superheroes. I think… just my opinion based on the few medics that I’ve met.. that is an expectation that you put on yourself, because in the short term it helps you do your job (but in the long term, I think it fails you, because it’s an unrealistic expectation that no one can live up to.)
Are you still working? Maybe it’s time for some time out, or a change?
The reason you’re here is because people need you. No matter who they are, wherever they are, there is always someone in need of you. You are here to fulfill your God-given purpose to help make this world the best it can be. Sure. Maybe i’m spouting all of that psychaiatrist bullshit, but here’s the real deal: the night is always darkest before the dawn. It’s always at the coldest before the good weather comes. A change is coming for you, and it is coming for the better. You also have the responsibility of being loved by friends and family. Even if they don’t know how to catch you when you’re falling, they still care. A lot. You have the responsibility of staying alive for them so they can love you with all they got. You hang on. I wish i was there to catch you when you fell..