My family situation is getting worse. I hate living here but i can’t do anything about it. It’s hard to explain because there are so many minor things that have gathered up over time to make me feel this way.
Also, I used to be really depressed a few years ago but i got a hold of it and learned to live with the depression day by day. Although i am starting to revert back to how i used to feel, how i used to think and act. Everything i have suppressed over the years is starting to slowly seep out and i’m not sure if i can handle it for much longer. I haven’t cut myself in years, although the urges never really left me. And i am starting to cut myself again. No control this time. I don’t know. I feel overwhelmed and completely powerless…. Sorry for the rant.
Rants are fine (at least as far as I’m concerned). Is there anyone you can talk to where you are? Has anything changed recently? Something small – the straw that broke the camels back – can be enough. Do you want to keep talking on here more?
I just feel so empty. I guess it’s nice coming onto this site and seeing that it’s not only me having all these problems, feeling this way. It’s a comfort i guess.
I’ve talked to my boyfriend about it, although he’s part of the issue. He just got kicked out of home so he might have to move three hours away… He’s my support system. I’m not sure how to react to this. Before i was going out with him i was cutting violently but he calmed me down and gave me something to look forward to. Without his calming ‘powers’ i’m not sure whats going to happen.
He may be moving away but he’s not leaving you. He’ll still be there for you to talk to – it just might take him a little longer. Plus there’s always phone and internet so you can still talk, right?
It’s hard to explain but after he moves away i’m certain i won’t ask him for help with my depression.
It’d just be easier to cut myself and get over it. Cutting usually calms me down straight away. It’s like a valve is released and all the built up anger and pain and other emotions are let out. It’s easier than waking him up at 3am just to cry over the phone to him about stupid problems.
Don’t you think?
I’m sorry, I’m probably being stupid but I don’t understand why it’s any harder to wake him up at 3am to cry over the phone when he moves away than now. Even if he lives in the same house as you, you’re still waking him up or is it the fact that it’s over the phone rather than in person that’s the issue?
Solace.
Why apologize for ranting?
It needs to come out and sometimes that helps ease the pain.
As Im Fine says still keep in touch with your boyfriend if he is your shoulder.
Even a phone conversation keeping you going is a positive thing.
Cutting release certain chemicals in your brain that gives you a pleasure pain response that makes ou feel a sort of high.
But waking him up is considerably more healthy and practical than cutting.
I wasn’t planning on leaving him or not talking to him anymore but the thing is.. I’m a really private person and i hardly talk about what i am feeling (i have written more on here than i have discussed with him in three years)
When i get really upset and can’t handle it much more. I cry in his arms. I cuddle him and i instantly feel better. I guess my synapses also make me feel better around him too.
But now that he will be physically gone.. I’m not sure i can open up and actually talk about everything, a little bit is fine but not everything that is on my mind.
In other words his physical presence is required for you to feel comfortable enough to let go. Can you simulate it – have a jumper or some other item of his that he’s worn, that you associate with him perhaps in combination with a stuffed toy or pillow – something you can cuddle? Long shot, I know. Either that or you could move out with him. Failing those two options all I can suggest is either finding an alternative or using this place or others to talk about it. I’m sorry I’m not much help. I hope you do find a way through this so that you don’t resort to cutting. Good luck.
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Why do you feel powerless?
What is going on?
My family situation is getting worse. I hate living here but i can’t do anything about it. It’s hard to explain because there are so many minor things that have gathered up over time to make me feel this way.
Also, I used to be really depressed a few years ago but i got a hold of it and learned to live with the depression day by day. Although i am starting to revert back to how i used to feel, how i used to think and act. Everything i have suppressed over the years is starting to slowly seep out and i’m not sure if i can handle it for much longer. I haven’t cut myself in years, although the urges never really left me. And i am starting to cut myself again. No control this time. I don’t know. I feel overwhelmed and completely powerless…. Sorry for the rant.
Rants are fine (at least as far as I’m concerned). Is there anyone you can talk to where you are? Has anything changed recently? Something small – the straw that broke the camels back – can be enough. Do you want to keep talking on here more?
I just feel so empty. I guess it’s nice coming onto this site and seeing that it’s not only me having all these problems, feeling this way. It’s a comfort i guess.
I’ve talked to my boyfriend about it, although he’s part of the issue. He just got kicked out of home so he might have to move three hours away… He’s my support system. I’m not sure how to react to this. Before i was going out with him i was cutting violently but he calmed me down and gave me something to look forward to. Without his calming ‘powers’ i’m not sure whats going to happen.
Don’t get me wrong, i am quite independent. It’s just nice to have a shoulder to lean on when the going gets a little too tough to handle.
He may be moving away but he’s not leaving you. He’ll still be there for you to talk to – it just might take him a little longer. Plus there’s always phone and internet so you can still talk, right?
It’s hard to explain but after he moves away i’m certain i won’t ask him for help with my depression.
It’d just be easier to cut myself and get over it. Cutting usually calms me down straight away. It’s like a valve is released and all the built up anger and pain and other emotions are let out. It’s easier than waking him up at 3am just to cry over the phone to him about stupid problems.
Don’t you think?
I’m sorry, I’m probably being stupid but I don’t understand why it’s any harder to wake him up at 3am to cry over the phone when he moves away than now. Even if he lives in the same house as you, you’re still waking him up or is it the fact that it’s over the phone rather than in person that’s the issue?
Solace.
Why apologize for ranting?
It needs to come out and sometimes that helps ease the pain.
As Im Fine says still keep in touch with your boyfriend if he is your shoulder.
Even a phone conversation keeping you going is a positive thing.
Cutting release certain chemicals in your brain that gives you a pleasure pain response that makes ou feel a sort of high.
But waking him up is considerably more healthy and practical than cutting.
just stay ion touch with him.
I wasn’t planning on leaving him or not talking to him anymore but the thing is.. I’m a really private person and i hardly talk about what i am feeling (i have written more on here than i have discussed with him in three years)
When i get really upset and can’t handle it much more. I cry in his arms. I cuddle him and i instantly feel better. I guess my synapses also make me feel better around him too.
But now that he will be physically gone.. I’m not sure i can open up and actually talk about everything, a little bit is fine but not everything that is on my mind.
This is why i am worried about him leaving
In other words his physical presence is required for you to feel comfortable enough to let go. Can you simulate it – have a jumper or some other item of his that he’s worn, that you associate with him perhaps in combination with a stuffed toy or pillow – something you can cuddle? Long shot, I know. Either that or you could move out with him. Failing those two options all I can suggest is either finding an alternative or using this place or others to talk about it. I’m sorry I’m not much help. I hope you do find a way through this so that you don’t resort to cutting. Good luck.