WHY!

So, I am going back to the hospital. I called myself because if i don’t I will end up doing something stupid. And My STUPID guidance councilor told me he was going to call to see if i can’t go. He said I don’t need to. He said HE needs to call if I need to go. HOW WOULD HE KNOW! HE IS NOT ME! HE DOESN’T KNOW IF I NEED TO OR NOT! This is my life. He does NOT know how bad I need this for myself. He his going to make me have a panic attach in his office. ONE AGAIN! The other time, he called me a liar about being molested. So I told him I NEEDED to go to the nurse because i was having an anxiety attack. He said no so I had a Panic attack at the same time. Because of him, I almost had to spend Christmas in the hospital. I lied to the hospital and said I am not suicidal so that I can go home. My brothers know NOTHING about me being depressant or suicidal so I couldn’t have them wonder on Christmas why I am not there. This is stressing me out.  And if it wasn’t for my brothers and my 8 month year old sister, I WOULD NOT be here now! And now my teacher just writ me up. I am going to cry. Fuck my life. I wanna die. I NEED to go to the hospital. NOW!