..it hurts to know that my parents to this day, control my actions like I’m 10. They refuse to understand anything about me. I’ve worked hard for my money, and yet my mother stays in my business about it. She is upset with me because I bought my girlfriend an inexpensive tablet for her birthday, that I even made my girlfriend refund me $40 of the $95 back because I knew my mom would question my purchase and why I gave it to my girlfriend. She told me I’m irresponsible, greedy, and selfish because I’m saving my money to pay for my next semester of school.. but encourages me to spend my money on less important things. I always hear I need to grow up, but yet my curfew.. even on the weekend, mind you I’m 22.. is 9:30 pm.. unless I’m working. I’m not allowed to go to clubs or out of a 40 mile radius. I have no social life anymore, which has caused me to lose all of my closest friends. I have to ask to leave the house. They forbid me to move out, though I know I can anyways… I’m 22 and overly legal, I respect what little relationship we have and how disrespecting them may hurt us. They complain about everything I do, right or wrong. They don’t want me in college because they refuse to see my progress (3.0 GPA) because I messed up my first year. My mothers constantly talking behind my back spreading lies, I hear her conversations on the phone every morning when I wake up about how I did this wrong and what I don’t do. I feel neglected from the family. I’m hardly involved in family functions with them, because they do them while I’m working.
It’s like beating the SHIT out of me when I was a kid till I cried, and when I did.. telling me not to while they still whooped my ass some more.
I’m a female. I date women. I’m 22. I’m in school. I work and attempt to pay my bills when my paychecks are high enough. I watch my disabled brother when they ask me to. I date a damn good woman who treats me right even with my physical flaws. I have PCOS, which causes weight problems, I grow hair in places men are supposed to, and I am unable to have children. I feel ugly most the time because I have to wake up and see stubble on my chin and side burns and hair across my chest like I’m a guy and spend time shaving to make it less noticeable. I feel like I’m damn lucky to have someone who sees past that unlike others before, yet they don’t give a damn. My father refuses to talk to me, and only communicates to me through my mother.
I feel stuck. I feel like I’m never going anywhere. I try so hard to make it but I feel like they hold me back or doubt my intelligence on if I’m able to make it on my own. I can understand overprotective, but I mean…. would you like to make sure I’ve clipped my fingernails properly and how you’d like for me to? I don’t understand what I’ve done to cause my parents to have this type of control over me. I was never a bad kid and I never got in trouble in school. I may get an attitude sometimes. Wouldn’t you if you felt tons of pressure from them, but you never got any diamonds out of it? I will only retaliate if you keep me locked in a cage. I’ve lost all passion for my art which was near and dear to me, and all passion for my music, and tattooing. I don’t write anymore. I just sleep, work, and do school stuff when I feel mentally free. It’s exhausting and it only causes me to close myself in. I’m to the point where I feel my life is spent and I’ve seen enough of this life.
6 comments
i’m sorry that you’re feeling stuck and ugly. but there really is no such thing as ugly. only different.
of course i don’t know the situation, but i think you should move out of your parents house. i’m currently 22 and living with my momma. yes it sucks, but at the same time it’s convenient for me. if i weren’t so lazy, i would move out.
you on the other hand don’t seem lazy at all what with your school work, jearb, y handling your own bills.
and try not to beat yourself up over your parents sour attitude towards you. they made you.. realistically, if they need to be upset with someone, they should be upset with themselves, not with you. after that realization, i would stop paying them any mind because they seem crazy. (not that i’m not). and they don’t want you in college? hah! that sounds silly. especially if you’re willing to go.
when people say stupid things constantly, i think it’s okay to discredit them. there is no such thing as right and wrong, it’s really all about Your opinion. if in your heart you think they are being dumbasses, then treat them as such. respectfully of course, but still..
did your art (writing, music, whatever) ever seem like a way to escape your pain as cliche as that sounds? if it was, maybe you should get back into it slowly. you might just need to edit your style/ artistic thought process a little since you’ve probably changed a little since your last works. who knows.. i’m really just guessing out here.
good luck. hope you’re having a nice day.
If you have the means, and it sounds like you very well could have, then I think you should move out. It may damage your relationship with your parents, as you said, but it sounds like maybe it needs changing anyway. I wonder if, maybe, they might not start to respect you more as a person when you start to tell them ‘No’.
Good luck.
I say it’s time to leave the nest and see a bit of the world out there. Tell your mon you need to grow a bit as an adult and moving out has nothing to do with them, but you can’t become mature living at home. Off course ensure you have some finances to back you up. Share a place, keep your costs down, maybe join a gym if you believe that can help with any weight issues. You deserve to live too. You sound like you have a sound head on your shoulders so go and make the right decisions for you. Go and fly ….
I wonder if your hormones are out of wack??if you take a female hormone estrogen i think it is it may correct or help your condition as for the weight issue its probably related to your depression or should i say oppression.what your parents are doing to you is called emotional abuse you deserve better..its not your fault by the way its a flaw in their character and very unhealthy to stay home and let them put you down.adastra gives good advice maybe do your studies part time so you can work a bit more seeing as you will have a few more bills you are honest and open about your predicament maybe find a gay frienly flat im thinking of you and hope you find a way through ((hugs))
Hello; I would also suggest moving out, and taking it one step further. Quit talking to your parents. If they disrespect you and are toxic to your growth as a human being, just avoid them entirely, and don’t keep them informed of anything happening in your life that they might disapprove of.
I went through a similar upbringing as you (parents didn’t approve of my decisions). Things changed for the better once I stopped trying to please them. Once they understood that all of their complaining/input had no effect on my choices, they backed off. Calling them only once a year for four years from 3,000 miles away also helped.
I know this sounds harsh, but they’re going to continue to see you as a child until you give them a reason not too. If it feels like they’re holding you back, then it’s time to cut the umbilical cord and liberate yourself. They can only control you if you allow them to.
THANK YOU ALL!!!!