People think I’m such a happy positive person, and part of me is, but I don’t ever let them see the rest. Sometimes it’s so hard to hold it together until I can get home and be alone.
I try so hard to pretend to be a real person. Someone who matters, someone who’s not…broken. And I’m less broken than I used to be; I am. I did that myself, I got through some stuff. But it’s just not enough. I don’t know if it ever will be.
I used to think that someday everything would just be okay, somehow. Now…I find it hard to believe that anymore. I keep trying to find the courage to talk to someone. I’ve even mostly convinced myself that they’ll take me seriously and won’t think I’m wasting their time. Mostly.
I don’t know if I’m brave enough to do that. But…I’m going to keep trying to hold on. I read the www.metanoia.org/suicide page and it helped. I’m still crying as I type this, but I’m not going to do anything tonight. I’m just…going to hold on.
1 comment
Obviously I can’t speak for your situation, but generally people who care about you won’t think you’re wasting their time. More likely they won’t really understand. I hope you find someone in your life who understands what you’re going through.