My mother would lock me in my room until the weekend was up and I could go back to my dads.
My dad is an alcoholic. Spanks would turn into hits. Hits turn into a bloody nose. A bloody nose would turn into a kick.
I moved in with my step grandparents. They basically raised me. I would play with a neighbor there. Her brother molested me. I would close my eyes while his fingers went in me. I can still hear his breathing. This went on for years. Over and over.
I went back to my dad and his new wife. She was exactly like my dad except sober. I attempt suicide, and am hospitalized. Two braclets. Finally they divorced and I stayed with my dad yet again. Nothing has changed.
I begin dating a guy. He is an asshole and wants to fuck other people, and yet I stay with him.
Everyday I have to live with these memories. I don’t care that it happend, I just don’t want to feel the fingers, hear the breathing, the kicking, the memories.
I can’t take it anymore. Hell, I’m 17 and I’m tired of life already.
A week ago I planned on giving myself the four month plan. I graduate in four months and then I would kill myself. But, then a guy made something happen. He made me feel. He told me he like me. I just can’t see how something so good can like me.
I’m still killing myself in four months, but maybe he can make me change my mind. I know but I don’t know.
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5 comments
It looks like life has given you a chance to restart your life, why not take it and see where it goes. (Gives you a big hug) Life is hard but you have to live no matter what life throws at you. You want relief when you die or saftey, but what if you don’t- no one exactly knows what will happen. When life is in your hands why not try and control it to make your life better, to make it how you want it to be.
It may be hard, but things can’t get worse, there’s only room for better. Try and enjoy it, as things might get better and you might rethink things. And how he likes you or not- he likes you for what you are- you may see yourself as little but it takes a real man to see who a person truly is, and that is what he likes you for.
Take Care 🙂
We’re here if you need us.
Hello.
I think that Destiny now gets you a chance to restart your life, and to be happy. May me you should try. There’s nothing you could lose, so, try it. Try to be with him, try to see life from other side, other point of view. You don’t know, may be he can save you. And that only can be good. If he likes you for who you are, don’t lose the chance. Don’t think that you’re not enough for him because that isn’t true.
May be you should to think again, and may be you could be happy from now, and remember, enjoy the little moments of happiness, you can be happy.
I don’t know you, but I think that you can be happy. I’m sure of that.
Please, take care.
I’m here if you want to talk with somebody 🙂
P/D: I’m sorry of my poor english, I don’t talk it good, I speak spanish. But I wish you understand my words.
Kisses 🙂
Life has really been hard on you. Maybe you can use your life to help others. Please don’t put your life in the hands of anyone. Whether you live or die should not depend on whether a guy likes you or not. Seek professional help. You have not tried hard enough. you still have a lot to give. Why take your life for some worthless people? why not keep your life and do something with your life to help other’s who are in your situation? Why can’t life be something to look forward to? You were hurt but don;’t forget that someone somewhere has it worse than you. I fight with depression all the time but I have decided to fight till the end. Taking your life away is the easiest way . don;t take the easy road when your only 17 and have so much to live for.
Hello.
I think that Destiny now gets you a chance to restart your life, and to be happy. May me you should try. There’s nothing you could lose, so, try it. Try to be with him, try to see life from other side, other point of view. You don’t know, may be he can save you. And that only can be good. If he likes you for who you are, don’t lose the chance. Don’t think that you’re not enough for him because that isn’t true.
May be you should to think again, and may be you could be happy from now, and remember, enjoy the little moments of happiness, you can be happy.
I don’t know you, but I think that you can be happy. I’m sure of that.
Please, take care.
I’m here if you want to talk with somebody
P/D: I’m sorry of my poor english, I don’t talk it good, I speak spanish. But I wish you understand my words.
Kisses
P/D2: I don’t know if my last comment appears. So I post it again. Sorry:)
Hey, I’m 18 and a year ago I had a 12 month plan. I’m terrified of growing older, I fucked up what are suposed to be the easiest years of my life so how the hell am I supposed to handle life as an adult. Then, like you, I met someone. He brought the end of the plan leading to my 19th birthday, as I believed this was the perfect age to end a life at its peak. But he didn’t change it like I think you want your guy to. I’m not saying he won’t I’m just letting you know that it might happen differently. When I realised how much I love my boy I decided quite stubbornly that his happiness is lightyears more important than my own. I resolved tht I will stay alive for him and no matter what comes of our relationship, I will be the person to him that I hoped the people I loved would be for me…I refuse to abandon him like so many did to me. as lame as this sounds it has changed so many things about the way I act, the things I do, and even the way I think about things. Just be aware thatyour desire for death or relief may not change, but other things become stronger, more important, and can shadow that desire. And if you allow yourself to open to him, the happiness of one second with him will be worth a hundred years of pain. Good luck dude, you deserve to finally have a chance at something good xox